Stone Heart
by Roisin Dubh
Summary: Danny's past comes back to haunt him when he crosses paths with an old flame from high Past and present collide, and he finds himself facing an uncertain Now complete!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Nicky sighed. She was running out of time to pick a subject for her research paper. The darn thing was due in two weeks, and with all her other homework she knew she needed to get started sooner rather than later. Sister Angela frowned on late turn-ins. Staring at the assignment, she sighed again.

The paper had to be about someone famous with ties to New York City. There were so many people to choose from, and many of her friends were talking about these serious, ponderous subjects for their papers: people like Fiorello La Guardia, Theodore Roosevelt, John Rockefeller, and Louis Comfort Tiffany. But Nicky didn't want to do just some stodgy historical person. She wanted to do something unexpected.

Sitting in the living room of her grandfather's house, she stared at the laptop screen. _Well,_ she thought, _let's give Google a whirl._ She typed a random search: "famous women from New York City" and set the search engine to work. A moment later, she had her answers. She clicked on one link and scrolled down; she was about to heave another sigh when one name did catch her eye.

Lauren Stone.

_Lauren Stone is from New York? She's totally cool. She's current, she's hip. She's perfect._ Nicky smiled. She had her subject. Now it was time to get to work. A few more clicks of the mouse and she started her research on Lauren, and it didn't take too long for her to find something else that was very, very surprising. Not only was Lauren from New York; she'd gone to St. Catherine's, the same school that Nicky attended. The same school her mother and uncles had gone to.

_Holy cow, my Mom went to school with her! This is amazing. I wonder if she and Mom were friends? Probably not - she'd have mentioned something like that…_

Nicky wasn't entirely surprised that the school itself didn't advertise the fact that Lauren had gone there. St. Catherine's was a Catholic school, and rock-n-roll star Lauren Stone did not exactly fit their image of a good Catholic girl.

_Now, where to start on the research? _

Nicky leaned back in her chair to think and let her eyes roam around the room. They rested on a small pile of boxes that she'd paid little attention to before. Each was roughly sealed and had been brought up from the basement to be sorted. One said "books" and in smaller letters, "yearbooks." Nicky's smile got even wider. Maybe there were pictures of Lauren in there. And maybe she could interview her mother for the paper… no one else would have that kind of first-hand research.

This was going to be awesome.

She put he laptop aside and went over to the boxes. She pulled the tape off the box that was marked as possibly having yearbooks in it. There were some books in there along with several other things. She pulled out an old jewelry box. It was white, but yellowed with age, with a picture of a ballerina on top. Inside was some old costume jewelry. It had probably been her mother's. She set that aside and pulled out a few of the books. Nothing was really interesting until she reached the bottom of the box.

There it was: a yearbook from St. Catherine's Catholic School. The date on the cover was 1994. She opened it with a smile that grew wider when she saw her Uncle Danny's name scrawled in the upper left corner of the inside cover.

Nicky laughed out loud: "I can't wait to see what Uncle Danny looked like in high school!" She started to flip through the pages, stopping here and there to see what some of his friends had written. She smiled when she finally saw his yearbook picture. _He looks so young,_ she thought. _Well, he's not much older in this picture than I am now._

She flipped one more page and her jaw dropped. Right there on the page was Lauren Stone's high school yearbook picture and written above it in rather elegant handwriting was a message: _Danny, don't ever forget how much I love you! You're my everything, forever. All my love, Lauren._

"How much she loves you?" Nicky immediately flipped to the back of the yearbook to look at the candid photos she knew would be there. Skimming through the pages she finally found another photo. This one had Danny and Lauren in it, sitting with some friends. Danny was behind Lauren and had her wrapped up in his arms. They were clearly a couple. One other photo in the candid section showed them holding hands.

"Holy cow, she was Uncle Danny's high school sweetheart." Nicky wasn't quite sure what to make of all this. In some ways, it elevated Danny's cool quotient exponentially, but why wouldn't anyone have ever talked about it? Lauren was famous; it wasn't as if her entire family would have missed that fact.

"Nicky?" The kitchen door opened and Erin Boyle-Reagan, Nicky's mother, came into the house.

"In the living room, Mom."

Erin dropped her bag on one of the kitchen chairs and came into the living room. Nicky turned in her chair, her face alight. "Mom! Why didn't you ever say anything? This is so cool!"

"What's so cool?" Erin smiled at her daughter's enthusiasm.

"Well, I decided who to do my research paper on and after I did a little research, I looked through Uncle Danny's high school yearbook. Why didn't anyone ever say that his sweetie in high school was Lauren Stone? Lauren Stone! Mom, she's a rock GODDESS!"

Lauren Stone? That was a name Erin hadn't thought much about in a long time. Every now and then she'd hear one of her songs on the radio and it would trigger a memory, but that was about it. "High school was a long time ago. I don't think Danny's seen Lauren since… well, since high school. And that was what, 18 or 19 years ago? I guess he just didn't think to mention it."

Nicky made a small noise like that was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. But she packed up her things and headed home with her mother.

That weekend, the entire Reagan family gathered for Sunday dinner at Frank's house. Nicky always loved seeing everyone at her grandfather's each week, and the Sunday dinners were a tradition that had started long before she'd been born. As usual this week, the entire clan was gathered around the table and the conversation ranged from current affairs to happenings on the job to school topics. Finally, there was a lull in the conversation and Nicky leaned back in her chair a little.

"I finally decided who I'm doing my big research paper on, and Uncle Danny, I have to say, I'm really impressed."

Nicky looked like the cat that ate the canary, and Danny was immediately suspicious. "And why would that be?" he asked.

"Seriously? You dated a rock-n-roll legend when you were in high school. That is the coolest thing ever."

Something shifted inside Danny. _Lauren._

"What's this?" asked Linda. "Who did you date in high school?"

"Lauren Stone," said Nicky. "They were sweethearts."

Linda's brow creased. Lauren Stone was famous, and beautiful… and something inside her twisted unexpectedly. Her husband had gone out with Lauren in high school?

"Were you?" Linda turned in her chair to look at her husband. "Sweethearts?"

There was an unexpected edge in her voice that caught Danny off-guard.

"Yes…" he started to say.

"And you never mentioned it? Seems odd that you would have never mentioned that you dated someone famous." Linda didn't even give him a chance to finish and the edge on her voice hardened a little

He rolled his eyes. "Linda, you can't be serious. It was a long time ago…"

She stared at him and raised her eyebrows. Everyone else around the table looked at each other in uncomfortable silence. Linda wasn't normally the jealous type, not really.

"What do you want me to say?" said Danny. "Okay, for starters, she's an ex-girlfriend from high school. I haven't seen her in years. What did you expect? On our second date I'd just announce, 'hey, by the way, I used to date a girl who's a big rock star now'? What would that have accomplished?"

"I don't know, it just seems like you should have said something about it…" Linda knew she had no reason to be angry but, somehow, knowing that he'd dated someone famous made her feel insecure and a little jealous. How could she ever compete with someone like that?

"Have you told Danny about your exes?" Jamie asked Linda. Danny was grateful for the help, even if it came a little late.

Linda shot Jamie a look. "No…" she said almost reluctantly.

A few seats down, Jack looked up thoughtfully. "So, Dad. Did you love her?" His question silenced the table again, and Linda looked at her plate.

Danny was quiet for a second, considering his answer. "Back then, yes, I did. Very much."

Under the table, Linda's hand curled into a fist.

"Do you love her now?" asked his other son, Sean.

"Not the way I love your Mom. I haven't thought about Lauren in a long time. I do care about her… I hope she's happy; I hope she's found someone to love her."

"Oh, okay." The answer seemed straight and to the point and both Jack and Sean went back to eating their dinners without another thought about it.

Danny took another bite of potato and stared at his plate_. I just lied to my son, to my whole family,_ he thought. _I think about Lauren all the time. I think about her and me every time I start to hear her songs on the radio. _And in that instant, he realized how strong his feelings still were for Lauren Stone.

At the head of the table, Frank frowned.

**Author's note:** Hello everyone! Thank you for reading. For those of you who know me, I know it has been a while. I think it has been a couple years since the last story I posted – I ended up going back to graduate school so that took up all of my spare time. For those of you who are new, WELCOME!

But I've finally graduated and have been noodling through this story. I hope you enjoy it. If you are a Blue Bloods fan, you'll probably notice I changed the name of Nicky's school. And if any of you are worried that Lauren, my famous rock star OC is going to be some silly Mary Sue, I think you'll be satisfied that she's not. She's got plenty of issues and plenty of baggage so she is FAR from perfect.

Please let me know what you think – I do enjoy getting feedback. Positive is great, but I absolutely welcome constructive feedback too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Since she only had two weeks left to finish her paper, Nicky threw herself into her regular research. She could do that at night, easy enough. It was the interviews that would take the time. She wanted to talk to everyone in the family about Lauren. What they remembered, how they felt about her, if any of them ever thought she'd be such a big star. But it was going to take time to pull all of the information together and into the final version of the paper.

It was Tuesday night, and Erin had managed to get home at a reasonable time to have dinner with her daughter. They were indulging in take-out from Blue Dragon and were almost finished when Nicky carefully placed the digital recorder on the table. Erin raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"And what is that for?" Erin knew the answer but asked anyway.

"C'mon, Mom. You know I'm going to interview everyone for my project. What? Are you worried that you're going to say something incriminating and I'll have it on tape?"

"No." Erin made a face at her daughter, but inside she cringed a little. _Actually, I am a little afraid of that. _Growing up, Erin had been one of Frank and Mary's more challenging children. Very independent and willful, she had pushed her boundaries hard and given her parents many sleepless nights. Many more than Nicky had ever given her.

Nicky turned the recorder on. "OK, so Mom, what do you remember most about Lauren?"

"The most? Well, she was pretty much always with Danny. They were close to inseparable. And if she wasn't with him she was doing something with music. Playing her guitar or the piano. She was ahead of me in school so we didn't have classes together… oh, wait, they did do a class one year where they experimented with mixing students from different grades. I think she spent most of her time scribbling song lyrics in her notebook margins."

"Did you guys hang out?" Nicky was hoping she'd say yes because that would add to the cool factor. She'd never really been one to want to "fit in," but she had to admit she enjoyed that the kids at school were already beside themselves knowing that her uncle had dated Lauren.

"I wouldn't say we hung out." Erin took another bite of fried rice before she continued. "I guess we hung out a little here when she was over to see Danny, but we had different circles of friends. Saw each other at a few parties, too."

"Parties? What kind of parties?" Nicky perked up.

"Not the kind you're thinking of," answered her mother. They really were the kinds of parties Nicky was imagining, but Erin would have allowed a bus to run over her foot before she would cop to going to any keggers as a teenager. That was not information Nicky needed to have until she was at least 30 years old.

"Mom?" Nicky pushed.

"Nicky?" Erin pushed back with a smile.

"Okay, fine. So what were Lauren and Uncle Danny like together?"

"They seemed good together. Really happy. As an adult I can see how your Grandpa and Grandma Mary were worried – they were a little extreme. But I guess that's how teenagers are, right?"

"Why didn't they stay together?"

Erin was quiet after that question. "I don't know for sure. Wanted different things, probably. But that's really something you'd have to ask your uncle about."

"Okay, thanks, Mom." Nicky turned off the recorder.

"That's it? I thought there would be more, Miss Investigative Reporter."

"You're just some color commentary," said Nicky. "Uncle Danny is the main interview. But I do have one other question."

"Shoot."

"The next time Lauren and the band come around on tour, can I go?"

"We'll talk," said her mother with a laugh.

On Friday, Nicky went to her grandfather's house after school. Since he was Police Commissioner, Frank had a brief charity event after work so Nicky had planned to interview her two uncles. They'd both promised to stop by Frank's house after they got off work. She also figured it would be a good chance to get Pops' perspective on everything.

"Hi Pops," she sad as she put her bag down and took her jacket off.

"Hi, Kiddo." Henry smiled at Nicky. "How was school today?"

"Pretty good. Got an A on my Chemistry test." Nicky grinned; she was pretty proud of that one. She pulled up an island stool and watched him for a second.

"That's my girl." He finished peeling the last two carrots and put the peeler down. "You look like you've got something on your mind…"

"So, what do you remember about Lauren Stone, Pops?"

He snorted, his good humor vanishing. "Remember? I prefer to forget her."

Nicky's smile faded a little. "What do you mean?"

"Trouble-maker and a tramp," announced Pops. "That's what I remember. She wasn't nearly good enough for Danny. Spent all her time playing that rock music of hers and not doing any studying. Just out causing trouble."

"Did you ever have to arrest her?"

He blustered for a minute. "Well, no. I wasn't a beat cop then, but I'm sure she got in her share of trouble!"

"Why do you say she's a tramp?"

"She behaved like one. The way she acted around your uncle? Shameless." He shook his head. "Danny's lucky she didn't get him into a lot of trouble if you know what I mean. That would have ruined his life for sure. I mean look at what happened to her."

"What do you mean, what happened to her? She's been hugely successful as a musician. One of these days she'll be in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame," said Nicky.

"I mean all the trouble. What did it take for her to get there? Drugs. Drinking. I'm not even going to discuss the sex…"

Nicky was just fine with that. The last thing she wanted was any kind of discussion about sex with her great-grandfather.

"You're making a lot of assumptions, Pops."

"Sometimes you just know something about a person," he barked back. "Don't tell me your research hasn't turned up that whole cocaine problem of hers. Wouldn't surprise me if she'd started putting that junk up her nose in high school."

Nicky couldn't deny the cocaine addiction. It was common knowledge that Lauren had nearly scuttled her career in the early days, and had done a fairly significant stretch in rehab. But by all accounts, she hadn't gotten involved in that until after she got to Los Angeles. Shortly after the drug comment, Nicky wrapped the interview up. It was impossible to get Pops to think about Lauren differently. His mind was made up, and nothing was going to change that.

Now she was really curious to hear what her Uncle Danny had to say.

An hour later, her Uncle Jamie arrived. The youngest of Frank's children, Jamie had gone to Harvard Law before deciding to go to the New York Police Academy.

"Hi, Uncle Jamie. Thanks for stopping over," she said.

"Sure thing, Nicky, but I probably don't have much to add…" Jamie replied.

"I just want to know what you remember about Lauren for my paper."

"Well, there's not much to tell," he said. "I was young when Danny and Lauren were going out. I was only about 6 or 7 years old. I'm pretty sure I was just a little pain in the butt for them. I do remember that, overall, Lauren was always nice to me." He shrugged. Not much else to say.

"Did you listen to any of her music?"

"Not back then. Once I got into high school and college, she was a lot more interesting," Jamie said with a laugh. "So, yes, I do listen to her music now. I have most of her stuff on my iPod."

Nicky smiled. "That's awesome! Thanks, Uncle Jamie."

"Have you talked to Danny yet?" Jamie was actually quite curious as to what Danny might say.

"Not yet, but he promised to stop by here after work and talk to me. I'm going to talk to Grandpa, too – if he's home early enough. I have to get the interviews wrapped up; I need to get the darn paper written!"

As if on cue, the kitchen door opened and Frank Reagan came home. He'd been at a charity dinner to raise money for a special arts program for some of the most needy schools in the city, and he was looking quite dashing in his tuxedo. The Mayor had specifically requested he be there and Frank had acquiesced this time. But he really didn't care for those types of affairs and excused himself as soon as he could.

"You're home early," said Henry.

"I had a conflict." Frank offered Nicky a smile. "I had an important date with my granddaughter that I couldn't miss. Give me a minute to change out of this monkey suit and I'll be right back." When he returned, Frank looked less like the Commissioner and more like Nicky's grandfather. He had on his favorite comfortable cardigan and settled into his favorite chair.

"I just have you and Danny left to talk to," said Nicky.

"Did you get good information from your other interviews?"

"Well, Mom was a little evasive. Jamie was little, and Pops clearly didn't like Lauren much at all."

"Ah." Frank pursed his lips slightly; it was a habit when he was considering something carefully. He wasn't necessarily surprised that Henry had been a difficult interview.

"So… what did you think of her, Grandpa?"

His answer was much more circumspect than Henry's had been. "Well, I always liked Lauren. Despite Pops' perspective on it, I always found her to be polite and respectful. I think a lot of people misunderstood her, assuming she was a troublemaker because she didn't always focus on school or have the typical plan of going to college. And while I might have liked to have seen her spend a little more time at her studies, it wasn't like she was wandering and aimless."

"What do you mean?"

"She had her music," answered Frank. "Lauren had a singular passion surrounding her music that I don't think I've ever seen in a teenager since then. She was driven, and if she wasn't studying books, she was studying her music."

"What was she like with Danny?"

Frank's eyebrows went up for a second. "They worried me sometimes, and they really worried your grandmother. Their relationship was very intense, sometimes your Grandma and I worried it was too much."

Frank went on to tell Nicky a few more stories, including one where Danny and Lauren tried to make dinner for Jamie one night and ended up burning the spaghetti. They told Frank and Mary that they'd gotten very distracted studying for final exams but Frank hadn't believed it for a minute: he was pretty sure it had been something else distracting the two young lovebirds. He also reminisced a little about them both going to the prom and how grown up Danny had looked to him in that moment.

Nicky finally ran out of questions for her grandfather, and she hoped Danny would get there soon.

_**Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note**_

_Hi everyone - thanks for reading Chapter 1 and, now, Chapter 2! I appreciate the comments you've left so far and I'm looking forward to more!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Nicky spent the next two hours glued to her laptop, typing up notes and starting to compile them and figure out where they needed to go in her paper. By the time Danny arrived, she was fairly satisfied where the project was headed, but it still needed a lot of work.

"Hi, Uncle Danny. Thanks for doing this. I appreciate it." Nicky gave her uncle a charming smile and he chuckled. She plopped down in a chair and pulled her digital recorder out. She thought it was important to capture some of the inflection in her uncle's voice; something she'd be missing with handwritten notes. It would take extra time to transcribe it, but Nicky thought it was worth it.

"Ah, no problem, kid." He tossed his coat over the back of a chair and sat down at the table. "So, what are we doing?"

"Well, I have a couple questions for you, and I'm going to record us… if that's okay. Then I'll make your answers part of my paper on Lauren."

"Sounds good. What do you want to know?"

Nicky pressed the record button on her digital recorder and set it on the kitchen table. "First, where did you meet Lauren?"

"We met when we were about 15. Actually, I think I had turned 15 and she was still 14. We met the first week of school that year. We were both freshman. She came to St. Catherine's from another Catholic school that had closed."

Danny clearly remembered first seeing Lauren, even after all these years. Like all the other girls at school, she was wearing her uniform: plaid skirt, dark blazer, white button down blouse. Danny had noticed her hair. Long, shiny and dark brown, she'd had it pulled back into a high pony-tail. Then she'd turned for some reason and looked over towards him and smiled when she noticed he was looking at her. He would never, ever forget that smile.

"What was she like in class?"

Danny thought for a moment and rubbed his chin. "She was always pretty outspoken. Never had a problem disagreeing with the Sisters, that's for sure. And I liked that. She always had something to say when they started in on the evils of rock music. I'm pretty sure she got sent to the Father Robert's office the first week, and it sure wasn't the last time."

Nicky laughed. "Why am I not surprised?" she said. "So, pretty obvious that she caught your attention. When did you first go out?"

"First go out? Man…" Danny thought. "It was groups at first. Bunch of us all went to the movies together a few times. Then I asked her to the Christmas dance that the school always had. I think that was the first time I asked her to go someplace with just me. After that..." He shrugged.

"You gotta give me more than that, Uncle Danny! How did you ask her out? What did you say?"

"What did I say? I don't remember what I said… Ahhhh…" He thought for a minute. "I don't know. I probably just asked if she was going to the dance with anyone, and if not, would she want to go with me… Why is that important for your paper?" He couldn't help but chuckle.

"Not very romantic."

"Are you kidding? I'm not romantic now, just ask Linda. I was 15 then, Nicky. Think about the 15 year old boys you know." Danny shook his head at her.

"Good point," said Nicky. "So you weren't romantic; you were just awkward."

"That about sums it up."

"So, then, what was she like as a musician back then?"

"Driven," said Danny without hesitation. "Lauren was always intense, especially when it came to her music. She used to always think she was lagging behind, so she drove herself pretty relentlessly even when we were really just kids. But you could tell she was something special when you heard her play or sing. Her songs were probably rougher compared to what she does now, but there was always something there."

"What's your fondest memory of Lauren?"

"Wow, I don't know…" Danny thought for a long time. He had lots of good memories of his time with Lauren; he wasn't sure if he could pick a favorite. "I don't think there's just one, so I'll tell you this: as driven as she was, she always had time for me. She was there for me. I'm not sure how she managed to do both, but she did. I knew her music was important but I never felt like the music was more important than me. At least not until the end…"

"What do you mean?" Nicky prodded her uncle with another question.

"Once we were into senior year, everyone really started talking about what they'd do after high school. College. Army. Jobs. I wanted to be a cop, I'd always known that. I wanted to apply to the police academy right away – your grandparents wanted me to go to college first – and that was when I first realized, I mean really understood, that Lauren and I weren't looking for the same things…"

"That must have been hard."

Danny nodded absently. "She started talking about leaving for Los Angeles right after graduation. That's where all the music industry action was happening. It was really sobering for both of us to realize that we were going separate ways, into different worlds. I got angry then; I thought she loved her music more than me. Maybe she did… and she probably thought I didn't love her enough to go with her, too intent on the whole Reagan cop legacy…"

The thought that her music meant more to Lauren than he did, that it held a bigger part of her heart, still hurt.

"Did you? Not love her enough?"

He looked at Nicky sharply. That question was cutting too close, but he buried his reluctance and answered. "No, not exactly. I think I was afraid of the uncertainty back then. The life she was chasing? No guarantees. I just couldn't wrap my head around living that life. But she could, so I watched her pack her car and drive away…"

Danny got quiet then, engulfed by the memory. It had been a miserable two weeks. Just after graduation, he and Lauren had argued and ended their relationship. He hadn't known back then that it was possible to feel that much pain and grief over another person. Despite her plan to leave a few days after getting her diploma, Lauren stayed for two weeks—her sister, Carolyn, was turning 16 and begged Lauren to stay long enough for her Sweet Sixteen. But two weeks after graduation, Danny knew Lauren was finally leaving.

He'd gone to Lauren's house that day. She had stuffed all her worldly belongings into her used Chevy S10 Blazer and was ready to chase a dream. A bunch of her friends were there to see her off, along with her cousin, Augie…

"_As soon as I graduate, I'm coming out to meet you," Augie said. "Don't pick up a permanent drummer until then!"_

"_You're the best drummer I know, Augie. I'll be waiting for you!" She shared a tearful hug with her parents and listened to her mother lecture her about being safe. When she finally got to the truck, Danny was waiting there. Her friends said a few more good-byes and melted away, giving them some time alone._

"_Hey," she said softly. She folded her arms in front of her, filled with confused feelings for him, and then dropped them to hook her thumbs in her jeans._

"_Hey." He put his hands in his pockets. "I wanted to see you before you left. This isn't how I wanted it…" _

_He looked away and blinked, not wanting her to see him cry. His heart still felt raw and ragged from their break-up. But he was, after all, a Reagan and Reagan cops didn't cry. He took his hand out of his pocket and reached out for her. Her hand felt small and warm inside his and they moved a little closer._

"_Oh, Danny." Lauren felt sick inside at the thought of leaving him. "You can still come with me," she said, her voice hopeful. _

"_I can't," he said, dropping his hand away. "I can't go, and you won't stay…"_

"_No," she said, her own voice thick. "I can't stay. I have to try."_

_In that moment, Danny resigned himself to his fate. "I know you do. You'll be great, Lauren." He walked her to the driver's side of the car and opened the door for her. "Remember all of us when you're famous."_

_She got in, shut the door, and started the truck. She rolled the window down. "Don't forget about me, Danny. Don't forget that I'll always love you."_

"_I know." He banged his hand on the top of the truck and Lauren pulled away from the curb. He watched her drive until she reached the end of the street and took a left. "I love you, too," he whispered as she disappeared._

_It took him two hours to walk home—a trip that really should have only taken him about 30 minutes—and he found his father waiting when he arrived. Frank sighed when he saw his son's face. Danny had been utterly brokenhearted since they'd ended the relationship. He hated seeing his son suffer that way, but he knew nothing he said would make it any better. Only time would fix it. _

"_She's on her way?" he asked his son. _

_Danny nodded, miserable. _

"_Do you want to talk about it?"_

"_No," Danny said. "No, I don't." And he never did._

Nicky felt badly; her uncle had such a sad expression on his face. It hadn't occurred to her until that very moment that Danny might have some sad memories about his time with Lauren.

_I should have kissed her, _he thought._ Why didn't I kiss her good-bye?_

"Uncle Danny?"

He flinched. "Sorry, Nicky. Just thinking. What else do you want to know?" He forced a smile.

Nicky had a few more, but after this last one, she went with a lighter question. "Which one of her songs is your favorite?"

"She's a great singer. I don't think I can pick out a favorite." Danny didn't say anything else, which surprised her, and after a lingering silence, Nicky moved on.

"I'm not quite sure how to ask this next question," said Nicky, her face particularly serious.

_Oh boy, here it comes,_ thought Danny. He completely thought the question would be about sex, whether or not he and Lauren had done it, or where their first time was. None were questions he really wanted to discuss with his niece.

"When I talked to Pops, he said he thought Lauren got started on cocaine in high school. Did she? And what do you think of all that?"

Danny was almost relieved that it was a question about drugs. "Figures Pops would say that. He never liked Lauren." Danny shook his head remembering a few family dinners where Pops hardly said two words to his then-girlfriend.

"Did she do drugs in high school?"

"No, Lauren never touched cocaine while we were together in high school. We drank at a few parties. Mostly beer—and do NOT tell your mother I told you that—but she never did drugs, as far as I know, until she got to California."

"When you saw the tabloids and the news about her problem, what did you think?"

"It made me sad," said Danny. "Made me wonder if things would have been different if we'd stayed together. Could I have kept her off the drugs? Would I have gotten hooked on something?" He shrugged. "I don't know, but I felt sick for her. I would go to church on Sunday and pray that I didn't see some awful headline about her being found dead from an overdose."

"Wow." Nicky could hear the emotional strain in her uncle's voice.

Danny sighed heavily. He thought about Lauren all the time, but these questions were bringing up lots of old feelings that he'd locked away long ago.

"Got any more questions, kid?"

"Just one," she said. "If you were going to tell Lauren one thing today—if she was right here in front of you now—what would you say?"

_Crap,_ thought Danny. _That's a loaded question._ A hundred answers flew through his mind, but he played it safe. There were some things, plenty of things actually, that Nicky didn't need to know for her school project.

"I'd tell her I'm happy for her," he said. "She chased the dream and she caught it. I'm glad she got what she was looking for."

Nicky clicked off the recorder. "Thanks a bunch, Uncle Danny. This is really going to help with my project."

"You're welcome." He got up and grabbed his coat. It was late and he wanted to get home to see his family. When he got to the door, he stopped.

"Nicky."

"Yes, Uncle Danny."

"You know, I took Lauren to prom… your Mom was there."

"My Mom? Mom wasn't in your class."

"Yea, but Tommy Molloy was."

Nicky's face lit up, sensing a story about her mother's wild side. Danny didn't say anything else. He knew Erin would make him pay for that, but it would be worth it. He grinned all the way to his Jeep.

**Author's Note-Author's Note-Author's Note**

_Well, there's Chapter 3. Thanks to everyone for reading so far, and a special thank you to those who have left comments or reviews. I do appreciate the feedback. Hopefully this gives you all some context around Danny's relationship with Lauren. I promise the story will move out of his memories and into his real life in the not too distant future._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

Nicky was curled up on the sofa since she'd already put the plates out on the coffee table. Her mother had been caught at work and brought home Italian food from D'Agostino's. Erin was normally pretty strict about eating at the dinner table they had, so this was a rarity. While her mother pulled the pasta out of the microwave, Nicky flipped on the TV. One of the celebrity gossip shows was nearly done, and after a summary of the most recent celebrity scandals, the program turned to an update segment.

"After the break, we'll catch up with Lauren Stone and find out why she's _not_ producing her next album in Los Angeles," said the host in his deep, made-for-television bass. The program faded into a series of banal advertisements and Nicky put the TV on mute while she dug through her backpack for a notebook and pen. Her mother came in from the other room, put the pasta on the table, and plopped down on the sofa. It had been a very long day and she was grateful to finally be off her feet.

"Dig in," she said to her daughter. Erin glanced at the TV and raised an eyebrow. She didn't really care for these shows. She thought they were ridiculous.

"I'll turn it off in just a sec, Mom. Lauren is going to be on next. Something about her new album. It will be a great way to close my paper, with a little section on what's next for her. I'll have just enough time to add that in before I have to turn it in on Friday."

Erin smiled. She loved the fact that Nicky was so enthusiastic about her schoolwork. Her daughter was certainly putting a lot of effort into this paper, and the initial awkwardness surrounding Linda finding out about Danny's history with the singer seemed to have settled down. Nicky unmuted the TV when the show came back on.

"And in other news," said the overly bleached and tanned co-host, "Lauren Stone will be returning to her old stomping grounds to record and produce her next project…"

The screen washed to unveil a previously taped interview segment. Lauren was outside of some random building – in LA judging by the palm trees – with several reporters' microphones around her.

"Yes, we're going back to New York for our next project," she said. "It has been a long time since I've been back home to my city, and I really want to reconnect there. We'll be working Fitz McCallum to produce a new album and then start working on a tour. We're really looking forward to getting back in the studio." She flashed a smile and pushed her way through the crowd.

Suddenly the host was back, all spray-tan and teeth. "There you have it. Lauren Stone is producing a new album and she'll be in New York City to do it. Look out Big Apple, your favorite daughter is coming home!"

"That is so awesome!" said Nicky. She scribbled a few notes and then tossed the notebook to the side so she could fill her plate with D'Agostino's potato gnocchi with pomodoro sauce. It was heavenly.

On Thursday, Nicky got some good news. Several of her classmates lobbied hard for the project's due date to be moved from Friday to Monday, giving the class the whole weekend to "really focus on doing a good job." Their teacher finally acquiesced but made it clear, in no uncertain or ambiguous terms, that the papers had best be on her desk by 9:00 a.m. that day or they would be considered late, and she would drop the grade by a whole letter.

Since she was so close to done, Nicky spent her Saturday afternoon reading the paper over, making some minor corrections, printing it out, and putting it into a very nice presentation folder. By the time Sunday afternoon dinner rolled around at her grandfather's house, she was completely finished and quite pleased with what she created.

As the Reagan's were setting the table, on the other side of the country, Lauren Stone was getting on a plane in LA. She walked out on the tarmac towards the Lear Jet that was would take her east, back home to New York. Her smartphone was pressed to her ear, and she handed her carry-on bag to the attendant and mouthed a thank you.

"I'm not trotting around town like some show pony, Carolyn. I'll visit but I'm coming back to record not go on vacation. Yes, okay. Fine. FINE! We'll go clubbing at least once… I'll see… probably… I can probably get us into The Vault…" The excited squeal on the other end of the phone made Lauren pull it away from her ear for a moment. She rolled her eyes; she'd gotten the whole clubs-until-4:00AM thing out of her system years ago but Carolyn was her favorite sister and she just couldn't say no.

"Yes, I'm getting on the plane now. No, I don't need you to clean out the guest room. I have a place to stay in the city. I've leased it for six months." She tucked her sunglasses up on top of her head.

"Carolyn. Carolyn! If I don't get on the plane, I'm never going to get there. Okay, sis, I love you, too. I'll see you soon. I'll call you once I'm settled in." Lauren hung up the phone and powered it down.

"Welcome aboard, Miss Stone," said the smartly dressed flight attendant. "Once we're airborne, please let me know if there's anything I can get you."

"Thank you." Lauren sat down in her seat and buckled the safety belt. She leaned back and looked out the windows. It had been a long time since she'd been back to New York for more than a few days at a time. She was looking forward to it with an odd sense of anticipation.

In New York, the Reagan's finished grace and started to pass the plates. This week, Frank had made his famous roast beef for dinner. For the first part of dinner, there was a fairly intense discussion about a case that was pending in the DA's office. An eyewitness was reluctant to testify and without him, Erin's case was going to be much, much more difficult to win. A little later, Linda switched the subject and asked her sons about school.

"Jack, Sean. What do you have going on this week at school?" she asked.

Jack shrugged. "Not much. I have a math test on Wednesday, and soccer practice."

"What about you, Sean?"

"We have a field trip. We're going to the Museum of Natural History."

"That should be fun," said Frank. "Are you looking forward to it?"

"Yea, I want to go see the meteorite exhibit and see some space rocks!" At the current moment, Sean had moved his career ambitions yet again. First he'd wanted to be a cop like his dad, then – to the family's amused dismay, a fireman – and now he'd moved on to astronaut.

"And what about you, Nicky?" asked Linda. "Anything special for you this week at school?"

"I'm turning in my project on Lauren Stone tomorrow," answered Nicky, "and it came out awesome! And I saw on one of the entertainment shows a few days ago that she's coming back to New York to record her next album. How cool is that?"

As soon as Nicky said Lauren would be in New York, Linda felt the pit of her stomach turn over and roil like a brick had abruptly landed there. She put her fork down, suddenly losing her appetite. Danny hardly reacted at all. He just grunted something that sounded like, "oh," and kept eating, his eyes down on his own plate.

_Lauren will be back? It would be great to see her again…_ Danny lost himself in his own thoughts and lost track of the conversation for a moment.

"That is cool," said Jamie. "Only she's coming back? A solo album?"

Nicky shook her head. "No, It's the whole band – the TV show made it sound like just her, but I did a little poking around on the Internet and it will be a Kingmakers album."

Danny continued to ignore the conversation and his silence irritated Linda. _I know he's thinking about her. Is he excited she's coming to New York? _"What do you think, Danny?"

"What?" He was a little flustered, knowing he'd been caught not paying attention.

"That your old flame is coming back to the city?" Linda's smile was thin.

"I don't know. Good for her? I'm sure she'll be happy; chance to see some of her family." He shrugged. "What else do you want me to say?"

Linda didn't have an answer, and Erin began to wonder if Linda's unexpected jealousy had resolved itself after all.

Nicky piped back up, filling the momentary silence. "Oh, this whole conversation reminds me, Mom… Who is Tommy Molloy?"

Erin coughed as she choked on her peas. Her eyes got big. She looked at her daughter and then immediately turned to Danny who was trying, unsuccessfully, not to laugh. She glared at him.

"Holy Mother of God," said Henry. "There's another one. What was it about you kids falling for these troublemakers? He had long hair – at least longer than they should have allowed at St. Catherine's. And he had a motorcycle when he was 17!"

"It was closer to a dirt bike, Pops," said Erin. She was blushing a little. Tommy Molloy had been in Danny's class and Erin had crushed on him through her entire junior year. He had long hair, a motorcycle, and even had a tattoo: the complete bad-boy image she loved as a teenager.

"And not to mention that tattoo," said Frank.

"He had a tattoo and a motorcycle?" Nicky was positively gleeful.

Erin glared her older brother again. "Thanks a lot, Danny."

"You're welcome, sis," he said, still laughing. He was definitely going to pay for this at some point.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The SUV with tinted windows pulled up outside of Fitz McCallum's studio, Velocity Sound. Normally, Lauren would have driven herself but the car she was leasing during her time in New York had a paperwork problem, so the dealership had arranged for her to have a private driver until her car was ready. She knew the driver would get out to open her door if she gave him the chance.

"Thanks, Tony," she said. "No need to get out."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I should be done with Fitz in about two hours. Then I'll just need a ride back to the hotel."

"Two hours. I'll be here."

Lauren let herself out and walked into Velocity. At the front desk, a young black woman looked up and smiled. "Hello, Lauren. How are you today?"

Tisha Marion was Fitz's right-hand woman. She kept him organized, worked the schedule, and pretty much solved any issue that came up. If you needed something done, Tisha was the person you went to.

"Hi, Tisha. I'm good, you?"

"Great, thanks. Fitz will be ready in just a second; his morning call is running a little late. Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm set. Had too much coffee already."

"That's right. Last night was Carolyn's night on the town. Have fun? When did you get in?"

"Too late to be up this early," laughed Lauren. "But, yes, it was fun. Carolyn had a good time. I always enjoy delivering my sister, drunk and silly, back to my brother-in-law."

Tisha laughed. "Sounds like she definitely had a good time. By the way, I've collected that information you wanted. I'm getting it all set so you can take it with you when you're done. Oh, and this came for you." Tisha held out an 8.5 x 11-inch envelope addressed to Lauren care of the studio.

"For me?" Lauren wasn't expecting anything. The return address wasn't familiar. She took the envelope, slid a finger under the flap and tore it open. She pulled out a large stack of paper, neatly stapled in one corner, with a note paper-clipped to the top sheet.

_Dear Lauren,_

_My name is Nicky Reagan-Boyle. I'm a student at St. Catherine's and I think you know my family: you dated my Uncle Danny in high school (I'm Erin's daughter)._

_I had to do a research paper on a famous person from New York, and I decided to do my paper on you. I based it on research about your career as well as interviews I did with members of my family. I thought you might be interested in it, so I have enclosed a copy for you._

_Good luck with your new album._

_Sincerely,_

_Nicky Reagan-Boyle_

_P.S., I'm a huge fan, too!_

"Holy shit," said Lauren. She flipped the note up. The cover of the paper said "From St. Catherine's to Sunset Boulevard – A Profile of Lauren Stone."

_Danny. _

In high school, aside from her music, Danny Reagan had meant everything to her. It had seemed back then that it was impossible for her to love anyone else as much as she loved Danny. People had always tried to tell her that first loves seemed that way, but she'd see when she grew up that there would be others. That someday, Danny would be a distant memory.

As far as Lauren was concerned, they were all full of shit.

"Something wrong?" Tisha was instantly on alert in case she needed to handle an issue.

"No, nothing's wrong. Back in high school I dated a guy named Danny. We had a real thing, you know? Well apparently his niece is a fan and she wrote a research paper on me… and she sent me a copy to read." She waved the papers a little.

Tisha laughed as she caught her braided hair into thick elastic. "That's beautiful. I've seen fan letters but never a fan research paper. Here, I'll hold onto that while you meet with Fitz. I'll put it in with the packet of other stuff and you can take it all home together."

"Perfect."

A minute later, the door to Fitz's office opened and he popped out. A small, slight man, he bustled with energy and enthusiasm, something he needed for his line of work. He gave Lauren a big hug.

"Lauren, darlin'," he said with his Irish lilt. "I'm sorry I'm late. Bloody wankers just wouldn't get off the phone. I mean how many times you need to reconfirm what you just bloody talked about? Now, come in, come in, and let's talk about this project you and the lads are wanting to do." He ushered Lauren into his office and closed the door.

About a half-hour later, Tisha was finishing a call when the Kingmaker's publicist, a painfully thin woman named Roberta Thompson-Traeger swooped into the room. Tisha smiled. She didn't particularly care for Roberta but dealing with publicists was part of the job, so she hid behind a big smile, and she knew Roberta was doing the same. Roberta thought anyone who didn't have multiple degrees and certificates was pretty much part of the unwashed masses, and really beneath her notice. Tisha thought Roberta was a snob and a bitch, and she wasn't alone.

"Tisha, darling, how are you?"

"Fine, Roberta. You?"

"I'm divine, my dear. Simply divine. Can you tell me, where's Lauren?"

"She's meeting with Fitz. Do you need me to get her?"

"No, no. It isn't urgent. I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to check in with her about a couple things I'm trying to set up. I'm getting her booked on Backstage with Martin Sandoval, you know."

"That's wonderful. He does a great show, and I know he's been trying to book her for a long time."

"I know!" Roberta let out an exaggerated sigh. "Sometimes Lauren just doesn't get it. There are so many opportunities to get the band's name out there, get her name out there but she never wants to do interviews. I mean, how are you going to generate the demand to make those albums and songs sell, am I right? There's no such thing as bad publicity!" Her voice trilled the last sentence, which was a total cliché but her motto.

Tisha kept the smile on her face. _Lauren doesn't get it? Roberta, you're the one who doesn't get Lauren—or the Kingmakers—and one of these days it will bite you in the ass._ "Well, if you'd like to leave her a note, I'm putting together a packet of information for Lauren to take with her today. You can put it right over there." Tisha pointed at a stack of papers that Roberta peered at, and then her feigned interest turned genuine.

"What's this?" She'd seen the title of Nicky's paper and picked it up.

"Oh, I guess that the girl who wrote that is the niece of some guy Lauren dated in high school. She sent Lauren a copy of a research paper she did about her."

"How interesting."

Roberta read the note Nicky had attached and her smile got bigger. This was brilliant. She pulled out her smart phone and tapped a few keys, logging Nicky's name and address from the envelope into her notes, along with an addendum: _can we do something with this for the Sandoval show?_ Roberta smiled again. It was all about the publicity and this had given her a great idea.

"I'll just give Lauren a call later," said Roberta. "Got to run, things to do! Ciao, Tisha dear."

"Good-bye." _And good riddance._ Tisha went back to her work and didn't give Roberta another thought.

By the time Lauren came out of the meeting with Fitz, it had been two and a half hours, but she had a good idea of the schedule he wanted to keep to meet the deadline for the masters. She'd be able to share that with the rest of the band once they got to town. She gathered up her stuff, thanked Tisha, and headed outside. Tony was waiting by the SUV and he opened the door for her.

She was about to say it wasn't necessary but he smiled and cut her off. "Just doing my job, Miss Stone."

"Thank you, Tony. I'm sorry I was late."

"No trouble at all. Back to your hotel?"

"Yes, please."

In the back of the SUV, Lauren settled in and flipped through a few of the things Tisha had sent with her. One was a copy of the contract for this album. That she could go through later—the one thing her father had insisted on years ago, before he let her go to LA, was for Lauren to go through a couple summer courses about finance and business. He said that no manager was going to take advantage of his little girl when she hit it big. He'd put Augie through the same ringer and both of them always insisted on reviewing every contract themselves. It had saved the band several headaches in the past.

Then she picked up Nicky's paper and flipped through, reading paragraphs here and there. Nicky had started with a summary of her professional career and then chosen to focus on her life before becoming famous.

_God, I loved your uncle. I think I still do. Every time I think about him I feel that crazy tightness. Shit, I still have dreams about him._

She put the paper down in her lap. It was also something to read later. The hardest thing she'd ever done was leaving Danny. She'd watched him in her rear view mirror all the way down the street that day, and she'd cried half the way to California. Each morning she'd wondered if she could do it without him, and swung back and forth between hating herself for leaving him and being furious with him for not coming.

She remembered Carolyn telling her some years back that he'd gotten married. She hadn't wanted to know more; that news hurt too much.

Unbidden, she suddenly remembered that first Christmas dance that he'd asked her to. It had been an awkward, hesitant question and her answer had been just as awkward. They'd been what, 15 years old? They'd danced together, that awful, wonderful first slow dance where no one knew exactly what to do. But they'd gotten more comfortable and closer until Sister Agnes reminded them to leave space enough between them for God. They'd both been mortified.

Lauren chuckled. That first slow dance was just one of many firsts she shared with Danny Reagan.

First dance.

First kiss.

First relationship.

First time.

First love.

Suddenly, Lauren realized the SUV had stopped and Tony was waiting with the door open. She quickly gathered up her papers and got out of the Escalade.

_First love? Try only love._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Nicky picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello. May I speak with Nicky Reagan-Boyle, please?" The woman on the other end of the phone sounded very business-like.

"This is Nicky."

"Hello, Nicky. So very nice to talk to you. My name is Roberta Thompson-Traeger. I am a publicist with Scott Entertainment and I represent Lauren Stone and the Kingmakers," said Roberta.

"What!? Are you kidding?"

The excitement in Nicky's voice caught Erin's attention. "Who is it?" she asked softly.

Nicky covered the phone receiver, but Roberta could still hear her. "Mom! You'll never believe this. Lauren Stone's publicist is calling me!"

"Well, I'm glad you're so excited to hear from me," said Roberta. "Miss Stone received the paper you wrote, and she was quite impressed. In fact, on her behalf I'd like to invite you and the rest of the Reagan family to be in the audience for her interview with Martin Sandoval on Backstage."

"Really? In the live audience? That's so awesome!"

"I just need to know how many tickets…"

"Mom! We're going to be in the audience for Lauren's interview with Martin Sandoval! We'd need what, probably seven or eight tickets, I'd think?"

"Nicky, give me the phone," Erin ordered.

"Mom!"

"The phone, Nicky. NOW."

Nicky heaved an epic 16-year-old sigh and handed the phone to her mother.

"Hello? This is Nicky's mother. Whom am I speaking with?"

"Ah, Mrs. Reagan-Boyle…"

"Miss Reagan."

"Miss Reagan." Roberta made the correction smoothly. "My name is Roberta Thompson-Traeger. My PR firm represents Lauren Stone. Your daughter sent Miss Stone a copy of the paper she wrote. I was calling to invite your daughter and other members of the Reagan family to be in the audience when Lauren does her upcoming interview on Backstage with Martin Sandoval."

Erin glanced at her daughter who was practically jumping up and down. "When does all of this happen?" asked Erin. As she listened to Roberta's answer, Erin could see Nicky out of the corner of her eye, folding her hands in prayer and mouthing the words, "Please, Mom? PLEASE?"

"A Saturday night?" Erin thought for a moment. "Fine. Yes, we'll be there. No more than eight tickets."

"That's wonderful," enthused Roberta on the other end of the phone. "The tickets will be waiting for you there. Ask for me and I'll take care of everything."

"Thank you. We'll see you then." Erin hung up the phone and turned around. Nicky was literally jumping up and down in place.

"Ohmygod! Mom! We're going to be in the studio audience when Lauren does her Sandoval interview. That is the coolest thing ever! Do you think we'll get to meet her? I can't believe she actually read my paper!"

Erin smiled. She was glad to do this for Nicky; her daughter had certainly earned the treat, but it was going to be a very long week. Two days later, Erin and Nicky met the family for Sunday Mass and then—as they did every Sunday—they all headed to Frank's house for dinner. Nicky had contained herself during church, but could not hold back any longer and as everyone pitched in to set the table, she announced her good news.

"Guess what!" she enthused. "I sent a copy of my paper to Lauren, and her publicist called on Friday night. We all get to go be part of the studio audience when Lauren does her Backstage interview with Martin Sandoval. The show is next Saturday!"

"That's awesome," said Jamie. "Totally count me in."

"Uncle Danny, you and Aunt Linda will come, right? You gave me so much good information for my paper…"

For a second, Danny didn't answer torn between wanting to go and knowing it would probably be the last place Linda would want to be. But Nicky was so excited, and clearly Erin was on board. He looked at Linda's stony face and shook his head.

"Ah, I'm afraid not, Nicky. We've got something going on…

"Seriously?" said Nicky. "Come on, you have to go. Aunt Linda, how many times will you get to be in the live studio audience for a TV show? What's so important it can't be rescheduled?"

Linda realized she was caught between that rock and the hard place that people always talk about, and she didn't like it one bit. To stick to the story, she'd be lying to Nicky, and she'd be giving in to the ridiculous jealousy she'd been feeling. On the other hand, maybe it could. Maybe seeing Lauren was a disaster waiting to happen.

_Wouldn't it just be better to face it and get it over with? The reality can't be as bad as what I'm imagining it to be,_ she thought.

"Well," she said. "Maybe we could switch our schedules around. I mean, it is a special night for Nicky."

"That's so cool!" Nicky enthused.

"Can we go?" asked Jack.

"No." Linda and Danny said it at the same time.

"We never get to do any of the fun stuff, Sean."

"They can stay with me," said Pops. "Absolutely no way I'm going to this ridiculous thing." He huffed and grumbled for a second.

"What about you, Dad?" Erin looked at her father.

Frank pursed his lips the way he always did when he was thinking something over. "It certainly would be interesting," he said, "but Garrett has me booked to speak a the Citizens for a Safer New York public meeting. I've made him reschedule twice already, and I can't do it again."

After that, the subject was dropped and dinner went on as usual. After dinner and dessert, everyone stayed to visit for a while but finally, Danny and Linda needed to head home. It was a school night for the boys and they both had to be up early for work. Once Jack and Sean were in bed, Linda rinsed a few of the dishes, wished that Danny could remember to actually bring his dirty dishes to at least the kitchen sink, and got ready for bed herself.

As she slid under the covers, Danny came in from taking a quick shower and climbed into bed as well. Linda slid over and snuggled up against her husband. She put her arm out and started to run her hand a cross his chest. Danny smiled.

"Are you putting the moves on me, Linda?"

"Maybe." She smiled at him. On the drive home, she'd found herself thinking, once again, about Lauren and what it must have been like between her and Danny all those years ago. Now she wanted to feel sexy, to know that her husband wanted her.

Danny kissed her and rolled so he was looking down at her. Bracing himself on one elbow, he pulled his t-shirt up over his head with the other hand. Linda pulled her knees up a little and sighed when she felt him inside her. Danny started to make a louder noise and she shushed him.

"Shhh, you'll wake the boys!"

Danny paused for a moment when she shushed him, but a moment later he started to move again, burying his face in Linda's nice to keep from crying out when he finally came. They lay together for a minute while their breathing slowed. It had been fast, faster than Linda had wanted and she felt vaguely dissatisfied. But she wasn't going to complain.

"Love you, good night," she said.

"Love you," said Danny softly.

After, Linda got comfortable in the bed but found she wasn't ready to sleep. She had wanted to make love with Danny and feel sexy, wanted. And she did, but at the same time she didn't. He'd obviously wanted her but there hadn't been much play. They'd gotten right down to business, and while she didn't necessarily mind that, this time it seemed to add to her frustration instead of alleviate it.

_But when do we have time to fix it? We barely have time to have sex anyway. Between his job, my schedule at the hospital, all the things the boys do at school and after school. And then there's taking care of the house. Maybe this is as good as it gets when you're married with children. But I remember when it was a lot different…_

When they were dating, and first married, Danny could hardly keep his hands off of her, and Linda was the same. They'd been late for dinner with friends more than once because one of them had gotten frisky.

_I wonder if he thinks about those times, how we used to be…_

Then a darker thought crossed Linda's mind. _Does he even think about me at all? Or does he think about someone else… about… her? _

Linda told herself to stop, that she was being ridiculous, but once the idea entered her head, she just couldn't get it to disappear. Her eyes burned as if she was going to cry, but she swallowed the emotion. She was not going to wake Danny up and have to explain why she was crying in the middle of the night. She'd sound like a damn fool—she was always the rock, not a lot bothered her.

On his side of the bed, Danny also lay awake. Lying on his back, in the dark, he glanced over as his wife shifted under the sheets. Linda was on her side, facing towards the window. As far as he could tell she was asleep and he didn't want to disturb her. Linda initiating sex had been a nice surprise on a Sunday night. More often than not, he was the one who dropped the obvious hints. And while he was physically sated, he was restless. Something seemed missing, and this wasn't the first time he'd felt this way.

_It isn't that I don't enjoy it. I like having sex with my wife. I wouldn't mind having more of it, but I guess most guys would probably say that. We did it a lot more when we were younger, before the boys. Now, even when it is spontaneous, it seems rehearsed. Hell, I worry more about being quiet than about enjoying it. We don't act like lovers anymore; we haven't for a long time. It's more like we're partners with benefits._

They hadn't always been so boring. They'd bought this house shortly before Linda got pregnant with Jack, and Danny remembered they'd christened every room within the first month. Something he'd daydreamed about doing with… Lauren.

He froze, catching himself in the memory. When he'd been with Lauren, in those lazy days before the reality of graduation had truly dawned on him, Danny had daydreamed about what it might be like if he and Lauren got married. The idea of being together, of not worrying about who might catch them and how much trouble they'd be in, was a big fantasy for him. That along with some of the things he imagined trying with Lauren for the first time. It was a fantasy he'd had more than once, and one he kept having long after Lauren had left for California.

In those fantasies, he never had to be quiet.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Augie! Good to hear from you. Are you in town?" Lauren leaned back in the overstuffed chair that looked out to her view of the city. She had to be ready for the Sandoval show in about an hour but she always had time for her cousin.

"I'm here," answered Augie. His voice faded in and out as he juggled a carry on and phone. "Just landed; still gotta get my bags."

"And then you're going straight to your parents' house, right?" She laughed.

"You bet. I'm not going to listen to my mother complain that I didn't come see her when I was in town."

"Mamma's boy."

He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it. "Whatever," he said once he put the phone back to his ear. "How long did it take you to see your parents once you got here?"

"Caught me. I managed to be here for 24 hours first, but I actually thought Carolyn was going to meet me at the airport. But if you need an excuse, you could always come to the Sandoval show with me tonight. You know I hate flying solo for these things."

"Nope, paid my dues on the interview circuit last time. Time for you to take one for the team." The last time the band had done a press tour, Augie had somehow been roped into being in almost all of the interviews. Not this time.

"You'll watch, won't you? I'll need someone to talk me off the ledge after, once I decide how horrible I was."

"You'll be fine; you should be an old pro at these by now…"

"Doesn't mean I like them."

"… and of course I'll watch. I'm going to see my folks, then go to the studio to catch up with Fitz for a few. Heard you got the schedule for us. And then I'm getting some take out and will tune in for your interview. I promise. Hey, there are my bags. OK, I've gotta go. See you at the studio on Sunday?"

"Absolutely."

They hung up the phone, and Lauren sighed. Working on an album always turned into a whirlwind, but she'd missed being in the studio and was ready to get back to it. She could start poking around with Augie on a few things. Then once Mike, Stevie and DJ got to New York, they could really get down to business.

"Well," she said to no one but herself. "Time to get ready for Sandoval."

Lauren picked out what she thought would be an appropriate outfit. Enough flash to look like a rocker but not outlandish enough to earn the enmity of the gossip rags. It did get tiring, always being judged for what she was wearing and what she was doing, but it was the life she signed up for. She'd hired Tony, her driver from before, to get her to and from the Backstage set today. He was, as usual, punctual and waiting when she came down. When she got to the set, she was whisked away by several assistants and brought in for makeup. She was normally a minimalist on that front, but when you were on stage or in front of the camera, you needed to do makeup with a much heavier hand so the lights didn't wash out the details of your face.

Meanwhile, Nicky and Erin, Danny and Linda, and Jamie arrived at the studio. At the ticket window, Erin asked for Roberta and the woman inside told her to wait with her party to the side. As they moved aside, Erin could hear her on the phone. "Ms. Thompson-Traeger? Yes, your guests are here. They're waiting up front for you. Thank you."

The woman leaned towards the window and caught Erin's eye. "Ms. Thompson-Traeger will be with you in just a moment."

They waited for no more than five minutes when Roberta came bustling out of a side door to greet them. She was dressed in a severe, serious suit and her hair was pulled back in a tight French twist. The instant Danny saw her, his sixth sense told him she was untrustworthy, and he watched her carefully.

"So you're the young lady who wrote the paper?" Roberta shook Nicky's hand. "It is so nice to meet you. I'm Roberta, Miss Stone's PR representative. If you could all follow me, I'll show you to your seats. Once the show is done, there will be an usher waiting to bring you backstage."

Nicky's smile doubled. "We're going to meet Lauren?"

"Well, I know she's very curious about the young lady who wrote that paper!" Roberta flashed a stiff smile in a vain attempt to be engaging. Danny frowned. He definitely didn't like her.

Next to Danny, Linda folded her arms. She was starting to wonder if coming here was a mistake. She was excited for Nicky, but did she really want to meet Danny's ex-girlfriend? His famous ex-girlfriend? She took a deep breath. _You're being ridiculous, Linda,_ she told herself. They took their seats and chatted casually while the rest of the audience filled in. Only about 200 people were able to get into the broadcasts of Sandoval's show.

A few minutes later, Martin walked out on the set to the applause of the crowd and waved. An assistant adjusted his microphone and touched up his hair and makeup. He talked to the crowd for a few minutes, asking a few people questions, and telling everyone what to expect. Then he went to his host's chair, sat down, and started to go through a few sheets of paper. The lights over the audience dimmed and a sign for "QUIET" came up. The lights facing the set brightened and Martin Sandoval sat up a little straighter and smiled toward the camera. With a wave of his hand the director signaled that they were live.

"Hello, everyone! Welcome to Backstage. I'm your host, Martin Sandoval and tonight we have a terrific guest. She's a rock and roll star with a career that spans nearly 20 years, multiple albums and collaborations with some of the biggest names in the business. Please welcome, Lauren Stone of the Kingmakers!"

Applause and cheers greeted Lauren as she walked out on the stage and waved toward the audience. She could see shapes and figures but few faces thanks to the lights. In the audience, seated between her mother and Danny, Nicky was nearly giddy with excitement. She clapped and cheered along with everyone else. As far as she was concerned, Lauren looked every inch the rock star: faded blue jeans that were tailored to suit her, funky black boots with thin silver chains around the ankles, and a cropped leather jacket over a shirt made out of some sort of slinky material with silver threads through it so that the stage lights made it glint when she moved.

Danny stared. _She's gorgeous,_ he thought and his eyes roamed from her head all the way down. Suddenly, memories of making out with her in the back seat of his father's car filled his head. What might it be like to pull her into his arms and kiss her now? The touch of Linda's hand on his made him flinch. He glanced at his wife. She gave him a smile, but it looked forced and he knew she'd seen him staring at Lauren. He flushed, feeling quite guilty that he'd just been thinking about Lauren like that.

On the stage, Martin stood up to greet Lauren. He shook her hand and gave her a kiss on the cheek before inviting her to sit down on the small loveseat opposite his host's chair.

"Lauren, thank you so much for spending some time with us tonight," said Martin.

"My pleasure. Always nice to see you." She settled into the cushion.

"So, I'll get the first question out of the way. You're working on a new album. When can we expect to hear the first single?"

Lauren laughed. "Not for a bit. We're just starting out; lots of ideas for songs but we're still working on everything, but they have plenty of promise. We're going to do some rehearsals with Fitz and get his take on the songs; see if there's anything we can do different or better. Then we'll get into the recording part. Once we're there, I think things will go pretty quickly, but I would say nothing will be ready for release for another several months."

"So around December? In time for Christmas?" Martin pushed her for an answer.

"I'm not going to give a date!" Lauren laughed again. "December would be nice, but making an album is a creative process, and you can't guarantee how things will unfold."

"Fair enough. Now tell us, Lauren. How did you get started with all of this? When did you know you wanted to be a rock star?" Martin leaned back in his chair and smiled again, an unspoken invitation for Lauren to join the conversation.

Lauren pursed her lips and her brow furrowed for a moment. "I don't know if I started out wanting to be a star," she said. "I always liked to sing. My mother said that the best babysitter she ever had for me was the radio. I loved music; I would learn the words to songs… Family joke is that I started to repeat lyrics before I said 'mommy' or 'daddy'. Then I figured out that you could play instruments and that's really all I wanted to do: sing and play music."

"So, something in your DNA," prompted Martin.

"I guess. Other kids talked about being doctors, or police officers, or whatever. I just never saw myself doing anything other than music and that's what finally brought me here." She shrugged. People always asked this question and her answer was always the same: _there was nothing else I could have done in this life._

Martin went on to ask another question about her song writing process, and then took a break for some commercials. During that time, Lauren had a drink of water and a makeup artist came out to fix some little thing in her makeup. Lauren sighed but allowed the woman to primp and fuss for a moment.

"This is awesome," said Nicky in her seat. "Are you guys having fun?"

"This is great," said Jamie. He smiled. He was having a good time, and this would be something the other cops in his squad would be all over. They'd all been jealous when he told them he was going. Erin smiled at her daughter.

"Uncle Danny?"

"Yes, Nicky. I am having a good time," said Danny. It was the truth; he was enjoying himself but he was thinking far too much about the past, and he knew Linda wasn't really enjoying this. Given how snitty she'd been about Lauren, Danny was pretty sure that the only reason Linda came was to make sure she was there in case they met Lauren after the show. And he had a feeling she'd be in a foul mood when they got home.

"Aunt Linda?" Nicky leaned forward. "Are you having a good time?"

"Of course," said Linda but she didn't sound convincing.

The lights signaled that the show was about to be back on the air and the audience settled. Martin smiled at the camera again. "Welcome back to Backstage. We're here tonight with Lauren Stone. So Lauren, tell me, what regrets do you have from your early career?"

The smile on Lauren's face faded. This always came up, too. One way or another reporters always got around to it. "Well," she said. "It would be the time I wasted getting sidetracked."

"By the cocaine." It was a risky question for Martin to ask. Lauren had walked out of other interviews because she hadn't wanted to talk about her drug use.

She raised her chin defiantly and looked right at Martin. "Yes, the cocaine. After I got to LA and got that first album done…" She shook her head as she remembered. "There was so much out there. Everyone knew me; everyone wanted to be with me. I thought I was a responsible adult but really, I was barely 21 years old with no supervision and a wild lifestyle. And emotionally, it had been a rough few years—lots of ups and downs that started when I left home to go to LA. It is really hard to leave everything you know behind. You don't realize what a big hole it can leave in you, how empty you can really be inside…"

Listening to her, Danny felt a fist close over his heart. He understood that feeling all too well. For him it wasn't leaving everything behind, it was having everything leave him. He frowned. On stage, Lauren stopped talking and started to look upset. Sandoval knew she'd reached her limit for this topic.

"Thank you, Lauren. I'm sure everyone appreciates you being willing to talk about something so personal. Right now, we're going to take a quick break to hear from some of our sponsors, and then we'll be right back with more of Lauren Stone on Backstage!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The director signaled that they were coming out of commercial, and Martin decided to take a chance and continue questioning Lauren about her past.

"Welcome back!" he said to the camera. "We're here with Lauren Stone and just before the break we were talking about some of the more difficult days during her early career. I have to say, Lauren, during that time you certainly grabbed your share of headlines…"

Lauren nodded. "I did. I trashed my share of hotel rooms. I went to my share of wild parties and closed down way too many clubs. Thank God I never wrecked a car or hurt anyone. I only hurt myself, and it took a long time for me to realize that."

"How did you get out of it? What changed?"

She ground her teeth slightly and Martin saw her eyes narrow just a little. It wasn't enough for the TV audience to notice, but it was a warning to end this line of questioning.

"A couple things. We managed to somehow get our second album done and it was a load of… A load of crap. There were a couple OK songs on it but nothing like the first one – and nothing like I knew I was capable of. And when it tanked, I blamed everyone else, raged at everyone else. It was Stevie, DJ, Mike and Augie who made the difference. They really laid it out for me, what I was doing to myself, what I was doing to all of them. It was really a 'come to Jesus' meeting. And then… then…"

Lauren's brow wrinkled and she struggled with her words for a moment. She took a deep breath and focused – God she hated doing interviews alone. As she was hesitating, Martin was holding his breath. Lauren had always been cagey about the moment she knew she needed help; it was a deeply personal moment and she had never opened up about it in an interview before.

"And then Augie played me a song he'd written. He said it was something he had to write because he knew he'd need to sing it at my memorial service… And he wanted me to hear it before I died." Lauren closed her eyes; it was still painful to talk about. She took a deep breath before she continued.

"I knew in that moment that if I didn't fix things. If I didn't get right, then I was going to lose everything… I was destroying my talent, destroying my career before it even got started. I checked into rehab two days later. When I was finally off the drugs and the worst of my withdrawal symptoms were over, I was listening to our first album. Then I listened to the second one and it was garbage compared to the first. The only difference between the two was me on coke. Right then and there I promised myself that I was not going to be one of those rock singers you see destroyed and desolate by the side of the road, sitting alone in the wreckage of their careers."

There was a bite of steel in her voice and Danny smiled. He'd told Nicky how terrified he'd been that one day he'd see a headline announcing she'd died of an overdose or an accident. It was good to hear the resolve in her voice. He felt a tap on his arm and he leaned over to let Nicky whisper in his ear.

"It must have been really hard for you," she whispered. "It must have been terrifying to know she was so out of control."

Danny nodded and turned his attention back to the stage.

"Well, I think we're all glad that things have worked out for you, Lauren. You've certainly produced some wonderful music since then," said Martin. "So, let's go with a couple fun questions. Favorite food?"

"Pizza, no question." Lauren didn't even hesitate on the answer.

"Best movie?"

"Oh, gosh. I don't think I could choose… but you know, any time I see it on, I'll always watch Animal House. It might be old but it is a classic…"

Martin laughed. "Now, tell me. What is the hardest part of what you do for a living?" He folded his hands in his lap and waited for an answer.

"The hardest part? There's lots of hard things, lots of great things, too. But I guess I'd have to say it is the fact that it is really hard to have friends. Once you reach a certain point in your career—if you're successful—then you don't know if the people who want to be close to you, want to be close because they like you or because they want something from you. It makes it really hard to make friends, and really hard to trust people. I miss the friends I had here, when I was growing up. They liked me for who I really was, not who they thought I ought to be."

"So, you'd consider yourself lonely?"

Lauren shook her head. "No, I wouldn't say lonely. Sure, some days I feel that way. But I spend a lot of time with the band, and their families. Especially Augie. I mean, we're cousins and all, but really he's more like a brother to me. And it isn't like I have no friends at all!" She laughed.

"What about someone special in your life? Boyfriend?"

"No, no one special right now." She laughed again and blushed a little.

"Now speaking of special people. You grew up in this area. In fact, you were a student at St. Catherine's Catholic School, correct?"

"Yes, I went to St. Catherine's… that seems like a long time ago."

"And how about a high school sweetheart?"

That question caught Lauren by surprise. High school sweetheart? Why on earth was he asking about Danny? "Well, yes, I did, but that's not so unusual. Lot's of people have sweethearts in high school. I'm sure you did, too, Martin?" She turned the question back at him.

"Yes, I absolutely did," he laughed. "Her name was Suzanne, and I'll confess, I used to write her poetry. I thought I was terribly cool, but the poetry itself was awful!" He chuckled. "Now I'm sure your boyfriend inspired some of the songs you wrote?"

Now the question seemed to make sense. Martin was taking a circuitous path to ask about how she wrote songs. "Of course he did. I wrote a lot of songs about him. Some are loves songs, some are angry, I-never-want-to –see-you-again songs. And some are sad, regretful songs. Any relationship you go through where there are strong emotions can inspire you."

Martin nodded. "That is so very true, and the very best songs have that emotional resonance. Listeners can really connect with the core of the song. Would you sing one for us, Lauren? One that this long ago sweetheart inspired?"

Again, Lauren laughed, and her cheeks flushed a little. "Of course." Lauren took the guitar, which was discreetly stashed next to her seat, and rested it on her knee. She plucked a few strings, listened, and then shut her eyes as her fingers ran over the strings. With her eyes still closed, she said, "This is called 'Alone Without You,' and she started to sing.

Her voice was rich and deep, more of an alto than a soprano. She sang about being alone and thinking of someone she loved, how—no matter the distance—he occupied her thoughts and dreams.

In the audience, Danny's face grew a little paler as he listened to the words, and next to him, he felt Linda stiffen. This is one reason why he'd never mentioned Lauren to her; nothing good would come from it. But when he listened to the words… _She still thinks about me? Or at least, she did? _Lauren had always told him that sometimes she couldn't say what she really felt, but she could always sing it, and that if he wanted to know the truth about how she felt, all he had to do was listen to her songs. And that summed up the main reason he'd avoided listening to her music for so long; he was afraid the truth might be unbearable.

Lauren finished the song and let the notes from the guitar fade before putting it back in its holder.

"Gorgeous," said Martin. "Thank you so much."

The audience cheered and applauded. Lauren waved to the audience to acknowledge their enthusiasm. Martin sat up a little straighter and smiled. He waited for the applause to fade before he spoke again.

"Inspiration can come from all sorts of places, and tonight, I'd like to take a moment to welcome some special guests in our audience. Please welcome Lauren's high school sweetheart, Danny Reagan, and some other members of the Reagan family!" Martin swiveled in his chair to look out at the audience, and as he did, a secondary set of lights came on to illuminate the chairs where the Reagans were sitting.

Shocked, Lauren sucked in her breath. Sitting there was Danny Reagan, and next to him was a blond woman who looked as furious as Danny looked stunned. On his other side was a young girl, around 16 years old and two other people who Lauren suddenly realized were Erin and Jamie Reagan. They all looked utterly surprised at the light and the applause, and then – just as suddenly – the light dimmed and Martin turned back to Lauren.

He was about to say how nice it was that Lauren had invited them tonight but between the Reagans' shocked looks and the expression on Lauren's face, he realized that this had been an utter surprise. _Roberta, you bitch,_ he thought. _You never cleared this with Lauren. You set both of us up… _

But he was on live television and the show had to go on.

_**Author's Note – Author's Note – Author's Note**_

_I have no talent for writing poetry of lyrics, so that makes it a particular challenge to write an OC who is a great singer and songwriter. But I would do a disservice to Lauren to actually try to write songs for her. So, for the song she sings here… if you listen to 3 Doors Down's "Here Without You," you'll get the idea of what I want her song to communicate._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Lauren knew they were live and although she was angry, she knew that making a scene would just add fuel to the fire, and she didn't want to do that to herself or the Reagans. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, quietly.

"Well," Lauren said, smiling over clenched teeth, "that was an unexpected surprise, Martin."

"Indeed… I'm sure you'll have plenty to catch up on with your friends after the show. Now, there are a few more questions before we wrap up."

"Excellent. Let's get to it," said Lauren, and Martin knew she was referring to the end of the interview and not the last few questions.

"How did the band settle on the name The Kingmakers?" He smiled at Lauren, praying that he could get to some questions that would take her mind off what had just happened, at least for a moment. Lauren had been known to walk out of interviews on occasion and he was actually surprised that she hadn't already.

"Like all bands, we went through a couple names while we were figuring ourselves out. We were Fierce for a little while. Then Spare Change… we picked that because we didn't have any at the time. Probably should have called ourselves No Rent or Nothing to Eat…"

Martin and the audience laughed.

"We had a couple lean years in there. Then we were watching TV one night on cable we'd mooched from a neighbor. It was on some history show about political influence through the ages, and they started talking about people who bring leaders to power through using political influence—the kingmakers. Augie was the one who caught it and said that would be a pretty cool name. The Kingmakers.

"Augie, Stevie and DJ loved it right from the start but they had to convince me and Mike. We said – in all the arrogance of youth – that we wanted to BE the kings not make the kings. But I remember Stevie making a really good argument about what we really wanted: did we want to be the figure heads, or did we want to be the ones with the power?"

"But for a time you were also Lauren Stone and the Kingmakers, weren't you?"

Lauren rolled her eyes. "Not for long. I put my foot down on that. One magazine did a profile of the band but it ended up focusing on me because female front men are fairly rare in the industry. We didn't know that was going to be the angle and when it came out, the headline called us Lauren Stone and the Kingmakers. I was not happy and I let the magazine know."

She shook her head, not finished with the topic. "The name stuck around for a little bit and, frankly, it always bothers me. We are all one band. If it weren't for Augie, DJ, Stevie and Mike, I wouldn't be sitting here. We're all terrific at what we do, but when we play together, that's when something special happens – together, we're outstanding. I have never liked the fact that people call me out as being the, well, the secret sauce behind the band's success. That feels so disrespectful to the rest of the band. One of us isn't the star. It isn't Lauren and these dudes in the band. WE are the band. End of story."

Lauren paused for a moment but drummed her fingers on the armrest of her chair. Agitated. She clearly had something else to say, so Martin smiled and waited, and was rewarded for his patience.

"That's one reason I hate doing interviews alone; I really prefer we do group ones or at least with two of us at the same time. I never want the band to think I'm putting myself ahead of them."

"What changed your mind about doing my show?" he asked.

"They guys did. They finally all ganged up on me and told me to do the darn interview so that your people would stop calling us." Lauren answered with a big grin so that Martin would know she was kidding. Sort of.

"And that leads me to my next question. How are the relationships within the band?"

"Overall, they're very good," said Lauren. "We are not nearly as dysfunctional as some bands, but we have our problems. The band becomes another family, and like all families, you love each other, you rely on each other but that doesn't make you immune to arguments and misunderstandings."

"I'm sure…" encouraged Martin.

"Mike and Stevie knew each other before joining the band. They met when they were both at UCLA. You definitely see a familiarity between the two of them. DJ joined the band last, but he fit in right away. Even married Mike's sister. Augie, our drummer. I'm closest to him, but that's not surprising since we grew up together here in New York. Our personalities complement each other really well, especially when we tour."

"And why is that? What are you like to tour with?" asked Martin.

"Me? I'm a complete pain in the ass," said Lauren and the audience laughed. "No, seriously. I am. A giant, enormous one. It is so important to me that we do a good show, no a great show, for our fans. They're spending their hard-earned money to buy our music and come see us perform. I want them to think it is worth every penny. So when we're out on tour, I can be a perfectionist and I can be ruthless about it when I don't think people are paying enough attention to the details. And God help them if something goes wrong.

"Don't get me wrong. The rest of the band cares, too, but none of them really have the same level of intensity that I do. Mike sometimes if things screw up badly enough. That's where I give Augie a lot of credit. He's much more laid back than I am and he's better at getting to the root of the problem and influencing people to get things fixed fast. And above all, he's very good at wrangling me when I'm being a…" She paused. "When I'm being difficult."

Martin laughed and was relieved to get a small smile in return from Lauren. "Well," he said. "We have time for one more question Lauren, so let me ask you this: forty years from now, how do you want people to remember you?"

"Remember me? Hopefully, I'll still be around in 40 years. If Paul McCartney can do rockin' shows in his 70s, so can I!" The audience laughed and then her face grew serious and she thought for what seemed like a long time. Martin's eyes darted to the clock.

"How do I want to be remembered?" she finally said. "When people talk about me, I want them to say that I lived my life. That I went out and happened to the world and didn't just sit around waiting and wondering what life might bring me. Sure, I've made some bad choices. I'll probably make more bad ones before I'm done. But I've made good ones, too, and I have learned something from every single decision, good or bad. I hope people say that there was far more to me than they expected. And I sure hope they say that I totally rocked!"

Martin flashed his show biz smile and turned slightly to face the camera. "You do, indeed, totally rock, Lauren! And that will do it for this edition of Backstage. Lauren, thank you so much for spending the evening with us and sharing a little of yourself and your music…"

"My pleasure, Martin."

"That does it for tonight. I'll see you next time when we talk with rap sensation Deion D."

The producer yelled it was a wrap, indicating that they were off the air, and the house lights came up.

In the audience, several ushers wrangled the Reagans as they started to leave and guided them backstage. Roberta had given them strict instructions to hustle Danny and his guests back so they could see Lauren in person. They were a little reluctant, given what had happened, but in the churn of people leaving the studio they really had no choice but to follow the ushers.

Lauren just wanted to get off the stage. She didn't even shake Martin's hand, and any hope he had that she'd gotten over the Reagan surprise vanished. She simply got up and stalked to the edge of the set where she had a little bit of privacy. Martin detached his microphone as quickly as possible and hurried after Lauren. He caught up with her just off the set as an intern was scurrying to remove Lauren's microphone before she became any more agitated and angry.

Lauren rounded on Martin the instant he came into her line of sight. Lauren lanced him with a glare that would have made most people back up a step. She was furious.

"What the HELL, Martin?" she shouted.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"What the HELL, Martin?" Lauren glared at him.

"Lauren, Lauren, I am so sorry. It was my understanding that this was something you knew about, something you'd asked for…"

"Why would I do something like that to people I care about?"

"…I had no idea I'd be surprising you. Or them. I… I… I would have never…" Martin was mortified. He had a reputation as a great host who asked fair questions and didn't ambush his guests. This was a black mark for him as well. How would other guests trust him after this? And now Lauren would never come back to his show; she had a long memory for people who had screwed her over.

"Well then whose bright idea was this? Who said this was okay?" Lauren demanded and before Martin could even answer, she said it herself. "Roberta. Goddamn it. It was Roberta, wasn't it?"

"It was," said Martin. "She told me everyone was aware but you wanted it to LOOK like a surprise. I am as angry and embarrassed as you are, Lauren. This is not how I run my show; I apologize…"

She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration, and then Lauren spun on her heels and stormed through the studio, shouting for her publicist, with Martin and three security guards hot on her heels. Eventually she saw Roberta off to the side of the stage where she was waiting. She had her back to Lauren, watching the disconcerted knot of Reagans being ushered up. Roberta wanted to settle them before she brought Lauren into the mix. She knew Lauren was embarrassed but was counting on her not wanting to have a blow out in front of her old friends. Storming towards her, Lauren couldn't see the Reagans. A partial wall hid them, as did some set equipment. In her peripheral vision, Lauren knew there were other people around, but she only had eyes for Roberta.

"What kind of Goddamn stunt was that, Roberta? What were you THINKING? How dare you put me in a situation like that and worse, how dare you do it to people I know? You ambushed me, you ambushed Martin… and you certainly ambushed the Reagans!" Lauren was shouting and didn't care who heard her. Several members of Martin's staff stopped what they were doing to watch.

From where they stood, the Reagans all looked at each other when they heard Lauren's raised voice. Danny let his breath out and his shoulders drop. He was relieved to know that this stunt hadn't been her idea. Linda had already been whispering in his ear about what a crappy move it had been, and how Lauren ought to be ashamed. Maybe this would make Linda back off a little.

Momentarily flustered, Roberta recovered quickly. "Oh, Lauren, don't overreact. It will be a great story. The first meeting of you and your lost love after all these years? The press will eat it up. Now say hello…" Roberta tried to deflect her client's anger but Lauren was having none of it.

"Don't you dare try to change the subject! I've told you before that stunts like this are absolutely unacceptable!" Lauren still hadn't even noticed the Reagans standing off to the side as she railed at Roberta. Out of the corner of his eye, Danny could see Jamie trying not to snicker. He couldn't see his sister, Nicky, or Linda but he guessed their expressions were various degrees of pleased. None of them had been happy to have the spotlight turned on them.

"This was a great opportunity. I'm your publicist and that means getting you in front of the press. Remember, there's no such thing as…"

"Don't you even finish that sentence! Don't even!" Lauren was practically shaking. "There absolutely IS such a thing as bad publicity, and when you ambush an unsuspecting family and make it look like my idea? That makes me look like an insensitive ass. We're done, Roberta. Done."

"Lauren, really. You are being such a diva." Roberta rolled her eyes.

"Diva? I'm being a diva? Are you fucking kidding me?" Lauren ground her teeth. "You know what, Roberta? I've got enough shit going on in my life without you heaping more on there. You're fired!"

That got Roberta's attention. "WHAT?"

"I said you're fired. I no longer need the services of you or Scott Entertainment Limited. Now get OUT!"

Lauren pointed imperiously towards the exit sign even though she didn't own the studio. For a moment Roberta glared and stood her ground, and then a security guard stepped forward. Lauren was the guest, and the star, and Martin was gesticulating wildly that he should do whatever Lauren wanted. So he stepped closer and gestured for Roberta to precede him toward the door. She huffed and stomped and left, her face scarlet.

Lauren stared daggers at Roberta's back until she vanished from her sight. Then she sighed and looked down, shaking her head slightly. This interview had turned into a complete disaster. She took one more deep breath to calm herself and turned toward the group of people to her left with the intent of apologizing for the scene they just witnessed.

Then she saw Danny.

"Danny…" Her face softened and her eyes got shiny. After all the years, there he was in front of her. He looked great, a little older perhaps, but there was no mistaking that it was her Danny. She cleared her throat, forcing the tears away.

"Hey, Lauren." He smiled and stared, drinking her in.

"I am so sorry," she said before he could say anything else. "I had no idea you were here tonight; no idea she was going to pull a stunt like that. I would have never—never—agreed to it if I'd known."

"I know you wouldn't have," he said. "And you fired her; that's good enough for me. Now forget about that. How about a hug? It's been an awful long time."

He opened his arms. She smiled and put her arms around him, patting him on the back, and then just holding on. Lauren squeezed her eyes shut; it felt so good to have her arms around him again after all these years. It was like a piece of her life that had been slightly off-kilter was suddenly back in just the right place. She didn't want him to let go.

Danny felt the same, and he didn't just hug her, he pulled her in close so his chin rested on her shoulder. They stayed there a moment too long and Jamie and Erin exchanged quick, startled glances. Linda stood stone faced and frozen; all of her fears suddenly coalescing into reality right before her eyes. _Get your hands off of my husband, you bitch._

"Its really good to see you," Lauren said as they separated. "It has been way, way too long."

"It has. You look great," he said with a smile. _You look more than great. You're more of a knockout now than you were when we were younger._ He stepped to the side and reached back towards Linda to draw her forward. "This is Linda, my wife."

Lauren held out a hand. "A pleasure, Linda. And I am sorry about what happened."

"Don't worry about it." Linda smiled but she wasn't happy. It had been embarrassing; almost humiliating to hear that song and know it was about Danny. How many other songs were about him? And then to be thrown in the spotlight? _Just have your reunion and move on. I just want to get back to our life—our life without you._ The handshake was perfunctory and Linda very deliberately put her arm through Danny's after. She gave Lauren a look that was nothing short of hostile.

_Wow,_ thought Lauren. _If looks could kill… _But she didn't dwell on it and Lauren held her arms out to hug Erin.

"Erin," she said with a smile. "You look the same as you did in high school."

"Ah, a nice lie, but thank you. This is my daughter, Nicky."

Nicky shook Lauren's hand vigorously. "It is so great to meet you," she practically gushed.

"Very nice to meet you as well. I was impressed with your paper. You did a nice job of balancing the highlights and the lowlights of my career without making it some sordid little gossip tale. I hope the Sisters gave you a good grade."

"An A," said Nicky with a proud smile.

Lauren looked at Erin. "Her mother's daughter, I see… and Jamie. Look at you. All grown up now." She hugged Jamie as well.

"You sounded great tonight, Lauren. Top shelf," he said.

"Thanks."

"That's really exciting that you're going to record your new project here. So you're going to do all of it here and not in LA?" asked Nicky.

"It is. We'll be working with Fitz McCallum on it, like I said in the interview. I've got a little more writing to do, and then we'll start tinkering in the studio. Pretty much what I told Martin. The rest of the band will be getting to New York in the next week or so. You guys should stop down sometime; you can watch a session." Lauren smiled. She liked Nicky.

"Oh, Mom, can we? That would be so awesome."

"We'll see," laughed Erin. "It will depend on school and when things are happening."

Lauren turned back to look at Danny. "So, how's your Dad? Your Mom?"

"Mom passed away two years ago," said Danny sadly. "Heart attack. And Joe was shot and killed on the job."

Lauren gasped, and put a hand to her mouth. That was shocking, terrible news. She took Danny's hand and squeezed it. "I'm so sorry," she said and looked at each of them. "I didn't know. I am so very sorry."

"It's okay," said Danny.

"We got through it together, as a family," added Linda, with an emphasis on family.

"But Dad is doing great." Danny stepped in before Linda could say anything else. "He's been Commissioner now for five years. He said to say hello to you and that he's sorry he couldn't make it. He had someplace else he needed to be tonight."

"Give him my best, would you? He was always so nice to me when we were dating." It was petty to mention that, but Lauren felt a perverse need to respond to Linda's comments about family.

They all talked and reminisced for another 10 minutes. Lauren learned about Jamie's stint at Harvard, Erin's divorce, Danny and Linda's sons, and some of his recent encounters as a detective. Nicky told her about some of her classes and how people had reacted to her paper. Finally, one of Martin's assistants came up to them.

"Pardon me, Miss Stone? Your car is here."

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute, thanks."

"We should go, too," said Danny. Linda couldn't agree more and was already moving toward the door.

"I'm sorry we didn't have longer to catch up," said Lauren. "Hard to cover nearly 20 years in 20 minutes. It was so good to see you." She held out her arms again, inviting Danny in for a hug.

As he pulled her close again, Danny whispered in her ear. "I've missed you, Lauren. More than you know."

She closed her eyes and with considerable effort, stopped herself from clinging to him. "I've missed you, too," she whispered back.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Lauren struggled to sleep that night. She tossed and turned in bed, kicking the sheets off and then pulling them up because she was cold. She turned the events at the Sandoval show over and over in her mind, and several times woke up still thinking about what had happened. She thought about Danny's shocked face in the audience, and then the warm smile when they met backstage. Finally, after several hours, she drifted into a fitful sleep.

A flash of lightning and sharp crack of thunder shook her awake. Lauren sighed and fumbled for the clock. It wasn't even 5:00 a.m. yet. Fluffing her pillow, Lauren tried to go back to sleep but by 5:15, she'd just given up. She got up, showered and headed for the studio. She was there before 6:30. Fitz had given her a key and the security codes so that Lauren could go and play, rehearse, or write whenever she needed to.

At 8:00, Tisha arrived. It was a Sunday but Fitz knew that Lauren and Augie were meeting and until they both got the lay of the land, he wanted Tisha around. She didn't really mind. Fitz didn't often ask her to work weekends, but when he did, he always compensated her generously. Once it was even a four-day trip to Florida.

Clearly, she was going to earn her pay today. Outside, the wind whipped the rain and it hammered on the window glass. Tisha sighed. It was a miserable day outside, and seemed like it might be a miserable one inside as well. When she arrived, she'd said hello to Lauren who barely said anything in return, and based on the occasional curse words she heard coming out of the other room, Tisha knew that this morning's writing session was not going well.

The door opened and a man in a raincoat hurried in. He shook the water from his shoulders and muttered softly about the weather. Michael Augustus Francis Stone—affectionately known as Augie to the band—was Lauren's cousin and the band's drummer. Two years younger than Lauren, he'd followed her to LA as soon as he graduated.

"Hey Tisha. Good to see you. Is she here?" asked Augie. "How is she?"

The sound of a notebook being flung against the wall and a muffled f-bomb answered that question.

"Let's just say she's crabby," said Tisha. "I was here at 8:00 and based on the security system, she disarmed it at 6:30."

"Did you see the show last night?" He hung his coat on the rack to dry.

"I did. Things were great until that little surprise." While she was watching the Sandoval show, all Tisha could think was that Lauren looked like she'd seen a ghost when they showed the Reagan family in the audience. And the Reagans had looked just as shocked to be called out.

"I'm going to have words with Sandoval over this if she hasn't already. One of the reasons she did his show is because he's a straight shooter. You know how Lauren is about doing interviews alone. There's no way she'll do anything with him again. Not after this." Augie had been nearly as shocked as Lauren when he watched the show. Martin was normally a straightforward reporter, so to see the whole episode unfold was close to scandalous. _Lauren has a long memory for people who screwed her over. She is not going to forgive and forget this._

But Lauren's ability to hold onto a grudge with terrier-like tenacity wasn't the only reason Augie was concerned. Danny was his main concern. He'd been in high school with Lauren and Danny; he knew how much his cousin loved Danny and how many regrets she had over their relationship. If you asked him, Danny was among the many reasons Lauren had careened out of control when she first got to LA—she'd been looking for a way to forget him, to fill the empty part of her where Danny used to be.

Tisha got up from her desk. "I'm going to make some coffee, do you want some?"

"Please," said Augie. "I'll be in there." He took a deep breath, opened the door to the studio area and went in just in time to see Lauren fling her pen down in disgust. She looked up sharply.

"It was Roberta, not me," she snapped. "Roberta's the one who set that whole fiasco up, and I fired her ass last night. And if you—or any of the other guys—have a problem with that, I'll fire you, too!"

Augie didn't respond, although he wanted to remind her that she really didn't have the power to fire him or anyone else in the band. But that would just wind her up. He'd always had a good sense of how to handle Lauren. His level head and mellow attitude often softened her drive and sharpness. Instead of taking the bait, he answered her in a couple funny, cartoonish voices.

"Good morning, Augie. How are you? I'm good, Lauren. I had a nice dinner with my parents last night. They said to say hello to you. That's nice."

Lauren took the hint and her attitude shifted from confrontational to guilty. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped your case. Let's start over: Good morning, Augie. How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you doing?" He paused. "I saw the show."

"I don't know how I'm doing. I'm angry. I'm confused. I'm embarrassed. You should have seen the looks on their faces when their seats got lit up, Augie. They all thought I'd done it to them, even Danny." She looked sad and lost for a moment and then her temper flared again. "I let Roberta have it right there in the studio and told her to get out. You should have seen her face when I fired her. Scott's been calling but I don't want to talk to him right now."

Augie nodded. Jackson Scott, known as Scott or Scotty to his clients, owned the firm that had represented the band before Lauren fired Roberta. Augie liked Scott and didn't think they should leave the firm, but he was as glad as anyone to be rid of Roberta. Over the past few months she'd been more and more difficult, doing what she wanted and not consulting the band. But keeping Scott Entertainment Limited on the payroll was a discussion for a different time.

"Did you talk to Danny or anyone after? I saw Erin and Jamie in the audience…" Augie had been a year behind Erin at St. Catherine's.

"I did. Actually, I didn't realize they'd been brought backstage. They all saw me rip Roberta a new one and fire her." A satisfied smile crossed her face.

"Good," said Augie vehemently. "At least they know it wasn't your idea. How is everyone?"

"They're good. Jamie went to Harvard Law and then gave it up to be a cop. Can you believe it? I don't know what it is about the Reagan family and being cops. Erin's an ADA, divorced. I really like her daughter, Nicky. She the one who wrote the paper I told you about. I invited them to come by the studio at some point to see us record."

"That would be cool. I wouldn't mind seeing Erin again, even though she wouldn't give me the time of day in high school. I wasn't bad boy enough for her." Augie laughed. No one had believed that skinny, shy Augie Stone would have followed through on his promise to follow Lauren to LA.

"And you won't believe this. Mrs. Reagan died a couple years ago—a heart attack."

"No!" Augie was shocked. He hadn't been as close to the Reagans as Lauren, but Mrs. Reagan had often volunteered at school functions, and he always saw her at church. She was a nice lady, and it was a shame to hear she'd passed away.

"And that's not all. Joe's gone, too."

"What? Joe Reagan? What happened?"

"Killed in the line of duty. Shot. Its just awful." Lauren shook her head.

"Damn," said Augie. "You'd think one of our Moms might have thought to mention something like that."

"You're not kidding. Carolyn's a total gossip; I'll have to tell her she fell down on the job on this one. I would have at least sent flowers or something."

"So," Augie finally got around to the question he really wanted to ask. "How was it to see Danny after all this time?"

"It was great. He looks great. It took all of, like, two minutes for it to feel just like old times. I could have talked to him all night." She lit up when she talked about him, and that worried Augie a little.

"That's good. I'm glad you were both cool with everything, considering the circumstances. Anyway, back to business. Stevie and his family are getting here today but they'll need a little time to get settled. DJ and Mike will be just after them. Since it is just you and me today, anything you want to get done?"

"Nothing specific. I've had a couple ideas rattling around, but I just can't get them into any kind of form I like. Not even rough ideas. Was there something you wanted to do?"

Augie shook his head. "Not really. I was going to tinker with some different beats to go with some of the songs we're thinking about, but I was really just going to experiment."

Then Tisha appeared with his coffee and he lit the room with his dimpled smile. "Ah, my A.M. angel of mercy! Thanks, Tisha."

"Sweet talker. Can I get you anything, Lauren?"

"Coffee would be great if you don't mind. Black one sugar, please. And Tisha? I'm really sorry if I was as bear this morning."

"Everyone's a bear until their third cup; don't even think twice about it," answered Tisha. "I'll be back in a flash."

"She is priceless," said Lauren. "If Fitz ever lets her go, we're hiring her for something. I wonder if she does PR?"

* * *

**_Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note_**

_It is amazing how much writing you can get done when the weather outside is terrible and you neglect all of the housework you're supposed to do. Just a thank you to everyone who has been reading the story so far - please leave comments if you have them. I do appreciate getting feedback, so let me know what's working, what you like, and if there's something you don't like, you can tell me that, too. If something's not working, I can think about how to fix it in the future!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Still half stunned by the events of Saturday night, Sunday passed in a blur for most of the Reagans. Dinner after church was quite an affair with Pops insisting the entire stunt was Lauren's idea and Danny vehemently defending her. He and Linda had fought on the way home, and he'd slept on the sofa. When the sun came up the next day, everyone welcomed Monday morning for a change.

And for Erin, it was going to be a busy one. She had about an hour to herself in the morning and then her day was packed with witness preparation for the Leoni case, which was starting in three days. She unlocked the door to her office and dropped her briefcase in a chair. She'd barely sat down when Anna Fujita, who occupied the office across the hall, appeared in her doorway. Erin was friendly with Anna, although they didn't really socialize outside of work.

"Morning, Anna. How are you?"

"Good, Erin. I'm sorry to jump on you but I had to say before we all get swamped today: you look great on TV!"

"What? Oh, God…" Erin groaned. She'd been holding out hope that no one she knew had seen the Sandoval interview.

"You seriously went to school with Lauren Stone?" Anna was totally animated. "That's really awesome. What is she like?"

"Back then she was a normal teenager," said Erin. "She was always nice to me and my family. Not sure what else you want me to say…" She shrugged. She did have a few wild stories about Lauren, but it would have meant revealing some of her own moderately misspent youth with her co-workers, and that was something Erin wasn't willing to do. No one else needed to know about the sleepless nights she'd given her own parents.

"And she went out with your brother? For how long?" Anna fiddled with the cuff of her blouse.

"They met when they were probably 15, and were pretty inseparable until just after graduation. So, three years maybe? And no more questions, Anna. I'm not giving out any details. It is my brother's business, not mine."

"Oh, come on, Erin? Something?"

"No." Erin couldn't help but laugh. "Now go back to work. I have witnesses to prep."

At the same time, Jamie was out on patrol with his partner, Vinny Cruz. They talked sports for a little while, broke up a domestic argument before it escalated, and encouraged a group of young men to move on from the corner where they'd congregated. They stopped for a minute to grab a cup of coffee and when they got back in the car, Vinny turned in his seat and stared.

"What are you looking at?" asked Jamie.

"I'm wonderin' how long you're going to avoid the elephant in the room, well, the car," said his partner.

"What are you talking about?" Jamie took a drink of coffee.

"The show on Saturday? You in the audience? You know Lauren Stone! Man, how could you not say that? That is a pretty key piece of information to withhold from your partner, you know."

"I wouldn't say I 'know' her, Vin. I was just a kid back then."

"Doesn't matter. She hung out at your house. I don't care if you were in diapers. It was Danny who dated her, right? Come on, man, details. Did he tap that or what? He'd be an idiot not to…"

"Don't be a pig, Vin. Seriously."

"Geez, Mr. Sensitive. But seriously, wow, you actually know her. Holy shit, man." Cruz's grin split his whole face. "I mean, she's fine. She is all sorts of fine."

If he was being honest, Jamie had to agree. "Yea, she is pretty fine, isn't she?" He could totally understand what Danny had seen in her; Lauren was certainly easy on the eyes. And he was pretty damn sure that Danny still felt something. He saw the way his brother had looked at Lauren on Saturday night.

"And as for Danny 'hitting that' I don't know for sure, he didn't exactly confide in me back then, but I think it's a safe bet. I was just a kid when they were going out. Although, I did rat him out for making out with her once in our basement."

"Seriously?"

"Yea," Jamie laughed a little. "I was mad at Danny because he wouldn't let me do something; I don't remember what. I was only about seven years old. So I went marching upstairs and announced to my father – and my brother, Joe – that Danny was downstairs with Lauren kissing and hugging. When that didn't get the reaction I wanted, I told my father they were taking their clothes off."

Vinny gasped. "You did not!"

"I did. They weren't exactly getting undressed, they were just a little… I guess 'untucked' would be the best way to describe it, but I knew that saying they were taking off their clothes would do the trick. It did. My Dad went downstairs right away and a few minutes later, everyone came up. I remember Lauren blushing like crazy and hurrying out of the house. Boy, Danny was ticked off. If it hadn't been for Joe, I think he would have kicked the crap out of me as soon as Dad left the room, and not cared that he was 10 years older than me."

"Ever jealous of him? I would have been." Vin just shook his head. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that his partner had hung out with a rock star, even if he'd only been a kid. He'd had a poster of Lauren and her band on the wall when he was growing up.

"Not really. Girls still had cooties then. But later, after they'd broken up and Lauren's first couple of albums came out? I was a little older then and it was suddenly much clearer to me why my brother wanted some privacy with her down in the basement." Jamie blushed a little. During high school and college he'd had more than one daydream about Lauren Stone that required a trip to the confessional at church.

Before Vin could ask any other questions, a call came in over their radio about an attempted robbery at a bodega a few blocks from where they were. Vin called in the response as Jamie started the sirens and pulled out into traffic, all questions about Lauren and Danny forgotten.

Erin and Jamie weren't the only ones being grilled about the Reagans' unexpected TV moment. The whole Sandoval show was, much to Danny's dismay, the focus of his Monday morning as well. As soon as he walked into the precinct the applause and the catcalls started. He was bombarded from all sides, fellow detectives and cops calling him a TV star and lobbing questions about his famous ex-girlfriend. He walked the gauntlet with gritted teeth until he reached his desk.

"Give it a rest, already!" he shouted as he sat down. "Don't you guys have anything better to do? Like solve a crime or something? Get back to work!"

His newest partner, Maria Baez, just leaned back in her chair and smiled. "You didn't expect anything less, did you?"

Danny had mentioned to her that they'd be at the show over coffee the week before while they were waiting for a suspect. He hadn't really told anyone else and Maria had stayed quiet about it, figuring if Danny wanted to advertise it, he would. But she'd heard a couple other detectives saying they were going to watch because they were either fans or they had kids who were fans. She knew that if anyone saw Danny in the audience it would spread through the squad like wildfire.

"I saw the show," she added.

"Figured you would; it was quite a spectacle, wasn't it?" Danny didn't look up from his desk while he answered.

"None of you looked really happy when they lit you up. How did Linda take it?"

"She's pissed. She says she's not, but she is." He frowned. Linda had been on a slow boil ever since Saturday night. He'd tried to get her to talk about it but she insisted on saying nothing was wrong, despite the fact they'd fought like cats and dogs on Sunday night after getting home from dinner.

"I can't say I blame her, and you seem to be taking it pretty well. That was a crappy thing for your friend to do to you guys."

"She didn't do it!" Danny barked at Maria.

His partner put up her hands. "Jesus, bite my head off."

"I'm sorry," said Danny. "But it wasn't her. It was her publicist who set the whole thing up. Totally surprised her and the Sandoval guy. I'm just tired of people who weren't there blaming her when it wasn't her fault."

"What a bitch," said Maria.

"Yea, the PR woman was a piece of work, but after the show ended it got interesting. Lauren went up one side of her and down the other and then fired her ass on the spot." He smiled. "And that was before she knew we were even still there."

"That must have been something to see." Maria had a lot more questions, like how Danny felt about the song Lauren had sung, but there was no time for that. Crime in the Big Apple wasn't on hold while she dug up gossip.

The Captain came out of his office. "Hey, rock-n-roll Romeo, get in here. You too, Baez."

"I'm never going to hear the end of this," Danny muttered under his breath.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

A soft knock on the door made Erin look up from the brief she was working on. It had been just over a week since the Backstage broadcast, and she was quite surprised to see Lauren in her doorway. A woman stood there dressed in a NY Rangers t-shirt and jeans, and sporting ponytail pulled out through the back of a baseball hat. All in all, she looked pretty darn average—at least until she realized it was Lauren

"Hi, Erin. Am I interrupting? I'm sorry to just drop in."

"No, that's fine. Please come in. I do have an appointment…" She glanced at the clock. "In about fifteen minutes, but I'm free until then. What can I do for you?"

"First, Augie asked me to say hello. He was asking after all of you. But I really wanted to stop by about my invitation to have Nicky come see us rehearse or do some recording. Now I realize, you're not going to just send your teenage daughter down to the recording studio to hang out with my motley crew and me. So, the invitation totally extends to you as well. Anyone in the Reagan family actually; we'll just have to coordinate the same day if you're interested." She pulled a folded sheet of paper out of her back pocket and handed it to Erin.

"I didn't have your cell, so I thought I'd just bring the address and contact information. If you just get a hold of Tisha, she knows I've invited you. And this is for Nicky, too." Lauren passed a CD to Erin. Scrawled across the cover art were several signatures in silver ink.

"Signed by the band? She'll be over the moon," said Erin.

"Well, they all got a kick out of her paper so I thought it would be nice to give something back to her. And I also didn't want her to think I'd forgotten the invitation—again, it is, of course, up to you and her father whether or not you visit…"

"It won't be up to her father, trust me."

"I see." Lauren remembered from the other day that Erin mentioned she was divorced, but she didn't ask any questions.

"Sorry," said Erin. "I had an argument with him a little earlier. I'm still a little steamed, but neither here nor there. I'll see about having Nicky visit. If there's not conflict with school, we can probably arrange something."

"Great. If you're not into it, I can totally understand. But I extended the invitation and I didn't want her to think it was an empty one."

"Can I ask you a question?" Something had been weighing on Erin's mind since last Saturday.

"Sure."

Erin leaned back in her chair. "I was thinking," she said. "About your interview the other day. That question you were asked about the hardest thing in your job and you said it was not being able to make friends. It must be really hard to always be suspect of people's motivations."

"It can be," said Lauren. "But you learn to deal with it."

"Do you regret choosing your life?"

"Regret it? No, not the life. I love what I do, Erin. I can't imagine doing anything else. You can't begin to know what it is like to create music that touches people, to perform for the crowd. But it isn't easy. It is a life that can very easily consume you. I will tell you though, I do have one regret."

"If you've only got one, you can't be doing too badly," said Erin.

"My biggest regret is losing your brother. Letting Danny go was the biggest mistake I ever made." Lauren reached out and picked up a photo from Erin's desk. In it was Danny, Linda and their two sons. It was a happy, domestic scene. Erin's mouth opened slightly, utterly surprised by Lauren's candor.

"I don't know if we would have made it or not," said Lauren. "I don't know if he could have lived in my world, and I know I couldn't have given him this life. But… I wish. I wish I had tried, and not just assumed the things we wanted were too different. The thing I regret most is not fighting harder for us." She looked at the photo for another moment and put it back on the desk. "But, I'm glad he's happy."

All Erin could think was how sad Lauren looked.

After she left Erin's office, Lauren was in a melancholy mood. What' she'd said was the truth. She couldn't have given Danny the life he had, but she'd been plagued by "what ifs" about their relationship for years. She tried to sit in the sun on her patio and work on some lyrics, but found no inspiration there. Finally, she decided that—if she was feeling so nostalgic—maybe a trip to the old neighborhood would help and she'd find some inspiration there. She was struggling with some writer's block and now that the band was in town, the pressure was on to produce.

She spent the afternoon driving around, stopping at many of the old places where she used to hang out as a teenager. She went everywhere from driving past St. Catherine's to the stores where she used to shop, and the mall where she would hang out with friends and go to the movies. She sat in the movie theatre parking lot for a long time, remembering all the times she'd gone to the movies with Danny, and all the times they spent making out in the back seat of his car after.

Finally, her growling stomach interrupted her writing and her reminiscing. With a glance at her watch, Lauren realized it was much later than she thought. She knew, however, exactly where she was going to have dinner. She'd been craving it ever since she landed in New York and couldn't believe that it had taken her this long to get there.

Danny pulled into the parking lot at Dom's Pizzeria Supremo. In business for 50 years, the Bonati family owned the shop. It had been the one and only place to have pizza when Danny was growing up. At 65, Big Dom Bonati still ran the business, which he'd taken over from his own father years before. Danny and all of his friends would hang there after football practice, and sometimes Big Dom would let Lauren play her guitar for customers and keep the tips people would drop in her cup.

The Mets and Yankees were playing, and Danny had plans to watch the game with Jamie, Frank and Henry—it was a tradition for the Reagan boys to all watch the first game of a Subway Series together—and he had offered to stop for the pizza on his way to Frank's house. When he walked into the shop, Big Dom was out back and some kid, maybe 16 years old, was manning the register. Danny had just paid for his order—three large pizzas: pepperoni, onion and pepper, and bacon and sausage—when he heard his name.

"Danny!"

He turned to see Lauren sitting in a side booth with two slices in front of her. She flashed that amazing smile at him.

"Hey, Lauren. How are you?"

"Good, hey, sit for a second?"

Danny slid into the booth and looked at her plate. Lauren loved pizza; it was her all-time favorite food. She had a slice of cheese and slice of pepperoni in front of her.

"I couldn't stay away," she said, noticing his glance. "They just don't make pizza like Big Dom out in LA. I have missed this something fierce! Want a bite?"

"No, I'm set. Getting some to take with me. Meeting at my Dad's place to watch the game."

"Subway Series, right?" Lauren was more of a football and hockey fan, but she still remembered the Reagan baseball tradition.

They chatted for a few more minutes, laughing and joking. It was quite something to see the old comfort and familiarity re-emerge with so little effort. Without even realizing it, both leaned forward, elbows on the table, heads closer together, so their conversation could be quieter, more intimate. Danny said something funny and Lauren laughed. Then Big Dom's booming voice filled the room.

"Well, look at that! We've stepped back in time. My favorite high school sweethearts together again at my pizzeria! Look at the two of you, thick as thieves and inseparable! Just the way it used to be."

His laugh was boisterous. Lauren and Danny both flushed as they both suddenly realized how close they were to each other. Lauren caught her breath. How many times had they sat there, eating pizza, holding hands? They looked at each other and smiled. How often had they thought—or even said—they'd be together forever? What had happened?

"Meeting here to reminisce about old times? Ah." Dom tapped his heart with his hand.

"No, this was total chance," said Danny. "I'm getting pizza for the game. Lauren was here when I got here."

Big Dom gave them an odd nod and smile. "Of course, isn't love always about chance? Well, when you two DO make time to catch up, you come here—just like old times—and the pizza will be on me."

"Thanks, Big Dom," said Lauren. "We'll do that."

After Dom left, Lauren took a few bites of her pizza and Danny noticed they were boxing his order. He didn't want to leave; he did want to spend some time with Lauren to catch up. There was a lot he wanted to talk about-a lot more than he might have suspected a few weeks ago. Lauren saw him looking, the uncertainty on his face.

"Have to go, huh?" She tried not to let her disappointment show.

"Yea…"

"Give me your phone," she said.

"What?"

"Your phone. You know the thing you put to your ear and talk on?" She grinned at him and took the phone out of his hand. Going right to the contacts, she added her name, her own cell, and an email address. She handed the phone back and pulled her own out. With a few taps she'd added an entry for him.

"Here, give me your number. I'm sure I'll have some breaks from the studio. We usually do a schedule where we'll do three or four really intense long days, and then take a couple off. Odd way to do things, but it works for us. It would be nice to catch up for more than 15 minutes."

"It would; I'd love to do that." Danny punched his cell in and his number at the precinct. He didn't add his home number.

* * *

**_Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note_**

_Hello. I just wanted to say thanks to all who have been reading "Stone Heart" and especially to those who have taken the time to leave comments and reviews. I do appreciate it. I hope you all continue to enjoy the story._

_And as an aside, I usually do this in my first chapter but it slipped my mind: Of course, the world of Blue Bloods and all of the characters from the TV series are not mine, I am simply borrowing them for a moment to see what kind of tale I can weave. Lauren, the Kingmakers, and several minor characters spring from my own imagination. This story is, of course, for entertainment only. Enjoy!_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Twice, Linda had picked up the phone to call Danny and twice she'd put it down. She knew he was watching the game with Frank, Henry, and Jamie. There was no reason to call. Was there? She'd done her best to hide her agitation from Jack and Sean, and calm herself down. Rachel was known to exaggerate everything she saw, so Linda knew she couldn't take her friend's text at face value.

_Hey, L. Was just passing by Dom's. Saw Danny having cozy chat with Lauren; must B something else having famous friend._

She sat down at the kitchen table to sort through some bills; even with her working again, money was tight. She looked at her phone for the third time in less than 15 minutes, and scrolled to the text screen to read it yet again.

No, Danny is at Frank's, she told herself.

If he hadn't shown up for the game, someone would have called her looking for him. Rachel must be mistaken, or there had to be some reasonable expectation. There had to be. She wrangled the boys through their homework and off to bed. Both had been disappointed they couldn't go to their grandfathers and watch the game, too. But it was a school night and Linda wasn't going to have them up that late. In a few years, Jack could start to be part of the tradition, then Sean. But for now, it was bedtime.

Once Jack and Sean were settled, she cleaned a little more in the house and checked the clock. It was nearly 11:00 p.m. and Danny still wasn't home. But if the game went late, he might have stayed for the end. She had just finished brushing her teeth when Danny pulled into the driveway. He was quiet about the door so he didn't wake the boys up – they'd want a full update on the game and then no one would get any sleep.

"Hey." He gave Linda a peck on the cheek. "You didn't have to wait up."

"I was cleaning the kitchen," she said. "Was just on my way up to bed. How was the game?"

"Good. Real pitchers' duel. Mets won in extra innings for a change." He was a Mets fan, always liked rooting for the underdog. Jamie and Pops, on the other hand, were Yankees fans and he'd enjoyed the chance to flaunt the loss.

"So did you do anything else?"

Danny shook his head. "No, just the game."

"Pops make something for you guys to eat?"

"Actually, we had pizza and beer. I picked it up from Dom's before the game."

"Dom's," said Linda. _He was there; was he with her? Was Rachel right?_ She forced her voice to brighten, so she didn't sound suspicious or jealous. "They always have good food. Good place to meet people, too, since it is such a part of the neighborhood."

"I can't imagine it without Dom's," he replied. "We all grew up there. I remember having to take Jamie in to pick stuff up and he couldn't even see over the counter."

"See anyone you knew tonight?"

Danny was about to say he'd unexpectedly run into Lauren, but he stopped himself. Linda's efforts to seem casual weren't entirely successful and something in her tone made Danny wary. His wife had been, as far as he was concerned, completely around the bend about Lauren. And it had been worse since the Sandoval show. She had practically accused him the other day of having an affair, a completely unfounded indictment.

Had Danny been thinking about Lauren? Yes. Did he have regrets and things he'd do differently, given a second chance? Absolutely. But he was not sleeping with her, and he resented Linda assuming that he was. He knew Linda would go rat-shit if he told her that he'd spent some time with Lauren at Dom's, and he didn't feel like dealing with that or sleeping on the couch again.

"No," said Danny. "No one."

It might have been a white lie, but it was a lie just the same.

Across the city, Lauren's apartment was hopping. As Thin Lizzy had put it: the boys were back in town. All of the members of the Kingmakers had arrived in New York and gotten settled in their houses or apartments. Lauren had invited everyone over – the band and their families – for dinner and a small kick off party for the new album.

Mike Mendoza, who played bass in the band, sat side by side with Augie on Lauren's sofa. They were playing Black Ops 2 and shouting at each other. Lauren was leaning over their shoulder doing some rather funny color commentary about their ability to shoot the enemy. She saw Danielle, Stevie's long-time girlfriend, come out of the spare bedroom.

"Are we being too loud?" she asked, chagrined.

"Don't you worry," said Danielle. "Kelly is dead to the world. Too used to her Daddy playing at all hours." Kelly was Stevie and Danielle's 4-year-old daughter and when she had finally crashed, Lauren had made a little bed for her in the guest room where she could sleep until her parents were ready to go home. And it hadn't been long until DJ and Tina's youngest—the twins, James and Haley—were too tired to stay awake, and Lauren had made sure they were tucked in, too.

"You're a great Auntie," said Danielle. "They're all sound asleep."

David Jareau, known as DJ to the band, was having a deep discussion with Stevie over which Van Halen video back in the '80s was the best. He gave his wife a good hard swat on the bottom as she walked by, and Tina gasped in surprise.

"Watch yourself," called Mike. "That's my sister's ass you're grabbing."

"She loves it."

"Yes, I do, babe." Tina gave her husband a kiss. DJ and Tina had been married for nearly 15 years and had three kids. In addition to the twins, David Jr. was 11 now, but he was staying with some other cousins tonight at a sleep over.

Augie let out an anguished cry as his avatar was hit by an extraordinary number of bullets in the game, and Lauren almost fell of the sofa laughing. "Dude, you suck at this. I'm glad you're not really in the army; you can't hit shit!"

Mike, after jumping off the sofa and doing a ridiculous victory dance around the living room, pulled out his cell phone and started tapping away at a text. Then he took a picture of Augie's forlorn face and typed a little more. He hit send and laughed.

"Who did you send that to?" asked DJ.

"Joey and Jake. I told them I just crushed Augie on Xbox." He gave an exaggerated, cackling laugh like an evil genius and rubbed his hands together. Joey and Jake were his two oldest sons. They were 15 and 14, the product of a two-year marriage to Donna, and lived in California with their mother. His second ex, Jennifer, lived in Texas now with his other two children, Michelle and Robbie.

From the other room, Stevie emerged carrying Kelly. The little girl was still sound asleep, her head on her father's shoulder. "We've got to go," he said. "Gotta get this one into her real bed."

"Thanks for having us over," said Tina as she gave Lauren a hug. "Next get together will be at our place when you guys need a break from the studio."

Since it was almost midnight, everyone took that as a sign they should pack it in as well. Everyone said their good-byes and headed out. Lauren liked starting off a production session with a party like this. It put everyone in a good mood, and reminded them they were all friends. There would come a point over the next few months, where the forced togetherness would start to wear on everyone.

The penthouse seemed very quiet after everyone left and Lauren yawned. She looked in the mirror as she brushed her teeth and wondered what fans would think. Would they be disappointed to learn that the Kingmakers didn't keep the party going until the sun came up any more?

Later that night, Lauren woke, breathless and covered in sweat. The room was dark and she had to fumble with the clock to see the time: 2:00 a.m. Crawling out of bed, she stripped off her damp tank top and rummaged through a dresser drawer until she found a new one. Throwing that on, she walked quietly out to the kitchen. The small bit of light from the night-light kept her from tripping over anything. She splashed a little water on her face and leaned in to get a drink from the faucet.

_I need something stronger than this,_ she thought, but then thought better of the idea. Instead she grabbed the orange juice out of the refrigerator and drank straight from the bottle. _One of the perks of living alone,_ she thought. _No one complains about your late night eating habits._

It had been a long time since she'd had a dream that intense. She swore she could still feel Danny's hands on her body, the scrape of the unshaved stubble on his chin rough on her shoulder as he kissed her neck. Years ago, she'd had dreams like this. Augie had told her more than once that she'd woken him from the other room by calling out Danny's name in her sleep. Over the years, the dreams decreased in frequency and intensity, but they never went away. It was a safe bet that at least once a month, Danny Reagan appeared in Lauren's dreams.

But this dream. This one had all the intensity and passion as the ones she used to have. Lauren sat down at the island and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Then she reached for the drawer for a pad of paper and pen. She wanted to capture this dream before it faded; there was probably a song buried in this one somewhere.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember some of the fragments before they faded away. There had been swings, little kid swings like she used to play on in elementary school. And a pine tree. There had definitely been a pine tree, but those details were ephemeral, intangible. What she remembered was him. In the dream, she'd heard Danny behind her. He'd called out laughing but before she could turn, he was behind her, wrapping Lauren in his arms. She'd leaned back, feeling safe and sheltered in his arms. His skin had felt warm and that's when she'd realized they were naked. He started to kiss her neck, his chin rubbing along her shoulder. She leaned her head back, a soft moan escaping her lips as he kissed her harder.

In the dark kitchen, Lauren opened her eyes again and realized she was breathing harder and felt flushed. She tossed the pen down. "Damn," she said, "I need a freakin' cold shower."

* * *

**_Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note_**

_This chapter is a bit of a transition one. I wanted a chance to introduce the band and accomplish a few other things. Hopefully it isn't too choppy! Thanks, as always for reading, and for leaving comments!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

It had been a long week, and the weekend had been just as difficult. Danny had been late several nights, and Linda's schedule at the hospital had been turned upside down when her colleague, Janet, had two kids come down with chicken pox. In the confusion, she'd forgotten make dessert for Sunday dinner. And to top it all off, the weather had been unseasonably chilly and rainy for early June. At least today was sunny.

The Reagans were all coming out of church when Linda turned to Danny and said, "I need you to go get two pies at the store, Danny."

"Why don't we just go together?"

"Because we'll be late for dinner if we do. I'll stay here with Sean and talk to Father Rob about the classes. By the time you get the pies and come back here, we'll be done and then we can go right to your father's house. Take Jack with you."

"Mom…" Jack wanted to stay and hang out with some friends.

"No arguments. Just go with your father."

"Okay, fine. Come on Jack. We do the shopping, we get to pick out the flavors."

"One better be apple or you'll hear it from Pops," Linda warned. "And get me about six Granny Smith apples, please."

Jack climbed into the Jeep with his father and they headed out. If they were getting store bought pies, they always went to the little local market that was about five miles from the church. On the way, Danny and his son debated the merits of apple versus blueberry versus lemon meringue, and they eventually settled on the traditional split of apple and blueberry.

"Let's divide and conquer, Jack. You get the apples for your Mom, and I'll grab the pies."

The older woman who ran the bakery with an iron fist had just brought out a half-dozen fresh pies, so Danny grabbed the two he needed and walked over to the produce section. On the way he passed a woman with a toddler and infant—both were having a meltdown. Danny caught her eye and gave the harried mother a smile. He remembered that point, when the boys were young, and as much as he loved Jack and Sean, he had no interest in having a toddler ever again.

Jack only had one apple in his bag. "Come on, sport. How long does it take to pick a half-dozen apples?" asked his father. Danny grabbed a couple more and put them in the bag.

"Sorry. Dad, that woman over there. She's your friend, right?" Jack pointed to the other side of the produce section where a woman with dark hair was inspecting quart boxes of strawberries. It was Lauren, and he'd recognized her from photos and from the TV show.

"It is," said Danny. Jack grabbed the remaining three apples while they talked.

"Can we say hello?"

"Sure we can," Danny said, and then he called out, "Hey, Lauren…!"

She looked up, surprised to hear her name, and when she saw Danny, a big smile lit her face. "Danny! Hey, so good to see you again." She came over and hugged him. _God, it feels so good to be close to him._ When they separated she looked at Jack and he smiled shyly at her.

"And who is this handsome young man?" Lauren asked.

"This is my oldest son, Jack," said Danny. "Jack, this is my friend, Lauren."

Jack politely reached out and shook Lauren's hand. "Very nice to meet you," he said. Lauren was utterly charmed by him.

"It is very nice to meet you, too, Jack. What are you guys shopping for?"

"Apples for my Mom," said Jack. "And pies for dessert."

"Ah, Sunday dinner at the Reagan house. I remember those." She had many fond memories of dinners, Sundays and otherwise, with the Reagans.

"You had Sunday dinner at my grandfather's house?"

"She did," said Danny. "Lots of times back in high school."

"That's cool," said Jack. "I have some of your songs on my iPod now. They're really good."

"I'm glad you like them," said Lauren. "I hope you'll like our new album even better."

"I bet it will be great!" Jack enthused.

"Okay, fanboy. We have to go pick up Sean and your Mom and get to dinner. It was great to see you, Lauren." Danny hugged her and gave Lauren a kiss on the cheek. He held onto her for a bit too long. She smelled bright, almost like lemon. He picked up the pies he'd set down on the stand next to him.

"So good to see you, Danny." She held his gaze for what seemed to be a long time before, with some effort, she pulled her attention to Jack. "And it was nice to meet you, Jack. I hope we can say hello again sometime."

"Me, too. See you later, Lauren!"

Danny herded his son up to the register and paid. He glanced once to see Lauren back inspecting the strawberries. As they walked out of the store, he looked back once more and this time, Lauren was watching him. When their eyes met, her cheeks colored a little and she dropped her eyes for a moment before looking back up. He remembered that look and it made him catch his breath. He followed his son out of the store.

Lauren turned back to the strawberries. _What on earth are you doing, Lauren—you were actually flirting with him!_

On the way back to the church, Jack chattered away to his father about a long list of things: how cool his friends would think he was because he'd met Lauren; his upcoming soccer game; the girl he kinda-sorta-maybe-might-possibly like at school; his math test; and more. Linda and Sean were waiting so Danny just pulled over and they got in the Jeep.

"Everything set?" he asked.

"Sean's all set for those classes, so everything worked out," answered Linda. "Did you remember my apples?"

"Jack picked them out for you."

"Great, thanks, honey." Linda looked in the rearview mirror and smiled at her son.

"Guess what?" said Jack. "I got to shake hands with Lauren!"

_Lauren? Are you kidding?_ Linda's head swiveled to the side and she leveled a glare at Danny. He gave her a look back.

"What? She was at the store. Jack was the one who spotted her."

"Why would she be shopping here?" asked Linda.

Danny didn't like her tone so he met sarcasm with sarcasm. "Maybe because her family lives here? Other families get together for Sunday dinner, too, you know."

Linda bit back her retort; she didn't want to fight in front of the boys. Instead she turned slightly to look at Jack. "That's nice that you met her."

"She was really cool," he said, chattering excitedly. "She shook my hand and she gave Dad a hug. And she's really pretty, too, Mom. I mean, when you see someone on TV you know they have makeup on and stuff. But she's really pretty in real life, too."

"How nice for her," said Linda.

For the rest of the ride to the Reagan's, Linda remained silent, stewing over her son's admiration of Lauren and her husband's penchant for "running into" her in unlikely places. And inside, that ugly green-eyed monster stirred and uncoiled. _Danny's been working late a lot. I don't know where he's been, and there's always a story about 'oh, you won't believe it but I ran into Lauren.' How many times has he seen her and not mentioned it to me? Like the other night, when he lied to my face about seeing her at Dom's. I saw how he looked at her after the show. I'm not an idiot; he's probably been sleeping with her…_

The rational, reasonable part of Linda's mind tried to interrupt her thoughts, remind her that Danny had never been anything but a good husband to her. Remind her that she was basing her thoughts on fear alone, and not on facts. But the jealousy consumed that voice, making it faint, and fueling Linda's feelings of inadequacy when she compared herself to Lauren. In her mind, Lauren the Rock Star trumped Linda the Mom each and every time.

"Linda?"

"Don't talk to me."

Danny sighed and gripped the wheel tighter. What the hell was going on? This wasn't the Linda he married; this was some strange, crazy woman who just looked like his wife.

It was a long dinner, and a longer ride home, and Danny found he was actually happy that he'd be getting some overtime the next week at work. They needed the extra cash for Jack and Sean's tuition at St. Catherine's and—frankly—he was simply tired of living under the cloud of suspicion that had enveloped his house. Maybe avoiding it wasn't the solution, but he was just tired of defending himself.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

It had been a hellacious day at work. In fact, the entire week since running into Lauren at the store had been a disaster. Nothing had gone right at work or at home, and Danny was late for dinner. Really late. Again. Normally the family got together for Sunday dinner, but this week Frank had surprised everyone with a Thursday night invitation. By the time Danny came in the door, dinner was being cleared off the table.

"Sorry," he said as he tossed his jacket over the back of a kitchen chair. He leaned to give Linda a kiss on the cheek but only grazed her as she turned her head away and didn't say anything. Danny sighed and rolled his eyes in frustration. Erin and Pops glanced at each other.

"Linda…"

"Late again," she said coldly. "You've been really busy lately, Danny."

"Let's not start this again. I called and told you that it was the case; me and Baez had to track down some leads on that serial rapist. I couldn't just stop and leave." He watched as she dumped a plate full of pasta—what he assumed was supposed to be his dinner—into the garbage.

"I'm not starting anything, Danny. You started it. Clearly you're not ready to finish it." She wiped her hands on a towel and stalked out of the room, brushing past Frank on her way out. Frank turned to look at her and then looked back at the three still in the room.

"Something wrong, Danny?" his father asked.

"Apparently everything I do," grumbled Danny.

"Want to talk about it?" He glanced at Pops and Erin, and they took the hint, heading into the other room and leaving Frank alone with his eldest son. He went to the refrigerator while Danny stood and fumed. Frank took out some cold cuts and made a quick sandwich. Without a word, he handed it to Danny and that seemed to bring him out of his stewing thoughts.

"Thanks, Dad." He took a bite. "I'm just so tired of this. I'm tired of getting accused and blamed for something I haven't done." What he didn't say is that he'd certainly been thinking about it.

"And what's that?"

"Having an affair with Lauren. Linda's convinced that I've been going to see Lauren on the side. It started right after that stupid TV disaster when her PR person set us all up. That was what, a month ago? But every time I'm late, or thinking about something, it's just one accusation after another."

"Have you seen Lauren at all?"

"A couple times. She was at Dom's the night of the baseball game, so we talked while I waited for the pizzas. But then I came here. Then after church last week, Jack and I ran into her at the market when we were picking up the pies. I hadn't even planned to go there—Linda asked me to! But that doesn't seem to matter; I saw Lauren there so that's proof."

Out in the other room, Erin went to see Linda. She gestured for her to come over where they had more privacy. "I don't want to pry, Linda but what's going on with you and Danny? I've never seen you guys like this."

Linda sighed and looked deflated. "I don't know. I just… ever since that whole scene at the TV studio, it has been out of control."

"What do you mean?"

"When we met Lauren after, and he hugged her? I just… just didn't like it. I got jealous, I guess. But since then, I can't stop thinking about it. The songs she sang; I know some of them are about Danny. She even said so during the show. When she's singing it sure seems like she has a lot of feelings still." Linda frowned harder. "I know what I saw, Erin."

"That's what singers do, Linda. They live in emotions and project them so people connect with what they're saying." Erin felt badly. If she was in Linda's shoes, she might be reacting the same way.

"I know, but since then, Danny seems distant. He's been late a lot. And sometimes I see him just lost in thought, and he has this look on his face. I know, right in my gut, that he's thinking about her. That he still cares about her…" Her voice trailed off. She refused to say that she thought Danny still loved Lauren.

"Do you think he's having an affair?" Erin whispered, shocked at the thought. She couldn't imagine her brother cheating on Linda, but she also remembered Danny and Lauren in high school. It was hard to forget that, and combined with what Lauren had said in her office? Was it possible?

"No… yes. I don't know. I know he's seen her a couple times, and once he lied to me about it." Linda sighed heavily. "Before this, I would have never thought it but now it is all I think about and I don't know how to stop. I want to believe him; I want to trust him. I don't know why I can't…"

"He lied to you?" Erin couldn't believe it, and was determined to hold onto her belief that Danny couldn't, he wouldn't. "Linda, I know Danny loves you; I can't imagine him stepping out… I hate to sound like a lawyer but do you have proof?"

"No, I don't have proof. But you saw them, Erin. I know you did. I even saw you and Jamie give each other a look." Linda gave her sister-in-law a hard stare.

Erin knew she was right. She had wondered about the hug, and how Danny had looked at Lauren. But there was a lot unresolved between the two of them. Maybe they just needed to catch up and let the rush of seeing each other after diminish naturally.

Out in the kitchen, Danny took another bite and chewed angrily. "Every time I've been late it's been legit, but she doesn't seem to care. As far as she's concerned I'm guilty as charged."

"Have you been thinking about Lauren much?" As usual, Frank's question was thoughtful and reserved but it still brought Danny up. He thought before he answered, his brow creased with uncertainty.

"Thinking isn't a crime." Danny regretted the gruff tone as soon as the words were out of his mouth. "Sorry, Dad. It was great to see her that day. It's been a long time. I do wish that we could have more time to hang out and catch up; 15 minutes in a pizza joint isn't much. Do I think about her? I can't seem to help it now—Linda brings her up every chance she gets. So, yea, I have been thinking about her a lot." _But there's nothing different about that._

"Hmm." Frank frowned slightly, something he did when he was thinking about serious topics.

"What are you getting at, Dad?"

"Well, back when you were in high school, you were crazy about Lauren. So much in love that your Mother and I worried that the two of you would just elope and run away. Made your Mother crazy. So, when the two of you broke up just after graduation, we were pretty surprised. What worried me, though, was that you didn't talk about it. Ever."

"I was 18, Dad, and it was my first broken heart. I don't do that touchy-feely stuff now. I sure didn't do it back then." Danny polished off the last of the sandwich.

"I know. It's never been easy for you to talk about things like that. But just because you don't _talk_ about something, doesn't mean you don't _feel_ it. Maybe this whole thing is bringing up all the old feelings you had for Lauren back then. All the stuff you pretended didn't make you sad, or angry, or however you were feeling—you had nowhere to put it. You didn't have an outlet like Lauren did."

"An outlet?"

"Her music." Frank paused, a thought suddenly occurring to him. "Danny, have you ever listened to her music?"

Danny squirmed under the question. "Not really."

Over his career as a cop and his time as a father, Frank had seen a lot. Not much surprised him, but this certainly did. In high school, Danny had frequently played cassette tapes or homemade CDs of Lauren's songs or her practice sessions.

"I find that very hard to believe, Danny. Why? All you used to do was play recordings of her practicing. I would have thought you'd want to hear her professional work, especially the first album."

Danny struggled with his answer for a minute. "I was always afraid," he finally admitted. "Afraid I'd hear songs about how much she hated me. How I had abandoned her and broken her heart. So, I've heard bits and pieces and that's all. Well, I have listened to a few of the really rocking songs, but that's all. Do you listen to her music?"

"I do." Frank's answer was matter-of-fact. "She's very talented and she's made quite a career for herself. I actually have a few of her CDs squirreled away. To answer your next question, yes, some of the songs are angry. Some of them are sad, and some are tremendous love songs. And not ALL of them are about you, Danny."

"I'm sure they're not," he mumbled.

Linda came back in the kitchen. "Danny, I'm sorry I lost my temper. I know you're working on a case…"

"Its okay, Linda. Why don't we head home?"

"Okay. I'll let the boys flip a coin for who goes with you."

Sean won the flip and climbed into his father's Jeep; Linda and Jack took the Sentra. On the drive home, Sean chattered with his father for a little bit but then put his headphones on to listen to some music. Left to his thoughts, Danny went back over tonight's fight, and how he'd been feeling. He finally came to a conclusion: it was going to be impossible to stop thinking about Lauren if he didn't talk to her. Maybe avoiding it was just making everything worse and more secretive. Maybe his father was right—all his old feelings were coming up and as much as he wanted to avoid them, that was clearly going to be impossible.

By the time he got home, Danny was comfortable with his decision, and after he got into bed and kissed Linda goodnight, he fell into a deep sleep and didn't wake up until the alarm went off in the morning.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Lauren was staying at the Four Seasons on 57th Street. Danny knew that there was a special reception desk for high profile guests and he went directly there once he got to the hotel. At the elegant marble desk were a smartly dressed security guard and a concierge. Both looked up and smiled pleasantly at Danny.

"May I help you, sir?"

"Hi." Danny flashed his badge. "I need a moment of Miss Stone's time."

"Is she expecting you?"

"No, but if you could call and tell her Detective Danny Reagan is here? That would be great."

The security guard picked up the phone and punched a few numbers. "Miss Stone? I'm sorry to bother you. This is George at the front desk. There's someone here to see you. A police detective…" He looked at Danny.

"Danny Reagan."

"A Danny Reagan." He paused. "Yes, of course, I'll send him right up. You're very welcome, Miss Stone. My pleasure."

After he hung up the phone, George got up. "If you'd follow me, Detective." He walked across the private lobby area to an elevator bank and Danny wondered if he was going to be escorted the whole way. Instead, George got on the elevator with him for just a moment, swiped a key card and then punched in a code. Then he pushed the button for the penthouse.

"Once you exit the elevator go to the door straight ahead of you and knock. Miss Stone is expecting you."

"Thanks."

The door slid shut. _The penthouse suite, _thought Danny. _Fancy._ He looked at himself in the gleaming interior of the elevator. His tie was askew and his shirt a little rumpled. It had been warm out and at one point in the afternoon, he'd rolled his sleeves up. No one was half unrolled. There was nothing fancy about Danny Reagan—he looked like he'd just rolled out of bed and he realized he looked completely out of place going to the penthouse suite of a fancy hotel. Well, out of place unless he was leading a police raid. He thought about just leaving when the elevator door opened at the penthouse. He took a deep breath and stepped out; he couldn't walk away now. When he got the pristine white door and knocked. When Lauren opened it, she lit up and smiled.

"Danny! This is such a nice surprise. Come in."

She stood back and invited him into her suite. He looked around; this place seemed like it was as big as his whole house. There was a working kitchen that opened to a large living room that had a gorgeous view of the city. There were a few other doors he could see and he guessed there were at least two bedrooms along with a master bath. _The rent for this must cost more per day than my mortgage,_ he thought.

"I'm sorry to drop in on you like this. I hope you don't mind, but I thought we could catch up? If you're not busy…"

"Oh, it is no trouble at all! I'm so glad you came by. Can I get you something to eat? Drink? A beer?" She paused. "I'm glad this isn't official business…?"

"Nah," he said with a wave of his hand. "Off duty. A beer would be great."

"Make yourself at home." She gestured towards the living room and headed for the kitchen. Danny went and sat down on the sofa. Open on the table was Lauren's copy of their high school yearbook. He sat down, loosened his tie a little more, and flipped a few pages. Lauren rummaged in the refrigerator for a second and brought back two bottles of Sam Adams Summer and a bowl of potato chips.

"Reminiscing?" he said as he took the beer. He moved over so she could sit next to him.

"A little." She pointed at one of the photos. "Do you remember Triple M? Man, she was the pride and joy of the nuns."

Danny laughed. "Mary Margaret McLellan!"

Lauren was right. You could always count on Mary Margaret to rat you out if you even looked like you were going to do something wrong. The nuns loved her—the student body, not so much. Mary Margaret had run to the Sisters a couple times when Lauren decided to spend more time on her music than in class, warranting a trip to Father Joseph's office.

Soon the conversation turned to their lives now. Lauren asked him tons of questions about his work: what it was like to be a detective, what he loved and hated about the job, how difficult it must be for everyone to know he put himself in harm's way each day. He told her about a few cases he'd worked on but stayed away from the really dark ones. One of the funniest was from when he was still a beat cop and a very drunk college student had stripped naked, climbed on top of a parked truck, and proceeded to serenade all passersby with his version of 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling.'

"I was the rookie," said Danny with a laugh. "So I was the one who had to get up on the truck and actually bring him down."

"Things are sure different now. I would have never imagined all of that back in the day. Do you remember how simple it was when we were kids? Well, maybe not simple from our perspective but looking back…"

"I know what you mean. Do you remember that first dance we went to?" asked Danny. "We did a slow dance and then Sister Agnes embarrassed us both? What is it she said?"

"She poked us both and said we'd better leave room for God in between us." Lauren nearly shrieked with laughter. "Guess she didn't want our naughty bits touching!"

"I was so embarrassed," said Danny. "I was awkward enough just dancing with you. Then several years later, there I am cuffing a naked drunk guy and not even really thinking twice about it."

"Sister Agnes probably would have given you a pass on that one." Lauren took a few chips out of the bowl she'd set out and then shifted slightly so she could see Danny better. Her leg rested against his but when he didn't move away, neither did she. Danny crunched on a couple chips, too.

"Do you remember our first kiss?" he asked.

She nodded. "Absolutely. We went to the movies, what was it—Oh! It was that second Bill and Ted movie. Not as good as the first—and after that we had to wait to get picked up. So we took a walk around the mall and I remember being really nervous when you held my hand."

Danny's grin got wider as they recalled that night. "And there was that spot near the fountain where they had a bunch of trees and places where you could sit to eat. It wasn't exactly private, but…"

They'd stopped there, realizing that with most of the stores closing, there weren't too many people around. Danny and Lauren had stood close together, both unsure of what—exactly—was supposed to happen next. Finally, after a few long minutes of staring at each other, Danny had leaned in and given Lauren a quick kiss on the lips. He'd pulled back a little right after, wondering what her reaction would be. Lauren had looked down, excited and uncertain, before looking back up at Danny through her eyelashes. It was the first time he'd seen "that look." It made his heart constrict then, and every time after that, when she looked at him like that. The second kiss was less awkward, and the third even less so…

"We almost ended up being late for our pick up," said Lauren. "I'm glad we didn't have to explain that to your mother!"

Danny laughed, too. "We had plenty of explaining to do other nights. Do you remember when Jamie told my Dad we were getting undressed in the basement? The little shit."

Lauren covered her face with her hands. "I was mortified when your Dad came downstairs! I mean we weren't doing much but still…!"

Lauren almost asked Danny what he remembered about their first time together, but she pushed it out of her mind. Instead, she leaned toward the table and flipped a few more pages. In front of them was a full color spread of prom pictures. In the corner of the right hand page was one of the two of them. Danny was dressed in a classic black tux, and he remembered his father going with him to pick out a good one so that he wouldn't look ridiculous. Lauren's hair was done up and she wore a dark blue dress that was form-fitting on the top with a modest neckline, and a skirt made of a shiny, iridescent material. She had a corsage on her wrist and they stood in front of the traditional backdrop, smiling and happy.

"You know, we clean up pretty darn good," she said. "I loved that dress, and you looked so handsome in your tux."

"I don't know about that," said Danny. "But you looked great." _Prettiest girl there. _

"Do you remember the fight?" Lauren shook her head.

"Boy, do I." It was something Danny wouldn't forget. "You got so pissed at me."

Lauren had been looking forward to prom for months. In addition to the dance itself, there was always a party afterwards, and she and Danny had talked for weeks about going to it and staying out late. But at the dance, Danny, at first, hardly paid any attention to Lauren. He was completely focused on his sister, Erin, who had gone to the prom with Tommy Molloy.

Tommy was a marginal student at best, more interested in playing hockey and his motorcycle than in school. He also had a reputation throughout the school for collecting cherries—more than one girl had Tommy Molloy as her first. Danny, in true big brother fashion, was not about to let that happen to his sister, and he made his presence known. Lauren had finally called him out and said she was going to get a taxi home since he was more interested in dating Erin and Tommy than being there with her.

When she stormed out, practically in tears, Danny had gone after her. He managed to stop her before she left the hotel ballroom and apologized, pulling her into his arms and hugging her. Then the band started to play Bon Jovi's "I'll Be There For You," a song they considered to be "their" song…

"_Dance with me, Lauren. C'mon." He pulled her towards the dance floor. She followed after a moment's hesitation. Danny put one arm around her waist and reached up with the other hand to wipe some dampness from Lauren's cheek._

"_Last thing I wanted tonight was to make you cry," he said._

"_I should have said something earlier." Lauren slid her arms around Danny's neck and put her cheek against his._

"_I love you," whispered Danny. "You know that, right?"_

"_I love you, too. Forever."_

For the rest of the prom, Danny and Lauren were inseparable. The after party was everything they hoped and more, and when that was done, they went and parked Danny's car where they could see the water and the lights of the city, and made it a night worth remembering.

"It was quite a night," said Lauren. She wondered if she was blushing. Prom night wasn't the first time they'd had sex, but it was one of the more special times. "So, what else brings you here?" she asked. "I'm sure it wasn't just to reminisce about prom…"

Danny leaned back on the sofa. "You're right," he answered. "I guess. Well, I guess I've just been thinking about you a lot lately, Lauren. First when Nicky said she was doing that paper, and then after that TV thing…" He paused and then plunged ahead. "I realized that there was a lot of stuff I didn't face after we broke up. And I guess I just buried it away so now that you're back, it's all coming back, too."

Danny took another swig of beer.

"I guess," he finally said. "I guess I was just afraid that you hated me for not going with you. That I didn't fight harder for us…" His voice trailed away and he stared out the window at the New York skyline.

Lauren was taken aback. "Hate you? Oh, Danny I could never hate you. I was angry after we broke up, sure. I was sad, too, but I didn't fight for it either. Not like I should have. But we both wanted different things. I wanted this life and it wasn't the life for you. Back then, one of us would have had to give up our own dream to stay together. Then what would have happened?"

"We would have resented each other," he answered after a moment's reflection. "I would have missed my family too much, and would have wanted more stability. I wouldn't have had that if I'd followed you. And if you'd stayed, you would have always wondered if you could have accomplished all of this."

"Probably. But after hearing my songs, how can you think I hated you?" asked Lauren. "I always told you that you could hear the truth in my songs, that they're the best way to know to show how I feel about something. It's always been funny that sometimes I can't have a conversation about how I feel, but I sure can sing about it."

Danny looked at the floor. "I've never really listened to your music, at least not all the way through," he said, embarrassed.

"What?" Lauren was stunned.

"I was telling my Dad this just the other day. I was too afraid of what I would hear. I thought I would hear an album full of songs about how the boy you loved deserted you and broke your heart. And the longer I went without hearing them, the more convinced I was…"

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Lauren shook her head. "Hand me that guitar by you."

Danny leaned over and picked up the simple, acoustic six-string that rested in a stand near the sofa. It had Lauren's name carefully scripted on the upper part of the body, near the neck. In the opposite corner of the body were several carefully painted ivy leaves. He looked up at her, utterly surprised.

"You still have this?"

"Of course I do, Danny. You gave me this for my 16th birthday. Every song I have ever written professionally has started with this guitar. Of all the ones I have, it is my favorite." She smiled as she took it and started to strum.

"Our first album was called Horizon, and yes, there were a few broken-hearted songs on there, I won't lie. But there was a lot of other stuff. The second album, Deuce, was – frankly – a mess. But my third one, the one we did after I got out of rehab was called Out of the Darkness… if there was one album I'd want you to listen to it is that one. For starters, I was focused again. Second, there's a song on there that I specifically dedicated to you."

"To me?"

"To you. Right in after the title in the CD jacket it says 'for DR.' Its called The Graduate. She started to pluck the strings of her guitar and sing… She told the story of someone confronting their past, how they thought they knew everything, and realized—too late—what they'd really left behind. It was soft and melancholy, reflective and touching. Lauren let her voice trail away and she finally allowed her eyes to meet Danny's.

"So listen to all the angry songs you want," she said. "But remember that one." Lauren put the guitar down and stood. "Excuse me for a sec. I'll be right back."

Danny watched her walk across the room and disappear into the bathroom. The door shut and he leaned back into the sofa. Maybe coming here hadn't been such a good idea. He thought that they'd talk about old times and maybe get a little resolution on any regrets from their break-up, but the longer he sat there, the more he wanted her, the more he realized that all those old feelings never went away. He had just buried them so far down that he couldn't touch them. That wasn't true anymore. Seeing her at Backstage had cracked the dam, and now everything was flooding back out raw and real, painful and wonderful. It was agonizingly obvious now that he was still in love with Lauren.

In the bathroom, Lauren splashed some cold water on her face and then stared at herself in the mirror. _You need to pull your shit together here, Lauren. You and Danny were a long time ago. _That might be true but the more time she spent with him, the more Lauren felt that familiar pull in her heart. She had loved Danny Reagan back then, and she surely loved him now.

* * *

_**Author's Note – Author's Note – Author's Note**_

Well, this was a bit of a long chapter, but I felt like this visit needed to be one scene and not broken up. I hope it wasn't too much. From a music perspective, the song that set the tone for me in this scene is by Tommy Shaw, and I think his lyrics sum up what I wish Lauren could have really said to Danny when she sang to him:

"_But at the time it seemed so clear to me._

_I thought I had it all worded out. __I packed all that was dear to me, a__nd I left without a doubt, (that I'd)_

_Given it all I had to give. __Still nothing moved, nothing changed, nothing lived. __I did everything that I could do._

_But now I've had time to sort it out, t__o graduate from lonely school._

_And now I've got to let you know: __It's me who was the fool._

_It was me, baby I was wrong. __But how can I say it? __You must have known it all along._

_It was you who was always strong…" _

- "_Lonely School" by Tommy Shaw_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

After a minute, Lauren came back to the living room and flopped down on the sofa again. Danny was holding the guitar he'd given her all those years ago. He smiled as he ran his fingers of the edge of the instrument. I wasn't the most expensive guitar in the world; it was certainly more than your average six-string. But he'd saved up for it, taking some extra shifts at his part-time job to get the money for it, and for the monogram. Lauren had been over the moon when he gave it to her.

"I remember that birthday," she said. "I cried when you gave me that. It was the best gift anyone had given me."

"Well, I'd seen you staring at all those times we went by the music store. I knew you wanted it and with your Dad out of work back then, it wasn't something they were going to be able to give you."

"No, they were so stressed over paying for Jackie and Stephanie's college tuitions, and with Carolyn about to go, too? It was a couple lean years back then," said Lauren. She remembered more than one night when Augie's parents had declared an impromptu pizza party for dinner, and it was only later that Lauren realized they'd done it because her own parents barely had enough to buy food.

Danny and Lauren talked for a little while longer, telling stories about things they'd done in the intervening years. Danny talked a little about his sons, and Lauren told him about that very first tour. Finally, Danny glanced up at the big clock over the mantle. It was nearly 10:00 p.m.; he really needed to head home. Lauren's eyes followed his glance.

"Have to go?" She was disappointed but tried to hide it.

"I do," he said, his own voice reluctant. He pushed himself up from the sofa. As it was, it was going to take him an hour to get home. And he was going to have to decide what to tell Linda about the evening, or even _if _he was going to tell Linda about the evening. They walked to the door.

"Thanks for stopping by, Danny. This has been great," said Lauren. They stood in the little hallway near the door, silent and awkward, struggling with things they wanted to say. Finally, Danny broke the silence and let what he was thinking finally rush out.

"Lauren. I… I can't stop thinking about you. After all these years, you think I'd be over you but…" His voice trailed away. "The other night, I made love to my wife and all I could think about was making love with you." His voice caught when he said it. Danny loved Linda, he really did. But Lauren… well, Lauren was Lauren.

Lauren closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself. "Danny," her voice was barely more than a whisper. He reached out and touched her arm.

Her next words came out in a rush, too. "I'm no saint, Danny. And I'm not going to deny that I want this in ways I can't even describe. But what then? It will be the same as after high school. When I'm done with this album, I'll be going out on tour and I'll be gone for a year, maybe two if the album does well… Then what? You have a wife, your two boys… I can't be the one who ruins that for you."

She wanted him, too? Danny's head was spinning. He'd fantasized about her wanting him as much as he wanted her, but had told himself it was just a fantasy. He'd told himself that after he talked to her tonight, he'd realize that he was only fooling himself and chasing and old dream.

Lauren kept talking while he was thinking. "Some people in your family already think I'm good for nothing. We do this? Your whole family will hate me, blame me for breaking up your marriage."

"My marriage has its issues," he said. "But you didn't create them; they were there already."

"That won't matter. I'll be held responsible no matter what, but I can leave. You'll have to live with this for the rest of your life, right here with them."

"They won't hate you, they'll hate me," said Danny. "I'm the one who came here tonight. I'm the one who started this, the one chasing you…" He stopped and laughed. "Just like in high school."

_Oh, they'll hate me,_ thought Lauren. _You're fooling yourself if you think otherwise._ But she said nothing. Danny took a few steps closer. Lauren started to back away, but she was caught up.

I don't want to ruin what I have either, Lauren. I love Linda, I do, But you, you're a force of nature. I can't…" His lips were only inches from hers.

"We can't…" she whispered. _But I want to… _Every logical, rational part of her said this was a bad idea, a dangerous idea but the emotional, passionate part of her was overwhelming.

"We shouldn't," Danny agreed and then is voice got low and husky. "But I want you so much, it hurts..." _God forgive me, but it is the truth._

He was so close. Lauren felt flushed and disoriented. She shifted, not sure if she should or even could turn away, but Danny's arm was around her waist, keeping them pressed together while his mouth hovered near hers.

"I know you want me, too…" he said.

He was right, and Lauren knew it, even as she tried to convince herself otherwise. So when she looked into Danny's eyes her knees nearly buckled. There was so much there. Confusion, longing, pain, fear, love, lust, even hope… all the same things that were tangled in her heart. She was lost.

"Danny…"

She didn't finish. Danny's mouth closed over hers, pulling her into a kiss. For a moment, Lauren stiffened against him, a last, weak protest before desire overrode any sense she still had left. She embraced the kiss, welcoming him. Lauren wrapped her arms around his neck and softened against him, letting Danny pull her close. She slid her arms down over his chest and let her fingers tangle in his tie, loosening it. She started to unbutton his shirt.

Kissing her, Danny forgot everything else. Lauren was so warm against him. All he wanted to do was feel her skin under his fingers. As he wrapped his arms tighter around her, his hands slid under the hem of her shirt, grazing the naked skin beneath. It felt positively hot to the touch and he started to slide his hands up her back.

_Oh, God!_ Lauren pushed back, her eyes wide. They were both breathing heavily. "Danny, wait! Just wait!"

"Lauren? What's wrong?" _As if you don't know the answer to that, you knucklehead._

"You need to think about this… We need to think about this. Do you realize what's about to happen here? This could be a whole bunch of trouble for you, for us."

She was shaking and Danny pulled her into his arms again, and kissed Lauren on the top of the head. He knew she was absolutely right: he was about to cheat on his wife, a woman he loved. But he knew now that he still loved Lauren, that he'd never stopped. He was torn and the realization was like a kick to the gut.

Lauren put a hand to his cheek and ran her fingers along his jaw. "What I said was true. I do want this. I've always wanted this. But I _will_ leave, Danny. My career will take me away for huge amounts of time. Months in the studio… even more time on the road for tours. What happens to you then? What happens to us?"

"I… I don't know… I just don't know." Danny sounded lost.

"Neither do I."

"I have to go." Now Danny was distracted, his mind a maelstrom of conflicting emotions and reasons, and he dropped his arms away from her.

"I know." Lauren crossed her arms in front of her, suddenly cold.

Danny put his hand on the door and stopped. "I'm not sorry. I am not sorry I came here or that I kissed you," he said. "But I do have to go…" Lauren nodded and kept her eyes averted, listening to the sound of the doorknob turn.

"I'll call you," said Danny as he stepped into the hall.

Then the door shut behind him, and Lauren sank down on the floor. She put her face in her hands and started to cry.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

In the morning, Lauren picked at her breakfast. She at least ate the fruit but just wasn't interested in her traditional English muffin with raspberry jam. Glancing at the clock, she sighed. It was 9:00 a.m. and she was due at the gym for her first session with her new trainer. In LA, she worked out every day and three days a week she had sessions with her personal trainer, Annika. When she knew she was coming back to New York, Lauren had asked Annika to recommend someone who could take over until she got back to the West Coast. The results of the search had been DaShawn Williams, owner of Gotham Fitness.

As she dawdled over her breakfast, she thought back to the night before. It had been impossible to sleep after Danny left. She'd cried herself out sitting on the floor, wondering if she'd see him again, immersed in her own internal turmoil. Once she'd gone to bed, her thoughts had turned from the drama to the kiss. And the feel of his hands on her back. All she had wanted in that moment was to take him to bed, to fully rekindle what they'd had back in high school and it had taken every shred of her sensibility to stop herself, to stop him. The bed had seemed very large and empty with no one to share it.

Lauren rinsed her dishes and put them in the dishwasher and grabbed her gym bag. When she was younger, it had been easier to stay in shape. But if she was going to tour after this album was done, she needed to step it up now. In the elevator, she pulled out her iPhone. She scrolled through the contacts until she found Danny's name. She hesitated and then tapped the "message" button.

'_Hi. Glad you stopped by last night. – L.' _

She hit send right away before she could second-guess herself.

George at the front desk gave her a cheery greeting and told her to have a good day. She returned the sentiment. She liked George a lot; since she'd been at the Four Seasons he'd been attentive, discreet, and very pleasant. Outside, the doorman hailed her a cab—she didn't feel like driving herself today. She hopped in and scrolled through her emails on the trip over to her new gym.

There was a small reception area at Gotham Fitness that shielded the actual gym from view. DaShawn had several high-profile clients who appreciated privacy. Lauren checked in and was escorted to the locker room to change. She smiled when she got there. This locker room could have passed for a really nice apartment. She changed into her workout capris, shirt and sneakers and went out into the gym. Waiting for her was a tall, extremely buff African-American man in sweatpants and a tank top. Next to him was a man nearly as tall with olive skin and dark hair. He was dressed in linen pants and a purple oxford shirt. They were discussing some marketing plans for the gym and looking at some Web site wireframes.

"Miss Stone." The black man extended his hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you. I'm DaShawn. This is my partner, Evan Galanos."

Lauren shook both of their hands. "Nice to meet you both. Please, just call me Lauren."

"Great, well, let's get started. Evan, I'll see you tonight when I get home." DaShawn leaned in and gave Evan a kiss on the cheek. Evan smiled at DaShawn and then said good-bye and left.

By the time they finished an hour later, Lauren was quite pleased with the work out. They hadn't done too much, but they'd gotten to know each other and develop a good plan for her. DaShawn knew his stuff and did a great job of listening to what she wanted to get out of their time. She needed to make sure she stayed thin and got in great shape. She needed to be able to run around a stage for two hours every night without dropping from exhaustion. Lauren was impressed with DaShawn; Annika had been right on target recommending him.

After she showered and changed, she went to talk to DaShawn and set her schedule. Mornings worked best for her. It was a reason to get up and get going before she locked herself away with the band to write and rehearse. She looked at her watch; she was already running late. She'd promised Augie she'd meet him for lunch; he'd spent the past few days with his family at the beach, figuring it would be a while before he saw them for any length of time again.

"Hey," she said into the phone. "I'm leaving the gym. Running late. Pick you up in an hour or will that screw you up? No? Great. Sorry I'm late. See you soon."

Lauren was paying more attention to hanging up from her call with Augie than where she was going when she stepped onto the sidewalk. She was looking down at her bag, fumbling with a pocket as she tried to drop the phone inside. She wasn't paying any attention to what she was doing and as she walked out the door, Lauren managed to slam directly into someone about to walk into Gotham Fitness.

"Oh! I'm so sorry..." she began.

"Why don't you watch where…" he said.

"… Danny?"

"Lauren?" Danny took a step back, surprise clear on his face. Eight million people in the city and he literally slams into the ex-girlfriend he would have gladly slept with the night before? The universe certainly had a perverse sense of humor.

"I'm sorry I slammed into you," she said. "I should have been paying more attention. I'm late meeting Augie for lunch." Lauren was just as surprised but she didn't throw her arms around him the way she wanted to, but she knew she was smiling like, well, like a love-struck schoolgirl.

"No damage done," said Danny and he smiled back at her. "And thanks for your text; I'm glad, too. Oh, Lauren, meet my partner, Detective Maria Baez. Maria, this is Lauren Stone."

Lauren shook Maria's hand. "What are you guys doing here?" Lauren asked.

"Been some robberies in the area-we're just seeing if anyone knows anything," Maria replied. "Are you a client here?"

Lauren nodded. "Today was my first meeting. I need to start getting in better shape. Once we get the album done, we'll go out on tour and I have to be in shape for that! Not as easy as it used to be to keep that kind of schedule." She realized she was talking too much. "But I do have to run. It was great to meet you, Maria. Keep him out of trouble."

"Where's the trust?" said Danny.

"Whatever." Lauren laughed. "Call me sometime. I'd love to catch up some more before I'm totally immersed in the studio. Maybe we can do coffee or something…" She waved as she started to walk away.

_Or something,_ thought Danny.

* * *

_**Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note**_

_Hello everyone. Just wanted to thank you all for reading and I do appreciate the reviews. I hope you're all still enjoying the story._


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

After the encounter at Gotham Fitness, Danny did text Lauren, and they did meet for coffee. Then for lunch. Then for ice cream. Each meeting was in a public place, removing the temptation they'd faced at Lauren's apartment, but each time, the attraction felt stronger, the emotional connection deeper, and they could not seem to stop themselves. Emotion overrode common sense each and every time.

Earlier that day, Lauren had texted Danny when she knew the band was quitting early for the day. She was going to the park for a cup of coffee, a walk, and then to meet Stevie and his girlfriend. Danielle was bringing Kelly to the city and Stevie was going to meet them in the park. As she was strolling along, a voice that wasn't Danny's had called out her name…

"Jamie! Good to see you." Lauren gave Jamie a quick hug. "Check you out in your uniform. I remember you as a little kid playing cops and robbers at your house."

"Sometimes that was the only game at my house," he said.

"And you always wanted to be the cop, never the robber. You used to make Joe do that."

Jamie laughed. "I did. Joe was a good sport about it."

Vin kicked him in the shoe.

"Ow, seriously? Lauren, this is my partner, Vinny Cruz. Vinny, meet Lauren Stone."

"It is so great to meet you," said Vin. "I'm a big, big fan."

"Thanks for that – I always like meeting fans," she said as she shook his hand. "So, what are you guys doing in the park today?"

"Ah, we got lucky," said Vin before Jamie could answer. "They were shorthanded so we pulled some extra time. Can't beat the park in June! But we need to stay alert; summer also brings out the pickpockets. They love to target the tourists. So, stay alert; I'd hate to hear someone had hassled you."

Jamie rolled his eyes. Vin was trying to impress way too hard. Lauren managed to keep a straight face and thank Vin for his advice. They chatted for a few more minutes, with a star-struck Vin doing most of the talking, until they were interrupted.

"Are these two officers giving you a hard time?" Danny sauntered up. "Shouldn't you two be out chasing some bad guys and not flirting with pretty women?"

"Detective Reagan," said Vin. "We were just helping…"

"We were just going to get back to our patrol," said Jamie.

"Well, we could all walk a ways together," said Lauren, not wanting to make it blatantly obvious that Danny had come to meet her. She pointed the direction she was headed. Vin looked disappointed since she pointed the direction they'd already come from.

"We're headed the other way," said Jamie. "But it was good to see you."

"You, too. And nice to meet you Officer Cruz." She smiled.

"Call me Vinny, please." He flashed what he thought was his most charming smile. "The park can be a bit dangerous, even during the day. If you want some company…"

"Move it along," said Danny. "No need for you to worry. She'll be in good hands, I promise," said Danny. "Jamie, I'll see you later at Dad's."

As they walked away, Jamie looked back once to see Danny and Lauren walking together, chatting and laughing. Beside him, Vinny was talking nearly non-stop.

"That was the greatest. I can't believe I met her, how cool was that. She's totally hot, even just on an ordinary day. Oh, man, I should have asked for an autograph… no, that would have been totally cheesy. I talked too much, didn't I. Crap. Oh, wait, I should have asked her out on a date!"

"Give it a rest, Vin." Jamie rolled his eyes again; it was going to be a long patrol.

After Jamie and Vin walked away to finish their patrol, Danny and Lauren headed off in the opposite direction. Danny told her a little about the case he was working on, a series of armed robberies at small grocery stores and bodegas. They had a few leads but so far, the two criminals were proving to be fairly elusive. As they walked, Danny reached over and threaded his fingers through Lauren's.

"I remember walking to school like this in the mornings," she said. "But you never did carry my books…"

"Never a contest; holding your hand won every time," answered Danny. "I think the Sisters would have preferred I go with the books."

Lauren chuckled. The Sisters of St. Catherine's Catholic School had given them more than one stern, disapproving look during their high school days. Danny let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling Lauren against him. She slid her arm around his waist, enjoying the closeness.

"But I always preferred walking home like this," he said.

They walked in silence, simply enjoying each other's closeness, and watching other people who were in the park pass them by. No one gave them a second look, and Lauren enjoyed the slow relaxed pace and the warm sunshine. The time in the studio seemed so frantic and intense, she relished the chance to just slow down and stroll. Then Danny suddenly stopped and pulled Lauren closer, bending his head down to kiss her. Some anonymous passerby wolf-whistled at them. They kissed once more and both felt the intensity rise exponentially.

"Sorry," said Danny. "I didn't embarrass you, did I? I just had to kiss you…"

"I'd never be embarrassed by you," she said. _And you can kiss me any time you like…_ "But let's keep walking or we're going to spend the afternoon standing in the park and making out."

They walked along for another few minutes until Danny glanced at his watch. He had to get going; Jack had a baseball game and he'd promised his son he wouldn't be late. Danny said goodbye to Lauren, gave her another kiss that left her nearly breathless, and headed off to the ballpark. After watching him for longer than she should have, Lauren went her own way to meet Stevie and Danielle.

She looked back over her shoulder once, but Danny had disappeared into the crowd. Lauren hated seeing him leave but she couldn't help but have spring in her step as she walked along. She put her fingers to her lips, imagining she could still feel his kiss. It was so easy to be distracted. Thinking of kissing Danny was a short distance to remembering the many times they'd been together. And from there, it didn't take much to imagine what it would be like now. She'd found herself daydreaming quite a bit lately, so much so that it was starting to interfere with the band.

Finally she reached the area of the park set aside for small children. Near the actual playground, Stevie was lying on his back in the grass with his legs straight in the air. His four-year-old daughter was shrieking with laughter as she balanced on top of his feet. Danielle saw her and waved her over, and they both watched Stevie play and laugh with Kelly. After a few minutes, Danielle looked over and noticed the odd, faraway look on Lauren's face.

"What's in that head of yours?" asked Danielle. "Don't tell me you've finally got some biological clock thing kicking in!"

"No," said Lauren. "I like being an auntie to the kids that are already here. I get to wind them up and then send them back to you."

"You do have a bit of a reputation. I know Mike still needs to pay you back for giving his kids all that cotton candy. Was impossible to get them to bed the other night when they were visiting."

Lauren did feel a little guilty. But she just hadn't been able to tell them no. She shrugged. "Oops. Bad auntie. He'll forget all about it."

"Trust me, Mike hasn't… and he won't," laughed Danielle. Mike wouldn't actually do anything but he would bitch about it for weeks. Over on the lawn, Stevie had moved on to spinning Kelly around him like she was an airplane. Danielle sighed and called over to Stevie, warning him not to make their daughter too dizzy or he'd be the one cleaning up puke.

_Have I ever wanted kids?_ Lauren wondered. _I guess I did a long time ago, but I don't know if that was because I wanted them or because that's what I was supposed to want. That was everyone's plan. Grow up, get married, have some babies, retire to Boca. Good Lord, that sounds like my definition of Hell._

But as she watched Stevie, who had finally put his daughter down and was watching her chase bubbles, Lauren found herself wondering what Danny was like with his kids. She had no doubt he'd be a good father. Probably pretty strict. But definitely one who would make time for them, got to their ball games, like he had done today. Her mouth quirked and grew into a small smile. Danny was the exception to every rule she ever had. He was probably the only one in the universe who could have asked her to have a baby and not been laughed out of the room. In truth, a tiny little part of her that she steadfastly refused to acknowledge, still wished he would.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 20**

"Stevie!"

"Hey, girl! How are you?" Stevie hugged Lauren, literally picking her up off the floor.

Lauren's answer was drowned out as the rest of the band welcomed Stevie back. It was good to all be together again. They'd needed the long weekend—getting back into a rhythm in the studio always had its fits and starts for the Kingmakers, but the were right on schedule for how they usually gelled, and now they were all ready to get back to the music. They spent the next two hours simply jamming, having some fun, and getting back into the familiar rhythm of working together.

After a short break for lunch, they regrouped to start talking seriously about songs for the album. Lauren wasn't really looking forward to the conversation since she hadn't made as much progress as she'd hoped and it was clear that she needed to step it up. They picked apart one set of lyrics, moved some things around, and Mike started picking out some bass lines that caught everyone's attention.

About 20 minutes later, a tap on the window drew their attention. Tisha was outside and Lauren's face lit up: Danny was with her. She got up from the stool she'd been sitting on, put down her notebook, and left the room to go see him. Danny glanced into the studio and when he caught Augie's eye, he gave him a brief nod hello. When Lauren got outside the door, Tisha excused herself and disappeared back to the front of the office.

"Nice surprise," said Lauren, smiling up at Danny.

"I was in the neighborhood. On my way to pick up some information from a detective in this precinct. Thought I'd take a chance and stop by." He squeezed her hand.

The guys watched them through the window, not really trying to be subtle. DJ, in particular, craned his head to the side to get a better look at Danny. While they couldn't hear what Danny and Lauren were saying, their body language spoke volumes. Augie's brow furrowed when he saw how closely together they stood, and then Danny ran his hand down Lauren's arm and caught a hold of her hand. Despite the temptation, Augie refrained from turning on the audio system and eavesdropping on their conversation.

"That's him, huh? The one she used to date?" asked Mike.

"Yep. That's him. THE Danny Reagan," said Augie.

"He's shorter than I thought he'd be," said DJ with a little snark in his voice.

"Don't be a dick, DJ," said Stevie. In response, DJ made an obscene gesture at his friend. Stevie rolled his eyes.

"What's going on with them?" Stevie directed the question to Augie. "'Cause that looks like more than just old acquaintances. And what's up with the wedding ring?"

"I'm not sure, but I'm not really liking this," said Augie even though he had a pretty darn good idea. He elected to not answer the part about the wedding ring.

"Doesn't really matter if you like it. Kinda her business, isn't it?" Mike tinkered with the string on his guitar without really looking up.

Augie rolled back in his chair and looked at the other three. "Any of you idiots remember what happened to her the last time she had a broken heart over Danny? It almost ended everything. It almost ended her."

"Blow me, Augie. You're such a drama queen," laughed DJ. "She's not made of glass, and that was a long time ago. Plus, she left him, and it was—literally—years before her problem."

"It took years to _develop_ her problem," snapped Augie.

"You're right, she's not made of glass," said Stevie, "but I'm with Augie. We're about to start producing an album, and this is an important one. Last couple have been good but not outstanding. You know the critics are licking their chops waiting for us to tank. I don't want some crazy affair taking her off the rails now."

"Let's not all over-react here. She's had other relationships that have ended up going south and she's never relapsed. Been a pain in the ass, yes, but never out of bounds. We're not giving her very much credit. Let her handle her business." Mike didn't want to create drama where there might not be any. "I guess the million dollar question is this: are they fooling around or not? Does anyone know for sure?"

_But the other relationships weren't Danny. _"No, I don't know for sure. But I suppose we'll all figure it out soon enough. If they are, it isn't like she's going to be able to keep a secret… Alright, I gotta hit the head."

"Thank you for sharing that tidbit," snorted DJ.

Outside of Studio A, Lauren and Danny were talking in hushed tones, and not paying any attention to the rest of the band. They were clearly in their own world.

"Danny," she said. "This is crazy."

"I know. But I can't stop thinking about the other day. Kissing you…" He rubbed a thumb across the back of her hand.

"Linda will find out if we keep doing this." Lauren's statement was matter-of-fact. "I don't get trailed by the paparazzi like some others do, but there are enough photographers around, Danny. It won't be long before someone gets a photo of us together. I would never flaunt this, whatever it is we're doing here, but I won't try to hide – I won't be anyone's dirty little secret."

Danny looked shocked. He hadn't exactly thought about it in those terms. "I would never ask that." He leaned in slightly, tempted to kiss her, and then drew back as he suddenly remembered the audience on the other side of the glass. "I have to get back to work. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye." She smiled. _God, I want him to kiss me…_

When Augie came out and walked by them, he heard enough to convince him that Danny and Lauren were definitely more than just friends. But he didn't stop, he continued down the hall and around the corner towards the men's room. But instead of going there, he waited, knowing Danny would have to go that way to leave the building. A minute later, he was rewarded for his patience.

"Got a minute, Danny?"

"Actually, I need to get back to work…"

"Wasn't a request." Augie jerked his head towards an empty office, and shut the door behind them. Danny folded his arms, immediately defensive.

"What do you want, Augie?"

"I want to set something straight with you. I'm not going to ask what's going on between you and Lauren. None of my business, at least right now." Augie leaned back on the desk and drummed his fingers on the laminate top.

"Right, none of your business."

"If you do anything to screw her up…" warned Augie. He looked up and stared Danny in the eye, and Danny was surprised by the grimness on his face.

"Screw her up? I'm not going screw anyone up!" Danny was offended and a little pissed.

"Not on purpose. I know you wouldn't hurt Lauren on purpose, Danny. But you didn't go through the whole cocaine thing with her. I am not blaming you, or saying its anyone's fault, but she was lost for a long time after you guys broke up. She held it together for a while but she went down a really dark road back then, and I don't want to see her ever go near there again. Ever."

"I don't either, Augie. I wasn't there, but I saw the headlines."

"The headlines didn't tell half the story." Augie wasn't smiling. "So, don't break her heart. If you just want to relive your youth for a few nights, tell her that. If you want to be with her – and not with your wife anymore – tell her that, too. Just don't tell her one thing and then do another. Having to get over you a second time would crush her."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

By the time the Fourth of July holiday arrived, Danny and Linda were barely speaking. They put up the best façade they could in front of the family, but there was no mistaking the tension. Jack and Sean also tried to look like nothing was wrong but both had confided in Frank, making him promise to keep their fears a secret. For now, he had.

Linda was just tired. While the many late nights at work for Danny had actually lessened, she felt he was further away from her than ever. She lost count of the times she'd seen him doing something around the yard or house with this small smile on his face and faraway look. He certainly didn't look at her with that smile. In fact, it seemed like he hardly looked at her at all anymore. Finding time for sex had been next to impossible when things were good. Like most married couples their days were filled with work and kids and commitments, and they were exhausted by the time they went to bed. Romance was non-existent. Now the sex was perfunctory and, frankly speaking, dull. They both just went through the motions without connecting on a deeper level. One night, as Danny thrust away on top of her, his eyes closed and lost in his own world, Linda promised herself something: if he said Lauren's name when he climaxed, she was going to slap any smile he had right off his face. She found herself grateful that it never happened.

For Danny it was just as routine. Get up in the morning, chase criminals, scumbags and idiots all day, fix the house, mow the lawn, help the boys with their homework, and tumble into bed. When he did initiate sex with Linda, it felt like she was obliging him. Doing her wifely duty because she had to, not because she wanted him. She would lie there and go through the motions, but she would look to the side and not at him. Danny finally started closing his eyes so he didn't have to see her disinterest. The times he could steal away to visit with Lauren were his refuge. The colder it felt in his home, the more he craved the brightness and warmth that she offered. _Lauren wanted to be with him._

On July 4, the Reagan clan went to the beach for the day. They packed the cars with coolers, chairs, umbrellas and more. It was a beautiful day, clear sky with bright sun, and it was definitely hot. Exactly what everyone wanted for a day at the beach. Linda and Erin each brought something to read, while Danny and Jamie spent a good part of the day playing in the water with Jack and Sean. At the end of the day, everyone was packing up. Linda was tucking some things into a cooler to make everything easier to carry. Near her, Jamie and Danny were talking as they picked up the large cooler and started carrying it to the car.

"… was funny to run into you and Lauren at the park the other day," said Jamie. "That's all Vin's been talking about. Thinks he should have asked her on a date…"

Linda's hand stopped half way into the cooler. _Danny and Lauren were in the park together the other day? _She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. That was the last straw; she was tired of this shit.

The next morning, Linda got up and went through her normal Saturday routine. She made breakfast, did a few loads of laundry, and cleaned the kitchen, bathroom, and the bedrooms. The living room could wait. Just after lunch, Danny, who had been working outside on the lawn and fixing the front railing, went out to get some gas for the lawn mower. When he got back, there was a note on the table that said "see you later." He tried to remember if one of the boys had an event today, but nothing came to mind. He didn't think much of it; he had to go over to his father's place anyway to borrow a couple tools he needed. By the time he finished at Frank's, Danny was starting to wonder where Linda was. She usually called if she was late, but maybe her battery died. Just before he headed back to his own house, Danny's cell phone rang. He glanced at the screen—the call was from Linda.

"Linda, where are you? I'm at my Dad's… you weren't at the house when I got back. What beach did you go..." Danny put a finger in his free ear; the cell connection was terrible. "What? What are you talking about? At your parent's cottage? Since when?"

Frank and Pops glanced at each other. Danny rolled his eyes and leaned back against the counter. This was unbelievable. "Linda. Linda! Nothing's happened. No, no I am not going to go 'get it out of my system with that hussy.' Who uses the word 'hussy' any more?"

"She is a hussy," muttered Pops.

"Dad!" Frank shushed his father with a sharp whisper.

"Linda, you're being ridiculous. Come home. What? What do you mean for the summer? No. You're not spending the whole summer with your parents. What about Jack and Sean? When am I supposed to see… Linda? Linda! She hung up on me!"

Danny looked furious. Linda's parents owned a small vacation home near Hammonasset Beach in Connecticut, and it was a minimum two-hour drive away and that's when there was no traffic. If the highway was backed up, it could take closer to four. If Linda stayed there for the rest of the summer, it would be nearly impossible for him to see his sons.

"I can't believe this. She says she's going to spend the summer with the boys at her parents' beach cottage."

"We gathered that," said Frank.

"I haven't done anything," said Danny. "Nothing! And this is what I get?" He jammed his phone in his pocket.

"Nothing?" said Pops. "Are you sure it was nothing?" He flipped open the newspaper to the entertainment page. There was a photo of Lauren in the park. Danny recognized it; it must have been taken just after he had been with her. Suddenly Lauren's warning about the paparazzi came back to him.

Danny ground his teeth, feeling guilty. He knew he couldn't claim total innocence. Some people wouldn't bat an eye at what he and Lauren were doing. But Pops was a different story. As far as Pops was concerned, even _thinking_ about having sex with Lauren was tantamount to cheating. And if that was true, then Danny had been cheating for his whole marriage.

"I am NOT sleeping with her." Danny said tightly. He did not tell them that he'd been spending time with her, that he'd kissed her, or that he'd come so close to sleeping with her that night.

"You're lying." Pops made a disgusted sound and looked at his grandson with contempt, and that was the last straw for Danny. Why was he even trying? He grabbed his keys and headed out the back door.

"Danny?" The tone of Frank's voice made him pause at the door. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know," was all Danny said before walking out of the house.

After he got into the car, Danny lost his temper and slammed his palm against the steering wheel several times while he shouted a string of expletives that would have shamed a longshoreman. He started the Jeep and drove off and for the first ten minutes he drove aimlessly and was lucky he didn't get in an accident or pulled over. Finally he managed to settle down enough to focus. He eventually found his way up Madison Avenue until he reached East 79th Street and took that into Central Park. There was a small area near Bank Rock Bay on West Street where there were a few parking spots for NYPD vehicles. He pulled over and parked, flipping his car ID onto the dashboard. Then he sat, silent, staring out towards the water while his mind churned.

_I'm not perfect, hell, I'm a piece of work, _he thought._ I've made plenty of mistakes here. But I've sure as hell been trying. I could have slept with Lauren that first time and I didn't. And now everyone thinks I'm guilty? Does the whole family think I'm sleeping with her? And Linda just walks out and takes the boys? Without a word?_

He sat in the car for two hours, going over and over things in his mind. Things he'd done and not done, alternating between angry, devastated, guilty, sad, and too many other emotions to sort out. But one thing he realized was that he truly felt totally alone. Abandoned. Linda had left. Pops had clearly made up his mind… and Danny assumed the rest of the Reagans had, too. He started the car and pulled out. He drove down West Street until he reached the south side of the park. From there it was a short drive on 7th and then 57th until he reached the Four Seasons. He gave his car to the valet.

It was midnight.

Lauren was waiting when he came up. Carlos was working the desk and had let her know Danny was there. She could tell from the time and the expression on his face that something was seriously wrong the instant she opened the door.

"Danny? Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Linda left. She took the boys and went to her parents' summer home. They're in Connecticut, over two hours away. She says she's staying there for the summer so I can get it out of my system."

"She what?" Lauren was shocked. That was something she hadn't considered. "And get what out of your system?"

"You. You know the story. Linda's been convinced ever since you came back to town that I'm sleeping with you. No matter what I say or do, it doesn't matter. I'm guilty as charged."

"Danny, I'm sorry, but…" She felt badly but neither of them was completely innocent in this.

"I know what you're going to say. There's something here, between us, we both feel it. That we've kissed…" Just thinking about kissing Lauren made his heart race. "And God knows I want this. I keep thinking about it and thinking about it, and telling myself that I shouldn't, I can't. That I need to be a good husband."

He paced back and forth for a minute, trying to wrangle in his thoughts. Then he stopped. "She left. She took my boys and she walked out."

Lauren didn't know what to say. She knew, even in the short time Danny had been back in her life, how much he loved Jack and Sean. Then Danny suddenly reached out for her, catching Lauren around the waist and pulling her close to him. He closed his eyes, feeling her pressed up against him.

"And I'm tired of fighting it, Lauren. Just so tired. I think about us all of the time now, and I don't know if this is a one night stand or something else… all I know is it's something I want." _If everyone thinks I'm guilty, I may as well do the crime…_

"Danny." Her voice was a whisper.

"And you're not a dirty little secret, I swear. I know this is crazy, and if not knowing what this is isn't enough for you, I'll understand. So if you want out of this mess, tell me now. I'll go and I won't… bother you again. I won't come back…"

"No! Don't say that." As confused and conflicted as she was, Lauren couldn't bear the thought of Danny leaving and never coming back. Not now. She looked up, meeting his eyes as they searched Lauren's face.

"No," she repeated. "Don't go. Stay. Tonight's enough, at least for now."

* * *

**Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note**

I actually thought I posted Ch. 21 the other night (hence the back to back chapters). Thanks to everyone for reading (and hopefully reviewing!); as always, I hope you are enjoying it. May take a few days for the next chapter because I realized there's an important area I haven't addressed and I need to write that. But hopefully I'll have it ready before the end of the weekend.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Danny rolled on to his back and pulled the sheet up over his waist. He let his breath out slowly. Next to him, Lauren stretched and then curled up alongside him, resting her head on his shoulder and sliding an arm around his waist. The only light in the room was from the moon. Hanging over the city it was nearly full and washed the whole room in a silvery light. It played along the curve of Lauren's hip.

"Are you cold?" Danny asked.

"No, not at all." She raised herself up and looked down at him, her face serious in the moonlight. "Are you sorry?"

"About this? No. I'm not." He rolled towards Lauren and kissed her, sliding his hand along her side. He wrapped her up in his arms and just enjoyed the feeling of her skin beneath his hands. After a minute, Lauren squirmed loose.

"I'm getting some water. Want some?"

"Sure."

Danny watched her walk out of the bedroom, admiring the view as she went. Then he lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. _Holy shit. That was amazing._ He'd thought they both might be a little reticent. It had been a long time, and Danny knew he certainly didn't look the way he did back in high school. But he could tell by the way Lauren looked at him that she wanted him just as much now.

The icemaker dropped crushed ice into her glass and then Lauren hit the water button and let the glass fill. She took a drink and then filled the glass again. She pressed her head against the cool metal of the stainless steel refrigerator. Lauren wasn't sure what to think: Even after all these years, he remembered all the ways she liked to be touched. She shivered as she thought feeling him inside her. The awkwardness of youth and inexperience was gone, replaced by a maturity and worldliness in both of them.

She brought the water back into the bedroom and found Danny sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the window towards the city. Lauren crawled onto the bed and settled behind him. She kissed his shoulder as she handed the glass to him. He took a deep drink and then put the glass on the nightstand. Lauren slid her arms around his chest and rested her chin on his shoulder, sharing the view out the window.

"I love this city," she said. "I always missed it when I was in LA. Los Angeles is nice, but it isn't here."

"It does get under your skin," he replied. "I remember coming home from the Army, seeing the city again after being away for so long."

She squeezed him a little tighter. During one of their walks in the park, Danny had told her about his tour of duty during the second Gulf War. She was glad she hadn't known he was over there; the thought of what might have happened was terrifying enough. She couldn't imagine living through the not knowing. Danny shifted and twisted around, gently pushing Lauren back down on the bed. She smiled and slid her hands slowly up his back.

"Again?"

"Absolutely." He kissed her while her hands moved from his back, down his arms and back again. She ran her leg up his and when he kissed her neck and her shoulder, and moved down the length of her body. Lauren let out a sigh that transformed into a moan.

"Danny…" Her voice was low. He stopped kissing her and moved up, so he could see her face. She wasn't looking away; Lauren was looking straight up at him.

"What? Is something wrong?" she asked, wondering why he'd stopped.

"No," he said, using one hand to stroke her hair. "I like that."

"Like what?" Lauren was confused.

"I like hearing you. Hearing your voice. Hearing how much you want me."

"I do want you." Lauren smiled and then kissed him fiercely. They turned on the mattress until Lauren was astride him, staring down. She ran her fingernails up Danny's chest and laughed as his eyes rolled back in his head for a moment. She moved against him and Danny drew his breath in sharply. He ran his hands up her thighs and over her waist, along her ribs until he felt the weight of her breasts in his hands. She groaned, consumed by how much she wanted him.

"What do you want? Tell me." She looked down at him, not breaking eye contact. Danny wasn't alone in wanting to hear Lauren, she wanted to hear him, too. She remembered what he liked back in the day, but she wanted to know what he wanted now, what would make him feel good tonight.

Danny opened his mouth, but nothing came out, and for a moment he looked lost, but then he grabbed her hips, stilling her for a moment. She put her hands on his, working at his fingers until he laced his fingers with hers. Still Danny hesitated, in the past being vocal about what he wanted hadn't always ended well. But he knew the one thing he didn't want was silence.

"I want you to ride me, Lauren." He squeezed her hands. "And make me come."

And after he said it, the look on Lauren's face told him she was going to do exactly that. By the time they curled up together, sleepy and satisfied, it was 2:00 in the morning with the light from the full moon still filling the room. When Danny opened his eyes again, the sun was bright and pouring through the window. Instantly, he knew the previous night hadn't been some fever dream. He was in a huge, king-sized bed, naked with Lauren sleeping next to him. Her hair was a mess, and when he moved she opened her eyes and stretched.

"Hey, lover." She said as she leaned in to kiss him. "Sleep okay?"

"I did. You?" He couldn't help but smile.

"Like a rock. You hungry?"

He ran his hand up her side.

"I meant for food." The glint in her eye said she wasn't opposed to breakfast in bed, but then reality crashed in.

"What time is it?" asked Danny as he abruptly sat up.

Lauren rolled over and picked up her alarm clock. "Nearly 8:30. Why?"

"Its Sunday. I have to meet everyone for Mass and then go to Sunday dinner at my father's. Damn. I'll barely have time to get home to change. Jamie and Erin don't know about Linda yet." He jumped out of bed and then looked back. "I'm sorry…"

"Okay. Don't worry. I know, you need to go. Its okay."

"I want to stay," he said. To Danny, it felt cheap to just take off after spending the night in Lauren's bed.

"Don't worry about it," she said. "It isn't like you crept out in the middle of the night or something."

Her tone was teasing and he made a face at her. As they talked, Danny tracked down his clothes, which were strewn throughout the room. He put them on and found his shoes. It was hard to pay attention to that when Lauren was in nothing more than a little tank top and a pair of shorts. When he got to the door, he stopped and put his arms around her waist.

"I'm not sure what we're supposed to do now," he admitted.

"Neither do I. We'll have to figure it out as we go. Call me when you can," she said. Lauren put her arms around Danny's neck and pulled his head down for a kiss and then sent him on his way.

Danny made it to Mass just as it started. He slipped into a pew in the back, not wanting to make the long walk down the nave to where the family usually sat. There would be enough questions about where Linda was and why he was late; he didn't want to bring extra attention to himself. He caught his father's eye when he went up to receive communion and then watched everyone pass him when they left after the service concluded. Outside, the family was waiting for him. He said hello to everyone and then Erin asked the question.

"Where are Linda and the boys?"

"Linda surprised them with a trip to see her parents at their place in Connecticut." It was the truth—or at least a variation of it—so Danny didn't feel guilty about saying it.

"That's nice," said Erin. "I'm sure they'll like that. Will they be gone long?"

"I'm not sure."

Erin's brow wrinkled. That was an odd, abrupt answer. She was about to press it when her father caught her eye and gave a subtle shake of his head, so Erin backed off.

"Must have been quite a night to make you almost miss Mass," said Henry. Danny's face hardened at the disapproval evident in his grandfather's voice.

"Dad…" Frank gave his father a look. It was going to be a difficult Sunday dinner, but he did not want Danny subjected to this conversation on the front steps of the church. Henry shrugged and grumbled and walked away.

Once everyone was back at the house and busy getting dinner ready, Danny grabbed Erin and Jamie and asked them to step outside with him for a second. They looked at each other; both had been wondering at Danny's evasive answers after church and wanted to know what was really going on.

"You guys will find out soon enough," he said. "Linda didn't just go on vacation with the boys. She left."

"What do you mean she left?" asked Erin.

"As in she walked out, Erin. I got this crazy call on Saturday evening with her saying that she was tired of everything going on and wasn't going to put up with it," her brother answered.

"What stuff going on?" asked Jamie.

"You both know that she's been convinced I've been running around with Lauren since that whole stupid Sandoval show," said Danny. "She said she was staying with her parents until I got her out of my system."

Erin thought about Lauren's visit to her office. Jamie thought about the coincidence of Danny being in the park the same time as Lauren. Both thought about the way Danny and Lauren had looked at each other on the Backstage set.

"Are you having an affair?" Erin put the question out there.

"I wasn't," Danny answered bluntly. Erin's eyes got wide and Jamie couldn't keep his expression neutral.

"What do you mean by that?" Erin's voice went up a little.

"Wasn't?" said Jamie at the same time.

"Linda walked out on _me_," said Danny. "I told her over and over again that I wasn't sleeping with Lauren, and it was the truth. But after she left, I thought that if I've already been tried and convicted, then I may as well do the crime."

"Damn," said Jamie. In a million years he would have never thought Danny would fool around on Linda.

"Danny!" said Erin. "What are you thinking? You're married. What did Lauren…"

"Don't put this on her." Danny's voice was quiet but there was iron in it. "I went to her; it was _my_ decision."

"What's happening with you and Linda?" asked Jamie. "Are you getting divorced?"

"I don't know. I'm surprised, too. I mean, we've been fighting; things haven't been good for a while. But neither one of us has ever mentioned divorce, and until she called me, I had no idea she was thinking of leaving."

They talked for a few more minutes and Danny asked Erin if she'd tell Nicky. Then Frank called them for dinner. The meal was, on the surface, a typical meal. They talked about some of Erin's work, and the taggers that Jamie and Vin had brought in. But in general, Danny stayed quiet and there was an odd feeling of unease at the table.

After dinner, Danny headed back to his house. He grabbed Saturday's mail and let himself in, and then went upstairs for a shower. After washing his hair and scrubbing down, he just stood under the spray, letting the water wash over him. He realized that he didn't feel guilty, not exactly. He knew that he'd caused Linda enough anguish over the past several weeks, and he didn't feel good about that. He didn't want to hurt her. But he'd been in pain, too. Instead, there was almost a sense of relief for him. Perception and reality were now the same. He'd slept with another woman, a woman he'd loved for most of his life. It didn't make the future any easier or any clearer, but somehow he felt like he knew where he stood.

What he didn't expect was how empty his house felt. With the two boys, there always seemed to be some noise or activity, quiet only settling over the house when they were in bed. The quiet now seemed uncomfortable and he found himself looking at some photos of Jack and Sean. That's when the guilt started to gnaw at him. This wasn't just affecting him and Linda, it was affecting his sons and he knew they were confused, upset and scared.

He pulled out his cell and dialed Linda's number. She was abrupt when she picked up the phone. "What do you want?"

Danny bit his tongue. "I wanted to talk to Jack and Sean for a minute. Are they there?"

The next voice he heard was Sean's. "Dad? Hey, Dad!"

"Hey, kid. How are you? Having fun at Grammy and Grampy's?"

"We are. We spent the day at the beach. We're going to go again tomorrow and later this week, there's a water park. Are you going to come with us?"

"I don't think so, Sean. I have to work."

"Bummer…"

"I'm sure you'll have a great time anyway," said Danny.

"OK, Dad. Jack wants the phone. See you!"

"See you, bud."

"Dad?" His older son's voice came over the phone, and he sounded worried.

"Hey champ. How are you?"

"I'm okay, but…"

"But…?"

"Well, we always come here for a family vacation but you're not here. Is this because you and Mom are fighting? Are you getting divorced?" His voice dropped to a whisper when he asked the last question.

It nearly broke Danny's heart to hear it, and he tried to be careful with his answer: "Me and your Mom haven't said anything about a divorce, Jack. Your Mom needs a little time out of the city, so she surprised you guys with a trip. Now I want you to not worry, and have a good time, okay? Sean said you're going to a water park?"

"Yea, later in the week."

"Well, make sure you listen to your Mom and keep an eye on your brother, okay?"

"Okay, Dad. I will. Oh, dinner's ready. Do you want to talk to Mom?"

"If she wants to talk to me."

"Mom, do you want to talk to Dad before I hang up?... No, she says she doesn't want to talk to you."

No big surprise there, thought Danny. "OK, I'll call again soon – and you guys can call me any time you want. Don't forget that. And have fun at the beach."

After he hung up with Jack, Danny listened to the silence in the house again. He tapped the screen of his phone and sent a text to Lauren. _Want company?_ A moment later her response came back: _Of course. I'll tell desk to send you right up._

Danny made sure to bring a change of clothes for the morning.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

On Monday, Lauren arrived at the studio looking quite like the proverbial cat that ate the canary. Tisha arched an eyebrow when she caught Lauren's eye and stood up from behind the desk.

"Well, look at you," Tisha said. "Someone clearly had a good weekend, didn't she?"

"She did," Lauren said.

Tisha grinned cheekily at Lauren. "Good for you. I'm glad someone is getting some, because I'm certainly not. They're in Studio C today; Fitz needs A to review something. And when you're ready to dish, I want to hear all about the weekend."

"We'll see," said Lauren. She wasn't ashamed of Danny or what they'd done, but she was keenly aware that not everyone was going to have the same perspective she did. She had her old six-string with her; the one Danny had given her as a teenager. Mike recognized the case as soon as she came in the room.

"Now we're getting serious," he said. "She's bringing out the big guns."

"Someday I'm going to take that guitar away and prove you don't need a lucky charm. Freakin' superstition." DJ laughed loudly, amused at himself. Lauren was slightly annoyed but she caught him in a level stare.

"If you ever put your hands on this guitar, DJ, I will fly to your home and personally key the crap out of that vintage Porsche you love so much."

DJ looked horrified. "You wouldn't."

"You touch her guitar and you'll find out," said Augie. "And I would bet good money that she'd trash the engine, too."

"Ah, everyone's here," said Fitz. "Good, I want to get started. We need to go through those tapes from Friday, and we need to do some vocals for you, Lauren, on the two we worked on last week. We need to settle on the arrangement you want, and then there's the other song that will either be Mike or Augie doing the vocals. I want each of you to do it, and see what we come up with… I may even have you do it as a duet."

"Two dudes?" said Mike.

"Go with it, Mike. Fitz is the evil genius here. Give him some leash," said Stevie.

"I'm not getting all bromance with you, Augie, I'm just sayin'…"

After about two hours of work, the band took a break. Lauren pulled out her phone and sent Danny a message. Based on how the day was going, she knew they'd be late tonight and probably the next. She probably wasn't going to be able to see him until the middle of the week, and that was probably just as well. The weekend had been pretty intense. He replied a minute later: _Dinner on Thursday then?_

_Perfect. Come to my place and I'll cook. _She tucked the phone away and smiled.

"So, what's going on with you?" asked Augie. He'd been watching her face as she sent her message and there was no mistaking that she lit up when the reply had come in.

"I, uh… I guess I have a dinner date later this week."

"Really? A dinner date with who?" After he asked the question, her expression turned from delighted to a little wary, and that told Augie the answer before she said anything. She was having dinner with Danny.

"Danny Reagan," she said and she stared at Augie, challenging him to say something to her. He gave a neutral answer and dropped it, not wanting to start an argument. But he was worried for all the reasons he'd mentioned before.

Meanwhile, Danny's week was starting off rough. He was clearly conflicted and distracted, and his partner, Maria, was worried. He'd told her that Linda had left, but had not mentioned anything about Lauren. He talked to Jack and Sean each night and had trouble sleeping in the empty house, alternating between thinking of the boys, the things he'd screwed up with Linda, and the things he was afraid he'd screw up with Lauren.

The Kingmakers regrouped at the studio and worked well into the evening, and Lauren and Augie even stayed late to work on some lyrics. Lauren was still having sporadic writer's block and she was starting to fret about it. Tuesday and Wednesday were the same: long hours at the studio with only a little progress and quite a bit of bickering. Fitz felt like he had a room full of toddlers sometimes. By the time Thursday arrived, Lauren was counting the minutes until she could have dinner with Danny. All she wanted was some quiet time with him with no demands, no arguments, no debates, and no big decisions. They'd planned on meeting at her place at 6:00… and at 5:45 she was still at the studio having a loud discussion with both Stevie and Augie about the direction of a song and what some of the lyrics meant.

Danny was worried Lauren was going to be pissed. He'd told her he'd be over for dinner by 6:00 and he was two hours late. His trepidation grew as the elevator continued to rise, but he couldn't have avoided it. He and Baez had received a tip at the end of the day from one of her confidential informants about the location of a suspect. This guy was bad news and wanted in connection for two assaults with a deadly weapon and attempted rape. He'd sent Lauren a quick text telling her he was on the clock but hadn't heard back.

But he didn't have to worry. Lauren greeted him with a hug and a kiss when she opened the door. She stepped back after, giving him a quick scan. "Everything okay?" she asked. "You look like you're in one piece."

"I'm fine," said Danny. "And I'm sorry I'm late; I know you were planning dinner. Are you pissed?"

"No, I'm not pissed. I actually got hung up at the studio myself; I only got home an hour ago. I didn't answer your text because I didn't want to distract you from whatever you were doing. I think we're both just going to have to be okay with the idea that we have unpredictable work hours."

They walked into the kitchen and Danny saw two salads were ready and waiting. His stomach growled. She pulled the cover off of a pot and the savory aroma of meat sauce with basil, oregano and garlic curled through the room. Danny's stomach growled even louder.

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"I'd planned on pasta. It will just take a few minutes to reheat some sauce and cook the fettuccini." She gave the pot a stir and adjusted the burner temperature. Then she grabbed a large saucepot, filled it with water, and put that on the stove, too.

While she was in the kitchen, Danny undid his tie and draped it over a kitchen chair. He went into the bedroom and pulled out a pair of old, comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. He changed out of his work clothes, splashed a little cold water on his face in the bathroom, and went back to the kitchen. When he went back out, Danny watched Lauren for a minute. Engrossed in her cooking, she was in her own world. Her iPod was docked and on some crazy shuffle mode. One song ended and Aerosmith's "Walk This Way" came on. He smiled as Lauren started to move to the song's rhythm and sing the lyrics along with Steven Tyler.

She was beautiful, and sexy, and carefree, and he absolutely wanted her. Coming up behind Lauren, Danny put his hands on her hips and started to move along with her. She laughed as she felt him press himself close to her.

"And what—exactly—are you doing?" she asked, and he planted a lingering kiss on her neck.

"I'm being helpful." He tried to sound innocent.

"Helpful, my ass," she laughed. "Go slice up the bread. Otherwise I'm going to overcook the pasta."

He reluctantly let go and pulled the loaf of Italian bread out of its bag. He sliced about half of the loaf; more than they'd need but then again, he was really hungry. Once he was done, he pulled out some dishes and glasses, and uncorked a bottle of wine, pouring some for both of them. Lauren tested the fettuccini; it was nearly done.

"So, did you wrap up whatever happened today?"

"We did. He lawyered up as soon as we got him, but with the evidence we have, he'll go away for a long time. Erin's prosecuting for the DA." They had eyewitness testimony, physical evidence, and even some video surveillance footage. And they'd made the arrest by the book. Danny wouldn't have minded roughing this guy up a little; he certainly deserved it. But he didn't want even the hint of a reason for this to get thrown out. He and Baez had worked too hard to catch this scumbag.

"Good. One less ass on the streets of New York." She poured the pasta into a colander and rinsed it quickly.

"What about your day? Why did you end up being late?"

"Nothing major. We were working on one of the songs, and we really got jamming for a while. Then Mike and DJ started to debate over the keyboards and the bass line, and they really got into it. So we recorded a bunch of takes with different arrangements. Going to listen to them tomorrow with some fresh ears. And Augie and Stevie are bitching about some lyrics that they don't get." While she talked, Lauren combined the pasta with some sauce and added it to two large bowls. She grated some fresh Parmesan-Romano cheese over hers and then looked at Danny with an unspoken question.

"Just a little for me."

There was little conversation during dinner; they were both famished and wolfed down the pasta and salads. Danny did, however, take a moment between mouthfuls to rave about the pasta sauce. It was an old family recipe. Lauren's grandmother had been from Italy and had taught all four of her granddaughters now to make pasta by hand and how to cook her special meat sauce. After finishing, and wiping the last of the sauce up with the bread, they cleared the table. Danny poured them both a second glass of wine and they went and sat on the sofa together.

"I liked watching you cook," said Danny as he rubbed his hand up and down her leg. "You were definitely in the zone."

She shook her head, amused. "I didn't even realize I was doing it. Guess it is just second nature to get into the music. I did a duet with Steven Tyler once. Did you ever see it? It was for the Billboard Music Awards about, oh, five years ago? I got to play and sing with them on a version of 'Dream On.' It was amazing."

It seemed a little surreal to Danny that she could talk so casually about sharing a stage with a band like Aerosmith. "I didn't see it, but I bet it was cool. I'm such an idiot for never seeing one of your concerts."

"Yea, you are, but I love you anyway. I should be totally offended that you don't know any of my work. I'm going to download everything onto your iPod. Then you'll be stuck with it."

"I would love to see one of your shows. I'll come to the opening of the new tour when you're ready." While they talked, he leaned his head back and shut his eyes; they were tired and burning. It had been a long day. But he remembered watching Lauren perform when they were young. When she was 17, she played with a local band at some of the area bars. They weren't supposed to let her in because she was under age, but people liked the band and the bars liked the money, so often they'd look the other way as long as she didn't try to drink.

"I remember you used to play at O'Malley's Pub when we were in high school…"

"Oh, God. I haven't thought of that dive in a long time. And the knuckleheads in that band. They couldn't find a good drum beat if you were doing it for them. But, we got performance time so that wasn't a bad thing."

"You got them the performance time. They were shit; you were the only one with talent. I was always amazed at how comfortable you seemed up on stage. Didn't matter how many people were looking at you."

He was right. Performing had never been a problem for Lauren. "I have to say, it is an amazing feeling. Nothing else is like it, Danny. With all the lights it is hard to see the crowd but sometimes, if you're shooting a video or doing something for a DVD and they light the crowd? Man." She got a faraway look. "Sometimes it is literally tens of thousands of people screaming at you, for you… singing your songs back to you…"

"All wanting to be you… or be WITH you," said Danny. Even back at O'Malley's, Lauren had a little cadre of groupies who would follow her around. A few were girls, but mostly they were 14 and 15 year old boys, all crushing on her, all wondering if maybe, just maybe she'd notice them, or with any luck at all, invite them to a party… maybe even kiss them. There had been more than one occasion when Danny had to explain to some over enthusiastic fan that Lauren was spoken for.

"You were always my number one groupie. C'mon, let's go to bed." Her tone implied there would be no sleeping, at least not immediately, and she held a hand out to Danny. She didn't have to ask him a second time.

Later, as Lauren lay sleeping in his arms, Danny found himself thinking about O'Malley's again. Back then there had only been a few diehard fans—a dozen at the most—and only a few men, boys really, who needed to be convinced that their attention wasn't welcome. But what would it be like now? What would it be like to be at a Kingmakers show in Madison Square Garden or the STAPLES Center and know that there were ten THOUSAND men there, each one singing along with Lauren and imagining all the different ways they wanted to fuck her. A sharp wave of jealousy coursed through Danny and he tightened his arm around Lauren without even thinking about it. She murmured in her sleep. He forced himself to relax and told himself that he was being an idiot, but the last thing he thought about before he fell asleep was a stadium full of screaming fans.

* * *

_**Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note**_

_Hello again, just wanted to send another thank you out to everyone who has taken the time to read "Stone Heart." Extra thanks to everyone who has left comments - I do appreciate the feedback and would love to hear from more of you. As always, I hope you're enjoying the story so far. When I was doing this section and started thinking about how Danny might react to the whole "groupie" idea, and it seems to me that he wouldn't necessarily deal well with that situation, and these lyrics came to my mind:_

_"I judge by what she's wearing just how many heads I'm tearing off of assholes coming on to her - Each night seems like it's getting worse. __I wish she'd take the night off so I don't have to fight off every asshole coming on to her - It happens every night she works. __They'll go and ask the DJ, find out just what would she say if they all tried coming on to her - Don't they know it's never going to work? __They think they'll get inside her with every drink they buy her, as they all try coming on to her. __This time somebody's getting hurt..."_

_-Nickelback, "Next Contestant"_


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Lauren was curled in the recliner chair, a notebook across her lap, furiously clicking a ballpoint pen as she stared at the sheet. It had at least seventeen sentence starts. Fifteen had been scribbled out. Danny, who was on the sofa watching the ball game, glanced over.

"Lauren? Lauren! Could you stop with the pen?"

For a second Lauren looked at him blankly and then realized she was still clicking the pen. "Oh, sorry. Didn't realize I was doing that."

Danny got up and walked over to stand behind the chair. He reached down and started to massage Lauren's shoulders. She sighed and closed her eyes. While he tried to get her to relax, Danny glanced at the scribbles all over the page.

"Still not having luck?"

"No." She sounded almost defeated. "I don't know what's wrong. We've got some songs. Most are average. A couple are marginally good, but when we work on them, I don't hear a hit single. Not one that people are going to remember. Maybe they're right. Maybe the Kingmakers are old news…"

"Bull. You're a great songwriter and you're in a great band. It will come to you, but the more you worry about it, the harder you'll make it. Kind of like Sean playing baseball. He's so worried about striking out, he swings at anything, so we always work on being patient. And waiting."

"I've never been much good at waiting. But I bet you're looking forward to the weekend." She put her hand on top of his. Danny was leaving in the morning. He'd taken the Friday off so he could go to Connecticut to visit Jack and Sean… and Linda. Lauren was glad he was going; she heard him some nights talking to the boys on the phone and she knew how much he missed them. But she did harbor some trepidation about him spending time with Linda. Their phone calls, at least the ones she heard snippets of, hadn't been very cordial. Lauren worried about how difficult it might be for Danny to spend time with her. Or, maybe it wouldn't be so difficult.

She kept her eyes closed while he continued to rub and rolled her head from side to side, trying to loosen her neck. _I don't understand how she could have just walked away from Danny. Just leave him._ But those were questions she didn't ask, preferring to relegate them to the back of her mind. Danny went to the kitchen and got some water and brought Lauren a peach. She hadn't eaten much at dinner, and he felt better trying to feed her. An hour later, she had cobbled together what might be the start of a halfway decent chorus. Hopefully one of the guys could add to it in the morning.

The morning, however, came far too early for her taste. Because he wanted to leave extra early to beat the commuter traffic, Danny set the alarm for 5:00 with the intent of leaving before 6:00. He tried to be as quiet as he could but Lauren heard him shower and dress, and as he started to creep from the bedroom, she rolled over.

"Hey." Her voice was sleepy. "No sneaking out."

"Sorry I woke you." He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hand over her hair.

"Have fun with Jack and Sean. I'll see you when you get back. Sunday right?"

"Yea, and it will be late. I'll probably just go to my house."

"Okay. I'll miss you."

Danny leaned down and gave her a soft kiss. "I'll miss you, too. Now go back to sleep."

After Danny left, Lauren catnapped but never fell completely back to sleep. She finally just turned her alarm off. She lay in bed for a few minutes and then tossed the covers off before heading to the shower. As she stood under the hot spray, she washed and rinsed her hair and used her new pomegranate body wash. She felt lonely. It wasn't like Danny had moved in. He spent a few nights a week with her, but wasn't there all the time. But knowing he was going away made her restless, and sad.

_I don't like the idea of Danny going away, _she thought._ I'm glad he's going to see Jack and Sean, I really am. But he's spending the weekend with Linda, too. His wife. It doesn't matter if she walked out on him. She's still his wife… and I have no right to be jealous, or angry. Not the way she can be angry with me…_

That train of thought continued as she got dressed and ate, and then headed for the studio. She looked at her watch and her mood deteriorated; she was running a little late and that was going to make the rest of the band pissy.

Several hours away, Danny pulled into the driveway of his in-law's summer cottage. He hadn't even shut the door to the Jeep when Jack and Sean came flying out of the house, shouting for their father. Danny lit up when he saw them. He hugged both and mock wrestled them to the ground until all three were laughing. From the porch, Linda couldn't help but smile. For all the problems they had, she knew Danny loved his sons. That was the one thing she never ever doubted. He extricated himself from the boys as they simultaneously told him about all the things they were going to do this weekend: go to the beach, play baseball, have a campfire and make s'mores, and much more.

Once he reached the porch, Linda's parents were cool in their greeting but not rude. He said hello to Linda and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek, which was more than he expected she'd tolerate. Maybe the weekend wasn't going to be one constant battle?

Back in the city, the first thing out of Lauren's mouth when she got to the studio was, "Don't start with me." That set the tone for the day. She was clearly down in the dumps and just going through the motions. There were some high points, when they did make some progress, but all in all, none of them considered the day a real success.

"Why don't you just write a song about PMS, that should come naturally enough," grumbled DJ. Augie shut his eyes and sighed; DJ was always the one to make a stupid comment, or stir up the shit just to see what might happen. Normally, Lauren was totally willing to get right back in DJ's face, but today she just looked unhappy.

"Just leave me alone, DJ." She sat for another second and then walked out of the room without another word.

Stevie smacked DJ in the back of the head. "Stop being a dick," he said. "Just once you should try keeping your mouth shut."

"What?" DJ snapped back. "She's in a mood. Am I wrong?"

Augie waited for a few minutes and listened to Stevie continue dig at DJ until DJ finally had enough and told Stevie to fuck off. Clearly today's session was over. Augie wasn't sure what to think. The band had gone through rough spots before, but nothing like this. He felt like everything was starting to spin out of control and Lauren was right there in the center. He'd only really felt that way once before and Lauren had ended up in rehab back then. He said good-bye to Stevie and Mike, and then went looking for his cousin. He found Lauren on the second floor of the studio in one of the small offices. She was sitting on the windowsill looking down at the street.

"Hey, you okay?"

She shrugged, the only acknowledgement that she'd heard him.

"What's going on? Something's bugging you," he said.

"I'm just making myself crazy." She sounded like she'd been crying. "Danny's up in Connecticut this weekend to see Jack and Sean, but that means he's also spending the weekend with Linda…"

Augie knew that Danny's wife had walked out, and he knew that Lauren and Danny were fully into their affair or whatever it was that was going on between them. And he knew that his cousin, who he loved like a sister, was up a creek. He shook his head.

"What are you doing, Lauren?" Augie's question was soft and completely rhetorical.

Lauren leaned her head back until it thumped against the edge of the window. She shut her eyes. "I don't know, Augie. I'm an idiot? I make rash decisions? I look before I leap? No news flash there… but I feel so much. Whenever I'm with him everything is brighter, crisper, newer. I love him, Augie. I've never stopped being in love with him…"

"And does he love you?" Augie knew he was poking the bear at this point, but it had to be done.

"Yes," she answered, and the conviction in her voice surprised him a little. "I know he does. But…" Then her shoulders sagged and when she looked up at him, Lauren's eyes were resigned and sad.

"But?"

Her voice was a whisper. "I can pretend while he's here, but when it all comes down to it, I know I'm going to lose. I can't win. I know this will turn into a car wreck of epic proportions, and I can't stop it. He's not going to divorce his wife or leave his boys to be with me." She bit her lip to avoid letting any tears out.

Augie's eyes widened. "Did you ask him to?"

"Ask him to…? What? Leave his family? For Chrissakes, Augie, NO. I would never ask him to do that…" Her voice rose. There was the bear that Augie had poked, and now she was pissed. He poked again.

"Well, you're sleeping with him aren't you? You're trying to create a relationship with him again. You might not have asked the question, but you sure are putting the invitation out there." He couldn't give Lauren a complete free pass on this.

"Screw you, Augie. Screw. You. Whatever he decides with Linda he needs to decide on his own. It has to be right for him…" Lauren got to her feet and took a few steps towards the door. She was so angry she was shaking, and she skewered her cousin with a furious glare.

"And you've got nothing to do with it? Nothing at all. She's his wife, Lauren, and you're going to make him pick between you and her." Augie stood his ground. He could see the comment on her face: _You are such a dick!_ But he didn't care.

"I've got plenty to do with it, but I'm not telling Danny what to do. I don't own him. I'm not making him choose anything. He's got more at stake here than I do. Even if he did split with her, even if she got full custody of Jack and Sean, he would NEVER come live this life with me and be away from them. So one way or another, I'm going to get burned here…"

Augie's voice got soft. "And that's why I'm so worried about you, Lauren. If you know what's going to happen, why are you doing this?"

The bluster and anger disappeared as quickly as it had erupted. "Why? That's the only easy answer I have, Augie: Because I'm in love… and I'm a fool."

Lauren got up, tears stinging her cheeks. She grabbed her bag, and left without another word.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Danny yawned as he drove. He was tired and had at least another hour before he got back home. It had been a good weekend; better than he had expected. Jack and Sean had utterly worn him out, but it had the best part of the whole visit. Danny was actually a little sore from all the baseball, swimming, and roughhousing with the boys. Friday had really been all about the boys. He talked to Linda and his in-laws a little, but it was general, innocuous conversation. The only serious thing he and Linda talked about was that they were going to wait for Saturday to do any serious talking so that the boys would have a happy first day with their Dad.

On Saturday, they all went to the beach for the day. Danny and Linda talked a little, taking each other's measure about how they were feeling. Linda refrained from making any digs about Lauren, especially when an old Kingmakers song came on the radio. Danny also didn't bring it up. He wouldn't have quite known what to say anyway. They all went to a local clam shack for dinner, and the boys indulged their love of fried clams while Linda and her mother tucked into the thick, rich clam chowder.

In his Jeep, Danny signaled and moved over a lane so he could pass an older couple in a little Prius. He glanced at the clock. It was already 10:30. He wasn't going to be home until close to midnight. He turned the radio on so there was more than silence in the car, but he didn't really listen to the music. He was too busy thinking about the weekend.

After the clam shack dinner, Linda's parents dropped Danny and Linda off at the cottage and took the boys for ice cream, promising to bring some back for them. As they drove out of the driveway, Danny sat down on the cottage steps. Linda stood nearby, her arms folded tightly across her body. Neither said anything for what seemed like a very long time…

"_We're going to need to talk sometime," Danny finally said._

"_So, let's talk." Linda's voice was tight and Danny could tell she wanted to cry._

"_Then let's start with the fact you walked out on me. You walked out and took Jack and Sean with you." Danny looked up at his wife, angry. If they were going to finally talk, Danny wasn't going to waste time in the minor fights and hurts._

"_Well, I wasn't going to stick around and be made a fool of any more," she replied, just as angry._

"_A fool? What are you talking about?"_

"_I wasn't going to sit there and play the good wife while you slept with your girlfriend. I mean, Goddammit Danny, you lied to me." She turned to face him, her arms still crossed tightly._

"_When did I lie?"_

"_You were meeting Lauren all the time. I asked you once and you lied to my face! The night of the game. You met her at Dom's. I got a text from a friend who saw you. Then when I asked if you saw anyone that night, you said no. You. LIED. To. Me."_

"_Shit, Linda. Yea, okay, I did lie but it wasn't because I was sneaking around. She was already there and we hung out while my pizzas cooked. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd flip out – you do every time Lauren gets mentioned – and then we'd fight. And I was sick and fucking tired of being accused of something I hadn't done."_

"_Whatever." Linda rolled her eyes, not believing him._

"_That's exactly my point!" Danny lost his temper and started shouting. "You don't believe me when I'm telling the truth so why should I bother? Why should I even try to be a good husband?"_

"_That's right. You've been so good…"_

"_I've tried to be, Linda. God knows, I've tried. And I stayed. I STAYED! I wasn't the one who walked out and took the kids. I wasn't the one who quit on us."_

"_Quit on us? I didn't quit on us. I know you don't want me any more. I don't know, I'm too old, too ordinary… clearly not enough. You never touch me anymore, Danny and when you do, you just shut your eyes. You can't even look at me!" Linda was shouting back._

_Danny's mouth fell open. How could she think that? He'd always thought Linda was beautiful; he'd always wanted her. Sure, it was hard once the kids were born but that didn't mean she wasn't attractive._

"_I can't look at you? I'm not into you? Linda, I can't remember the last time we had sex when I didn't look down to find you looking to the side, off into space. Looking anywhere but at me. Do you know how that made me feel? Like you were having sex because you had to, not because you wanted me. Do you even want me any more?"_

_How can he even ask that? How can he believe that? "Of course I still…" Linda never finished the sentence as Danny caught his wife up in his arms and kissed her. Overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil of the fight and the realization that they'd each made terribly false assumptions about the other, they fumbled their way into the house and into the guest bedroom. The sex was definitely a sprint and not a marathon, and both of them were breathing heavily when they finished. They lay on the bed, both a little shocked by what had just happened._

"_That was a bit of a surprise," said Danny as he pulled his pants on._

_"Yea," said Linda._

_They went back out onto the porch, and sat quietly for a few minutes. It had been an hour—it probably wouldn't be long before the others got back. The silence was awkward._

"_Make up sex isn't going to solve our problems," said Linda finally._

"_I know."_

"_You said that you hadn't slept with her before I came here." Linda shut her eyes. "Are you sleeping with her now?"_

"_Yes," said Danny after a long silence._

_That one simple word cut her to the bone and Linda felt tears in her eyes. "I see."_

"_You left, Linda. You haven't wanted to talk to me. I didn't think you cared about me at all any more. Honestly, I've been waiting to get divorce papers."_

"_I never said anything about a divorce," she gasped._

"_What else was I supposed to think?" asked Danny. He knew he could have asked her that, but he'd been too hurt and angry when she left to try talking about anything._

"_I don't know. I really don't. So, what do we do now?"_

"_What do you want, Linda?"_

"_Crap. I… I… want us to be a family. I want it to be the way it used to be. But I know things can't ever be that way again. Too much has happened. She happened. Despite everything, I still care about you, Danny." She loved him, but stubbornly refused to say it. "But you need to decide what you want. Do you want to be with me? Or do you want to be with her? Until you know that, there's nothing we can do."_

For the rest of the weekend, Danny and Linda stayed in their neutral corners. They did argue, but kept it away from the boys. Jack and Sean had a great time but were sad to see their father leave on Sunday. Danny promised to see them again before too long, told them to behave for their mother. He watched them in the rearview mirror as he drove out of the driveway and felt a weight settle back on his shoulders.

"I am so screwed," he said aloud. "I am so totally screwed."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Danny was moody when he got back from his weekend trip. He spent a lot of time at his house, thinking about the weekend with his family, and thinking about his time with Lauren. Between his case load and her studio schedule, they didn't have much time together. When they were together, Lauren tried to be respectful. She offered to listen if he wanted to talk but she didn't push him, worried that it would come across as manipulative.

For her part, Lauren had her own issues to deal with. Things continued to churn in the studio. Everyone's tempers were getting short and her writer's block continued to dominate her thoughts. At one point she even confided to Tisha that maybe she was washed up as a songwriter. When an article appeared in _Rolling Stone_ that hinted at their studio problems, the reporter asked the question: Are the Kingmakers over the hill? Has their time come and gone? Fitz cut it out and put it on the wall, hoping it would make all of them rise to the challenge and get a little angry. His strategy didn't seem to be as effective as he hoped. By the time the calendar turned to August, Fitz was at his wits end.

Danny was worried about Lauren. Her writing difficulties were weighing heavily on her, and he'd even come to the apartment once to find her in tears, sitting with a blank sheet of paper. He wanted to do something to surprise her, make her smile. He wasn't much of a cook, but he could grill a mean steak. So, one day, when he knew she'd be back from the studio on time for a change, he took a couple hours off work. He went to the local butcher and got two large sirloins, and all the fixings for a steak dinner. He'd arranged with George at the hotel to have a small gas grill brought up. And on the way to the apartment, he made one more stop for an extra surprise.

He'd texted Lauren earlier to tell her he'd bring Chinese food to her place if she'd tell him when she left the studio. When she sent him the note saying she was on his way, he knew he had—with traffic—about 45 minutes.

"Good evening, Miss Stone." George smiled at her.

"Hi, George. How are you?"

"Very good, thank you."

"How was your granddaughter's ballet recital?"

George lit up. "That's awful nice of you to remember, Miss Stone. It was terrific. Rachel had a lot of fun." George's granddaughter was five years old. She'd spent most of the recital trying to mimic her best friend, but she'd laughed and twirled and skipped in delight, and that was all that really mattered to George.

"I'm glad."

"You take care, Miss Stone. Enjoy your night."

Lauren got into the elevator and leaned against the back wall. She wasn't really that hungry, but it was nice of Danny to offer to bring take out over for them. All she really wanted to do was curl up next to him and have Danny tell her things would be just fine. When she opened the door, Lauren stopped short when Danny was waiting for her.

"Danny? Boy, you got here fast…"

"Dinner is served." He stepped back so Lauren could see the set table. There were salads already there, a basket of rolls, and some covered dish. He'd even managed to find a single candle for the middle of the table. Truth be told, George had found it for him.

"The steaks will be done in a few minutes; I just need to go check them. Have a seat."

"What is all this?" Lauren was smiling, touched that he'd surprised her with dinner.

"I know you've had a long week," he said. "I thought you'd like it, and there have been plenty of times you've gone out of your way because of my schedule. It isn't very fancy but…"

"It's perfect. This is so sweet of you."

Danny brought a plate with the two steaks back into the apartment, and they clinked beer bottles before tucking into the dinner. Lauren preferred her steak medium-rare, and raved that it was exactly the way she liked it. Danny had even bought a small cheesecake for dessert, just enough for two people to share. By the time they were done, Lauren was utterly stuffed.

After dinner, Lauren insisted on cleaning up and it didn't take long before she joined Danny on the sofa to watch some of the Mets game. After a few innings went by, Danny got up and went into the bedroom for a minute. He came out a minute later and when he sat down, he put a gift bag in her lap.

"What's this?"

"Open it," he said.

"What did you do?" Lauren opened the bag and pulled out a velvet jewelry box. It was too big for earrings or a ring. She opened the top and gasped. Nestled inside was a necklace. It was a large silver disc, a little bigger than a quarter. On the outside edge was a Celtic knot border that surrounded an eternal knot in the center. The disc was connected to a silver bail that slid over a smooth, rolled leather cord. The ends of the cord were also covered in silver tips that were connected to a fancy clasp.

"It's beautiful," she said softly.

"Turn it over," said Danny.

She took the necklace out and turned it over. On the back she saw the words "anam cara." That was when she also noticed that there was a printed card tucked into the lid of the box. Lauren took the card out and read it:

"_Anam cara is an Irish language term that means 'spiritual advisor,' but in popular culture, it has also come to mean "soul mate," with anam meaning soul and cara meaning friend. According to Celtic spiritual tradition, the soul shines around the body like a luminous cloud. When you are very open, appreciative, and trusting with another person, your two souls flow together. This deeply felt bond with another person means you have found your anam cara, or 'Soul Friend.' Your anam cara always beholds your light and beauty, and accepts you for who you truly are. In Celtic spirituality, the anam cara relationship awakens the fullness and mystery in your life. You are joined in an ancient and eternal union with humanity that cuts across all barriers of time, convention, philosophy, and definition. When you are blessed with an anam cara, the Irish believe, you have arrived at that most sacred place: home."_

"Oh, Danny. It's beautiful; I love it. Thank you so much." Lauren threw her arms around him. She couldn't think of anything he might have given her that would have meant more, other than that six-string guitar he'd gotten her when she turned 16.

"I love you," she said softly as he put the necklace around her throat.

"I love you, too." And as torn as he was about Lauren and Linda, Danny meant it.

Several days later, Augie and Mike stopped by Lauren's apartment on a whim. She and Danny had just gotten back from the store and were putting a few groceries way. Danny set aside one bag that he'd picked up to bring back to his own house later; the lawn was a mess so he needed to mow and fix the screen on the front of the door. Jamie was going to stop by to help him. By the time Mike and Augie got off the elevator, Lauren had two bottles of beer open and ready.

"See? This is why I adore you," said Mike. "Hey Danny."

"Hey Mike. Augie."

"Come on in, we just got back. Make yourselves at home."

They went out onto the balcony area and sat. Mike asked Danny a bunch of questions about what it was like being a cop in New York. Several stories were also told about Lauren and Augie when they were teenagers that had Mike howling with laughter. The whole thing made Lauren very happy; she was glad that Danny seemed to fit in so well with the guys in the band. They were so much a part of her life it would have been difficult if there'd been friction. Then they started talking about the party coming up on Saturday.

"I'm so glad you're going, too," Lauren said to Danny. Bruno Campari, a well-established record executive, who was standing up a new label focused on finding undiscovered indie talent, was throwing the party. His first two bands would be there, but he'd invited a who's who of rock and roll's glitterati, including the Kingmakers. The more stars, the more press. The more press, the more chances to promote his new bands. The party was at the W New York Downtown, which was virtually a brand new hotel, and on several lists of "the" places to stay in New York.

"Should be something," said Danny, but he didn't sound all that enthusiastic. Mike excused himself for a minute and then Lauren's phone rang. It was Tisha, so she took the call and went into the apartment to talk.

"Can I ask you something?" Augie asked Danny.

"Sure."

"You sure don't seem like you want to go to the party at the W. What's up?"

Danny looked uncomfortable for a second and glanced in to see where Lauren was. She was still on the phone.

"It isn't that I don't want to go, I do. It sounds really cool, but I'm just going to embarrass Lauren."

"What are you talking about? How would you embarrass her?"

"Seriously, Augie? Look at me. I'm a New York City cop. Blue collar at best. You've seen my suits. They're fine for a cop, but most of the people who will be at this party wouldn't even wipe their ass with my button down shirts."

Augie had to admit that Danny had a point. The press would be there, and while Lauren wouldn't care in the least what Danny wore, a lot of other people would. There was bound to be media commentary, and that could be hard. He'd gotten his share scathing reviews, and it could be hard. And it would be especially hard for Danny because his colleagues and family would see it, and he'd have to see them.

"I can help you out," said Augie. "Come to my place two hours before you're supposed to be here on Saturday."

Mike came back out and flopped down again. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Sports," said Augie, "and how much your beloved A's suck."

* * *

_**Author's Note—Author's Note—Author's Note**_

_The card that defines the anam cara was mostly taken from a definition I found on Wikipedia. I changed it slightly to make sure it fit with my story, but there are a number of variations out there._

_As always, I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read "Stone Heart" so far. I hope you're enjoying it. Please feel free to leave a review… I always appreciate useful feedback._


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

The week went quickly for Danny. He and Baez caught a hell of a case, and it took them the better part of the week to crack it. By Friday morning, their suspect was in custody and was sitting in Rikers waiting to be indicted on charges of felony assault. Danny was exhausted but at least he'd have one decent night's sleep before the party. Unfortunately, it wasn't going to be with Lauren. There were a ton of things he needed to do at the house, and Linda had wanted to talk with him on the phone on Friday night. He couldn't blow that off.

Late Friday night, Danny lay in bed. It was hot and he had the fan blowing on him. He'd had a good conversation with Linda. There were several times when it got tense, but they'd managed to talk through it and not shout at each other. She was going to bring the boys back for a visit the following weekend, and be in the city for Sunday dinner at his father's house. What wasn't clear was whether or not they were staying; Linda had been less conversational when she learned he was going to a party with Lauren and the entire band.

He turned onto his side and punched the pillow. He glanced at the clock; it was midnight and he was no closer to sleep than an hour ago. Danny knew he should get up and do something rather than just toss and turn in the dark. Even with the tension, it had been nice to talk with Linda on the phone; he felt like he'd been talking with his wife again. He realized that he missed that Linda, the one he could talk to without all the yelling.

"Ah, fuck me," he said aloud in the dark.

_I do miss Linda. I miss Jack and Sean. But being with Lauren. She's put a piece of me back in place; something I didn't know was missing. _He knew his thoughts sounded maudlin. _I don't like being alone here. Would this be what it is like if I stay with Lauren? When she goes on tour, I can't go with her. I can't miss that much of my sons' lives. Would I be alone in some random apartment, looking at the ceiling and listening to the silence? Instead of wondering whose heart I'm breaking, would I be worried about my own? Lauren would be touring the world, and I'd be trapped here. Alone._

Unwilling to ponder that line of thought any longer Danny got up and went into the living room. He turned on the TV and flipped the channels until he found a random movie channel. It was showing _Top Gun_, and while he wasn't a tremendous Tom Cruise fan, it was a good action flick. Eventually, Danny fell asleep in the recliner, waking up several hours later and crawling into bed.

Danny slept in a little on Saturday and finally dragged himself out of bed. He ran some errands and eventually got around to the pile of dishes in the sink. Even with the dishwasher loaded, he needed to hand-wash several plates and he made a mental note to do a better job washing dishes as soon as he was done with them. Later in the day he went out to D'Agostino's and got an Italian sub to have for dinner. He knew there would be food at the party but that wasn't going to start until late. If he didn't have something, he'd be starving… and he was worried that this guy Bruno was going to just have some crazy frou-frou hors d'oeuvres that he wouldn't even know how to pronounce.

After dinner, Danny got in the shower, scrubbed off, shaved and put any doubts or worries he had about the future out of his head. He changed and headed out to Augie's apartment. His biggest worry right now was not looking like he didn't belong, and it annoyed him a little that he even had to worry about that. Augie's apartment was a trendy open loft with modern furniture and a bank of windows that looked towards the city. In one large area was a full drum kit and Danny wondered what the neighbors downstairs thought of Augie living there and if they were counting the days until he went out on tour.

"Alright, let's get this over with." Augie gestured for Danny to follow him and they went into one of the bedrooms. On the bed were several pairs of pants, six different shirts, some belts, shoes and even a couple vests. Danny started to laugh.

"I thought only chicks shared clothes?"

"Wise ass. I can get you a polyester Hawaiian shirt if you want."

"No, I appreciate you doing this, but there's no way we're the same size," said Danny.

Danny was barely six feet tall if he stood up straight. Augie, on the other hand, was closer to 6' 3" with an athletic build. Augie explained that he had a tailor coming over who could shorten the pants and take in the shirt in short order. It only took a few minutes to choose, and Danny made a mental note to send Augie a case of beer or something for helping him out. As promised, the tailor took Danny's measure and 30 minutes later, he had an entire outfit tailored to fit him perfectly.

Once they were ready, Danny drove them both to the Four Seasons and dropped his car with the valet. Lauren had told Carlos, who was working the desk that weekend, to send the two men up as soon as they arrived. Danny knocked as he opened the apartment door and let them both in.

"I'm here," Danny called. "Augie's with me."

"Great." Lauren's voice drifted out of the bedroom. "I'll be out in a sec. The limo should be here in about 20 minutes." They had decided to take a limo with Stevie and Danielle to the party. DJ and Tina were taking one of his sports car toys to make their own showy entrance, and Mike had a classic Camaro he wanted to show off.

When Lauren came out of the other room she stopped when she saw Danny. He looked great and she knew Augie must have helped him with the clothes. She felt like an idiot for a moment; it had never crossed her mind that wardrobe for something like this would be an issue for him. Danny, on the other hand, was staring at her his own concerns about his clothes and fitting in utterly forgotten.

"You look amazing," he said.

Lauren smiled and blushed. "Good. The plan is to impress tonight."

"And impress you will," said Augie.

She was wearing a tank-top style shirt with thin shoulder straps. It was made out of some sort of metallic material that shifted and slinked when she moved. Her midnight black jeans were skinny enough to look painted on, and she'd paired them with a pair of high black boots that sported several straps and silver buckles. On her left arm, she wore numerous bracelets and around her neck was the silver disc necklace Danny had given her.

Lauren went to Danny and put her arms around him, whispering in his ear, "You look totally hot in that; I'd rather take you to bed than go to the party." The feeling was mutual and he gave her a serious kiss. Augie watched them from a discreet distance and it nearly broke his heart to see how they looked at each other.

The limo was a black stretch Escalade with deeply tinted rear windows. The interior was luxurious to say the least and the driver had glasses of champagne ready for them when they sat down. Lauren settled in next to Danny and Augie sprawled in the seat opposite them. She raised her glass as the limo pulled out into traffic.

"Here's to a rockin' night out," she said and they all clinked glasses.

"You got an awfully big limo for the three of us," said Danny.

"SOP for the band," said Augie. "This way if anyone who drove gets too loaded to go home, they can either stay at the hotel or we can just have our driver make sure they get home in one piece."

Danny nodded. Probably a good plan. What Augie didn't say was there had been enough close calls during Lauren's addiction that he'd started doing it out of habit, and the rest of the band had bought in. Now it was pretty much second nature to all of them. They picked up Danielle and Stevie, and headed for the party. The rest of the trip to the W was surreal for Danny. Every time the limo was at a red light, people on the sidewalk would peer and stare, trying to see who was inside.

"How do you get used to the people staring at you?"

"I don't know if you ever totally get used to it," answered Stevie. "But you do learn to ignore it or live with it… ah, here we are." The limo pulled up to the W and the driver's voice came over the intercom.

"There are two cars ahead of us. I'll have you all to the door in just a moment," he said.

"No rush," answered Lauren.

Danielle pulled her phone out of her purse. "Tina just texted. They're about 15 minutes away."

"Only 15? That surprises me. DJ is usually the girl of the group. Takes him FOREVER to get ready," said Augie.

Everyone laughed; it was a common joke among the band that only DJ could put so much effort into looking like he'd made no effort at all. Danny leaned over and glanced out the window. There weren't rows of photographers like you'd see on the red carpet for the Oscars, but there was a knot of about a dozen reporters and photographers standing to one side of the hotel entrance. They were being corralled by a couple of security guards. Then someone got out of the car ahead of their limo. He wasn't sure who it was but camera flashes began to pop.

The Escalade pulled up and the driver got out to open the door for them. Stevie got out first, and reached in to help Danielle out of the car. Cameras started to pop; she was wearing a very short dress that showed off her very long legs. Augie followed and in addition to the cameras, Danny heard some random woman scream out, 'Augie, I love you!'

Danny got out next and held his hand out for Lauren. Cameras started to flash as soon as her first boot came out of the vehicle. Danny couldn't help but smile; the evening was just getting started and it already felt totally crazy. Lauren got out of the car and smiled for the photographers. Cries of "Lauren, over here!" rang out and she turned back and forth for a moment, letting them get their fill. Then she slid her arm through Danny's—eliciting another volley of photographs—and they walked into the hotel.

"And that," said Stevie, clapping Danny on the shoulder, "was your first press walk."

By the time they got into the expansive ballroom where Bruno was hosting the party, he was waiting. Dressed in an off-the-wall suit, including lavender jacket, Bruno certainly stood out in a crowd—and that was a statement considering the outrageous outfits on some of his guests. He had sunglasses a la Elton John in the 70s tucked on top of his slicked hair and when he saw Lauren and the others he threw his arms open wide.

"Darlings!" he shouted. "Look at you! You look fabulous!" He drew out the syllables of the last word and gestured dramatically. Almost a literal walking stereotype, Bruno was about as far out of the closet as a gay man could get. He greeted and smooched and hugged his way through the band, promised to see them all later for a photo op, and disappeared into the crowd to attend to more guests.

All Danny could do was stare and blink in Bruno's wake.

"Welcome to my world," said Lauren. She slid her arm through Danny's and headed into the crowd.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Inside the ballroom there were two bars—which Danny discovered were open—and a long buffet table covered completely with food. He was happy to see that, in addition to the requisite cheese and fruit trays, that there were cheeseburger sliders, chicken tenders, ribs, and raw vegetables along with sushi, fancy sandwiches, and several trays of things he wasn't sure he could identify. He was pretty sure one of them was caviar. There was also a separate table with a chocolate fountain surrounded by bowls of fruit, marshmallows, pretzels and a dozen other things to be dipped and eaten.

"Something to drink?" asked Augie.

"Just a beer," answered Lauren.

"Same for me," said Danny. "Thanks."

While Augie was getting the beer, there was a little commotion across the room. Three young men with spiky bleached hair were laughing and joking, being a little too loud and a little too flamboyant. Lauren smiled as she watched them. Clearly, it was their first big party.

"Who are they?" asked Danny.

"Those are the guys in RoughHouse. They're one of Bruno's new bands. Their first single is out. Good, a little too punk for my taste but they've got a lot of potential."

"They make me glad I don't have daughters." Danny watched them with a critical eye. Those three were pretty much every father's nightmare. Lauren nearly doubled over with laughter.

Augie returned with the beer and they all stood around for a minute just people watching until Augie saw Mike across the room. He excused himself and headed over, planning on making Mike his wingman while he tried to charm some of the single ladies at the party.

"Hey, beautiful." A hand touched Lauren's lower back and she turned.

"Jon!" Lauren put her arms around him and gave him a kiss on both cheeks. "How are you? How long has it been?"

"Too long. You look smokin' tonight."

"Liar. But I'll take it. Jon, let me introduce you… Danny Reagan, this is Jon Bon Jovi." She moved back slightly so Danny could reach out and shake Jon's hand.

"Good to meet you," he said.

"Likewise. So, Lauren. When are we singing together? You promised me…" He flashed her a charming smile.

"I know! Tell me when you're doing your next recording session and I'll be there. You know I've always wanted to do a duet with you."

A new voice chimed in. "Do one tonight. Bruno has an open mic later…"

"Richie! I should have known you'd be here. I don't think I've ever seen one of you without the other. How have you been?"

They chatted for a few minutes, sharing commentary on guitars and the youngsters in the new bands. Jon and Richie were as unimpressed as Danny. The kids had talent and were clearly young, but the guys from Bon Jovi could relate. They'd first hit the big time when they were all young, too. When "Slippery When Wet" hit the charts in 1986, Jon was only 24. These guys were younger than that.

"They'll figure it out," said Richie. "We did. Or they won't and no one will remember them in five years." He shrugged. It was a hard business. "Well, gotta go. I know Audrey is around here somewhere… Good to see you, Lauren."

"I've got to go, too," said Jon. "You know the circuit at these things. Catch up with me before you go; let's get something set up. Nice meeting you, Dan."

When they left, Danny had a funny look on his face. Lauren took him by the arm. "Are you okay?"

He half-laughed. "Yea, I'm okay, I just… I just met Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora. I think I saw the guy from Green Day. And that's, that's Joe Perry from Aerosmith over there… You just hang out with these people? Are you kidding me?" He shook his head in disbelief. This was not a normal life.

"Well, at parties like this, yes. It really is a small industry in a lot of ways but it isn't like I'm out playing tennis every Saturday with Jon or anything like that. I guess it is a little overwhelming to see…"

"Laauurreennnn!" DJ was always the loudest person in the room. With Tina, Danielle, Stevie and Mike, he cut through the crowd to reach her. Augie came over a minute later and the whole band clustered together, laughing and toasting. A photographer – the only one Bruno had allowed actually into the party – hurried over to get a picture.

"Yes, yes," said Bruno as he scurried up. "Definitely a photo of the Kingmakers together. You all look fabulous!" Clearly 'fabulous' was one of his favorite words. The significant others were shooed away, Danny included, as Bruno took charge trying to arrange the photo much to the photographer's frustration.

"You'll get used to it," said Danielle. "At parties like this, part of the time is all about them and we're just background."

As he gathered and posed the Kingmakers, Bruno chattered on. "I can't wait to hear what you come up with on the new CD; I'm sure it will be fabulous. How are things going?"

Lauren's stomach tightened. How was it going? It sucked. So far the whole CD was shaping up to be an utter disaster, but she couldn't admit that to Bruno. That would just get the rumor mill churning faster, and she couldn't bear another article talking about them being over the hill.

"Fabulous," said Lauren emphatically. "You'll be amazed when you hear it."

The rest of the band froze, keeping the smiles on their faces. They knew Lauren was totally bluffing, and now they were really on the hook. Bruno would tell everyone that the new Kingmakers CD was going to be amazing… and right now, it was going to be a colossal disappointment. What the hell was she thinking?

As she turned to take her spot in the shot, she said in a low voice, "I'm sorry. Couldn't tell him the truth."

"Could have set the bar a little lower," hissed Mike.

"Now, everyone smile like the rock stars you are!" shouted Bruno as the photographer clicked away.

It didn't take long to satisfy Bruno's photography whim, and after that he started ushering guests and his young bands to the small stage to start the entertainment. Two of the new bands—RoughHouse and Lime Green—did brief acoustic sets, showcasing two or three of their best songs. Once they were finished, Bruno encouraged everyone to avail themselves of the open mic and small sent of instruments on the stage. Mary J. Blige did a cover of Aretha Franklin's "Respect," and at one point Augie and Daniel Adair from Nickelback both used the drum kit and had a ten minute drummers duel, egged on by the crowd.

Shortly after that, Jon got up on stage and put the six-string's strap over his shoulder. He strummed for a second and then spoke into the microphone: "Lauren? Where are you, Lauren? C'mon, gorgeous… sing with me!"

Lauren gave Danny's hand a squeeze and made her way up to the stage. Jon whispered to her for a moment and she nodded, and then he started to play. A few notes from the guitar drifted out across the crowd, and he started to sing:

"Hello again, it's you and me… Kinda always like it used to be. Sippin' wine, killing time; trying to solve life's mysteries… How's your life, it's been a while. God it's good to see you smile… I see you reaching for your keys, looking for a reason not to leave…"

As he got to the chorus, Lauren chimed in with him: "If you don't know if you should stay… If you don't say what's on your mind… Baby, just breathe, there's nowhere else tonight we should be. You wanna make a memory…"

Jon smiled at her as he smoothly transitioned into the next verse: "I dug up this old photograph—look at all the hair we had. It's bittersweet to hear you laugh. Your phone is ringing, I don't wanna ask…"

Lauren joined him again on the second chorus, adding a unique harmony to his voice: "If you go now, I'll understand… If you stay, hey, I got a plan. You wanna make a memory. You wanna steal a piece of time. You could sing a melody to me, and I could write a couple lines. You wanna make a memory…"

They continued through the rest of the song, and Danny's stomach churned as he listened to the lyrics, which seemed particularly poignant to him in that moment. He was distracted from that disturbing train of thought, however, when he heard Mike and Stevie near him.

"She does need to do a duet with him," said Stevie. "They sound great together."

"She needs to get her shit together on our stuff first," said Mike. "She sounds great, and I can hear the emotion in her singing. But why isn't it coming out in her writing? If we don't pull our heads out of our asses, this CD is going to tank."

"We'll get it done," Stevie assured him.

"We'd better. You'd think with her running around with Danny that she'd have a bunch of material for songs. Maybe she's too busy fucking him."

Danny scowled but then Lauren and Jon finished and bowed when the crowd showered them with applause. Jon gave her a hug and Lauren jumped down from the stage. She put her arms around Danny and gave him a kiss.

"What did you think?"

"You sounded great," said Danny, all of the comments from Mike forgotten. "Totally showed him up."

Lauren couldn't help but laugh. Danny pulled her tighter and gave her another kiss. Somebody up on stage began to slowly play a soft melody on the guitar, and Danny and Lauren began to dance, completely lost in each other.

* * *

_**Author's Note—Author's Note—Author's Note**_

_The song that Lauren and Jon sing is, indeed a Bon Jovi song, and the lyrics are fully accurate as far as I know. Since I ostensibly have Bon Jovi singing his own song in this chapter, I think it is pretty clear that the lyrics are his – but just to be clear: any lyrics from "Wanna Make a Memory" are Bon Jovi's and his alone; I surely didn't write them._

_As always, I appreciate everyone who has been reading the story so far. And… I'd love to get some feedback from all of you – so please leave a review and let me know what's working in the story and what isn't!_


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Around 1:00 a.m., many of Bruno's guests began to wrap up their night or – for many of them, part one of their night – and head out. Lauren, Danny, and the rest of the Kingmakers decided to leave together; they were all drunk enough to need help getting home and sober enough to realize it. They spilled out of the entrance to the W along with several other guests and smiled and waved while the knot of photographers snapped away.

Their Escalade pulled up and the driver was out in an instant. He came around to open the door for them. With all of them inside the limo, things were a little crowded but everyone was laughing and in a great mood. The boys gave Danny some good-natured ribbing about him being star-struck at the party. He took it in stride, knowing that what they were saying wasn't far from the truth. Lauren lived in a crazy world. One day, a party like this… the next seemingly endless hours in a studio poring over lyrics and bass lines and guitar bridges. He didn't even want to think about what it must be like when they were actually on tour. But he forgot about that when Lauren settled closer to him

_She was amazing tonight. Why on earth is she with someone like me when she's surrounded by all of them? _He couldn't think of a single good reason for why she would want him.

"Hey," said Lauren, noticing his suddenly serious expression. "You shouldn't be thinking about serious thing tonight. Tonight is all about fun." She shifted up on her knees and to Danny's surprise, threw one leg over him and sat in his lap. Facing him she looked down, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him. Hard. The rest of the limo erupted in catcalls and comments.

"We're they like this in high school?" asked Stevie.

"Pretty much," said Augie. "Except there are no Sisters now to keep them in check."

"You're just jealous." Lauren looked over her shoulder at her cousin. "'Cause skinny little you couldn't get any in high school."

"Not the case now, not with this bod." Augie deliberately exaggerated a pose.

"Oh, the guns!" shouted DJ. "The guns on him. I can't control myself."

"I bet those girls who ignored you back in the day regret it now," said Tina.

"Like Triple M?" said Danny. Lauren and Augie both howled.

"Triple M?" asked Danielle.

"Mary Margaret McLellan," said Danny. "Teacher's pet at our school."

"Built in rat squad," added Lauren. "The nuns LOVED her. Totally a pain in the ass, and a total dork, but watch, I bet she's turned into some kind of supermodel now."

"Not so much," said Augie.

"What are you talking about? Have you seen her?" Lauren stayed in Danny's lap, but turned more so she could see Augie better.

"At the store one day when I was visiting with my parents. She's married to Barry Masters."

"Are you kidding me? Mary Margaret McLellan Masters? Quadruple M?" Lauren laughed even harder. Triple M had been a thorn in her side throughout high school.

"And they've got—get this—SEVEN kids." Augie shook his head. He couldn't even comprehend having a kid. Hell, he couldn't even imagine actually being married.

"NO!" Lauren gasped and laughed. "Shit, I bet she hangs out with my sister, Jackie. The good Catholic girls club!"

There was more laughter in the car. Danny slid his arms more tightly around Lauren's waist and pulled her down towards him. He kissed her again, sliding his hands up her waist. As far as he was concerned, this was much better than talking and he'd wanted Lauren in his arms all night long. He was just drunk enough to not care that the others could see exactly what they were doing.

"Oh, for Chrissakes," said DJ with a smile. "Can we drop them off first?"

That was exactly what happened. Mike and Augie wanted to go to an after party, and Stevie and Danielle were game to go with them. Tina whispered in DJ's ear, promising her husband it would be totally worth it to come home with her right then and not go out. DJ told the driver that after they dropped Lauren and Danny off, he needed to take them home immediately. Stevie called him a horny little bastard and Tina responded that he was her horny little bastard.

When they got to the Four Season, Lauren and Danny let themselves out of the limo. Before Augie closed the door, he leaned out and shouted, "Behave yourselves, kids!"

They disappeared into the hotel and said hello to Carlos on their way up. The doors had barely closed behind them, when Danny crowded Lauren and backed her up against the wall of the elevator, hooking his thumbs into the edges of her jeans. Lauren laughed as she looked up at him and slid her hands up the front of his shirt. She slowly unbuttoned the top three buttons, kissing Danny's neck and chest. He crowded closer, pressing against her. The elevator opened and they stepped out, still half tangled in each other's arms.

After Lauren closed the apartment door behind them she turned to face Danny and gave him a slow smile as she took a hold of the edges of her silver shirt and slowly pulled it up over her head. She dropped it onto the floor. Danny stared as she started to walk towards him dressed in her jeans, boots, and a lacy little black bra. She always managed to tie him in knots.

"You are the sexiest thing I have ever seen," he said as he pulled her into his arms.

"Then take me to bed; all I've thought about all night is being with you." She hooked her fingers in the front of Danny's pants and unbuttoned them in one smooth motion. He didn't need any more encouragement. Later, Lauren ran her fingers across Danny's chest as they lay in the bed. They were still breathing a little heavily, and the sheets were in utter disarray with half the pillows on the floor rather than on the bed. He caught her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss.

"I was thinking the other day," she said. "Remembering."

"Remembering what?"

"The very first time we had sex," she said. Danny laughed out loud.

"You'd just turned 16," he said. He remembered. He'd turned 16 a few months before and had been shocked and delighted when Lauren told him she was ready. He'd been terrified when he bought some condoms at a corner grocery store. He had made sure to be far, far away from his neighborhood when he did; the last thing he wanted was someone telling his mother – or worse, his grandfather – that he was planning to have sex before he got married.

"It was the Fourth of July and we'd gone to see fireworks," she said. "And after the show was done we started making out in the back seat. I remember you putting your hands up my shirt…" She laughed.

"And you didn't have a bra on," said Danny. "I almost died on the spot. To this day, I don't know how you managed that."

"It wasn't that hard. You went to get us ice cream at the ice cream truck," she answered. "And the line was so long you got back just as the fireworks were starting. I took it off while you were gone. You didn't notice until we got busy afterward."

"I almost finished before we got started."

Not long after that revelation, Danny and Lauren had wiggled out of their shorts. Too uncertain and inexperienced, they'd left their shirts on as if that would disguise what they were doing if they got caught. Danny had been so nervous he'd barely managed to get the condom on before he lay Lauren down on the back seat. It had been awkward and uncomfortable but thrilling at the same time.

"I'm glad you were my first," said Lauren. "I'm glad I did it with someone I loved, and not just some random hook-up."

"We're sure not as awkward as we used to be," Danny observed. Lauren slid her hand under the sheet and down Danny's body. He groaned.

"But you are as ready as you were back then," she said and gave him a sly grin.

"I'm always ready for you." His voice was low and thick.

"Good." Lauren disappeared under the covers and Danny's fingers clutched at the sheets. He sucked in his breath and then called out Lauren's name. Good God, she felt good. They didn't wake up until nearly noon and both were pleasantly surprised that their hangovers weren't worse. They ordered room service and had brunch in bed while they talked a little bit about the party.

And Danny and Lauren weren't the only ones talking about Bruno's bash. His posh event was big news in the "Arts & Entertainment" sections of the Sunday papers with several photos clustered on one of the pages. In the middle of the page was a picture of Lauren and Danny. They were coming out of the hotel. Danny had an arm around her shoulder and Lauren had him by the waist. They were both laughing. On Lauren's other side was Augie, who was also laughing at some joke all the newspaper readers would never understand. Just behind Danny, with his hand on Danny's shoulder like an old friend, was Jon Bon Jovi. He was laughing, too. The entire Reagan family had perused the photo but no one had said anything until Nicky brought it up during the meal.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know that there's more to it, but it looks so glamorous. I mean, Uncle Danny is hanging out with all these stars. I think it is pretty awesome."

"Well, I'm sure your Aunt Linda doesn't think it is quite so… 'awesome.'" Erin's voice was clipped. Ever since learning that Danny and Lauren were together, she'd been on a pendulum, swinging from stinging disapproval over his decisions and how it was affecting his family and the Reagan family as a whole, to realizing that it had been a long time since she'd seen him this happy and wanting him to hang onto that. She was divorced; she knew all too well what it was like to be stuck in an unhappy and unloving marriage.

"Give her a break, Erin. That's Lauren's world, and if they're going to be together then I guess it is Danny's world, too." Like his sister, Jamie had been a little conflicted about Danny and Lauren, but as he looked at the paper, he had to admit it. There was a small part of him that was just a little bit jealous of his brother.

"No," said Pops firmly. "They don't get a free pass, or get to be 'awesome.' Danny is a married man and… she's nothing more than the other woman. I can't believe you've put up with this for this long, Francis." He glared at his son and silenced the table.

"And what, exactly, do you expect me to do? My personal feelings really aren't what matter here," said Frank as he buttered a roll.

Henry shook his head. "It does matter. And I think it is about time someone in this family did something about it."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

It took less than 15 minutes on Monday for Danny to be completely pissed off at his entire squad. He'd barely set foot in the building when the comments and questions started about the party and his picture in the paper. A lot of people—too many as far as he was concerned—felt they had every right to ask him very personal questions about the party, and about his relationship with Lauren. He did not enjoy it, and was grateful when he and Baez got sent out to investigate an assault.

As they were driving to investigate a lead, Danny said. "Baez. Thanks."

"For what?"

"For being the one person who didn't give me grief today."

"About the picture?"

He nodded. "Yea. Everyone seems to think they have the right to know all about my business."

"I hate to say it," replied Maria, "but it kinda comes with the territory… doesn't it?"

Danny frowned and then yelled at the car in front of them that was slow to respond to a green light before he answered his partner. "C'mon, go! Idiot! I suppose it does but I don't appreciate it."

"So… what was the party like?" Like everyone else, Maria had been curious.

"It was pretty incredible," said Danny. "I had a great time, don't get me wrong. But watching her and the guys. They're just so at ease with all of those people. I mean, I know that celebrities are just people but for part of the night, I just felt like I was in costume and was pretending to be one of them when I'm really not."

"I'm sure its something you'd get used to. Do you even want to get used to it?" Danny had shared a little about his trouble with Linda and his relationship with Lauren with his partner. She'd kept her opinions to herself and avoided giving advice, knowing that he probably needed someone to talk to who didn't have some sort of stake in the outcome.

After a pause, he said, "I don't know. When I'm with Lauren everything seems to work, but when I'm alone… I just think and think about her, about Linda. About the two different worlds. Ah… here's the address. Let's go see what this fool has to say for himself."

On Tuesday, Lauren stayed late at the studio. The Kingmakers had all come in early to try making up some lost time. They'd made decent progress on one song, which was more than they could say happened the previous day. But Lauren was keenly aware that she was the main reason they were behind and she stayed after everyone left to noodle through some more lyrics. Finally, she'd also insisted that Tisha go home as well.

By the time 7:00 rolled around, she'd had enough and was ready to head out. She could do more work back at the apartment after something to eat and maybe a relaxing bath. As she shut the lights out in Studio D, Lauren heard the little alert bell for the front door chime. She hesitated for a moment and then remembered: she'd told Tisha that she'd take care of locking the door, and she'd forgotten. Lauren pulled her cell out, ready to dial 911 if thinks looked squirrely. She walked cautiously to the front lobby.

Standing there, with his back to her, was an older man with white hair. He was looking at some of the memorabilia Fitz hung on the wall: awards, news clippings, photos of him with famous musicians ranging from Stevie Wonder to Tom Petty to U2 and many more. From his dress, he seemed ordinary enough, not like someone who was looking to rob the studio. Lauren relaxed a little.

"May I help you…?"

"Yes, you can start by leaving my grandson alone!" barked Henry as he turned around to face her, his voice filled with enough righteous indignation and anger that—shocked—Lauren literally took a step back. Henry had scared the hell out of her as a kid and he was just as intimidating now as he glared at her.

"You," Henry continued, pointing at Lauren, "are ruining Danny's marriage! Linda's moved out and Jack and Sean are miserable, worrying that their parents are divorcing and they won't see their Dad. Have you no respect? Do you even care how much pain you're causing?"

"Henry, I…"

"Of course you don't! How could you ever have any respect for the sanctity of marriage? Look at you. The life you live. Running around, playing your rock music and encouraging kids to have sex and get high. You don't have any respect for yourself or for anyone else!"

His words bit deeply, upsetting Lauren terribly. As a teen, his words would have driven her to tears, but she wasn't a child anymore and she wasn't about to let Henry continue berating her.

"I didn't start this!" she nearly shouted, and then she lowered her voice a little. "I didn't come back here looking to break up anyone's marriage or to hurt anyone. You don't know anything about me, Henry. You made your mind up about me a long time ago; I could have joined a convent and you'd still find a way to belittle me for it."

"I've seen your type my whole life," Henry nearly sneered. "Once a junkie always a junkie. Nothing but a bad influence on everyone around you."

"You know, you spent so much time worrying about what a bad influence I was going to be on Danny—did you ever stop to think what a good influence he might have been on me? Glass houses, Henry. Maybe you didn't step out on your wife, but what else have you done? What did you do when you were a cop? Ever cut corners? Break the rules? Did you come clean after all those times? You're so eager to point out what a terrible sinner I am. Well, you're a sinner just like me… or should I start calling you St. Henry?"

Henry's eyes widened. "I'm NOTHING like you. Anything I did as a cop, I did for the greater good. You? You've always been selfish. It's always been about you and your music, and never about what happens to other people. All you're going to do here is leave wreckage in your wake when you go. I hope you'll be satisfied knowing that Danny will never be able to pick up the pieces. You broke his heart before and you're going to do it again, and this time, you're breaking my grandsons' hearts, too. I wonder if you even care?"

Lauren gasped. That was untrue! She did care; what would happen when she left was something she worried about every single day. Worrying about Danny's relationship with his sons was also never far from her mind. She opened her mouth to respond, but Henry barreled ahead, cutting her off.

"Linda's devastated. I heard her talking to a friend earlier. She can't figure out why you want Danny. You have everything you ever wanted: fame, money, cars, lovers… she can't understand why you have to have Danny, too."

"Why? Because I love him still…"

"Love?" Henry scoffed at her. "This isn't love. You're just taking what you want and throwing the rest away." Henry gave her a withering, disdainful look and walked to the door. He looked back over his shoulder as he opened it.

"And I'll tell you something," he said. "You can go back out on the road with your roadies and your groupies and your drugs but you'll never be able to forget that Danny didn't love you enough to marry you. He waited and married a good woman. He's STILL MARRIED to a good woman, and all you'll end up being is his whore. Live with that."

He made sure to slam the door behind him.

Danny had just left the precinct and was on his way home for the night when his cell phone rang. Lauren's photo showed up on the screen and he smiled. He hadn't planned on seeing her tonight but she was probably calling to say hello.

"Hey, Lauren…"

She barely managed to say "Danny" before she broke down in tears. Danny was shocked; Lauren in tears meant something awful had happened.

"Lauren? Lauren, what's going on? Are you okay? Talk to me…"

"I'm sorry," she said as she sobbed. "I'm at the studio. Your grandfather came here…"

Danny blinked. _What?_ Pops had gone to Lauren's studio? He glanced in his rearview mirror, threw on his signal and pulled over. Throwing the truck in park, he turned his full attention to the phone. "Pops? What do you mean he was at the studio? Holy Mother of God: What did he SAY?"

Lauren's tear-filled voice was shaky. "He told me to stay away from you… that I'm selfish and a home wrecker. He said I've ruined your marriage and don't care what happens to Jack and Sean… and he told me that no matter what, I'd never be able to forget that you married Linda, not me, and that I'll never be anything but your whore."

On the other end of the phone, Danny saw red. He was furious with his grandfather; this was absolutely beyond the pale. But he collected himself before he spoke. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry he said those things to you. I don't think that; I would never think that. Are you okay?"

"Yes," she sniffled. "I just… he surprised me… and the things he said…"

"Don't listen to anything he said," said Danny. "Are you okay to get back to your place? I'll come over as soon as I can…"

"Okay. Yes, I'll get home fine. I'm going to take a cab. I'll see you soon."

"Lauren, I'm sorry. You know I love you, right?"

"I know," she whispered. But she could help but wonder if Henry was right. Had Danny not loved her enough to come with her? Or had she not loved Danny enough to stay here?

Danny hung up the phone and immediately headed to his father's house. He had to deal with this before he went to see Lauren. When he arrived, Danny went to the door, knocked once and let himself in. Frank looked up in surprise from his paper. He immediately knew something was wrong.

"Danny? What's going on?"

"Where's Pops?" Danny demanded.

"I'm right here," said Danny's grandfather as he came down the stairs.

"You had no right!" Danny exploded. "How dare you go to the studio and talk to Lauren like that? Do you have any idea how upset she is?"

"I don't care if she's upset. No one seems to care that Linda or Jack or Sean is upset. And it's her fault. She needs to know what she's done," growled Pops.

"What she's done? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Danny!" Frank's voice was stern. He'd used his share of salty language in his day, but in his house the f-bomb was one of the few words that were forbidden within the house.

"See, Francis. She's a terrible influence. My grandson has never spoken to me like this before. Disrespectful." Henry continued to glare at Danny.

"And you were even more disrespectful to her. Did you call her a whore? Did you?"

"Dad?" Frank's stern voice turned on his father. It hadn't taken Frank long to figure out what had gone on and he was close to appalled that his father would have done something like that. Not entirely surprised, but appalled nonetheless.

"That's exactly what she is," said Henry. "You're a married man, Danny, and she's sharing your bed. What else would you call her?"

"A woman who I care about," Danny snapped angrily. "This is none of your business. None. Don't go near Lauren again, do you understand me? Not again!" While he'd argued with Pops, Danny's hands had remained clenched in fists and he deliberately flexed his fingers for a moment.

"I have to go." He stared at Henry. "This ends now."

"Hrumph!" Henry folded his arms stubbornly. Danny muttered a curse and stormed out. The tires of the Jeep squealed as he pulled out of the driveway.

Inside the house, Frank poured himself a small glass of whiskey. Henry didn't say anything. He went into the kitchen, got himself a drink of water and then came out to go back upstairs. Frank couldn't believe he was just going to walk away without saying anything.

"Dad!"

"What?" Henry folded his arms in front of him again, still spoiling for a fight.

"What do you think you're accomplishing? This is Danny's business, not yours, not mine, and you're certainly not helping by attacking Lauren or by shutting him out. You hardly say two words to him during Sunday dinners now."

"Why should I? He's behaving abominably! I expect better from MY GRANDSON!"

Frank shook his head, a deep frown creasing his face. "Did you ever stop to think that you just made things a lot worse?"

"Worse? How?" Henry gave a small guffaw as if he couldn't imagine this entire debacle being any worse than it was. What could be worse than knowing his grandson was an adulterer?

"How? Because now Danny feels like he needs to protect Lauren from you. This might have been a short-term thing, Dad. Danny may have come to the conclusion – all on his own – that he still loves Linda, and he wants to be with her. That is going to be hard for him to do when all he's thinking about is protecting Lauren from you."

"She doesn't deserve to be defended or protected…"

"Dad…" Frank's tone was a warning.

"How do you know it will be a short term 'thing,' Francis? Since when are you the expert? Maybe it will be a long-term thing. Have you thought about that?"

"I have. And you know, if that happens, then we're going to have a new family dynamic to deal with. Even though I don't agree with the decisions Danny's making, I trust him. I trust that MY SON will make the right decision in the long run. He's the only one who can make that decision, Dad. I can't do it for him and neither can you. And when he makes it, we're both going to have to live with it regardless of whether or not we like it."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

After having it out with Pops at the house, Danny immediately went to Lauren's apartment. She was still clearly upset and Danny did everything he could to calm her and reassure her that he did not agree at all with what Pops had said. He told her that he'd gone to the house and told Pops to leave her alone. Part of Lauren was grateful that he'd done that for her; part was very worried about Danny's relationship with his family. The Reagans had always been a close-knit clan. Danny stayed with her until she fell asleep, and finally went back home. He'd left some things unfinished at the house and he needed a change of clothes for work the next day.

The next morning Danny was still furious over what had happened, and his mood didn't improve as the week went on. He had no interest in going to the Reagan family dinner on Sunday, unconvinced that he would be able to remain civil with Pops. But Linda was bringing Sean and Jack into the city for the day and they were going to be there. He didn't want to miss dinner with the boys. On Friday night, he talked to Lauren about it.

"I don't want to see Pops. I'm still pissed," said Danny. "But Linda's bringing Jack and Sean."

"You have to go," said Lauren. "You can't miss time with them. You'll regret it if you do."

He sighed and frowned. Lauren was right. "You're right. I would regret it."

"Just pay attention to them; ignore the other stuff."

"Definitely not as easy as it sounds," he answered. "And you're going out on Sunday, too, right?"

She nodded. "Jackie's having me, Steph, and Carolyn over for a girls' dinner."

"That will be good; you haven't seen your sisters in a while."

They talked a while longer before going to bed. Lauren had been late at the studio most of the week and this was the first evening they'd been able to spend together. She was clearly exhausted and fell into a sound sleep curled up against Danny. Moments after that, his eyes drifted shut and his breath deepened as he fell asleep, too.

##

Calling Sunday dinner at the Reagans awkward was a complete understatement. Danny and Pops barely spoken the entire day. Linda was barely speaking to Danny either, and he had no idea why. Between his visit to Connecticut and some phone conversations he'd had with Linda, he'd thought they were at least making some progress towards being civil. As soon as dessert was done, Linda started to hustle the boys, saying it would be a long drive back to the cottage.

"But I want to stay," said Jack.

"Me, too," echoed his brother.

"Not right now," said Linda firmly. "Now go get your stuff together."

The boys sighed and dragged their feet. Sean gave his father a hug. "We miss you, Dad."

"I know, kiddo. I miss you, too."

"What's going to happen when we have to come back for school?" asked Jack. "Where are we going to live?"

"You're going to live at our house," Danny answered immediately. "That's your home."

"Will you be there?" his oldest son asked.

"That's something I need to work out with your mother." It was something he'd been thinking about, but hadn't discussed with Linda yet. But there was no way he was making them live anywhere but the house they'd grown up in. Both boys turned to look at Linda.

"Your father and I will need to talk about things. Now go on, get in the car. We have a long drive back tonight." The boys reluctantly went into the other room to collect their things.

"You can stay at the house, Linda," said Danny. "If you don't want me there, I can stay here."

"I'm sure you have other places you'd prefer to stay," she snapped.

Danny set his jaw. "Linda…"

"What? Is the detective afraid of the truth now? You're not going to sleep on your father's sofa when you've got your girlfriend to go to… I mean, clearly you've got your new, famous friends now." Linda folded her arms angrily.

"My famous friends?"

"Oh, don't play dumb, Danny," she snapped. "I saw that photo in the paper. EVERYONE saw that photo in the paper. I'm glad you're so happy now."

More than one person had pointed the photo out to Linda, including her own mother and that had lead to a blistering argument between the two with Linda's mother basically saying that if Linda wasn't going to fight for her marriage, and was just going to hide in Connecticut, then she had no one to blame but herself. Fortunately, her father had taken Jack and Sean fishing that morning so they weren't around to see it.

"Linda, that's not…"

She turned her back on him to look at Frank, and Danny bit his lip. "Frank, I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't be starting a fight in your house. Thank you so much for dinner; I was really nice to see you."

"You and the boys are always welcome," he answered.

She said good-bye to the rest of the family and followed her sons outside. The front door shut behind them and Danny muttered a curse under his breath. He couldn't let the evening end like this. He followed her out to the driveway, calling Linda's name as he hurried down the walk. She turned around and tried to wipe the tears away before he could see them but she wasn't quick enough.

"Linda, hang on for a sec," said Danny as he took her arm. She tensed but didn't pull away.

"Boys, get in the car," she said.

"But Mom…" complained Sean.

"Listen to your mother," ordered Danny. "And no back-talk."

"Fine," said Jack glumly. "Come on Sean."

"What do you want, Danny?" asked his wife. She was tired and it was going to be a long drive back. Plus, knowing that she'd have to be back in the city full time again soon was weighing on her. The boys had to be back for school and she couldn't continue the crazy schedule she'd worked out for her job into the fall. But that meant facing everything that had happened these past few months, something she knew she'd been avoiding.

"I want us to have a civil, adult conversation," said Danny. "I'm sorry seeing that photo upset you. I didn't even realize it had been taken."

"When I saw it, I hardly recognized you," she said. "I mean you look like you, but at the same time… the man in that picture isn't the man I married."

_And the woman who walked out on me isn't the woman I married, either_, he thought, but he kept the comment to himself. "What do you want, Linda?"

She sighed sadly. "You know what I want. I want us to be a family again. I want us to try to figure this out, but I have to ask you a question Danny and I need an honest answer."

"What?"

"Do you want the same thing? Or do you want a divorce?"

The question was like a blow. Despite everything, Danny hadn't given any serious thought to a divorce, although he wasn't sure why, and for a second his eyes got misty when the reality of that word really hit him. He'd thought about what life would be like if he was with Lauren and couldn't see the boys all the time, but he realized that he'd never actually thought about asking Linda for a divorce. He'd skipped over that part – or ignored it completely. Linda stared at him, utterly surprised that he seemed so stunned. She'd completely expected him to immediately say "yes."

"Do you?" She repeated the question.

"I… No… But…" Danny stammered over his answer, utterly in turmoil.

Linda reached out and took one of his hands. "Danny, I am so angry with you, you know that, but despite everything, I want this to work. I want us to try to make it work. But it is the same as I said before: we can't if you're still seeing her. You can't be with both of us. You have to decide what you want. And…" She dropped her eyes and took her hand out of his.

"And?"

"And you have to decide soon. I can't do this any more. Good night, Danny." She walked away and got in the car. Danny stood in the driveway, watching the car's taillights disappear and feeling very empty and alone. Linda was right; he couldn't keep going like this. One way or another, he had to make a decision. He walked back into the house. He needed to get his keys. He wanted to go back to his house and think. Once he was inside, everyone tried to look like they were minding their own business. It was an epic fail.

"Thanks for dinner, Dad. I have to go, too," he said as he picked the keys up.

"To your own place, I hope," barked Pops, not even noticing how sad and subdued Danny seemed to be. "I hope that home wrecker of yours is satisfied with her handiwork."

"Pops, don't start…" Danny tensed up. The snarling comment instantly reminded him that he was still ridiculously angry with his grandfather for interfering.

"What? Do you have a problem with the truth? Look at what she's done to your family. Wrecked it. The little tramp…"

"Do NOT call her that!" This time Danny shouted. "I've had enough. Her name is Lauren. And Linda and I both had a hand in this mess, too. You can't blame Lauren for all of it."

"No. I don't just blame HER. I blame you, too. I certainly do NOT blame your WIFE." Pops stomped out of the room without another word.

Danny threw his hands up. "I gotta get out of here. I can't do this any more."

"Danny. Danny, wait up!" Jamie grabbed his own keys and went after his brother. For a moment there was nothing but silence in the kitchen. Frank and Erin looked at each other; both worried about the rest of the family. Then Nicky's sad, tear-filled voice filled the void.

"This is all my fault, isn't it? If I had never written that paper, none of this would have happened." Her lip quivered.

"No, Nicky, none of this is your fault," said Frank.

"But I wrote the paper and then they saw each other at the Sandoval show…" She flopped down in a chair and let her shoulders sag.

"You wrote a paper, a very good paper, I might add," said her grandfather. "But you didn't do this."

"But if they hadn't seen each other that night… If I hadn't…" Nicky wasn't quite ready to forgive herself yet.

"The only reason they saw each other that night was because of that PR idiot," said Erin firmly. "And with Lauren in town to record, who's to say that she and Danny wouldn't have crossed paths another time. You can't feel responsible for this Nicky; it isn't your fault."

"It sure feels like it."

"Your mother's right, Nicky. Danny, Linda and Lauren are all grown-ups," said Frank. "They've all made grown-up mistakes to cause this mess. And now they're all going to have to make some grown-up decisions to try fixing it. Now, go get your things… you have a math test to study for if I'm not mistaken?"

"Yes, Grandpa…"

After Nicky left the room, Erin folded her arms. "I know it isn't Nicky's responsibility but if she hadn't written that paper…"

"Maybe so," said Frank. "She may have written it, but Linda's the one who walked out. Danny's the one who went to Lauren, and Lauren's the one who let him in. Maybe Nicky's paper made them all confront something inside themselves that they'd been hiding from or ignoring, but she didn't force any of them to make the decisions they've made."

"I know," said Erin. "I just wish there was a more black and white answer. I hate that this is happening to Danny and Linda, but I know what its like to be unhappy and fighting all the time with your spouse."

"It would be easier in black and white, with one villain to blame," said Frank.

"Yes, it would," Erin said with a sigh. "And every time I think I have found someone to blame, I realize I'm wrong."

* * *

**_Author's Note-Author's Note-Author's Note_**

_Hopefully the awful hot weather this long holiday weekend will mean more writing time for me. Not much else to do in the heat! Thanks, as always, to everyone who has taken the time to read Stone Heart so far. I hope you're enjoying the story and are finding their struggle interesting and believable (because love makes people do dumb things and make decisions that seem utterly insane to anyone watching). I hope you'll continue to take the journey with me (and Danny and Lauren). As always, I'd appreciate hearing from you - reviews and feedback are always welcome!_


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

If the person pounding on Danny's front door didn't stop, he was probably going to get punched in the face. Danny had only been home for a few minutes, and was in no mood for company. He flung the door open, ready to tear whoever was out there a new one, but he bit his tongue when he realized it was Jamie. He stared at his brother expectantly, and Jamie stared right back.

"Well, are you going to invite me in? Or are you going to just make me stand on the friggin' front steps?"

"What do you want, Jamie?" Danny sighed; he'd really had enough of family for one day, but he stepped back, letting his younger brother into the kitchen.

"It was a tough day. Wanted to check in on you." Jamie took the beer that Danny offered and flipped the top off.

"I don't need a shrink."

"Maybe not, but I thought you might need a brother."

Danny looked at Jamie for a long time. Jamie had always been closer to Joe, their middle brother, before Joe had died. In fact, Jamie and Danny's relationship had definitely had its difficult moments, but over the past year that had started to change. They'd begun moving beyond the big brother-little brother dynamic and building more of a friendship to go along with the family bond.

"I just wish he'd keep his editorial comments to himself. I know everything is complicated, and I know he doesn't approve. Did you know he went to the studio the other day and unloaded on Lauren?"

"Are you kidding? Shit," said Jamie. That explained a lot about the recent dynamic. "At least he's talking to you. That cop friend of his from years ago… he cheated on his wife and Pops didn't speak to him again. Ever. So, he's mellowing with age..."

"I'm not ch…" Danny stopped himself.

"Yes, you are." Jamie took a drink of his own beer.

"Look, if you came here to lecture me, then save it and get the hell out…"

"That's not why I…"

"…because I've really had enough of being judged by everyone!"

"Well if you'd shut up for a second and listen, maybe you'd know why I was here," barked Jamie There was a little bite in the bark, and Danny could respect that. He shut his mouth, swallowing whatever else he was going to say, and held up his free hand to show he wasn't going to interrupt.

"It's an ugly way to say it, I know. But if you're sleeping with Lauren then you are cheating on your wife. You are married. BUT… I wanted to tell you that I'm not judging you one way or another, Danny. I was little but I remember how into Lauren you were back in the day. And I remember what it was like after she left; what you were like…"

Danny looked down. He'd been miserable after Lauren left. He'd tried to hide it, ignore it, bury it, and he thought it had worked. Clearly he'd been wrong and clearly he hadn't hidden his broken heart as well as he thought.

"... I'm not you, so I don't know how you feel about her, or about Linda, or about any of it," continued Jamie. "But I wanted you to know that whatever you decide to do, I'll back you on it."

Danny slumped in his chair, remarkably relieved by his brother's words. "Thanks, man. That means a lot to me."

"Can I ask you something, Danny?"

"Sure, what?"

"How did it happen? I mean, when did it go from thinking to doing? I feel like I need to know to wrap my head around it better."

After another swallow of beer, Danny put the bottle down. "I've always thought about her. I mean, I'd start to hear a song on the radio and I'd actually turn the station. I was too chicken-shit to listen in case it was some angry song about me…"

"Seriously?" Jamie couldn't imagine his brother being afraid of anything.

"Seriously. Then, after Nicky wrote the paper, it brought up a lot of memories for me. Stuff I hadn't thought about in a long time. Honestly? There's part of me that has always regretted not going to LA with Lauren. I've always wondered about what might have been, you know? And when the Sandoval thing came up, I admit, I wanted to go. I did want to see her again and I figured what harm could it do? I mean, we were going to be in a big group. I just thought we'd hug, catch up for a few, and go our separate ways." Danny rubbed his face with his hands.

"Definitely wasn't that simple," said Jamie.

"No," Danny almost chuckled. "Not by a long shot. So after that whole debacle, Linda just started acting crazy. Totally unlike herself. She was suspicious of everything and never believed what I was telling her. And I swear to you… I was not seeing Lauren, not then."

"So, when DID it start?" Jamie shifted on the kitchen chair.

"Hey, let's go in the living room," said Danny. "More comfortable than these old things."

Danny sat down in his recliner and put his beer on the end table. Jamie sat on the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"Linda would kick your ass if she saw that," said Danny.

"Our secret?" His brother smiled.

"Yea, sure. Hell, what's one more secret in this family?" said Danny.

"Okay, so, you were going to tell me when you started seeing Lauren." Jamie wasn't going to let this story go unfinished.

Danny told him about the times he ran into Lauren unexpectedly, and how he hadn't been forthcoming with Linda because he wanted to avoid the inevitable fight. But that really hadn't solved much of anything.

"You know," said Danny, continuing his story, "I finally thought maybe its me. Maybe I'm just making myself crazy and if I could just talk to her for a while. Catch up, maybe talk about how we left things back in high school, that I'd stop thinking about her so much. So, I did. I went to see her. I guess part of me wanted to see if she felt the same, if there was something there still. And I admit it, part of me wanted something to happen – I thought that if everyone had already tried and convicted me, maybe I should just do the crime, you know?"

Jamie didn't agree with that logic, but bit his tongue. It was Danny's story to tell and it was more important to him to give his brother someone to talk to than to try forcing his own opinion down Danny's throat. "So, what happened? Did she know you were coming over?"

"No, I dropped in. Flashed my badge to make security call her and tell her I was there. We actually had a great talk, and we got into a lot of stuff. And then I went to leave… and all those old feelings were still there, and I kissed her." Danny stopped talking and just remembered for a minute. "I mean really kissed her, and if she had offered to go to bed with me right then, I wouldn't have even thought twice about it.

"But she stopped me. Lauren asked me if I realized what we were doing, what it would mean for me. She reminded me that it would only be a fling because she'd eventually leave after the album was done… and she told me she wasn't going to be anyone's dirty little secret, not even mine."

"Wow."

"So, I left. But it didn't make it better. The feelings just kept growing. I kept thinking about her. I ran into her a few times. Damn it, I was working so hard to do the right thing, Jamie. To stand by my vows, but no matter what I did or said, it seemed like it wasn't good enough for Linda. It really hurt that she didn't believe me, that she didn't trust me. And then when Linda left?"

Danny looked at his brother with a face so stricken it was nearly painful for Jamie to see. "She walked out on me. Yes, I kissed Lauren but before Linda left, I had NOT slept with her. And Linda refused to believe me. She walked out on me and took my kids. Finally, I just said damn the consequences. I still had feelings for Lauren and I wanted to be with her. And here we are now."

"If Linda had believed you, would things have been different?"

Danny sighed. "I don't know. Maybe? Maybe if we'd talked about it more. Maybe if I'd told Linda how I was feeling. If Linda had talked to me more about how she was feeling…" He let the thought trail away. There was no way of knowing and playing "what if" was something he'd done before and never gotten any good answers.

"So what are you going to do?" asked Jamie, remembering what Danny had said about Lauren's observation. "Eventually she is going to leave. Would you go with her this time? You've got a lot more to lose than when you were 18."

Danny considered his answer for a long moment, thinking about Linda and his kids, the rest of the family, his career as a NYPD detective, and looked defeated. "I don't know, Jamie. I just don't know. But I have to do something."

Jamie took one more swallow of beer. He did not envy Danny. His brother was between the proverbial rock and a hard place. No matter what he did, he was screwed.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

The Stone sisters all got together at Jackie's house at 2:00 on Sunday afternoon. The dinner itself had gone well. Jackie had outdone herself with the cooking; proving she—once again—was the neighborhood's resident Martha Stewart. Lauren's oldest sister was, for the most part, all about image. She'd married Chris Penn, who she met at SUNY Stony Brook. One year after the wedding, she'd had their oldest child, Audrey and not too long after that, Joshua and then Kristie. Chris was an executive at a large accounting firm that afforded them a very nice house and cars that spoke of their upper middle class status.

Nothing was ever out of place in Jackie's life, and it was important to her to have the traditional family that went to Mass every Sunday, played by the rules, and was well-respected in the community and the church. Anything or any one who deviated from that plan was addressed with stern disapproval. Over the years, Jackie and Lauren had butted heads often. In fact, most of the time Lauren thought Jackie had a major stick up her ass. Even when they were kids Jackie had always been bossy, telling all three of her younger sisters exactly what she thought of their behavior, and Lauren—being the most rebellious of the girls—had been and still was a frequent target of Jackie's ire and disapproval.

Lauren was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly the day was going. Jackie's main focus was on Audrey starting her sophomore year at the University of Oregon, vacillating between dramatic complaints that her daughter was so far away and ridiculous maternal pride over the major scholarship that Audrey had won to study chemistry there. If you'd asked Lauren, the reason Audrey was at U Oregon was because it was the school farthest away from her mother. There was a lull in the conversation as the four sisters were standing in the kitchen, snacking on the last of the dessert that Jackie had made when Jackie changed the subject.

"There's something else we need to talk about." Her voice was prim. Lauren pursed her lips; she knew that tone and so did Carolyn and Stephanie.

"Jackie," said Carolyn, "you sound so serious. We're here to relax and have fun today."

"Lauren, what in Heaven's name do you think you're doing? I mean, people are TALKING." Ignoring, Carolyn, Jackie leveled a stern, matronly stare at her sister, disapproval pinching the corners of her mouth.

"What have I done this time?" asked Lauren. Whatever it was, it was just one more thing to add to the list of 'stuff Jackie didn't approve of.'

"Don't play games, Lauren. Answer me. I didn't want to believe some of the rumors I'd been hearing, but then I saw that picture of you running around with Danny Reagan. What on earth are you thinking? He's a married man!" Jackie folded her arms.

"I'm not 'running around' with anyone. His wife walked out on _him_," said Lauren tightly.

"They were very happy until you came back, and then suddenly his wife is gone and the two of you are hot and heavy again? What's the common denominator here? Steph, Carolyn, I know you both see it, don't you? I know you don't approve of this!"

Carolyn and Stephanie looked at each other. It was suddenly clear to them – and to Lauren – that Jackie had set up the entire afternoon to provide what she thought was a well-needed intervention for her sister, and was now looking for the other two to back her up.

"Jackie, let's not do this," warned Carolyn. This was going to turn into an epic disaster if Jackie didn't drop it; she could see it on Lauren's face.

"Don't tell me you're encouraging this? That you approve of this… inappropriate behavior?" Jackie heaved a disgusted sigh at Carolyn while Stephanie remained speechless. Extremely shy, Steph detested confrontation. It had been hard to grow up stuck between Jackie and Lauren, and most of the time Carolyn tried to shield her from the fights. There was going to be nowhere to hide from this one.

"If she wants to do this, let's do it," said Lauren. If Jackie wanted a fight, she was ready to give her one.

Jackie turned her attention fully back to Lauren. "You should be ashamed of yourself. He's married! Bad enough that you slept with him back in high school before you were married! What are people supposed to think?"

"They're supposed to mind their own fucking business," said Lauren. "And who cares about high school? That was forever ago."

"Watch your mouth; you know I don't allow profanity in my house! Forever ago?" Jackie's laugh was sarcastic. "Clearly not, or you wouldn't still be sniffing around Danny today."

"Danny and I had… have… a complicated relationship." Lauren gritted her teeth.

"It isn't complicated," Jackie snapped. "It's very, very simple: it is about sex and the fact that you have no self-control, no moral compass."

_No self-control?_ _No moral compass?_ "Excuse me?" Lauren was stunned.

"No self-control. You'll spread your legs for him at the drop of a hat."

"Jackie!" Carolyn was appalled, and even Steph gasped. That was about the most vulgar thing they'd ever heard Jackie say in their entire lives.

"But I'm not surprised, I mean, look at you." Jackie just barreled ahead. "A life of one disaster to the next, one scandal to the next. Living life on the road with a band. Drinking, drugs, who knows how many sexual partners… and now sleeping with a married man. He took vows, Lauren. Vows in front of God! And you're making him break them."

"I'm not _making_ him do anything. You just can't get past the fact that not everyone wants to live their life by your rules, Jackie. Do you even understand how you sound? For Christsakes, listen to yourself." Lauren's voice got louder as she got angrier.

"Don't you take the Lord's name in vain! You don't even care do you? Just pile one sin on top of another. Don't you care that you're going to go to Hell?" Jackie had always been the most religious of the four sisters; she attended church every Sunday and went to confession every week.

"Oh, you nailed it, Jackie. Since you already have me written off, I may as well pile on the sins and get that first-class ticket right to Hell. It must be because I'm such an awful person. I mean, I couldn't still have feelings for him, right? It must be that broken moral compass of mine. Why else would I be fucking Danny Reagan?"

Lauren used the f-word deliberately, knowing it would push all of Jackie's buttons and was rewarded by a horrified gasp. Jackie considered it a boorish word to begin with, and when it was used to describe sex, she found it even more revolting. It sounded base and dirty, and Jackie was about as uptight about sex as someone could get.

"So typical. Foul mouth…," said Jackie, trying to recover.

"Please," said Steph in a soft voice. "Please stop. Don't fight…"

"No, it's so typical of you, Jackie. You totally buy into the idea that sex is bad and something to be ashamed of. Something that you do with Chris because you're supposed to and for no other reason than to have kids. God forbid it feel good and you enjoy it."

"I'm a good wife and a good Catholic!" Jackie was starting to yell. "I saved myself. Saved myself for my husband. You… you just threw it away." Jackie's face was turning a little red.

Lauren laughed out loud. "I have no regrets about that. I loved Danny back then and it was my decision to have him be my first. My decision! Shit, Jackie, I was Kristie's age when I gave it up to Danny." Kristie was Jackie and Chris's youngest daughter who had recently turned 16.

"Don't you even imply that my girls would behave like you." Jackie was infuriated by the thought.

"That's enough…" Carolyn tried to break in, but Jackie and Lauren were totally focused on each other.

"You keep telling yourself that," said Lauren. "You keep telling yourself that your girls are going to be precious little virgins when they get married. Just like you. Not like their screwed up aunt who did it in the back seat of a car when she was 16, and proceeded to fuck her boyfriend every chance she got after that… You know, we even did it here once, when Mom and Dad weren't home and you were supposed to be 'in charge.'" Lauren made quote marks with her fingers. "And you never even knew."

"YOU SLUT! Shut your mouth. You're no sister of mine, not anymore!"

Jackie's hand flashed out and she slapped Lauren hard enough for her head to snap to the side. For an instant, everyone was still and it was hard to decide who looked more stunned: Jackie or Lauren. Jackie had never been in a physical fight in her entire life, not even when the sisters were little, and Lauren would have never thought her oldest sister would have the balls to slap her under _any_ circumstances. Lauren put a hand up to the stinging red welt on her cheek and that broke the spell.

"You bitch!" She lunged forward and grabbed Jackie by the front of the shirt.

They grappled for a moment, screaming at each other. Lauren forced Jackie to back up while her sister flailed, not knowing how to break away. When the Kingmakers were getting started, they played plenty of dive bars, so they'd been in a few bar fights over the years. The only things that kept Lauren from punching Jackie as hard as she could were the fact that she was still just a little shocked, and Jackie was her sister, not some drunk asshole who crapped on the band.

"Stop it! BOTH OF YOU STOP IT!" Stephanie yelled at the top of her lungs, tears pouring down her face. "Just stop it," she sobbed. Lauren dropped her hands and backed up the instant she heard the anguish in Steph's voice. All four women looked at each other.

"Just go," said Jackie, her own face streaked with tears. "Get out of my house. Get out!"

"Fine." Lauren's voice was cold. She grabbed her purse and keys from the kitchen island. As she passed, Stephanie, she stopped and gave her sister a hug. "The only thing I'm sorry about is upsetting you so much; I'm sorry you had to see that, Steph."

After Lauren left, Jackie looked at the other two and let out a huffy sigh. "Can you believe that? Can you believe how she talked to me? What she said about my girls?"

"Do you even hear yourself?" Carolyn picked up her own purse. "You were totally out of line, Jackie. You're not her mother, and it doesn't really matter if you approve of what she's doing or not. It is Lauren's life, not yours."

"She's an embarrassment to the family." Jackie doggedly held onto her worldview.

"Yea, whatever you say. But I will tell you one thing, Jackie. Don't you ever ambush me again like that. If you want me to back you up on something, you tell me before hand. Don't you EVER put me on the spot like that again. Do you understand me?" Carolyn got right up in Jackie's face, and then didn't wait for an answer. Stephanie followed her out the door without even saying goodbye.

An hour later, Lauren was back in her apartment, pacing. She was still furious. She wanted to call Danny and tell him what that bitch had said, but she didn't want to ruin his evening. He was with Jack and Sean and she wasn't going to let her drama affect that. Her cell phone buzzed and she let it go to voice mail. It buzzed again, and she ignored it again. The third time, Lauren realized whoever was calling wasn't going to quit. On the screen she saw Carolyn's picture. Lauren put the phone to her ear.

"What do you want, Carolyn?"

"I want to come up. I'm downstairs in the lobby." Carolyn smiled at George who smiled back at her.

"Fine."

Carolyn looked at George and smiled again. "She says it's fine."

"Ma'am, you know I can't let you up without speaking with Miss Stone." George knew Carolyn but he wasn't going to let anyone upstairs without Lauren's express approval. That was his job, and he was excellent at it. The only exceptions to that were Augie and Danny. He picked up the house phone and looked at Carolyn expectantly.

"George is going to call you on the house phone. Don't ignore it."

He dialed Lauren's number and spoke to her briefly, and then he showed Carolyn to the elevator. "Have a nice night, Mrs. Allen."

"Thank you, George."

Lauren looked worn out when she answered the door. She was dressed in a tank top and some yoga pants with one ripped knee. Her hair was pulled up in a messy knot at the top of her head. She invited Carolyn in and indicated they should go out on the patio to talk. It was a beautiful day and Carolyn needed no encouragement to sit in the sun, surrounded by the mini garden. She could hear the sounds of the city but they seemed very far away.

"Get you something to drink?" asked Lauren.

"Sprite, if you have it."

On the patio there was a small bar with a mini refrigerator. Lauren opened it up and looked inside. "Will 7-Up do?"

"Fine."

Lauren handed her sister the can. Carolyn cracked it open and took a drink while she watched her sister pour Coke and then a healthy shot of rum into a glass with ice.

"Been a long time since I've seen you drink one of those," said Carolyn. Lauren shrugged and took a sip, and then she sat down in the soft chair opposite her sister.

Seeing Lauren drink worried Carolyn a little. Lauren would have a beer or some wine from time to time, but she rarely drank anything with hard liquor in it. Even when they were younger, Lauren had never been a big drinker, and despite the fact she was a recovering addict, didn't seem to have an issue with an occasional beer or glass of wine. Carolyn didn't agree; her father-in-law was a recovering alcoholic who had just received his 20-year pin from AA. He'd said more than once that if someone was recovering from an addiction to something like heroin or cocaine, and stayed clean of drugs but still drank, they were really just substituting one drug for another.

"I'm sorry about what happened with Jackie," said Carolyn. "That's why I came over. I felt terrible and wanted to make sure you were okay. She was totally out of line."

"I never would have thought she'd have the brass ones to actually hit me." Lauren took another drink from her glass. "But it really hurt. Not the slap, what she said."

"I know."

"I mean, who the hell is she to judge me? Yea, I've had a few epic fuck-ups in my day but she… She…"

"Jackie thinks her shit doesn't stink," said Carolyn with a shrug.

That made Lauren laugh. "No, she doesn't think it does. She's had her little perfect life. She got out of high school, went to college, met Chris there. And you know she had a virtual fucking chastity belt on until their wedding night. No way she was putting out before she got that ring."

"You're everything she's afraid of, Lauren. She hides in her little world, trying to control everything because if it's perfect on the surface, then everything is OK. And you put it all out there. You're willing to take chances and if you get a bit banged up and bloody, you're okay with that. She doesn't understand that and it scares her to death. And Jackie attacks what she doesn't understand."

Lauren was quiet for a minute, thinking about that. It made sense. It didn't make her any less angry, but it did make sense. She swirled her glass, watching the ice shift and slide.

"Do you think I'm a slut, Carolyn?"

Carolyn swallowed her soda wrong and coughed. "Beg pardon?"

"Am I a slut?" Lauren was almost afraid of the answer, afraid that Carolyn saw her the same way that Jackie did.

"No," said Carolyn emphatically. "No, you're not. This thing with Danny is a little beyond the pale, but I know you, and you're not doing it just for the sex or just because you can. You've always cared about Danny, maybe too much. But you're not tramping around sleeping with every guy…"

Lauren looked relieved when her sister said that.

"… Unless you're having three ways each night when you're out on the road with hot young groupies…? Then I might have to think you're maybe just a little bit slutty."

That comment made Lauren really laugh. "No, I can honestly tell you, Carolyn, that I have NEVER had a three way with any hot young groupies. There are a couple other members of the band who can't say the same, however."

"NO! WHO?"

Lauren shook her head, grinning wickedly. She wasn't telling.

"Seriously? You can't leave me hanging like that! I bet it was Mike… No, DJ! Maybe Stevie. Oh my GOD! Was it AUGIE?" Carolyn was beside herself. Lauren shook her head again; she was not going to admit to any knowledge. There were some secrets that just stayed with the band.

"Can I ask you something else?" said Carolyn after she finally let the whole three-way thing go. "How's the sex with Danny?"

"Carolyn!"

"What? I knew back in high school that you guys were doing it. Is it better than you remembered? Worse? What?"

"Better," said Lauren and she blushed.

"Good; I mean if you're going to hook up with your high school flame, it would be so disappointing if the sex was bad! So have you guys talked much about what's going on here?"

"Not as much as we should," said Lauren. "We skirt around it, but it is the elephant in the room most of the time. The clock is ticking, Carolyn. If I ever get my head out of my ass and write some good songs, the album will be finished. Then I'm gone. We'll start the tour and there won't be a choice any more. I'll go, and Danny will either have to go with me or stay here."

"What do you think is going to happen?" Carolyn asked.

Lauren drained the rest of her rum and Coke. "I think I'm going to go down with the ship," she said sadly. "I think I'm going to lose him… again."

* * *

**_Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note_**

_First off, thanks for reading! _

_Since readers have gotten some insight into the dynamic that exists between Lauren and the rest of the Kingmakers, and the Reagan family dynamic, I thought it was important to show some more of the dynamic surrounding Lauren and her sisters. I actually hadn't expected it to go this way but the more I wrote the more the chapter took on a life of its own! I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks again for reading and, as always, I'd love to hear from you - if there's something in the chapter or story that you've loved (or disliked), feel free to leave a review!_


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

Leaning back in the recliner, Danny rubbed his forehead. The entire week had been a blur and his head hurt. After that crazy dinner at his father's house the previous week, Danny had only seen Lauren for a short time. She'd obviously had an awful time at her sister's house, but all she would say was that she was never speaking to Jackie again. After that, she'd disappeared into the studio and he'd been sucked into a kidnapping case that had dominated his thoughts and his time. Fortunately, that story had a happy ending. They'd found the little boy safe and sound. An aunt who was suffering from delusions had taken him. She'd lost her own son six months before to an aggressive form of bone cancer, and in the depths of her grief she'd come to believe that her nephew was actually her own child.

But after he got home, in the quiet of his house, Danny found himself thinking about his family a lot. The case had made him think of Jack and Sean, and how much he missed them. How much he would suffer if they disappeared. Because school was starting next week, they'd be back in a few days and he was looking forward to their noisy chatter. He picked up a photo of him, Jack, Sean and Linda at the beach the summer before. They were all smiling and happy.

_When had that changed?_ he wondered. _How had that changed? How can you go from happily married to living separate lives and wanting something more? Were we ever happily married? Can I fix this?_ There was a knock at the door that pulled Danny out of his morose thoughts. He put the photo down on the coffee table and went to answer it.

"Hey, Dad." He was a little surprised to see Frank standing outside. He'd clearly come right from the Commissioner's Office: it was ridiculously hot out and he was still in his suit.

"Hi, Danny. Am I interrupting?"

"No, come on in. Get you something to drink?"

"No, thanks."

Frank looked around. The house seemed empty and quiet without Linda and the boys there, and things were certainly not neat. It was easy to see that Danny had quietly slid into the role of bachelor. There were dirty dishes in the sink, dust on the end tables, and the carpet was in need of a good vacuuming. Frank knew that if he got a look upstairs, there would be an enormous pile of dirty laundry in the bedroom. His late wife, Mary, had tried for years to get Danny to do laundry once a week but his son always waited until he was completely out of something.

"So, what's up, Dad?"

"Hadn't seen much of you since last week, and I know you had a tough case. You and Detective Baez did good work on this one," said Frank.

"Thanks," said Danny. "It's nice to have a happy ending every now and then."

"I also wanted to see if you needed anything? Aside from a housekeeper."

Danny watched his father out of the corner of his eye, knowing Frank was really there to talk about what happened last Sunday and the whole situation with Linda and Lauren. He knew the housekeeper comment was meant as a joke but he didn't laugh. Danny was in no mood to laugh.

When his son didn't say anything, Frank continued on. "Have you talked to anyone about all this?"

"No," said Danny. "Well, Jamie a little…"

Frank sighed and gave his son a look. Of all his children, Danny could be the most recalcitrant. Frank had learned over the years that telling Danny what to do or what to think was the fastest way to make him do the exact opposite. So, although Frank was not at all happy with what was going on in Danny's life, his son was a grown man and was the only one who could make the choices that needed to be made was Danny. But sometimes a father needed to interfere.

"Well, then I'm going to talk and you listen," said Frank. "I've tried to stay out of all this but I'm your father. It is my job to give you my opinion whether you want it or not. What concerns me is what happens when they all come back this week. You and Linda are going to have to figure something out."

"I know…" It had been weighing on Danny's mind.

"And I'd guess it won't be long before Lauren will finish up at the studio. What happens then? Are you going to quit the force, go on tour with her and the band?" Frank's deep voice was even and measured, with no judgment in it.

"I don't know, Dad. I honestly don't know what to do." Danny's voice sounded tired.

"You're the only one who can do something. You have to make a choice and decide what you're willing to give up… and what you can't live without."

_What I can't live without…_? In an instant, Jack and Sean flashed through Danny's mind.

"Well," said Frank. "I should be going. See you on Sunday?"

"I'll be there, Dad." As he was talking, Danny pulled on his ratty old sneakers and picked up his keys. Frank raised an eyebrow.

"I need to go for a walk," said Danny. "I could use a little fresh air." He still had a lot of thinking to do.

In the city, Lauren was brooding. For the past three days she hadn't heard from Danny. Based on a brief phone message, she knew he was on a serious case. Nevertheless, she had a nagging feeling that something was wrong. She tried working on some songs – the band had put in a lot of hours this week and they were taking the weekend off but she wanted something for Monday. Too distracted, she got frustrated and finally went out for a walk.

The late August humidity didn't help her mood. The warm, thick air clung to her. Lauren retreated back to the cool of her apartment and showered the stickiness away. It was close to 6:00 p.m. when she stepped out onto the bath mat. Lauren towel dried her hair, threw on a t-shirt and shorts, and sat down cross-legged on the sofa. She picked up her notebook and started to scribble some ideas for a song. About an hour later, the phone rang.

"Hey, there… Yes… OK, I'll see you in a minute." Hearing Danny's voice made her smile. " She hung up the phone and sighed, relieved. Danny was on his way up. Whenever she was out of sorts with the band, all the crap and frustration seemed to fade and disappear when Danny was around.

"Hi," she said when he came in. "I've missed you. How are you?" She gave him a kiss, but the one he returned was reserved and in an instant she was wary again.

"Everything okay?" They went to sit in the living room. She curled up next to him and put a hand on his leg.

"Lauren… I've been talking to Linda."

"Oh." Lauren slowly took her hand away from his leg. She knew he'd been talking to Linda; Danny had always been up front about that so she wasn't entirely certain why he'd specifically told her just now.

"It's almost September, and the boys will be going back to school. So, they'll be back in the city. Back at the house." He cleared his throat and stared at the table in front of him. Lauren closed her eyes, knowing exactly what was coming.

"Lauren…" Danny took her hand and looked at her. "You know I love you… But they're my family. Those boys are my life… I have to try to work things out with Linda. So, when they come back, they'll be at the house and so will I."

"I see." Lauren's stomach turned over. She knew Danny loved his boys, and would do anything for them. Even let her go.

"And that means, I have to stop this. Us." Danny looked away again. "I have to stop coming here, stop seeing you."

"Danny, no…!" Lauren hated how desperate her voice sounded. She'd known all along that this was coming but even so – to hear him say it – ripped a hole right through her. Then the tears came. Danny pulled Lauren into his arms and rocked her.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered through his own tears, hating himself for hurting her. "I'm so sorry."

They sat together for a long time. Both knew there was no other choice for them: Danny would be miserable on the road, away from his family, constantly dealing with the drama and intrusions that were Lauren's life on the road. And Lauren wouldn't—couldn't—give up the Kingmakers. The music was everything to her; she couldn't even comprehend another life. She couldn't be Carolyn or Jackie. The lives they had were perfect for them, but Lauren couldn't live it.

Finally, Lauren pulled away and went to look out the window. "Danny, you need to go." Her voice was despondent.

He got up and started to go over to her, stopping himself after a few steps. "Lauren…"

She shook her head, tears starting again. She struggled to keep her voice steady. "If this is what you want, then you need to go. Now."

He came up behind her but didn't touch her. "I'm sorry, Lauren…"

"I am, too." She turned around, and the devastated look on her face crushed what little was left of Danny. "Go. Please. Just leave." Then she turned her back on him and stared out the window. Danny saw her shoulders start to tremble and he knew she was crying again. Lauren stared out the window for a long time after she heard the door close behind him.

After Danny left, Lauren collapsed on the sofa. She cried until there were no more tears, and wracked her brain for something she could have said or done differently that would have changed things. The apartment felt huge, cold, and empty. Finally, she went out on the small balcony and stared out at the city, trying to ignore the empty hole in her heart. Abruptly, the sorrow turned into anger and she erupted, kicking one of the balcony chairs so hard it flipped over backward, and knocking a vase with flowers off of the table. It smashed on the balcony tile. She just wanted the pain to stop, to disappear, and to just feel nothing. And there was only one way she knew of to make that happen.

Lauren fished her iPhone out of her pocket and started to scroll through her contacts. She reached one name and slowly sat down as she stared at it. She reached out a finger to tap the number and then put the phone down as if it had burned her. _No, no, no! You can't go there, Lauren. You can't._ But God, she wanted to. More than she had in a very, very long time. Lauren grabbed the phone again, but this time she went to a different, very specific number. Her hand was shaking as she put the phone to her ear.

The vibration of the phone pulled Augie out of his sleep, and he fumbled in the dark to find it. For once in his life he had gone to bed early. Aggravated, he didn't even look at the screen when he answered.

"Hello?" His voice was thick and slow.

"Augie?" On the other end of the phone, Lauren's voice was almost inaudible.

Augie was instantly awake when he heard her. "Lauren? Lauren, what's wrong?"

"Its over, Augie. He ended it. Danny left." She started to cry.

_Oh, shit,_ thought Augie. "Lauren, I'm coming over. Stay there. Okay? Don't go anywhere."

"Okay…" She hung up the phone before he could say anything else.

Augie threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, and didn't even bother with socks before he jammed his feet into his sneakers. In the hall, he punched the elevator down button about 20 times as if that would make the doors open faster. Once he got outside to the street, he hailed a cab and jumped in the back. "Four Seasons on 57th, and make it fast!" he told the driver.

"Can't keep a lady friend waiting, aye?" said the driver with a smirk.

"Just drive," ordered Augie, in no mood to exchange foolish double-entendres with this idiot.

At the hotel, Augie literally threw the cab fare and tip at the driver as he ran out of the cab. He ignored the obscenity the cabbie hurled at his back and raced to the side desk. Carlos, the night concierge, knew him because he'd been to see Lauren a number of times.

"Mr. Stone?"

"Lauren called me," said Augie. "She knows I'm coming."

"Is something wrong?" asked Carlos. The urgency in Augie's voice scared him.

Augie hesitated for a minute, not wanting to reveal too much, but not wanting to lie to the man outright. "Guy trouble," he finally said.

"Ah, a shame. I'm sure they will work it out. I will let her know you're on your way up." Carlos dialed the house number for Lauren's room and listened to it ring. She didn't pick up.

"She is not answering, Mr. Stone."

"Shit," said Augie. He started for the elevator and Carlos hurried after him. Augie might have permission to show up at Lauren's unannounced, but Carlos still needed to activate the elevator.

"Do you think Miss Stone is in trouble?"

"I don't know, but she was very upset when she called me."

"I will come up with you, Mr. Stone. In case there is an emergency." Carlos took his key card and brought Augie up in the elevator. The ride up seemed to take forever. When they reached Lauren's floor, Carlos knocked on the door.

"Miss Stone? Its Carlos, I have Mr. Stone with me; you didn't answer your phone and we were worried…"

The door opened and Carlos' eyes got wide. Lauren looked like hell. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were blotchy. She had clearly been crying. She looked from Carlos to Augie and back again, seeming to not know who they were for a moment. Then she pushed past Carlos and threw herself into Augie's arms, tears coming again. Her cousin hugged her and ground his teeth. He hated seeing her in so much pain. This is exactly what he'd been afraid of when he realized that Danny was back in her life.

"OK," he said. "Let's go inside." He managed to untangle himself from Lauren. She headed back into the apartment and he followed. When he got to the door, he turned back.

"Carlos, if Danny Reagan shows up, do NOT let him up. In fact, tell him to fuck off."


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

On Saturday Danny spent a miserable morning doing his best to scrub the house so that it wasn't a complete pit when his wife arrived. It was a passable job but it certainly wasn't the way Linda would have done it. He put a bottle of Tylenol into the medicine cabinet and shut the door before unleashing a heavy sigh. He'd spent the night thinking about how he'd left things with Lauren and the look on her face when he left. He wondered if she hated him for doing it. He hated himself that was for sure.

Linda and the boys arrived around noon. Danny helped get the bags out of the car and they all shared lunch. The boys filled it with almost ceaseless chatter, which kept the awkwardness at bay. A short time later, Jack and Sean went outside to see their friends from down the street. Linda finished throwing a load of the boys' clothes into the laundry, and as she did, she covertly looked at her husband. To be honest, Danny looked like crap. He obviously hadn't been sleeping well and up until 10 minutes ago, he clearly hadn't shaved in several days either. She'd heard briefly from Erin about the kidnapping case when they'd spoken on the phone, but it was more than that.

"Linda, can we talk for a sec?" asked Danny when she came out of the laundry room.

"Sure." She put the empty basket down and tugged at the hem of her shirt. Linda steeled herself, wondering what might come out of Danny's mouth.

"I… I think… We…" He sighed and looked down.

_Oh, God. He wants a divorce_. She closed her eyes. "Just spit it out, Danny. Say what you have to say."

"I think we need to try, Linda. I ended things with Lauren. We're done."

Linda's eyes flew open. "What?" Beyond that one question, she was speechless.

"I told Lauren that I had to try making this work between us. That I had to put my family first." He knew he'd done the right thing, but Danny felt like a shell of a man. Hollow, empty, aching. He'd hardly slept since breaking off his relationship with Lauren, and it had taken remarkable willpower to not call her to see how she was.

"You really want to try making our marriage work?" Linda offered a tentative smile as Danny reached out and took her hand.

"I do. I do still love you, Linda. I just… we just…" His inability to articulate what he was thinking frustrated Danny.

"We stopped trying," said Linda. "We both did. When there was too much going on, it was too easy to sacrifice each other. I'm glad you want to try, Danny. I'm really glad." She put her arms around him and put her hand on the back of his head. Danny shook a little in her arms and Linda realized he was trying not to cry. She wondered if he was crying over what we was trying to regain, or what he was losing and decided that she really didn't want to know. After a deep breath, Danny collected himself.

"So, what do we do now? What do you want to do?" he asked.

"About us?"

"About us."

"I want us to see a marriage counselor," she said. "And I want us to talk with Father Rob."

Inside, Danny recoiled. He wasn't crazy about the idea of talking to Father Rob about all of this, and he especially didn't want to be confessing his sins and mistakes to some shrink. But, he'd told himself that he would do whatever Linda wanted to try getting them back on track. Linda watched his face carefully; she knew how he felt about therapists.

"Fine," he said. "We'll go."

"Thank you, Danny." For the first time in a long time, Linda felt her shoulders relax. Maybe there was some hope after all.

Where there was hope in the Reagan house, there seemed little more than despair in Lauren's apartment. She spent a large part of Saturday aimlessly trying to get things done to no avail. Augie texted her several times and she answered a few, and ignored most of them. Sunday was little better and she found herself alternating between wanting to call Danny, and wanting to find some way to make all the pain and despair fade away.

On Monday, Augie arrived at the studio. Tisha was in Studio A with Mike, DJ and Stevie when he got there. They knew Fitz had an early meeting and wouldn't be there for another hour. When he walked in the others looked up, expecting to see Lauren with him.

"Where is she?" asked Mike.

"I just got a text. She's stuck in traffic. Probably here in 15," said Augie.

"How is she doing?" That question came from Stevie, and Augie shrugged.

"I don't really know. She was a wreck on Friday when she called me. She thinks she's an idiot, and that there's something wrong with her…" Augie answered as he remembered Friday night:

_Curled in the corner of the sofa, hugging a pillow close to her, Lauren held a fist full of tissues in her free hand. Augie sat near her and let her cry or talk or yell; whatever she needed to do._

"_What's wrong with me?" she whispered. "I love him so much. And I've loved him for so long… what's wrong with me?"_

"_There's nothing wrong with you, Lauren." Augie tried to soothe her._

"_Of course there is." The tears started again. "There must be. Twice now, I've lost him. What about me wasn't enough for him back in high school? Isn't enough for him now?"_

"_That's not true, Lauren. You were enough for him, you are. But think about it. Could you really see him living our lives? On the road, the constant drama? Imagine how he would feel every time you had a crowd of groupies wanting your autograph, your attention… how would he feel every time he heard some groupie scream out that he wanted to do you on the tour bus…"_

_Augie was right and she knew it, but it didn't make her feel better. Breaking up with Danny all those years ago had ripped open a part of her heart and soul and she'd spent years trying to fill it. And with a few words, it had been ripped open all over again, as raw and painful as it ever was before. _

"_I'm an idiot, Augie. A Goddamn idiot. What made me think he would ever love me enough to come with me?" Lauren shrugged morosely._

_The circuitous conversation continued for hours until Lauren finally exhausted herself and, wrung out, allowed herself to be put to bed. Augie made sure she was asleep before sending a simple text to the band to tell them what had happened. Lauren found him in the morning folded into the recliner, the TV still on and she sent him home after a brief argument. She eventually won; Lauren didn't want company. She wanted to be alone with her misery._

"…I haven't see her since then. Got a couple texts, but that's it. I'm going to bet she's not much better."

"I knew he was a douche-bag." DJ's voice was angry. "Breaking her heart like that. The asshole. He'd better not show his face around here."

Of everyone in the band, DJ was probably the one who caused the most drama amongst and between the members. Regardless of the crap he stirred up, he was probably also the most protective. The band was his family, and he believed in the philosophy that he could mess with his family as much as he wanted, but if anyone else messed with them? God help them.

Lauren arrived about 20 minutes later muttering about the traffic and the stupid drivers. Everyone looked up when she came in and then tried not to look like they were looking. Lauren looked worn out. There were dark circles under her eyes and she was pale. Tisha immediately pulled Lauren into a hug.

"Girl, if you need to go out and have some girl-to-girl time, you call me and I'll take care of everything. You doing okay?"

Lauren nodded but said nothing.

"I am not kidding," said Tisha. "You call me."

The rest of the band each said something, but didn't want to make a big deal of it, thinking that getting into the music would be the best thing for everyone. They picked and tinkered for a few hours before breaking for a short lunch. Lauren only picked at her food, saying she'd eaten a big breakfast and was still full. No one believed her. She eventually went into one of the other studio rooms and sat down at the keyboard setup. She ran a finger back and forth over the keys.

"Push over," said DJ. "You're hogging the whole seat." Lauren obliged and he sat down. With the two of them on the bench, there wasn't much room. He glanced over at her and although she was looking straight ahead DJ could see tears sliding down her cheek.

"I know I've always given you shit about your boyfriends, but I really am sorry, Lauren. I know this one was different. I've never seen you like that with anyone else."

"Thanks, DJ." Her smile was sad. "There isn't anyone else like him; not for me."

"But he's still a dick for hurting you like this. I can go rough him up in a parking lot if you want. Would that make you feel better?"

"No, you don't have to do that. I'd prefer that you not get shot by his partner. Tina would kick my ass."

Lauren reached out and picked out three notes on the keyboard. DJ reached out as well and mimicked the notes. Lauren played a few more notes and DJ repeated those. Lauren's next set was more complicated and faster, and DJ matched it perfectly, and a tiny smile cracked Lauren's serious expression. A few moments later they were furiously playing simultaneous versions of "Chopsticks." After, Lauren rested her head on DJ's shoulder.

"Thanks, DJ."

"Your my girl, Lauren. You're our girl, and we've got your back."


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

The "Chopsticks" moment with DJ was the last happy thing that happened to Lauren – or the Kingmakers – for the next three weeks. As August turned into September, and September's days began to slip away, Lauren continued her slow spiral down into depression, sadness and despair. And the band followed her. Work on the new CD had been difficult before her affair with Danny crashed and burned. Now it was close to disastrous.

They had a few songs, but no one in the band was settled on them. They disagreed about the musicality, the tempo, and the thousand other little details that went into a song. And the fact that Lauren couldn't string together a set of lyrics worth a damn was just gas on the fire. She had several songs half-finished and didn't like any them, but with no new inspiration, she just continued to try fixing the unfixable. Feedback from the band wasn't helping and they couldn't seem to reconcile lyrics with music and vice versa. Fitz was doing his best to influence them and break through the barriers, but his success was spotty. And he was growing more and more concerned with production deadlines.

"That's not the right tempo for this," barked DJ.

Stevie shot him a look. "It's what's working for me. Don't like it come over here and play it yourself."

"Hey!" Even Augie's tone was terse. "Not helpful."

"Neither is the drum beat. We're all over the place; this is noise not music." DJ was frustrated and starting to believe that there was little hope for the album. "Are you hearing anything, Lauren? Might be nice to at least know what kind of song you're tinkering with."

"Back off." Lauren put her head down on the table. Where were her lyrics? She was utterly dry and out of ideas, and the fear of a bad album following an average one was really starting to take hold and that was only making it worse for her.

"We've been backing off." DJ folded his arms. "That's our whole problem. Our production schedule has been spinning out of control for the last month. We're getting nothing done. Anyone remember what changed about a month ago?"

"Not relevant," she growled.

"Not relevant my ass," muttered Mike.

"Do you have something to say to me? Any of you? Then just say it and stop being a bunch of little bitches. After your second divorce, Mike, did I bail on you? Did I? Have I bailed on any of you? No, we worked through it no matter what kind of shit we needed to work through."

"No, you've never bailed on us, Lauren. And we supported you when you were in rehab; we said we'd wait for you to get your shit together. And we did," said Stevie.

"And I appreciate that. So maybe you could all cut me a little slack while I get my shit together again. Problems don't just disappear; they stick with you for a while." She turned her back on them and went back to scribbling in her notebook.

The tension between Lauren and Mike continued to simmer for the remainder of the day, and came back to the studio with them on Thursday until it finally came to a head when Lauren tore into Mike over some minor disagreement, and he laced into her just as hard in response. The string of expletives that erupted from the rehearsal room was followed by a loud crash as a stool went flying backwards and then a few more curse words. Mike walked out of the room, shoulders tense, his mouth in a thin line. The rest of the band, Fitz, and Tisha were all in the control room and collectively watched as Lauren tore up a number of papers and flung them around the room.

"Calling her a 'crazy-ass, control-freak bitch' didn't exactly improve her attitude, Mike." That casual observation came from Stevie.

"Well, she is. I get she's hurting over this breakup, and I'm sorry, but I am not her punching bag. I'm not putting up with that kind of shit. We are so ridiculously behind on this album…" Mike, who was normally the last member of the Kingmakers to ever lose his temper over anything, was furious.

Inside the booth, Lauren turned to look at the window – realizing that the others were staring at her. Out of breath from her tantrum, her chest was heaving and her hands were clenched into fists. Her unruly hair was pulled into a messy knot, and with it away from her face the dark circles under her eyes stood out prominently. Tisha wondered if anyone else noticed that she was looking much thinner than normal. Lauren looked through the window with a thousand yard stare that unnerved her cousin. A moment later the door flew open with a bang.

"I'm done. I'm going home." She looked at them all accusingly and waited for someone to challenge her, to try convincing her to stay.

"Then just go. Maybe you can get some writing done," snapped Mike. "At least when Taylor Swift gets dumped, she gets some mileage out of it."

Lauren whirled around to face him, livid. "You are SUCH an ASSHOLE!" She stormed out of the studio without another word to anyone.

"Nice fucking job." Augie glared at Mike and then closed his eyes; he had a massive headache.

"Mike's got a point. We're never going to get done working like this. We don't have a hit. We don't even have something that's halfway to a hit; we're exceling at mediocrity. She's completely around the bend," said DJ.

"Hey," said Stevie. "I don't disagree but we're not helping by talking to her like she's washed up. That's not going to unblock her. But I don't know what else to do."

"Only thing we can do. We wait," said Augie.

"Come on, Augie! You've got to stop covering for her. All of us are in the band, not just her. We wait. We wait. We've been waiting and it hasn't gotten us shit," said Mike.

Augie walked over to Mike and got right in his face. "Then what do you recommend we do? Your brilliant technique of confronting her obviously worked so well today, you dick. So, what's your great idea? I'm waiting."

"Okay," said Fitz with a sigh as he moved between Mike and Augie, forcing them to step back from each other. "Let's call it a wrap today." He didn't disagree with what any of them had said. The issue really was with Lauren and they weren't going to get anywhere until she got right in the head. And there was no way for him to make it happen any faster.

Augie held up a hand. "Fine. Give her a long weekend; we'll get it done. We always do. Let's all regroup back here on Monday afternoon. See how everyone is doing and then do a full day on Tuesday. I'll give her some time and talk to her on Sunday."

When she left the studio, Lauren didn't go home. She went into the city and wandered. Stuck in her own head, she didn't really pay attention to the people around her or necessarily where she was going. Finally she found herself in the park and sat on a bench. From behind her sunglasses she watched people come and go, and it didn't take long for her to notice the young man several benches down who had a stack of some kind of publication next to him. He didn't seem to be pushing the material on anyone, but was more than happy to exchange one for money when someone sat down… all under the watchful eye of two of his friends who loitered nearby.

A stressed out Wall Street type in a suit sat down and talked to the man for a minute, and after he paid, Lauren caught the smallest flash of a plastic packet being tucked in the front cover before it was handed over. She wasn't surprised; she'd played that game plenty of times back in LA. Find your dealer, pay your money, and have your poison slipped into your pocket or tucked in a newspaper. Then off you went.

_A taste of that would solve your problems._ The little voice in her head was a whisper, but one she hadn't heard for a long time. She closed her eyes and pretended not to hear it, but the voice pushed.

_All that pain, all that hurt? You never felt it before. A little up your nose and the whole world changes. Gets brighter, better. You know it..._

Lauren ground her teeth. She knew the voice lied; that it would make everything worse. But she had to admit, she'd been thinking about it: that haze of energy and excitement that came with the cocaine high. For her it was a euphoria that blocked everything else out so that she didn't have to think about the things she didn't want to think about. Things like her writer's block. Things like Danny.

_Danny…_ Every time she thought of him it hurt, a physical pain that twisted her up inside and turned her inside out. At night she couldn't sleep. She would stare out the window, missing feeling him beside her and hating the idea that he was sleeping with Linda. Then she would berate herself for those thoughts; she couldn't fault him for that. She was, after all, his wife. And Lauren was, well, nothing.

_You don't have to feel like nothing any more…_

Lauren looked over at the bench. Her writing talent was gone, and that meant her career was gone. Danny was gone. She had nothing left and that meant she really had nothing to lose. Ten minutes later, she was walking home, her fist clenched inside her pocket around a one-ounce bag of cocaine.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

The coffee table was empty except for the little, crumpled plastic packet in the middle. Lauren paced back and forth, warring with herself just as she had all the way home. She flung herself onto the sofa and curled into the middle cushion.

_I don't need this. I don't,_ she thought to herself.

_Liar. You do,_ the voice answered.

Lauren's throat felt tight. She picked up a framed picture that was lying on the cushion next to her. She'd been looking at it last night and had left it there when she eventually tried to go to bed. Protected under the glass was a singular moment of joy; the minute she'd left Bruno's party with Danny. Happy, laughing. A single moment when she was actually living the life she'd always dreamed of: the music, the success, the fame, and Danny with her to share all of it. A moment she would never have again. One moment to show her so very clearly that she had nothing.

Lauren hugged the picture to her chest and tried not to cry. She was so tired of crying. So tired of feeling hollow. She ran her fingers over the frame's glass front.

_You've turned into a coward, _the voice said._ You don't have to feel like this any more. You know you don't. _

_I'm not… I can't… _Lauren didn't even finish her thought. She was exhausted and she didn't have the energy to argue with the voice any more. Why should she bother? She set the picture up on the table and then reached out and picked up the bag of coke.

_You can fly again. Forget all of the pain, all of the sadness, _the voice said, sensing victory. _You'll be able to write again._ _You'll be invincible…_

Lauren stared at the clear little bag in her hands. They were shaking. "No! No, I won't," she said out loud. "I won't be invincible. I'll be dead."

She rushed to the bathroom and tore the bag open before she could second-guess herself. Dumping all of the white powder into the toilet she flushed it and threw the plastic in as well. Looking at her hands she realized that some of the cocaine had clung to her fingers. She opened the sink faucet and pumped a ridiculous amount of soap from the dispenser. She washed and scrubbed her hands furiously until they were raw and red, and the hot water was painful.

She turned the water off and looked at herself in the mirror, seeing every dark circle, every line in her face, and in each one she saw all of the mistakes she'd ever made in her life. To the outside world, she was a resounding success but all she saw in the mirror was a miserable, abject failure. _Maybe I should have just snorted all of the cocaine and killed myself. _There had to be some way to pull the pain out and throw it away. Hating herself, Lauren sagged down to the floor and sobbed.

Like clockwork, the Reagans filed in for Mass on Sunday. Danny sat and stood as needed, but he didn't really hear anything Father Rob was saying. He just lost himself in his own head, and he found himself thinking about Lauren. Wondering how she was. It had been weeks since he'd seen or talked to her. He'd gone through his first couple's therapy session with Linda and it had been hellish. He knew what he'd done but listening to Linda talk about how he'd screwed around with another woman and lied to her was hard. Hard didn't even come close, actually. But he'd had plenty to say as well, and he knew it had been just as hard for Linda to hear how he'd hidden away his feelings for Lauren all these years. And how he still had feelings for her; those weren't going to go away overnight. Since that session he wondered if they were ever going to go away at all; every time he thought about Lauren, his heart died a little all over again.

He knelt with everyone else and folded his hands. _God? Holy Father? I'm not much for prayer, and you're probably pretty pissed of at me anyway, but I need you to do something for me. I need you to watch out for Lauren. Keep her safe. She doesn't deserve the pain I gave her. If you could take it away from her and give it to me, I'd shoulder it. I'll take whatever punishment I get, whatever penance I need to do. But please don't let her be miserable any more because of me._

Only Erin noticed the single tear that escaped down his cheek.

Monday afternoon, the Kingmakers regrouped at Fitz's studio. Augie was the last to arrive, and was staring at his phone's screen as he walked in. Lauren had been incommunicado all weekend, and was starting to worry. The background chatter and noise ceased immediate as the door closed behind him, and when he looked up it was clear the rest of the band was already pissed off.

"Where is she?" Stevie sighed.

Augie looked at them blankly for a second. _Where is she? They can't be serious?_

"Lauren. She's not with you?" said Mike. "Great."

"Dammit," grumbled Augie. "I thought she'd be here. When was the last time any of you heard from her?"

"Not since the scene here back on Thursday afternoon," said Stevie and then he repeated his question. "Do you know where she is?"

"No. I don't know. I haven't heard from her since Thursday. Tell me one of you has talked to her." Augie's stomach turned into a knot. This was bad. Very bad.

"I haven't. She hasn't talked to anyone?" An edge of concern colored DJ's voice. "She always talks to you, Aug, even when she isn't talking to the rest of us."

"Not a word." Augie frowned, his worry increasing exponentially with every passing moment. "No calls, no texts. Nothing. I thought she might have taken off for the weekend – you know; go to the mountains or something, Remember when she vanished for three days to Tahoe? I was freaking out back then, but she showed up on time to get back to the studio."

"It was just studio pressure that time. She hadn't had her heart crushed by some shithead boyfriend," said Mike. He pulled out his phone and pushed the speed dial for Lauren's cell. It rang and went to voice mail. He shook his head as he hung up. Stevie followed suit, sending a text and then calling her number. The text disappeared into the ether, and his call also went to voice mail.

"Shit," he muttered as he hung up.

Augie locked his hands behind his head and made a growling noise. "This is bad. I'm really scared for her now. Come on, we have to go to her place. We have to find her."

"I have the SUV today," said DJ. "I'll drive."

As they piled out the door, Stevie caught Augie by the elbow. "Augie, man, what if she's…"

"DON'T go there," hissed Augie. He didn't know if Stevie was going to ask if she'd gone back to the coke, or if she was dead, or maybe even both, but Augie didn't want to even entertain the thought.

They got to Lauren's apartment as fast as they could manage. At least twice, DJ ran red lights and once Mike got into a yelling match that ended up with several middle fingers being flipped with the car next to them. They were lucky they didn't get killed or pulled over by a cop. When they pulled up, DJ ended up half on the sidewalk scattering some pedestrians. The valet was staring and nearly didn't catch the keys that DJ threw at him like he was pitching Major League ball.

George looked up, alarmed, as they all rushed to the desk. He started to get up. "Mr. Stone? Is something wrong?"

"We need to go up to Lauren's. Now."

"All of you? Is she expecting company?" George knew that Augie could go up any time but he was hesitant to let all of them go. It was his job to protect Lauren's privacy.

"No, she's not. We think she might be sick," said Augie. "None of us have heard from her. Have you seen her?"

"I was off for the weekend. The last time I saw Miss Stone was when she came back on Thursday evening. It was just before I went home. She did seem distracted. Let me check the book." He opened a small, leather-bound notebook. Everyone who worked the private front desk made a note of who came and went from the hotel.

"No," he finally said, frowning. "There's no record that Miss Stone has been out since then. No one has come to see her either…"

"We need to get up there, George."

"I understand. I'll go up with you. In an emergency, someone from the hotel needs to go with you."

"Then let's get moving," said DJ. "C'mon, c'mon."

Inside the elevator, George swiped his card and pressed the button for the penthouse. The doors slid closed and they rode up in silence, listening to delicate classical music as it piped through the speakers. It was the longest elevator ride any of them had ever taken.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Lauren jumped and nearly dropped the bottle of orange juice she was drinking out of when her apartment door opened, and several voices called her name. She put the bottle down in surprise as Augie, Mike, Stevie and DJ, followed by a very worried George, piled in. They all stopped short. The apartment was a mess. Clothes were strewn over chairs, there were dirty glasses and dishes in the sink, and there was paper everywhere. It looked like four frat guys lived there. And Lauren didn't look any better dressed in ratty clothes with her tangled hair pulled back in a loose, messy knot at the back of her head.

"Oh, thank God," said Augie when he saw her on her feet and breathing. Mike thanked George for helping them and sent him back downstairs, assuring him that if they needed anything at all he would be the first one they called.

"What are you guys doing here? We're taking the weekend off." She was irritated and baffled by the intrusion.

"The weekend?" DJ looked shocked. "Lauren, its Monday afternoon. We were all supposed to be at the studio an hour ago."

Lauren suddenly looked confused. "What do you mean it's already Monday? Did I lose track of time?"

"Time? Sweetie, you lost track of days." Augie spoke softly, almost like she was an injured animal. The last thing he wanted was for her to get defensive and start an argument. She'd just shut down if that happened.

"Oh. I must have gotten distracted. I've been writing; or at least trying to write…" She gestured at the morass of papers strewn about the apartment. It looked like she'd gone through at least two notebooks. Loose sheets were scattered across the living room, covering the coffee table and littering the floor.

As she aimlessly pointed at the papers, Lauren pulled off the zip up sweatshirt she was wearing and tossed it carelessly on a chair. She put her hands on her hips and looked around at the mess as if she was seeing it for the first time. Her old yoga pants were worn thin in some places and the tank top had stains on it, but what it really highlighted was exactly how skinny she'd become. And the last time any of them had seen Lauren that thin was the day she checked into the rehab clinic in Arizona.

"Jesus Christ," said Stevie softly. "You're skin and bones. How much have you lost?"

"I haven't been very hungry…" Lauren shrugged and didn't seem fazed by the comment. It was that apathy that spurred Augie to suddenly grab her by the arms and force her to look at him.

"Lauren! Look at me!" Augie voice was sharp with renewed fear as he searched her face, looking for that wild look he remembered, the look that said she'd been flying high and was crashing down, terrified that he'd see it.

"Augie, I..."

"Tell me right now, Lauren. The truth. Are you using?" He didn't see 'the look' but it didn't lessen his anxiety any. His mind was reeling. She'd been clean for over 10 years, and if she'd relapsed because of Danny… _Cop or no cop, I'll kill him myself._

"No," she whispered, looking down, ashamed.

"Lauren?" He could tell there was more to it than a simple 'no.'

"I haven't used… but… I bought an ounce…"

Every single one of them froze when she said it. Augie put his hands up to his head, tangling his fingers in his hair.

"… After the blow out at the studio, I went looking. I wanted to stop feeling so empty; I wanted to numb all of the pain. I've felt like I've been suffocating. When I used to get high I felt like I was flying. I always felt good…"

"Where is it?" Augie demanded, but Lauren just kept talking.

"I didn't use it, but God, I wanted to. More than I've wanted to since I got out of Desert Sun." She started to shake, and crossed her arms and hugged herself.

"You didn't answer his question," said DJ quietly.

"I know. I flushed it. I swear to all of you, I flushed it and I didn't use it. You have to believe me... Please..."

"We believe you," said Mike. Truth be told, he was actually afraid to believe her because he wouldn't be able to bear it if she was lying. But that wasn't something he could tell her that moment; if she weren't being straight up with them, they'd know soon enough.

"Then why are you here?" She hated admitting to them that she'd nearly caved.

"You never answered any of us when we called, and then when you didn't come to the studio we got worried," said Stevie.

"You called?"

"You have about 15 voice mails from me," said Augie. "I started calling on Sunday morning. Mike and Stevie called you earlier today."

Lauren's expression changed. "My cell. Right. After I flushed the coke, I really spiraled down. I started looking through my contacts. Looking for someone who could bring something over to hook me up… So, I put the phone in the wall safe and then flushed the key."

"You… flushed the key? After you locked your cell phone in the wall safe?" asked Stevie.

She gave a small laugh. "Dumb. I know, but it worked I guess. I didn't call anyone. After that, I had to do something with the pain. Put it somewhere that wasn't up my nose… so I started writing… It's probably all crap…" She waved absently at the room again.

Augie ignored her heavy sigh. "Okay," he said. "First things first. We're getting you into the shower."

"The shower?" She gave Augie an odd look.

"Seriously, Lauren? I don't think you've showered since Thursday. You're pretty rank. And while you're scrubbing up, DJ is going to order up some pizza and some wings and we're all going to have dinner together."

"Excuse me?"

"Trust me—you are. And if you don't smell like soap and shampoo when you come out, I'll drag you back in there and scrub you myself." He steered his cousin toward the bathroom, ignoring her protests.

"Bullshit you will. Try it." For a moment she sounded like herself again.

Augie pointed at the bathroom again and Lauren conceded. She shut the door part way behind her and grabbed a towel. She stripped off her clothes and pulled the elastic out of her hair. For a moment she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hips stuck out and you could see her ribs. Her face looked thin and the circles beneath her eyes were more pronounced than she remembered. Pulling her hair out of the knot, it hung down, lank and nasty.

_I look like shit,_ she thought. She turned the shower on and got the water nice and hot. Once they heard the water start, DJ immediately started to dial his phone. While D'Agostino's would be Lauren's first choice it was too far away, but he knew of a place about 10 blocks from the hotel that they'd all eaten at before and really liked. He ordered four large pizzas, three large salads, two boxes of wings—hot and Parmesan garlic—and a platter of baked ziti that they could stash in Lauren's refrigerator.

"Food will be here in less than 30. It was going to be an hour but I did a little name dropping," said DJ with a grin. Sometimes it was good to be a rock star.

In the shower, Lauren just stood under the spray, letting the water run over her for a long time. The heat and steam felt good and made her realize how stiff she was from being hunched over the table writing. She washed and rinsed her hair twice before working some conditioner through it. She had thick hair, and without the conditioner there would be no getting a comb through it after.

As she rinsed the conditioner out, she thought about the four men out in her apartment and her lip quivered. Her four brothers-in-arms; her second family. _They were worried and they came to help me, even after I've been such a bitch these past months. How could I have thought that I have nothing when I have the four of them?_

Augie and DJ pulled some dishes out of the cabinet and went through the refrigerator for drinks. There were a few beers, but DJ grabbed all the soda he could. Mike and Stevie collected the clothes that were scattered about, and started to pick the crumpled paper off the floor. Lauren appeared out of nowhere wrapped in a thick terry bathrobe, her wet hair towel dried. Mike was the first one she saw and she threw her arms around him.

"Hey," he said, hugging her. "What's up?"

"I'm sorry for how I acted, for the things I said on Thursday. I was out of line."

"Forgiven and forgotten," he said with a smile. "And I'm sorry, too. A fight takes two people."

"And all of you," she said looking from Mike to Stevie to DJ and finally to Augie. "I've been depressed, that's no secret, and difficult and, frankly, a complete bitch. And you still came looking for me today. You didn't give up on me and I almost gave up on myself. I don't deserve any of you as friends…"

Augie crossed the room and hugged her. "We're family—all of us—and we love you."

That finally made her cry. "I love you guys, too…"

"Okay, enough of the whole sharing feelings thing," said DJ. "Go get dressed. The food will be here in a sec; I'm starving!"

While Lauren went into the bedroom to find some clothes, George called up to say the food had arrived. Augie asked him to send the delivery guys straight up, so that DJ could deliver on whatever promise of a lucrative tip he'd given them. Stevie started to take stuff off of the coffee table so they'd have someplace to put all the food. He looked down at one of the sheets of paper in his hand and stopped. He read it over, and then looked at a few more crumpled sheets. He picked up two more, looking back and forth between them.

"Guys… After we get some food in her, we need to take a look at all of this. This shit is GOOD."


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

The boys spent the next two days camped out at Lauren's apartment. They organized her notes and sifted through the ideas, prioritizing the ones they all liked best, and toyed with arrangements. Standing in the kitchen, Lauren watched them work. Mike and Augie were tinkering on the percussion for one idea while DJ listened to them with his eyes closed. Stevie waited, keeping time and then started picking out a few chords on the guitar.

She smiled. The past few days had been brighter; it had been easier to get out of bed. Her heart still hurt, and she was still mourning her break up with Danny. But the depression that had shrouded her was grey now, not black. This past weekend had been the bottom, and she was so grateful that the words had finally rushed out, and the band hadn't abandoned her.

A cell phone rang and Augie fished his out of his pocket. "Hey, Fitz. No, I wasn't kidding. Ditch all the other stuff. We get serious when we come in tomorrow. We'll be there at 10:00. No, I'm not fucking around with you. OK, we'll see you in the morning."

He looked up with a big smile on his face that showed off his dimples. "According to Fitz we're 'going to give him a bloody fekking heart attack.'" Augie's imitation was dead on and they all laughed.

The next morning, they did not let Fitz down. Lauren actually got there before anyone and was working on another song when Fitz arrived. He just sat down in the control room and listened, and the longer he listened the bigger his smile got. Lauren's voice was soft and some of the notes were a little hurried, but that's how great songs started. She looked up when she finished and smiled at Fitz, and a huge weight slid off his shoulders, too.

For the next two weeks, the Kingmakers put in 12-14 hour days at Fitz's studio, and by the end of that time, they'd brought four of the ideas from scribbles on paper to nearly finished tracks, and another 10 were well on their way. The excitement and enthusiasm the band felt was contagious and they started talking about tour ideas and concepts for some of the videos that would be produced with the singles. They still had disagreements, and there were a few temperamental moments, but they were rare and easily resolved.

"Easily resolved" was not a term that applied to Danny and Linda's therapy sessions. While they'd made progress on their relationship, they were still running into surprises and roadblocks that made Danny feel like he didn't know what the rules were. The therapist assured him that the pendulum between progress and setbacks wasn't uncommon.

Saturday's session was unequivocally a setback. On the drive to the office, a Kingmaker's song had come on the radio and when Danny didn't instantly try to change the station, Linda had unloaded on him. They continued the fight from the parking lot, into the doctor's waiting room, and into the office itself.

"Why did this song make you so angry," Dr. Spencer asked Linda.

"He shouldn't want to hear her music," said Linda. "I don't want to hear her music. How can she be out of our lives when she's on the radio, and in magazines…?"

"What do you think of this, Danny?" Dr. Spencer looked over his wire-rim glasses at him.

"I think it is totally unreasonable. It is just a song. Maybe it has something to do with me, maybe it doesn't. I'm not going to go and buy any CDs and play them in the house, but I'm not going to be on red alert for any sign of Lauren. Given who she is, it would be impossible to never ever hear about her again." Danny had been thinking about her music, because he'd wanted to ask Linda something. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea now, based on this whole conversation, but avoiding it wasn't going to make it easier or better.

"But this conversation makes me think of something," he said. "Something I wanted to mention to you later, Linda, but I may as well tell you now."

"Tell me what?"

"I have been thinking about Lauren's music. After she and I broke up in high school, I didn't know how to deal with it. I'd never had a broken heart before. So I buried everything as deep down as I could. And I avoided all of her music, believing that I was going to hear how much she hated me." He sighed.

"Clearly she got over it." Linda's voice was sour.

Danny gave her a hard stare before he continued. "No, she didn't. And she didn't hate me either. It turns out that neither one of us got over the relationship. Yes, I had an affair with Lauren, and I'm sorry for how much that hurt you, but the truth is—and you wanted the truth—that before I met you she was the love of my life. I'm still getting over that broken heart from all those years ago. And I need time to work through it."

Linda flushed bright red and Dr. Spencer held up a hand to stop her from answering for just a moment. He knew Linda was upset by what Danny said, but it was one of the most honest things Danny had said in their sessions.

"Linda," he said. "I know it hurt to hear that but one of the things you wanted out of these sessions was real candor and that's what Danny's giving you. It is okay to feel all of the emotions you're feeling, but don't punish Danny for doing what you asked in these sessions."

Linda nodded. Tears ran down her cheeks. "I know, but I don't have to like it."

"I'm not asking you to like it," said Danny. "I'm asking you to try understanding it."

"Maybe you have to face some of her music," said Linda. "But for me, every time I hear it, all I can think is that you still feel something for her and that hurts. So I don't want to hear any of her music. Ever."

"So what is it you wanted to tell Linda about the music?" asked Dr. Spencer, trying to steer the conversation back to its origin.

Danny took a deep breath. "When the Kingmakers start their tour, I'm going to go see the show."

"Are you fucking KIDDING me?" Linda almost never used the f-word, but she just reacted and didn't even have a moment to censor herself. Danny wasn't surprised. He'd been thinking about this for a long time and he had expected her to blow a gasket over it.

"No, I'm not kidding." He kept his voice quiet and level and resisted the urge to just plunge into the fight.

"How can you even say that to me? After everything you did with her? You expect me to just sit back and say its okay for you to go fawn over her at a concert?"

"Frankly, I'm not asking for your permission, Linda," he said and she gasped in shock. "I'm telling you up front that I'm going so you don't think I'm doing it behind your back. I'll take someone with me. Jamie. Erin. Maybe even Nicky. I'll even take you if you want…"

"Absolutely not."

"But I am going to go. What I will promise you is that I won't go alone."

The rest of the therapy session was unproductive and Linda refused to talk to Danny on the way home. He didn't care. He'd made his mistakes, and so far he'd done everything Linda asked since they got back together. The therapy, the discussions with Father Rob. All of it. Part of him needed to see the concert, needed to face the new round of music, and he wasn't going to back down on his plan to see the show.

The next day was a gorgeous for late September, and rather than the traditional Sunday afternoon dinner, the Reagan clan opted for a final cookout. Pops was manning the grill as if he was Patton marshaling the troops. Across the yard, Jamie was tossing a football with Jack and Sean. Danny came out of the house and put a bowl of tossed salad on the long table and then went and leaned on a tree to watch his sons play with their uncle.

Frank went to stand next to him. "Linda finishing the potato salad?" he asked.

"Yea, her Mom's recipe so she insists she can't make it the night before. Its always good, so who am I to argue with tradition?" He shrugged.

"How are things going?" Frank asked. The coolness between Danny and Linda today had been quite clear.

Danny's shoulders sagged a little. "Its tough, Dad. Really tough. We had a rough session yesterday."

Frank nodded and then asked, "Have you seen Lauren?"

The question was unexpected and caught Danny a bit off-guard. "No, I told Linda I wouldn't, and I haven't. It's been three or four weeks now…" His voice faded and his eyes unfocused, lost in his thoughts.

"And it's tearing you up, isn't it?" Frank felt for him. He'd said it before: He didn't agree with some of Danny's decisions in recent months, but he did know that Danny's feelings for Lauren were real and that they ran deep. But he loved his son, and wanted him to be happy. He didn't like seeing him so conflicted.

"It is. If you'd told me when I got married that someone could be in love with two people at the same time, I would have told you that you were full of it. But now? I've lived it and no matter what I do still, someone gets hurt."

"Well, I've tried to not meddle," said Frank, "and not judge. But I think you're back on the right course, Danny. You need your family, and they need you."

"I know. But what about Lauren?" asked Danny. "What does she need?"

As he was asking the question, Erin and Nicky—along with Pops—walked over to join them and overheard Frank's comment and Danny's question. Without hesitation, Henry weighed in with her own answer: "That woman needs to mind her own business, that's what she needs… after all the trouble she's caused…"

"Just stop!" Nicky's voice was surprisingly forceful, and all of the adults looked at her in surprise.

"Don't talk like that," she ordered. "Didn't you hear anything that Father Rob said at church today? He talked about how even good people sin, and about how they deserve prayers and help, not our condemnation. You know, casting the first stone and all that? Don't judge lest you be judged? Half the people in this family blame Lauren for everything that happened, but I bet none of you have said a prayer for her." She looked accusingly at each of them individually and then stalked away.

"Wow," said Danny. Henry was speechless. Erin completely surprised, and Frank just smiled and shook his head.

* * *

**Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note**

Hello, again. I hope you are enjoying the story still - as always, I'd love to hear from readers and find out what you think is working (and what might not be working). I do appreciate you taking the time to read my story!


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

On the way home that night, Nicky brought up Lauren's invitation to visit the studio to her mother. Erin told her it wasn't a good idea. They'd argued a little but Erin wouldn't budge, and eventually Nicky withdrew into a sullen silence. She did not, however, stop thinking about it. The next day, instead of going to the library to study, Nicky took some money out of the cash machine after school and hailed a cab. She gave the driver the address for Velocity and settled in for the ride. Her mother wasn't going to pick her up until 6:00; Nicky figured she could text her around 5:30 about the change in location. She elected not to dwell on how angry her mother would be. The cab dropped Nicky off and she paused for a second at the door before marching in and up to the desk.

Tisha looked up and smiled. "Good afternoon. How may I help you?"

"I know you're not expecting me," said Nicky, "but I'm here to listen to Lauren do some recording. My name is Nicky Reagan-Boyle. She invited me a few months ago, but things didn't get scheduled. So, I'm dropping in." She smiled at Tisha, hoping that she could charm her way into the studio. Tisha continued to smile as well, but she knew this might be a problem.

"I'm not sure if we'll be able to accommodate you today, Nicky. But if you stay here for a minute, I'll check."

"Thank you."

Tisha disappeared through a door and hurried down the hall. The Kingmakers had just finished going through a demo and were having a hearty debate with Fitz over one particular part of the chorus. She poked her head through the doorway.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. But there's a young lady out front by the name of Nicky Reagan-Boyle. Says Lauren invited her?"

The band was silent the instant they heard "Reagan" as part of the name and they tried not to all stare at Lauren at once.

Lauren ran her fingers through her hair. "Ah, crap. She's here? Now? You guys remember that CD I had you sign? I gave it to Nicky after reading her paper. I went to her Mom's office and dropped it off so she could give it to Nicky. I told them then that they could come watch for a day, but they'd have to arrange it through Tisha. I kinda forgot about it."

"I remember you telling me they might call," said Tisha. "But she said right up front that she didn't have an appointment. What do you want me to do?"

"Is she by herself?" asked Lauren.

"She is."

"Then I'm betting her mother doesn't know she's here." Lauren looked at Augie and he shook his head. Erin was going to be very unhappy with her daughter.

"Well, she has to stay for now," said Lauren. "I won't just send her back out by herself. God forbid anything bad happen to her. I'll be right back." She got up and headed for the door, and gestured for Tisha to follow her.

"Hi, Nicky."

"Hi, Lauren." Nicky smiled when she saw her, but it faded when she realized Lauren wasn't really smiling back. Tisha slipped back behind the front desk and tried to look busy.

"What's going on?" asked Lauren.

Everything just tumbled out of Nicky. "I'm sorry to just show up. I asked my Mom the other day about coming to watch you but all we did was argue. So, I figured I'd just handle it myself. I hope you're not upset. It's just that getting to see the Kingmakers record? I mean, it is a once in a lifetime chance. I couldn't not come… "

"No, I'm not upset, but I'm surprised. Does your mother know you're here?"

"No…" Nicky had the good sense to look a little ashamed.

"Well, you shouldn't be sneaking behind her back, Nicky. Not cool."

"But Lauren…"

Lauren held up her hand, silencing Nicky. "But here's what we'll do. Tisha is going to call your Mom's office and tell her where you are so she can come get you. For as long as it takes for her to get here, you can stay and listen. Once she gets here, it is between you and your Mom. And you had best make it clear to her that this was your idea, and not mine. Do you understand?"

Nicky nodded. "Thanks, Lauren."

Lauren turned back towards the door, and Nicky started to get her bag and follow her. "No you don't," said Lauren.

"But you said…"

"After Tisha calls your Mom, she'll bring you back to the control room. I have a feeling your mother is going to want to speak to you on the phone."

Lauren walked back into the studio shaking her head and smiling. She wished she'd had a camera to capture Nicky's face when she realized that she was going to have to talk to her mother sooner rather than later.

"So, what's going on?" asked Fitz.

"Tisha is calling Nicky's mother, Erin. I said until Erin came to get her, she could watch us record but after that, I'm turning her over to her Mom. Erin's going to be pissed."

"Erin is a hottie," said Augie out of the blue. "I had the biggest crush on her in high school. If I take the blame for this, do you think she'll spank me?"

"Seriously?" said Lauren, but she laughed.

"What? She's hot, what can I say?"

"So, if she's so hot, why didn't you go for it in high school?" asked DJ.

"I wasn't her type back then," said Augie with a shrug. "She had the bad boy thing going on and all she saw in me was a skinny kid."

"All she saw? Sweetie. I hate to break your heart but you weren't even on her radar back then," said Lauren.

"Settle down," said Stevie. "As much as I would like to hear about Augie's teen angst, let's get back to this." He started to pick at the strings on his guitar and the others refocused on the song.

Out in the front office, it took a minute to connect to Erin's office. "Hello, Miss Reagan? Hi. My name is Tisha and I work at Velocity, the recording studio. Your daughter Nicky dropped by after school to listen to a Kingmaker's recording session. Lauren insisted that we call you right away so that you knew where your daughter was."

Tisha was silent for minute while she listened to Erin and then said. "Actually, yes, we'd prefer that. She's more than welcome to stay until you can come pick her up. None of us would feel right just sending her away. Of course. Yes, she's right here."

Tisha put her hand over the receiver and smiled at Nicky. "Your mother would like to speak with you…"

Nicky let out a defeated sigh and took the phone.

Ten minutes later, Tisha took Nicky back into the studio in time to hear the last few lines of one song. She looked around at all the equipment and the mixing board; it was nearly overwhelming and totally cool. She just stared and smiled.

"That was great," said Fitz. "Take a few, and we'll try another run through. We're close but I want to try tweaking the intro just a little."

Nicky watched through the glass as the band members started to move around, putting aside some instruments and taking off head phones. She could hardly believe only a pane of glass stood between her and a bona fide rock band. It was going to be totally worth the lecture and probably the grounding she'd get to be able to tell her friends about this.

_Lauren doesn't look good, not like she did at the Sandoval show,_ thought Nicky. _I wonder if it is because of Uncle Danny breaking up with her? _

As if she'd heard her name, Lauren looked up and waved for Nicky to come in.

"Gents, " she said. "This is Nicky, the girl who wrote that research paper about me. Nicky, this is Augie, DJ, Stevie and Mike."

"Hi," Nicky said enthusiastically, hoping that she didn't sound like she was gushing.

They all said hello back and spent the next 15 minutes answering questions about recording and touring, and showing Nicky a few things about the different instruments. Augie let her play the drums, and DJ invited her to tinker on his keyboards for a minute. Nicky watched him with big eyes, her complete crush on DJ getting worse by the moment. Finally she worked up the courage to ask for some photos. She got three with the group, one with Augie and Lauren, one with Mike and Stevie, and one sitting at a piano with DJ. Her friends were going to be so jealous.

Fitz came back and got the band settled down and refocused. Since Erin hadn't arrived yet, Fitz let Nicky sit in the control room with him while he ran the band through three more songs. Two were totally rocking and Nicky was tapping her foot and smiling as she listened to them; the third was sad and she knew that it was about her uncle. It nearly made her cry.

Erin was scowling when she arrived at Velocity. She couldn't believe that Nicky had deliberately lied, telling her she'd be at the library and then taking a cab all the way here. Not to mention that she'd told her daughter that spending some time here wasn't a good idea.

Tisha smiled charmingly when she saw her. "Miss Reagan? I'm Tisha." She stood and held out her hand to shake Erin's.

"Thank you for calling, Tisha," she said. "I'm so sorry if my daughter has created any problems here."

"No trouble at all. It was Lauren who insisted we call you. And Nicky hasn't been any trouble. She's been sitting in the control room with Fitz watching the band record some demos. I can take you back there now, but please – be quiet until Fitz finishes whatever song they're on." Tisha gestured towards the door.

Inside, the music was quiet, just an accent for Lauren's voice as she finished a soft, slow ballad about living with memories that haunt you. Erin sighed softly, knowing her brother was the inspiration for this particular song. Nicky glanced over and Erin raised her eyebrows; just because she wasn't talking didn't mean she was ready to forget about this little stunt. Fitz glanced over and held up a finger, asking Erin to wait for just a minute.

"GREAT!" Fitz rolled his 'r' extensively. "That's the sweet spot, darlin'. Let's take 15 and then I want to go over DJ's intro for the start of disc two."

"Disc two?" asked Nicky.

"Aye. Lauren's been cranking out songs, and I've convinced the band and the label to make it a two-disc sect." He grinned. Given the issues that had hampered the Kingmakers' initial attempts to get the project off the ground, he'd had to work hard to convince the execs that two discs was a good idea. But he'd finally staked his reputation on it, and in the industry, Fitz had quite a reputation. They'd reluctantly green-lighted the extra disc. Now, Fitz couldn't wait to share the demo he was compiling for them.

"Oh, Mom, how cool is that?" said Nicky.

"Very cool. We need to go, young lady, and you and I need to have a very serious conversation." Erin was not smiling.

Lauren got up and as she walked out of the studio, Mike leaned over to Augie. "That's Erin out there? She is pretty hot," he said.

"I'd let her spank me," said DJ.

Lauren shut the door of the studio behind her and said in a soft voice, "Erin. Hey."

"Hi, Lauren. Thanks for letting me know about this one. I hope she wasn't too disruptive."

"No, it was fine. I'm just glad we were here; some days we do work at my apartment or Augie's loft. But Tisha would have been here either way."

After a moment's silence, Lauren finally blurted out what she'd wanted to know all along. "I know I probably don't have any right to ask, but how's Danny?"

"He's getting by, but he's hurting," answered Erin. She figured she might as well be honest. "He and Linda are having their ups and downs."

"You might not believe me, but I do want him to be happy." Lauren's voice was soft.

Erin didn't doubt that; she never thought that Danny had embarked on his affair with Lauren on a whim, but she couldn't bear to continue the conversation. "Okay, Nicky. You've had your studio visit. We have to go, and we still need to have that conversation."

"I know." Nicky's voice was heavy but she really didn't regret what she'd done. "Thanks, Lauren. I appreciate you letting me stay."

"You're welcome. Do you want to say good-bye to the guys?" Lauren flipped on the intercom between the control room and the studio. She stepped back so Nicky could get closer to the microphone.

"Thank you for letting me listen," said Nicky. "It was really great to meet you. You guys are totally awesome." They answered her with a chorus of good-byes and waves.

"Okay," said Erin. "We're going. Now. Thank you again for letting me know where she was."

As Lauren started to answer her, Augie began tapping on his drum kit, and the others looked at him, puzzled. With the intercom still open, everyone in the control room could hear what they were doing.

"Just go with me, guys…"

A moment later they realized what he was doing: Singing the Fountains Of Wayne song, "Stacy's Mom" but with a few personal modifications to the lyrics. The boys of the band started with a low murmur, singing, 'Nicky's mom has got it going on…'

As soon as she heard them start, Nicky started to laugh. Lauren put a hand over her mouth to hide her smile.

"What did they just say?" Erin asked the two of them.

Augie raised his voice as he really started to sing: "Nicky can I come over after school? We can hang around by the pool. Did your mom get back from her business trip? Is she there or is she trying to give me the slip…"

Behind him, the rest of the band chimed in on all the right parts.

"You know, I'm not the little boy that I used to be. I'm all grown up now, baby can't you see? Nicky's mom has got it going on – she's all I want and I've waited for so long. Nicky can't you see, you're just not the girl for me. I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Nicky's mom…"

After a few more choruses of "Nicky's mom has got it going on" were belted out and the band subsided, Augie looked up at the window. Nicky was nearly doubled over with laughter and Erin looked utterly flummoxed.

"Hey, Erin. Did I ever tell you that I had a HUGE crush on you in high school?" He grinned.

Erin was scarlet. "No, it must have slipped your mind."

* * *

**_Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's__ Note _**

_Hi everyone, thank you for reading Stone Heart; I do appreciate it. This chapter was a bit unexpected. I realized Nicky's visit was unresolved and I didn't think it was right to just ignore it. Plus it gave me a chance to put something a little fun at the end (especially after such a run of serious chapters!)._

_For those of you wondering what song may have inspired Lauren's ballad, here are some of the lyrics from "Ghost" by the Indigo Girls:_

_"…There's not enough room in this world for my pain. Signals crossed and love gets lost and time passed makes it plain... Of all my demon spirits I need you the most. I'm in love with your ghost. I'm in love with your ghost._

_Dark and dangerous like a secret it gets whispered in a hush and when I wake the things I dreamt about you last night make me blush. When you kiss me like a lover and you sting me like a viper. I go follow to the river play your memory like the piper._

_And I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me. But I would walk into the fingers of your fire willingly. Dance the edge of sanity I've never been this close. In love with your ghost…"_

_It is, perhaps, not quite as rocking (even if it is a ballad) for what I imagine the Kingmakers would sound like, but the lyrics definitely sum up how Lauren feels.__ote_

_Hi everyone, thank you for reading Stone Heart; I do appreciate it. This chapter was a bit unexpected. I realized Nicky's visit was unresolved and I didn't think it was right to just ignore it. Plus it gave me a chance to put something a little fun at the end (especially after such a run of serious chapters!)._

_For those of you wondering what song may have inspired Lauren's ballad, here are some of the lyrics from "Ghost" by the Indigo Girls:_

_"…There's not enough room in this world for my pain. Signals crossed and love gets lost and time passed makes it plain... Of all my demon spirits I need you the most. I'm in love with your ghost. I'm in love with your ghost._

_Dark and dangerous like a secret it gets whispered in a hush and when I wake the things I dreamt about you last night make me blush. When you kiss me like a lover and you sting me like a viper. I go follow to the river play your memory like the piper._

_And I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me. But I would walk into the fingers of your fire willingly. Dance the edge of sanity I've never been this close. In love with your ghost…"_

_It is, perhaps, not quite as rocking (even if it is a ballad) for what I imagine the Kingmakers would sound like, but the lyrics definitely sum up how Lauren feels._


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

It had been another great session in the studio. The Kingmakers continued to make significant progress on Lauren's new songs, and she generated new ideas at an unrelenting pace. It all convinced Fitz that his push to make it a double CD was nothing less than brilliant but he kept that opinion close to the vest. The successful work definitely kept Lauren more focused, but it was hard to come back to the apartment at night, alone. Although the worst of her depression had lifted, the emptiness gave her ample time to brood about Danny, and she'd been doing more of that since Nicky had unexpectedly dropped in.

Tonight seemed harder than usual. It was already 8:00 p.m.; the session had been going so well, they'd gone a little later than expected. Lauren was almost desperate to share how well things were going with someone outside of the band. But she'd talked Steph and Carolyn's ears off earlier in the week, and she still wasn't speaking to Jackie. She considered going out but realized clubbing wasn't going to help. She'd end up having something to drink and that opened the door to too many stupid choices. Despite her confession to Augie and the rest of the band, none of them really realized how close she'd been to relapsing the night they came to her apartment. No, going out to a club – alone – was a terrible idea.

Instead, she pulled out her phone and tapped Danny's number into the text address field. _Meet for coffee – Red Parrot Cafe? Talk? I'll be there at 10:00pm. _She hit send and listened to the "swoosh" sound as the text vanished. It was another terrible idea, but marginally less insane than going clubbing. She figured Danny probably wouldn't show up, not at that hour. But coffee would be good. It would get her out of the apartment but the shop was only down the block.

Generally, coffee that late wouldn't be the best idea while she was in the studio, but the band was doing a late shift tomorrow because DJ had a hot date with his five-year-old twins. JJ and Haley were in a play and once the band was out on the road, there would be no chance for him go to events like this. Plus, once the weekend rolled around, Tina was flying back to LA with the kids—their oldest son, Mark—or MJ as everyone called him—was already back on the West Coast. School had started for him and he was living with Tina's parents until she came back. Since DJ was busy, no one was getting to the studio until 3:00 p.m. So even if she elected to get the high-test coffee, Lauren knew she'd have plenty of time to sleep. Lauren stretched and rolled her shoulders before stripping off her clothes and heading to the bathroom to shower up.

At his desk in the precinct, surrounded by files from a cold case that had just started to heat up, Danny cursed softly. He could hear the phone but didn't know where he'd put the damn thing. It buzzed again and he muttered another curse under his breath.

"It's over there," Maria pointed to where a couple sheets of paper were shaking as the phone vibrated.

"Thanks." He opened the text message and stared at the words: _Meet for coffee – Red Parrot Cafe? Talk? I'll be there at 10:00pm._

All of his restless energy stilled for the moment. _Lauren._

"Something wrong?" Maria asked.

"Nah," said Danny. He put the phone face down on the desk. "Nothing urgent." He glanced at the clock. It was 8:20.

A little over an hour later they'd pretty much covered all the ground they could for that night, and had a game plan for the next day. Maria said good night and headed out. Danny put a few more files away. It was busy work and he knew it. He looked at the clock, looked at his phone, and then looked at the clock again.

Lauren got to the café a few minutes before 10:00. She went to the counter and browsed the menu. One of the baristas recognized her and finally asked for an autograph in a shy voice. Lauren was happy to oblige. She pondered her choices again, and finally ordered a medium coffee, light and extra sweet, and a cinnamon roll. When the server brought it over to her, Lauren nearly laughed. The cinnamon roll was ridiculously large and looked as if it had a full pound of icing on it. It was sticky, sweet, and utterly delicious.

_Augie will be so happy I ate something this decadent,_ she thought. Then she cleaned off her hands, took a photo of herself and the bun with her phone and texted it off to him with a note that said, _See? I'm eating! Satisfied?_

A minute later his response arrived: _Good. Did you have the kick-ass cheeseburger for dinner like I said?_

Lauren responded with _Nag, nag, nag. No, but I did have the leftover chicken. Scout's honor._

Augie, however, was right. Now that they were back on track with the album, discussions had started about the tour to support it. Mike and Stevie were lobbying hard for a minimalist tour. Good lights, plenty of video screens for fans in the nosebleed seats, but no insanity or complicated set design. They wanted it to be about the music itself, and Lauren was really starting to warm to that idea. She originally wanted to go much bigger, wanting to stick it to the critics who all said the Kingmakers were yesterday's news, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized Mike and Stevie were right. The music had to speak for them, not the show. But minimalist or not, a tour was a tour, and she had to be ready for the grueling schedule.

About half way through the cinnamon roll, Lauren felt stuffed and had to take a break. She dipped her napkin into her water glass to get the frosting off of her fingers. She looked up at the clock and sighed. 10:15 pm. No Danny.

_Did I really think he'd show up? _She wondered sadly. _No, not really, but God, I want to see him. There's just a piece of me missing when he's not around._

"Well," she said to the cinnamon bun, "maybe I'll get you wrapped up and head home. At least there, I can nurse a broken heart in my PJs."

She got a box for the leftovers and left the café. The October breeze was brisk and Lauren was glad she wore her leather jacket. As she turned the corner to head back to the Four Seasons, Lauren stopped short: standing there on the sidewalk in front of her was Danny. Her heart turned over in her chest.

"Hey." He smiled, his own heart clenching. Why did this have to be so damn complicated?

"Hi. I… Wow. I actually didn't think you'd come," said Lauren.

_I almost didn't._ "Working late. Case. Nasty stuff." He shrugged.

"Do you want to go back in?" She tipped her head towards the café.

"No," Danny shook his head. "Coffee at this hour is a bad idea for me. Even decaf. But I'll walk you to the hotel; you shouldn't be out alone at this hour."

As they fell into step together, it was all Lauren could do not to reach out and hold Danny's hand. The desire to be with him grew with every step despite her efforts to ignore it. They talked a little, but it was safe, innocuous conversation—utterly superficial as they danced around the feelings they were both wrestling with.

"Sean announced at dinner the other day that he wants to be a fireman for Halloween," said Danny.

Lauren laughed out loud. "Oh, I'm sure that went over well with the family. Especially Henry."

"Hasn't been the first time he's said it."

"Really? That would be a first, a Reagan in the NYFD? Got to be a sign of the Apocalypse."

They lapsed into silence after that. They both knew what they wanted to say, but weren't sure how to say it… or even if they should say it. Danny clenched his teeth as he walked. All he wanted to do was pull Lauren into his arms and kiss her. But by then, they'd reached the hotel, and his opportunity faded. Danny walked Lauren into the lobby. Carlos was working the desk and said a polite hello, but Danny noticed the momentary look of surprise on his face.

Across the lobby, Dale Nava, one of the most aggressive of the New York paparazzi sat up in his chair. He'd been waiting for one of the members of the City Counsel to come down from his assignation with a prostitute, but he saw Lauren – and Danny – and knew it would be a great photo. He started to get up but a group of guests upset his line of sight and he had to bob around them.

Lauren saw the unexpected motion out of the corner of her eye. It only took her a moment to recognize Dale. She grabbed Danny by the arm and hurried him into the elevator. It was so unexpected that he just went along.

"What? What's going on?" Danny asked as the doors slid shut. He was surprised and confused.

"There was someone out in the other lobby who was looking at us. Dale Nava, crazy tabloid photographer. Last thing you need is a photo of us the papers."

_Shit,_ he thought. He couldn't even comprehend the fallout that would come out of that. Emboldened by the privacy of the elevator, Danny finally asked what was truly on his mind.

"Are you really doing okay, Lauren? I've been worried about you."

"Am I OK? Shit, Danny. I'm a train wreck." She bit her tongue before blurting out that she'd almost gone back to the cocaine. That wasn't a burden he needed on his shoulders. "I've hardly been eating. Up until recently, I almost ruined our new album. I am utterly consumed by thinking about you and if – somehow – things could be different."

The elevator doors opened. Lauren stepped out and Danny followed. She turned to face him. "And what about you? How are you doing, Danny?"

"I'm miserable," he said. "I think about you all the time, and then tell half-truths in our counseling sessions. How is it going to help if I tell Linda that I wake up in the morning expecting to see you? I don't understand how I can love two women so much and manage to hurt both of them like this. You'd have been better off never having known me…"

"Danny, that's not true!" She hated hearing the self-loathing in his voice. She reached out for him and in that moment, she gave up the struggle and finally gave into the feeling that had been building since she saw him at the café. Lauren threw her arms around him, and kissed Danny. Hard.

And he responded. Passionately. Desperately.

Tangled, they fumbled their way down the hall and managed to open the door to Lauren's apartment. By the time they stumbled to the living room, they'd left their coats on the floor. Lauren had pulled her shirt over her head and had completely unbuttoned Danny's. Overwhelmed, he sat down in the recliner and his breath caught in his throat as Lauren straddled him in the chair, the same way she had in the limo. Danny's head was spinning.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was husky in his ear as she pressed against him. His skin felt hot against hers. "I know this complicates things. I know you're trying to work it out with your wife. But I love you, Danny. I want you. And I can't just turn that off." She kissed him again and Danny ran his hands up her back. He looked up at her, and in that moment, Lauren filled his whole world.

"Take me to bed, Danny. Now."

Even if he'd wanted to say no, Danny couldn't have resisted. Lauren was absolutely right about how they felt: It wasn't something they could just turn off. It made no logical sense. Being together tonight wasn't going to change the fact that they lived two different lives. In fact, it was a terrible risk for Danny, but the landslide of emotion that broke over him swept away any trace of logic. He was willing to make any gamble to have one more night with her. He wrapped Lauren in his arms and nearly carried her into the bedroom.

The sex was powerful and carnal, and eminently satisfying. And as they lay in Lauren's bed, exhausted, they both knew that it was the last time. It didn't need to be said, it was just a fact. Danny pulled Lauren close to him and closed his eyes as she pressed her head against his shoulder and chest.

"I'll always love you. You know that, right?" He ran his fingers over her hair.

"I know," she answered. "This – thing – between us. It will never really go away."

"No, I don't think it ever will. Not entirely." He closed his eyes as her finger feathered up and down his arm.

"Work it out with Linda," she said and felt Danny tense beneath her hand.

"What?"

"You fell in love with her for a reason. Find it again… If we can't be together, I'd rather know that you're with someone you care about. I don't like the idea of you being alone."

Danny didn't answer. Instead, he rolled up on his elbow and looked down at Lauren. Her dark hair was messy and contrasted sharply with the light pillowcase. But what Danny truly marveled at was the love and trust he saw in her eyes. Love and trust he knew he didn't deserve. He gave her a long, lingering kiss.

A little later Danny glanced at the clock. He had to go; he was going to catch Hell for being so late. He rolled out of bed and Lauren helped him gather his things. Neither said much as they walked to the door together. Lauren gave him a once over. He didn't look too rumpled and out of sorts, and she adjusted the knot in his tie slightly. At the door they stood silent, thoughtful, neither wanting to be the first to say good-bye despite knowing that it was the only thing they could do. Danny looked down at her, wanting to kiss her one more time. But just like back in high school, he couldn't bring himself to kiss her for what might be the last time. It felt too final. Instead, he hugged her and whispered in her ear.

"Bye, Lauren.

"Bye, Danny. Don't forget about me."

"Never."

He stepped away reluctantly and opened the door. Lauren watched him until he reached the elevator. Looking back at her, he tried to smile, but he couldn't. After the doors slid shut, Lauren closed the door to her apartment. She pressed her forehead against the cool wood with a sad sigh and turned the lock. It sounded very loud and extraordinarily final as it clicked into place.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

For several days after she slept with Danny, Lauren was distant from the rest of the Kingmakers. When they weren't actually working on some of the songs, she would retreat to a corner to scribble furiously in her notebook. Several times she shredded papers and started over. Finally, Augie decided it was time to butt in and found out that she'd seen Danny again, and by the time they were done talking, he knew that their rendezvous was more of a good-bye than another try.

After that, their time was occupied by shooting several videos to go with songs that had been completed on the project. The main one they worked on was the video for "Leaving," which was going to be the first single released. The plan was to release the single as a digital file just after Thanksgiving along with the video and do a full media push through December to buzz up the release and drive presales before the holiday.

Scotty, the owner of Scott Entertainment Limited had come up with a major press junket for them that involved several East and West Coast appearances. After the Sandoval debacle in the spring, he had fired Roberta as well and had worked tirelessly for three months to win the Kingmakers back. He convinced Augie and Stevie that he could make it work. DJ and Mike were on the fence, but Lauren was the holdout, only relenting after Scotty put in writing that he and he alone would manage the media and press relations for the band.

They'd just gotten back from the video shoot on Friday and had all taken the weekend to relax before getting back to Velocity. Lauren managed to oversleep on Monday and while the band was waiting, they told Fitz about Lauren's run in with the video director on the first day of the shoot. He'd made the mistake of being utterly dismissive to one of her suggestions and then followed that up with actually calling her "sweet cheeks." Lauren had promptly blown a gasket and nearly shut the entire production down. Scotty happened to be there that day and between him and Augie, they managed to smooth things over and the video got done.

Augie's phone rang. It was Lauren. He talked to her for a second, and then laughed. When he hung up, he shared her colorful description of the traffic and said that she was considering abandoning her car and walking the six blocks she had left since that would probably be faster. Mike, who'd been looking distracted, picked up a guitar and headed into one of the rooms. He sat on a stool and adjusted the microphone.

"You got something, Mikey?" asked Fitz.

"I might. Just take a listen." He started picking at the guitar. Fitz got a funny look on his face. He flipped a few buttons and started to record.

"Go whenever you're ready, lad. I'm going to grab this on tape so we can go back if we need to," Fitz said and then gave him the thumbs up through the window.

"Sure, no problem. I've been tinkering with this since that night we went to Lauren's apartment. I'd felt pretty shitty because, I don't know. I know it wasn't my fault but I was the one who picked that fight with her before she bottomed out. I just kept thinking about her and that night and what might have happened. How I would have felt. Well, I don't write as fast as she does, so it's taken me this long. It probably needs work, but tell me what you think."

He started to pick a more distinct set of notes and chords out of the guitar, and began to sing. When he got to the end of the first chorus, finishing with "… about my life without you…" Stevie let out a low whistle. It was a really good song. He and Mike were the two that contributed least to the lyrical side of songwriting. They were all about the notes, not the words. Next to him, DJ was nodding in agreement; he also knew great when he heard it. Augie, although he was smiling, couldn't help but wonder about Mike's inspiration. _If I didn't know better, I'd think he was half in love with Lauren._

They heard the door open quietly behind them as Lauren slipped in. She was surprised to see Mike on the other side of the glass, and DJ gestured for her to be quiet and just listen. She stayed by the door and shut her eyes, letting Mike's deep voice wash over her as he sang about saying things he regretted, about leaving when he should have stayed.

"… with all we've been through, I just think about my life without you…"

When Mike stood up he saw everyone – including Lauren – in the control room and for a moment he froze. He'd always been confident in his ability to play, but he didn't have much conviction about his own songwriting ability. Truth be told, from a songwriting perspective, Lauren intimidated the hell out of him, and he had always been reluctant to share his work in front of her.

"What did you guys think?" asked Mike when he came out.

"Mike, that's awesome," Lauren said. "I love it. We need to put this on the album."

Mike looked genuinely surprised as the others echoed Lauren's comments. Fitz just smiled. The record company was screaming for the masters. The production company was screaming for the masters. They still needed to shoot the rest of the videos. At this rate, it was never going to ship for Christmas, but if they could at least get the material into production the studio could do pre-orders without too much of a delay. And now they wanted to add this one? If it hadn't been so good, and added the unique draw of Mike singing, he would have said no. But Fitz had told the studio – promised them – that what he was hearing would be worth the wait.

"Can we make it happen, Fitz?" asked Augie.

"Totally going on the album," said Fitz. "But that's it. We're up to 19 songs now and we are out of time, we can't do more than that. And I need you to get this one recorded right when we get back from Thanksgiving. Otherwise we won't make that deadline, and I've already pushed it out twice. Can you guys do that for me?"

"Abso-freaking-loutly," said DJ. He held out the paper to Mike. "Here's what we were thinking for additions…"

Mike scanned the scribbled notes and even had the turn the page sideways to follow one train of thought. Anyone else would have thought it was gibberish but he recognized notes on drums and keyboards and guitar to accompany what he'd done.

"Perfect. These will sound great!" Then he looked at Lauren and asked, "What do we need to change on the lyrics?"

She answered without hesitation. "Not a damn thing."

They spent the rest of the day finishing up two of the other songs, and by the time dinner rolled around Fitz could check them both off the list. Lauren glanced at the wall as they gathered up their things. It was where she had stuck an article that had come out saying that their difficulties in the studio were because the Kingmakers were out of original ideas, over the hill, and yesterday's news. Right next to the one Fitz had put up. For a while, both had made her feel defeated and sad. Lately, they just completely pissed her off.

"Yesterday's news, my ass," she grumbled.

"That's right, keep that fire in your belly," said Fitz. "Now go have a good break but when we get back, we have to wrap this. I have to get the masters to production, if we're going to have bloody prayer of meeting the release deadline. Thank God we'll be able to do a digital release of the first single on iTunes. That should satisfy the public and drive your sales for the holiday. Then December is wrapping up the tour details and rehearsing—at least that's what Scotty told me—so you can kick things off in January."

They all laughed, knowing they were up against a deadline and that the suits were starting to get the shakes. But Fitz wasn't kidding. They had a ton of work to do and not much time left to do it. They were starting the tour in the middle of January with two shows at Madison Square Garden. Then it would be off to Boston for a show there, and then to California. The rest of the U.S. and Canada would follow, and then they'd be hitting Europe, and from there Asia and South America.

"And you." Fitz pointed at Lauren. "Brilliant bloody work but any new ideas go on the NEXT album. You've got to promise me that. Goes for you, too, Mike. Great surprise today but save any others for the next act. Now go enjoy your Thanksgivings."

Out in the parking lot, Lauren lingered after Stevie, Mike and DJ had all left. DJ and Mike had planes to catch, and Stevie was driving with Kelly and Danielle to visit Danielle's family in Maryland. Augie lingered, fussing at his car for no real reason other than to talk privately with Lauren.

"Haven't changed your mind about Thanksgiving?" he asked.

"No."

"Didn't tell anyone else?"

"No." Lauren gave him a look. She hadn't wanted the band involved in this.

He sighed. "It's Thanksgiving, Lauren. When was the last time either of us was able to be home with our families for this?"

"I know, I know." She ground her teeth. "But I'm not dealing with her. Just not."

Augie knew Lauren was talking about Jackie. He'd heard the details of their blowout over Danny. He didn't really blame Lauren for not wanting to see her sister. Jackie was, frankly, a complete bitch, and Augie had never much liked her. But he didn't want Jackie to be the reason Lauren didn't see the rest of her family.

"It will be awkward, and you know Jackie. She won't keep her mouth shut. And if she starts it, you know I'll finish it. Then dinner will be ruined for everyone, including you and your family. Your mom is the hostess with the mostess this year; I can't do that to her."

"You're not going to ruin anything. I'll run interference with Jackie if you want."

"Absolutely not. I don't need you fighting this battle for me. It is between Jackie and me. You know, I know I told Danny I didn't want to be his dirty little secret, but sometimes I think it might have made things easier."

"It wouldn't have stayed secret," said Augie. "The photos after Bruno's party would have let the cat out of the bag. That's how your mom found out."

"Yea, I know." Lauren shook her head. In addition to the epic fight with Jackie, her mother had had been aghast when she saw the Bruno photo. She had politely but firmly let her daughter know that she didn't approve of her decisions either. The difference was that her mother didn't try to demean her. Nevertheless, there was no doubting how her mother felt about the whole thing.

"The family wants you there, Lauren. My Mom called me yesterday about how upset YOUR mother is over you saying you weren't coming to dinner. Think about Stephanie and Carolyn. They'll be so upset if they don't see you. This is a chance to see your nieces and nephews… and my brothers; they're your cousins, man. Once we leave on tour, it will be at least a year and probably two before we can spend ANY time with them at all."

Leaning against her Audi, Lauren folded her arms and scowled. Augie was right but she didn't have to like it. Two years was a long time, and a lot could happen. She'd seen first-hand what touring without resolving a family issue could do. It's what ended Mike's first marriage, and the damage had been so bad, he hadn't seen his children for three years. It had really ripped him up.

"Fine," she said. Pulling out her phone, Lauren dialed her father's cell.

"Hey. Hi, Dad. How are you? Good. Yea, I'm doing fine. So, I know I put Mom in a tailspin about Thanksgiving when I said I wasn't coming. Can I change my mind? Is that okay…?"

She was silent for a minute, listening to her father. "Okay, great. I'll see you at Aunt Viv's and Uncle Bobby's, but I need you to do something for me. I need you need to tell Mom and Jackie—especially Jackie—that I don't want to hear a peep about what went on between me and Danny. Not a word. Thanks, Dad. See you soon. Love you, too."

While she talked, Augie texted his mother and told her to expect one more for dinner. His mother sent back a smiley face and he laughed. Augie found it ridiculously funny that his mother was now texting and saying things like 'how r u'?

"Satisfied?" asked Lauren when she hung up.

Augie just smiled. "I'll drive; pick you up at 11:00? That should get us there in plenty of time to hang out before we eat."

"Don't trust me to show up on my own?" She gave her cousin a sly smile.

"Absolutely not," he laughed.

* * *

_**Author's Note—Author's Note—Author's Note**_

_Hi everyone, sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up. Had a business trip to California and that put a bit of a crimp in my writing. Thanks, as always, for taking the time to read Stone Heart – please consider leaving a review and letting me know what you think._

_BTW, Ctina… If I tell you what happens, that will ruin the suspense! _

_In this chapter, I wanted to make sure one of the other members of the band had a chance to contribute to the album. Lauren is the main songwriter of the group, but not the only one. Mike seemed a good choice. The song that inspired this little idea for me is Daughtry's "Life After You." Here's a snippet of the song's lyrics, so you can see what type of song I think Mike would have written… So here is a small portion of "Life After You" by Chris Daughtry._

"_Ten miles from town and I just broke down. Spittin'__out smoke on the side of the road. I'm out here alone, just tryin' to get home to tell you I was wrong, but you already know. Believe me I won't stop at nothin' to see you, so I've started runnin'._

_All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you. I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after, after the life we've been through. 'Cause I know there's no life after you._

_Last time we talked, the night that I walked, burns like an iron in the back of my mind. I must've been high to say you and I weren't meant to be and just wasting my time. Oh, why did I ever doubt you? You know I would die here without you._

_All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you. I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after, after the life we've been through. 'Cause I know there's no life after you…"_


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

The sun finally came out after several days of rain and gave the football field a chance to dry out in time for all of the Thanksgiving Day games, and for the Macy's parade to not be an utterly miserable affair. Fortunately this year, neither Jamie nor Danny got stuck working the parade so the Reagan Thanksgiving was in the early afternoon.

The kitchen was crowded and Jamie took Jack and Sean out to play catch in the back yard. He'd been working extra shifts and details and hadn't seen his nephews very much lately, so this was a good chance to catch up. Plus it kept them from raiding the food. Inside, Frank asked Danny to take some boxes by the stairs up and put them in his old bedroom. Danny managed to scoop up four of them and Nicky grabbed the last one.

"Thanks, Nicky. I'll put them in the closet."

"You're welcome." Nicky headed back down the stairs to help get the table ready.

The top of one of the boxes was open and Danny could see old photos inside. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled a handful out. They were old family photos. One of his father shoveling the walk after a winter storm and all of the kids playing in the drifts behind him. Another was of Erin holding Jamie when he was just a baby. And another was of him and Joe in this very room. It had been Danny's room growing up. Now there were two twin beds instead of one, and it was where Jack and Sean stayed when they had overnights with their grandfather.

He flipped through a few more and then stopped. That photo was of some family vacation when he was about seven years old. It was a picture of him and his Mom at a small wooden table sharing an ice cream. He smiled as he looked at it, but he felt sad, too. Holidays always made him miss his mother and Joe. They should have had a lot more time together. A lot more. He put the photos back in the box and closed up the cover. Danny made some room in the closet and slid all of the boxes inside before shutting the door.

He sat back down on the bed again thinking back to when he was a kid and he and Joe would play together on rainy days. Just across from him was a small bookcase. Years ago, the shelves were filled with kids books, baseball cards, and model cars. Now it was a mix of books, pictures and a few other things, including what looked like an old t-shirt. He pulled one book off the shelf: his yearbook. _Dad must have put this up here after Nicky did her report. I know it was Dad; Pops would have burned it._

He flipped through the pages of candid photos. There were actually four pictures of him and Lauren there. One was the one Nicky had seen, where he had his arms wrapped around her. Another was from the prom, and he remembered how she utterly took his breath away that night. He'd never seen her that dressed up and didn't think she could be more beautiful. The other two were them with friends, cheering at a football game. In one, he had Lauren on his shoulders. Looking at that one made him smile; it had been one hell of a football game.

Downstairs, Frank gave the turkey a critical eye. It needed to stand for another 10 minutes but then it would be perfect. Near him, Linda and Erin were putting the finishing touches on the potatoes, gravy, squash and beans. Jamie brought Sean and Jack back in and after they washed up, the boys helped Nicky set the table.

"Jamie, go wrangle up your brother. He brought those boxes upstairs for Pops. We're just about ready," said Frank.

"Will do." Jamie took the stairs two at a time and poked his head into Danny's old room. "Danny! Time to eat. Let's go…" He stopped when he realized Danny was sitting on the bed looking at something.

"Everything okay? What are you looking at?"

Danny held up his yearbook. It was open to the picture of Lauren.

"You've seemed more at peace lately," Jamie said as he sat down next to his brother. Over the past few weeks, Danny had seemed less sad—as if he'd come to some realization that was starting to help him move on.

"I guess I got a little closure," said his brother. He touched the photo with is fingers and then shut the book.

"How'd you manage that?" Closure after a broken heart was hard. When his fiancé had broken off their engagement, it had taken Jamie months to get over it. Even now, he wasn't entirely certain he had moved on, so he understood how hard it was for Danny.

"I went to see her. Back at the end of October." Danny hadn't told anyone about the night he saw Lauren at the Red Parrot.

"Okay." Jamie waited because he knew there was more to the story. The only thing he was surprised about was that it had taken Danny that long to go see Lauren. He'd never believed his brother could just end things with her cold turkey. Not when they were in the same city together.

Danny sighed and then looked directly at his brother. "I slept with her that night."

Jamie's expression registered his surprise at that revelation, and he finally asked, "Does Linda know?"

"No, you're the only one I've told about it."

"Danny…" Jamie really didn't know what else to say.

"But it was the last time. We both knew it, we both felt it. It really kinda felt like a finish, I guess. Lauren's album is almost done. She was going to go on tour anyway…" He frowned. It still hurt to think that he wouldn't be with her any more, and to know she was leaving. But the hurt was duller now, more an ache than the lancing pain it had been at first.

"I'm not going to tell you if you should or shouldn't have gone to see her… or sleep with her," said Jamie. "But thank you for trusting me with it."

Danny offered his brother a small smile, remembering what Jamie had said all those weeks ago. "You're my brother. I know I can trust you, and it meant a lot to me when you said you'd back me no matter what I decided," he said. He looked down at the yearbook that was still in his lap and put one hand on the cover.

"C'mon. Sitting up here staring at that old yearbook isn't going to change anything. Let's go get some food and watch some football." Jamie clapped Danny on the shoulder and left the room.

Danny sat for another minute, reluctant to let the book go. Then he got up, slid the yearbook back onto the shelf, took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, and followed his brother down the stairs to the lavish Reagan Thanksgiving dinner.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

Three miles away from the Reagan, the entire Stone family was crammed into the house where Augie grew up. Augie and Lauren's fathers were brothers and every year they alternated who hosted Thanksgiving dinner. As the families grew it became quite a challenge to fit the entire extended family under a single roof, but they always seemed to make it work. This year Augie's parents, Jim and Beth, were hosting and they were expecting a completely full house except for Audrey, Jackie's oldest daughter who was away at college in Oregon and couldn't make it home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The engine of his Mustang rumbled as Augie pulled up in front of the house to park. He smiled as he turned off the engine and ran his hands over the steering wheel, and Lauren laughed at him,

"You are way too in love with this car," she said.

"Whatever. I know every time you're out in the little Audi you're leasing, you're pining away for that Jag you have back in LA. Besides, what's the point of being a rock star if you can't have the stupidly fun cars that go with it?"

"Point taken," she said with a laugh. "Point taken."

Augie opened his door. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." Lauren got out of the car and had barely made it three steps up the walk before Jackson and Jason—Carolyn's twin sons—flew out the front door, yelling for their Aunt Lauren. They mobbed her before turning their attention to Augie, who managed to pick both boys up at the same time and hang them upside-down until they were shrieking with laughter. The twins were followed by Joshua and Kristie, Jackie's other two children. Lauren was amused by how hard the two older kids tried to remain cool and grown up as they said hello to her.

As soon as Augie put them down, Jackson and Jason pounced on Lauren again, pulling her inside and announcing to the world that they'd found Aunt Lauren wandering around outside with Augie. She was immediately wrapped up in a hug from her Aunt Beth and then Uncle Jim. Carolyn shouted a hello from some other room and Steph gave her a smile, but with her arms full of plates, couldn't stop.

As she turned into the living room, Lauren came face to face with Jackie and her husband, Chris. They were silent for a second, and Lauren felt her hands start to curl into fists before she simply said, "Jackie."

"Lauren," was all Jackie replied and gave her sister a stiff nod. As they passed, Lauren didn't miss the dismissive look that Chris threw her way, but she ignored it.

"There's my girl!" Lauren's father gave her a big hug. "I'm so glad you're here. I've missed you."

"Thanks, Dad." Lauren adored her father.

"Hi, sweetheart." Lauren's mother gave her a kiss on the cheek as she passed by carrying a big platter for the kitchen. "I'll be back so we can catch up!"

If she didn't spend half her life surrounded by fans, roadies, and the press, Lauren probably would have found the chaos in the Stone house utterly overwhelming. But she just settled in and let it move around her. Outside, she could see Augie's four brothers but figured she'd wait for him to fight his way through the kitchen crowd before heading out there. It took Augie ten minute to untangle himself from his mother and Aunt Viv, and then run the gauntlet from Stephanie to Carolyn to Jackie before he reached Lauren. He looked a little overwhelmed when he reached her.

"Groupies got nothing on family," said Lauren.

"You aren't kidding! Come on, let's go see my bros."

A chorus of hellos greeted them when they walked outside. Augie's brothers – Marty, Tim, John, and Ryan – were all there along with most of their wives and kids. Marty's two kids were playing on the swing set while their mother kept an eye on them. She waved at Augie and Lauren.

"Johnny, where's Isabella?" asked Augie. John had been dating Isabella for nearly ten years and she was at every family event.

"Her aunt had surgery a few days ago: triple bypass," said John. "So she's up in Providence with her family. I'm actually going to leave after dinner and drive up there."

"Ah, that's too bad," said Augie. "Did everything go okay?"

"Yep, she's doing very well considering but she'll be laid up for a while."

"Gives you plenty of time to drop a ring on Isabella while all her family is around," said Ryan.

"Here we go," laughed Tim. It wouldn't be a Stone family event if they didn't all give Tim a hard time about not being married yet.

"Whatever," said John as he rolled his eyes.

A piercing squeal interrupted the conversation as Ryan's daughter, Kate, came running towards them, her mother hot on her heels. Augie squatted down and held out his arms and she ran towards him.

"There's my beautiful princess!" he said as he scooped her up. The three-year-old squealed again, thrilled to be the center of attention. While Augie played with his youngest niece, Lauren fielded questions from all four of her cousins and did a fair job of keeping everything straight. If they knew about Danny, they didn't say anything although Marty and Tim's wives, Sharon and Diana, pumped her for information about what Richie Sambora was really like.

Dinner was a loud, happy, boisterous affair that filled tables in two separate rooms. Lauren made sure she sat as far from Jackie as possible to minimize any chance of them being forced into a long conversation. As they worked their way through a mountain of food, the family asked Lauren and Augie about the new music and the tour. They promised everyone that for opening night at Madison Square Garden that there would be a suite and tickets for the whole family. And once she was able to turn the conversation away from the Kingmakers, Lauren was able to catch up on most of the family news.

Dessert was a self-serve affair in the kitchen and as Lauren jockeyed for a good spot in line, jokingly trying to shoulder out her niece Kristie, she caught Augie's arm as he walked by.

"How'd you get to be first in line?"

"I've been lying in wait by the pantry for the past 20 minutes. No way I was missing your Mom's pumpkin pie. Only real reason I came here today." He stuffed a bite in his mouth.

"Thanks for talking me into coming today, Augie. I'm glad I did."

"De nada. Now if you'd just listen to me all the time…"

"NOT going to happen. Go eat your pie."

The dessert table almost had too much to choose from, and Lauren finally settled on Steph's apple pie and Aunt Viv's cherry cobbler. The pumpkin pie was a temptation but she figured she could always go back for more of that later. While she ate, she talked more with her cousins and endured a few polite questions about her social life with relatively good grace. She wasn't surprised at all that the family grapevine was alive and well. After dessert, Lauren grabbed he coat.

"I'm going to get some fresh air for a minute and play with the rug-rats. Save me a good seat for the game." She gave her father a pointed look.

"You bet, sweetie." Bobby smiled. Lauren had always been his little tomboy, the only one of his four girls who was really interested in sports.

Out in the back yard, the younger cousins were kicking a soccer ball around and creating some sort of keep-away game with rules that seemed to change every few minutes. The kids, however, were doing a good job of working things out and Lauren only had to warn them once to behave.

"We never played that nicely," said Carolyn.

Lauren shook her head. "Nope. Jackie always tried to boss us around and I'd never play the way she wanted."

"You still don't."

"No" Lauren laughed. "No I don't. But at least I've only gotten the stink-eye from her a few times today."

Lauren looked at the slight swell of her sister's belly. About six months pregnant, Carolyn was starting to show. She'd gotten pregnant right around the night she'd gone clubbing with Lauren several months before. Her husband, Larry, had thanked Lauren profusely for getting his wife drunk and silly that night and it had become quite an inside joke between the sisters.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine. No more morning sickness. But I'll tell you, that's the last time I go clubbing with you." She laughed. Lauren laughed too.

"Lauren," Carolyn said after a minute. "I'm not trying to pry but I have to ask, are you doing okay? You're still looking a little thin. Steph and I are worried about you."

Lauren gave her sister a measured look. Carolyn was probably the only one who could have really asked her about Danny without it sounding like a judgment or accusation. Augie had let Carolyn and Steph know about her breakup with Danny and although she knew they meant well, Lauren had really kept them at arm's length for a while.

"We are worried," echoed Stephanie who'd just come over to join them.

"I know you are. Believe it or not, I've put weight on. Augie makes sure I eat. Am I okay? Mostly. Some days are better than others, you know?"

"I'm sorry," said Carolyn.

"Sorry? Why?"

"I know how much you care about him. You always did. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you back in high school or now. But at least now you won't always wonder 'what if' when you think about him," Carolyn answered.

"She's right," added Steph. "I think it is better than not trying."

"Of everyone in the family, you've both always been the most understanding," said Lauren. "Why is that? You've always supported me no matter what. Even when I've done some damn stupid things."

Carolyn smiled again. "You're my sister, Lauren. Of course I support you. I love you…"

Before Carolyn could say anything else, Stephanie interrupted. "Absolutely, you're our sister. Of course I'll be there to help pick you up. You know something, Lauren? There's another reason for me. I've never taken a risk in my whole life. Everything I do is thought out, measured, careful. But you, you take risks. Enormous risks. You see what you want and you go after it even if it means a huge fall if you fail. You might be my younger sister, but I look up to you; I wish I could be like that. Maybe that's why I've always supported you – I don't ever want you to lose your willingness to put it all out there…"

Lauren 's eyes rounded. She almost started to cry. _Stephanie looks up to… me?_ "Steph, that's just about the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Ever."

Stephanie gave her a hug. "And I mean every word of it, so if Jackie has an issue about how you live your life and what you do, well she can… she can…"

"She can fuck off," finished Carolyn.

Lauren laughed out loud. Stephanie rarely used the f-word but Carolyn had no such compunction and was more than happy to fill in the blank for her sister. Their father leaned out the back door to announce that the football game was starting and Lauren headed in to watch.

* * *

**_Author's Note-Author's NOTe-Author's Note_**

_Thanks for reading; I appreciate it. Please feel free to leave a review - I'd love to hear what's working and what's not in the story._

_KATE: I would have responded through PM but you had no attached email, but I did want to say thank you for leaving your review, and that I'm glad you're enjoying the story so much._

_Hopefully, I'll have a new chapter up in the not so distant future, but this one still needs some work. But stay tuned; I promise it won't be too long._


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

After Thanksgiving, life kicked into high gear for the Kingmakers. Scotty's publicity plan was extensive and part of it included several stops a radio stations throughout the U.S. to talk up their new CD—"Stone Heart"—and the first single. They started in New York on Q104 and Jim Kerr's Rock and Roll Morning Show and then WDHA with Curtis Kay during the drive home. From there they shuttled up to New England. The following day they hit the morning show with Paul and Al from Providence's WHJY and then an extensive discussion with Carter Alan in Boston on WZLX. They continued on to the other major markets throughout the country for the next two weeks and also had an extensive photo shoot and sit down interview with _Rolling Stone_ magazine.

"Leaving," the first single from _Stone Heart_, made its debut at Number 10 on the Billboard charts and only went up from there, making the critics who had declared the Kingmakers over and out of date eat their words in short order. By the time the press junket was over, Lauren's nerves were frayed because the time spent doing interviews was time they weren't rehearsing for the tour. With only a month left to the debut show in New York, she was right on schedule to start agonizing. Augie and Scotty managed to keep her under reasonable control.

The band's rising success made December a difficult month for Danny because it was nearly impossible to not see a picture of Lauren or hear the new single on the radio. He and Linda had a few good fights over it, straining the progress they'd made on repairing their marriage. They'd also had a second fight over his earlier announcement about his plans to go to the show, and after that, Danny had spent a couple nights sleeping in his old bed at his father's house.

The following Monday, Danny went to Jamie's apartment to watch the Monday night football game. For the past three Mondays, they'd been trying to watch a game together and work had interfered each time. Finally, the universe had seen fit to give them both a quiet Monday night. Danny laughed when he came into Jamie's apartment. It was small, but Jamie had been determined to have his own place, even on a cop's salary. What amused Danny was the mess. It screamed 'bachelor pad.'

"Do you have any idea what Mom would say about this place?"

"Don't start with me," said Jamie. "I'm starving, get that pizza in here."

"Yea, I did. Grab me a beer, would you?"

After he rummaged in the refrigerator and grabbed couple bottles of beer, Jamie pulled some dirty shirts off of the sofa and tossed them to the side. He ignored the look Danny gave him. Jamie turned the TV on and clicked to the sports channel. The game was about to start so the commentators were talking merely to fill the time, but rather than leave them on, he hit mute.

"What's up?" Danny's words were muffled since his mouth was full of pizza.

"Thought you might want to take a look at this before we get too into the game."

Jamie tossed a copy of the newest issue of _Rolling Stone_ on to the table. On the cover was a picture of the Kingmakers. Standing close together, each one had their arms folded and they were all staring at the camera with knowing, satisfied smiles. The headline blared: "Return of the Kings." Danny couldn't blame any of them for looking smugly satisfied over that.

"This new CD of theirs is already putting up huge numbers," said Jamie. "It is going to be a MONSTER."

"Good," said Danny—and he meant it—but he felt sad too, wishing he could share more in Lauren's success. He flipped to the cover story. There were several photos of the band and the article was a combination of essay and interview. He skimmed the essay part since it mostly talked about the band's history and how the establishment had written them off. That was a story he knew. He was more interested in what the band had to say.

_RS: A lot of people dismissed you when the Stone Heart project got delayed. What's your secret for staying relevant after all this time?_

_DJ: No, man, no magic formula. Be nice if there was one. But it is a lot of effort, sweat, and tears._

_Lauren: Well, that's true, and I think it just shows that if you write a song that people connect with, that is meaningful to them on some level, then you're always relevant._

_Stevie: She's right. If it punches you in the gut or in the heart and makes you feel something, anything, then you've got something there. And I think the level of connection in Stone Heart is amazing. I know every time something new came into the studio, I felt it._

_Augie: Lauren really did do an epic job writing this time around. We all contributed to the set but she took it to a whole different level. A song has to come out of your head and your heart._

_RS: The head and the heart, huh? What inspired you then, Lauren? There are some pretty powerful songs here._

_Lauren: Honestly? I went through a really difficult break up during the middle of producing the album, and I went down some dark roads for a little while. But instead of going down a self-destructive road_—_which we all know I've done before_—_I tried to throw everything I was feeling into my lyrics, and I do think I managed to do that. There are also plenty of fun songs, too, so don't think the whole thing is just one long litany of heartbreak._

_RS: So that's how it got its name? As an autobiography of your heart?_

_Augie: Hey, I'm a Stone too! It was actually our friend Tisha who came up with the name. She said that when you end a relationship, you wish you had a heart made of stone so that you didn't have to feel anything. But since all of the songs on the album touch on different emotions, and how much you feel… Stone Heart seemed to be a great opposite play from a naming angle. _

_Mike: Right. If we all had hearts of stone, then we wouldn't feel anything and there would be no songs of substance because there'd be nothing to sing about. And, really, who out there hasn't had their heart broken? _

_DJ: And Fitz is encouraging us to do a DVD. He said that it was a great opportunity to talk about the why behind the songs, the stories behind the stories. So we tossed it around and thought a semi-unplugged storyteller format would work great._

_Stevie: Not sure when we'll fit that in, not with the tour starting in January…_

_Lauren: We'll find a way to get it done. I think it is a great idea… gives people more insight into our own thinking, and the things that matter to us. I really like the idea of an intimate setting. I think it is a way for me, personally, feel very close to our fans in the audience._

Danny nodded as he read. The DVD was a cool idea, even though he knew some of the stories behind the songs would be about him. The article went on to talk about the tour as well as some of the creative process that the band went through when they did their work, before moving to a few fun questions to wrap up.

_RS: Okay, one last question, what are you all like on tour? What is it like to spend a year on the road with the Kingmakers?_

_Stevie: Be ready for a wild ride!_

_DJ: He's not kidding, but when we're out on tour, I'm a dream—Lauren is mental, though._

_Lauren: Thank you for that, and for the record, you are not a dream. Not by a long shot. Big pain in the ass is what you are. But he's not totally wrong about me, I can be a head-case._

_Augie: That's because you're a perfectionist; you want every show to be perfect for our fans. We all do, but you get a little intense._

_Lauren: I am… I think it's so important to do a good show. I've said it before, people are paying their hard-earned money to buy our music and see us in concert. When they walk out of that arena, I want them to think, 'damn that show was worth every penny I paid!'_

_Mike: And you never let us forget that, which is a good thing. It is easy to get caught up in everything else. But for the question? If you were on the road with us for a year, I think you'd see that we're a family. Most days we love each other, some days we hate each other. At times we fight light cats and dogs. But we've never had a fight so bad we haven't been able to get past it._

_RS: Thanks for sitting with me today, you guys. Congrats on the new album and good luck on your tour!_

On the last page of the article, there was a large call out about Lauren. Titled "Long Live the Queen" it showed her on stage, lifting her guitar up in the air beneath the glare of a spotlight. All Danny could think when he looked at it was that was where Lauren was supposed to be: on a stage. The profile itself didn't really tell Danny anything he didn't already know about Lauren, but it was still interesting to read the brief chronicle of her rise, fall, and re-emergence onto the rock-and-roll scene. Danny closed the magazine and glanced at the TV. Still on mute, Jamie had managed to pause it so that Danny didn't miss any of the action.

"Hey, thanks for saving me this," said Danny.

Jamie shrugged. "I wanted to read it myself, and I figured it wasn't something you'd probably be able to get a look at."

"I saw it a the store the other day and tried to not even look at the magazine shelf. Wasn't worth the fight. We've already had too many over the past month." Danny sighed.

"You still want to go to the show? Tickets are going on sale next Saturday, I think. It is going to be tough to get them."

"I definitely want to go. That's one of the things Linda and I are fighting about. But I've done everything she's asked: the therapist, talking to Father Rob, all of it. I need to do this so I'm not giving in on it. You still want to go?"

"Hell, yes."

"Then let's figure out how to get tickets." Danny picked up another piece of pizza. "But that's not until next week - let's catch up on the game. I want bragging rights tomorrow in the squad."

* * *

**_Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note_**

_Thanks for reading - I know it has been a bit since my last chapter. Getting my wisdom teeth out set me back a bit, plus we're almost at the end of Stone Heart, and since I'm always reluctant to finish a story, my publishing slows down a bit. This is a bit of a transition chapter, but it will get us into the home stretch. I hope you're continuing to enjoy the story and would love to hear from you - please consider leaving your feedback in a review!_


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

In the weeks leading up to the tour launch, rehearsals went well except for a few notable exceptions. The most glaring was the day the lighting guru, Mario, couldn't hit his marks or his timing to save his own life. It was so bad that Augie was the one who finally called him out and told him to either pull his shit together or to get out. It seemed to do the trick because the next day, everything went off without a hitch and the band wrapped up the rehearsal tired and happy. After, they went to a nearby Chinese restaurant that Stevie had discovered and powered through the buffet for dinner.

As they ate, Augie covertly watched his cousin as she tucked into a second serving of chicken, steamed vegetables, and rice. Lauren's weight was nearly back to normal and she'd gone back to her workouts at Gotham Fitness in preparation for the tour. She was starting to look like her old self and wasn't nearly as tired after rehearsals as she had been at the start.

"You guys set with the family suites?" asked Mike. During every tour, in each band member's hometown, part of the tour contract included a complimentary VIP suite for family and friends.

"I know I am," said Augie as he looked over at Lauren.

"I made sure that we got adjoining suites for your family and mine," said Lauren. "I confirmed them yesterday."

"Carolyn's going to be so disappointed to miss this," Augie said.

"Miss it?" Lauren started to laugh.

"Don't tell me she's coming?" said Augie. "Good Lord, isn't she due to have that baby any day now?"

"Oh, she's coming," said Lauren. "She's called me daily to let me know she's not due until two weeks after the show and that she's going to be there no matter what. You should have seen it when Larry hinted that maybe she should skip the show. I thought she was going to have the baby right then and there."

"So obviously you're not the only one in the family who can throw a tantrum." DJ leaned to the side to avoid the piece of ice Lauren threw at him.

"Then what's up with the other seats?" asked Stevie. "I heard Scotty arraigning for a second suite and like 50 seats in one of the good sections?"

"I bought the other suite and the tickets," she answered simply.

Stevie decided to not just let it go. "For who?"

"I'm giving the suite to the Reagan family." She took another bite of food while the rest of the band stared at her.

"Seriously? Are you kidding?" said Mike.

"I am serious. Scotty is delivering the tickets and the passes to Commissioner Reagan today. I'm asking him to either give the tickets to the family. Whether or not they go, up to them." She took another deliberate bite of food and drank some water.

"You're hoping Danny will come to the show," said Augie.

"I'll kick his ass if I see him," Mike whispered under his breath.

"Amen, brother," DJ whispered back.

Lauren ignored them. "Hope he'll come? Yea, I hope he'll come but I don't think he will. I don't think that's on the 'Danny Reagan Marriage Fix' plan. But I would like to think he'd come see the show. I don't know, I guess I thought Jamie might like to come; Erin, too. And I'm sure Nicky wants to… Maybe they can just give the tickets to her and her friends."

"Then what's up with the other 50 tickets?" asked Stevie.

"I'm donating those to the NYPD. I sent a note along with the package asking the Commissioner to somehow distribute them to some officers who have been injured on the job, or however he thinks is fair." She shrugged. "Maybe seeing Danny and Jamie again made me think more about what the cops do in this city."

"Bust me for running red lights that were really green?" groused DJ.

"It was red, DJ. Suck it up, you ran it and you got caught," Stevie countered. "I was with you."

"Whatever…"

Across town, Scotty arrived at the NYPD headquarters and made his way to the Commissioner's office. Frank's assistant, Emily Baker, politely but firmly told Scotty that Commissioner Reagan had a very busy schedule and he'd have to make an appointment. Scotty was about to try persuading Baker to get him five minutes of time with her boss when the elevator opened. Out of the car stepped Frank Reagan and Garrett Moore, his Deputy Commissioner and media relations expert.

"Commissioner, my name is Jackson Scott and I was just asking Miss Baker if you had a moment of time today."

"A very brief moment," said Frank. "What's on your mind Mr. Scott?"

Scotty held up one of the envelopes. "I represent the Kingmakers, and Lauren Stone would like to donate a large number of tickets to the NYPD."

"A donation?" Garrett perked up.

"Yes, she's purchased 50 tickets to the opening night show for the Kingmakers' new world tour and would like to donate them to the force. She asked me to arrange with your office on how to best distribute them fairly."

Frank looked at Garrett and gave him a brief nod.

"I can work with the lead union delegate," Garrett said to Frank, "and we can do a random drawing off his membership list. 25 pairs of tickets. Once the drawing is done, I'll write up a press announcement so we can thank…"

"Ah, no. No press release that names the donor," interrupted Scotty.

"No?" Garrett looked puzzled.

"Miss Stone is happy to donate the tickets, but she specifically said she wished to be an anonymous donor in this case," said Scotty. "I can add some wording about her thinking behind the donation, but she'd prefer that you not mention her specifically." He handed Garrett his business card and took one in return.

"Of course. I'll get to work on drafting that up, and on how to best set the drawing up fairly. Anything else, Commissioner?" Garrett looked at Frank.

"No, that's fine, Garrett. Thank you. Baker, what's next on my schedule?"

"You actually have 15 minutes before Councilwoman Duval arrives for her appointment, Sir, She's your last appointment for the evening and wants to talk to you about the scheduled emergency simulation."

"Yes, right." It wasn't a meeting Frank really wanted to have. It had been a long day and Councilwoman Duval took her time getting to her point. It should be a 15 minute meeting and he knew it would take at least 45. He started to turn towards his office door.

"Pardon me, Commissioner?"

"Was there something else?" Frank asked Scotty.

"Miss Stone also sent this for you and your family. Your own tickets to the show."

"Mr. Scott, might you join me for a moment before the Councilwoman arrives?" Frank gestured into his office.

"Of course, Commissioner."

They went into Frank's very large office, and Scotty glanced around, taking in the details. Frank sat down behind his desk and gestured for Scotty to take one of the seats opposite him.

"Now what is this about tickets?"

"Miss Stone has reserved a VIP suite for the Reagan family and any friends you may care to bring—twenty tickets in all for the opening night concert of the Kingmaker's new world tour." Scotty put the envelope on Frank's desk and waited in silence while Frank looked at it thoughtfully.

"And she couldn't deliver them herself?"

"She is in the middle of rehearsals for the tour." Scotty didn't let Frank's ornery demeanor throw him. "I'm sure she's explained everything in her note."

Frank sighed and took the package. He had to admit, he wished that Lauren had brought them herself. Throughout everything with Danny, he'd tried not to get in the middle of it, but there were days when he'd wanted to talk directly with her. Try to see things the way she saw them. He'd always liked Lauren, and he still did despite his personal feelings about her relationship with his son.

Out of the envelope spilled 20 concert tickets, 20 backstage passes, a photo, and a neatly folded letter. He picked up the photo. It was a candid shot of Danny and Lauren from over the summer. They were sitting on a park bench talking and smiling, utterly unaware that they were having their picture taken. They looked happy sitting there together. Putting the photo down, Frank unfolded the letter and started to read:

_Dear Commissioner Reagan,_

_I hope you have been well. I'd like to invite the Reagan family to the first night of our new world tour. It will be at Madison Square Garden in two weeks. Enclosed, you'll find 20 tickets and 20 passes to the after party (which I promise will be suitable for those under 21)._

_After everything that went on this past year, I could be the last person you want to be hearing from. And going to the show may be the last thing any of you want to do. I'd understand that. It was important to me, though, to invite you all. _

_I hope you know that I never meant to disrupt your family. When I came back to New York, I really didn't have plans to see Danny. But you know what they say about good intentions and the road to Hell. I just want you to know that anything I started with your son started because I've always loved him. From the very first day I met him when we were kids. _

_I'd like to tell you this in person but I think I am just too scared. That seems funny somehow to say that. Carolyn always says that I'm fearless, and maybe in most cases, she's right. For the most part, I've never cared much about what most people think of me. You are one of the few whose opinion DOES matter. You were always so encouraging and supportive when I was a kid, I've never forgotten that, and I think I am too scared to face you now because I'm afraid that I will see disappointment on your face._

_Despite everything, I hope you'll all come and enjoy the show._

_All the best,_

_Lauren_

Frank put the letter down and sighed. "Did you read this?"

Scotty shook his head. "No, Miss Stone just told me there was a letter in there for you along with the other things."

Baker knocked softly and opened the door. "Pardon me, Commissioner but the Councilwoman is here."

"Give me just one moment, Baker."

Scotty was halfway out of his chair before Frank even finished talking to Baker. "I do appreciate you taking a few moments for me, Commissioner. It was a pleasure to meet you." Scotty held out his hand and Frank gave it a hearty shake.

"Please tell Lauren I said thank you and give her my best."

"I will; thank you again."

Baker closed the door after Scotty and gave Frank a brief nod as she did. She'd worked for him long enough to know that "a moment" meant that he wanted five minutes to himself before the next meeting. Once he heard the door click shut, Frank leaned back in his chair and picked the photo up. He had to admit, Danny and Lauren looked happy, and he wondered about what would be like if Danny had followed Lauren out to California all those years ago.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

By 5:00 p.m., the Reagan house was in chaos. After getting the concert tickets from Scotty, Frank had spoken to Erin, Danny, and Jamie about whether or not they wanted to go to the show. Danny had taken his, and Jamie had opted in as well, asking if he could have an extra for Vin. He figured his partner would never forgive him if he didn't. Erin had been hesitant, but Nicky had been talking for weeks about getting tickets somehow, and Erin knew her resourceful daughter would figure some way to finagle a way to the show. So, Erin took tickets for her and Nicky, and then let Nicky invite four of her friends—Anne, Rebecca, Maggie and Lola. It was the whirlwind of squealing 16-year-olds that was raising the roof at the Reagans.

"Remind me again how Danny and Jamie managed to arrange meeting us at the Garden?" asked Erin as a flurry of shrieking laughter rolled down the stairs. Frank just shook his head and tried not to laugh. It was a legitimate question. Upstairs in one of the guest rooms, the five girls were getting ready while they listened to _Stone Heart_ on Nicky's iPod. Rebecca was looking at Nicky's phone where she still had the photos from her day at the studio. She was looking at the one of Nicky and DJ.

"I cannot believe you actually played piano with him." She sighed.

"It was so cool," said Nicky. "DJ is so unbelievably cute!"

"He is, but Augie is WAY cuter," announced Maggie. "I mean, when he smiles? Those dimples? OMG!"

The discussion continued with Anne joining Nicky on the DJ bandwagon, Rebecca firmly in Mike's camp, and Lola declaring her allegiance to Stevie. And the all concurred that Lauren was the coolest woman in rock-n-roll as far as they were concerned.

At the Garden, the Kingmakers wrapped up their walkthrough and an early technical check. Before they left to get ready for the show, the band pulled the crew together to not only thank them, but also do a bit of a pep talk. They had about 30 crewmembers, most of who had toured with the Kingmakers many times. Before they finished, Lauren took the chance to remind them all about the after party.

"I know you guys are all professionals; if you weren't, you wouldn't be with us. But I want to remind everyone at tonight's after party will be some of our family members and some friends of the family. These guests could possibly include a few off-duty New York cops as well as the Police Commissioner himself. I'm the last one to tell any of you what to do so all I'll say is BE SMART."

"So, no streaking?" yelled one.

"No mooning?" called another voice.

"I was going to impress the chicks by chugging a bottle of Jack," hollered a third.

But all of the comments were accompanied by grins and laughs. Lauren laughed as well, called them a bunch of juvenile jackasses, and sent the crew on their way. Lauren went back to her suite at the Four Seasons to relax and go through her pre-show ritual: about 20 minutes of meditation, a steaming hot shower, and a very light meal. Mike, Augie, DJ and Stevie also had rooms at the Four Seasons. They'd stay there tonight but after the show tomorrow, they headed out for the next one up in Boston.

At 6:30, Danny was outside of Jamie's apartment leaning on the horn. Someone behind him honked and gestured rudely as he passed Danny's Jeep. Danny yelled back and then looked out the passenger side window to see Jamie coming out the front door. He rolled the window down, letting a cold blast of January air rush in.

"Put some speed on it, Grandma!"

"Keep your shorts on," said Jamie as he jumped in the car. "Kingmakers won't go on until at least 9:00. If we're late all we'll miss is the opening act."

"Who is it?"

"Band called Atomic Alcatraz. They've had a couple things that aren't half bad. How'd things go when you left?"

Danny waited to answer until he'd pulled out into traffic. "Not so good. This whole week hasn't been so good." His face was grim.

"Sorry, man."

"Not your fault. But I don't want to talk about that. There will be enough shit to deal with after the show. For now, I want to go se a rock-n-roll concert." Danny meant every word of it. He didn't just want to see the show; he needed to. On some level he needed to face the proverbial music although he knew that was a terrible, terrible pun. He needed to hear the songs, good and bad, and not avoid them like he'd always done. It was important to him that he do this and he wished Linda understood.

The area around Madison Square Garden was packed; the show was sold out. It took Danny some extra time to get where he wanted to be and he ignored several places to park. When they arrived, Danny flashed his badge and got free parking practically inside Madison Square Garden. Jamie gave him a look and laughed.

"Pulling rank? You're not setting a good example for me."

"Do NOT tell Dad about this," said Danny.

By the time they got to the suite, the opening act was already on stage. Nicky and her friends were at the front, all dancing. There were two kids with them that Danny didn't recognize at first but when they turned around he realized it was Kristie and Joshua, Lauren's niece and nephew. They were about Nicky's age and went to St. Catherine's as well.

Erin saw him looking. "Augie and Lauren's families have the suites next to ours. Nicky ran into Josh and Kristie and invited them to hang out for a while."

Vin was utterly relieved to have Jamie arrive. For the past fifteen minutes he'd been in the suite with seven teenagers, Erin, and the Police Commissioner. He'd managed to fumble his way through a brief, casual conversation with Frank and then excused himself to get some food. About a half-hour later, the opening act wrapped up and left the stage. The lights came up and the crew swarmed the stage, swapping out Atomic Alcatraz's equipment and bringing all of the Kingmakers' instruments out. Lauren's father, Bobby, came to the Reagan suite to collect Josh and Kristie.

"Frank!" he said jovially. "Good to see you. How the heck are you?" He gave Frank a hearty handshake. They spent a few minutes catching up; a few more dissecting the New York sports teams, and as they talked Frank offered him a beer from the suite's bar. Danny slipped past them to grab a beer for himself, trying to be unobtrusive.

"How are you, Danny?"

"Good, Mr. Stone. Real good."

"You both looking forward to the show?" Bobby gestured out towards the stage.

"I am," said Danny.

"Yes, but not nearly as much as my granddaughter," laughed Frank as he watched Nicky with her friends.

"You know, I've seen every show she's done in this city? From that very first tour. I'm awfully proud of Lauren. It hasn't always been easy but she's something else. And I'm not saying that because she's my daughter." He laughed.

"I know she always appreciated you supporting her when we were kids," said Danny.

"I just want to see her get out there on stage and see that smile," said Bobby.

"That smile?" asked Frank.

"Just watch," said Bobby. "At some point, probably while she's playing her guitar, you'll see it. She'll get lost in the music and she'll get this look on her face. It says she's right where she needs and wants to be, that the music is her world and she doesn't need anything beyond that."

He was looking out towards the empty stage with an odd smile on his own face. "I love seeing that smile on her."

Frank nodded, understanding. He knew that look. While none of his children had pursued music, he knew the look they got doing something they loved. A moment later, the lights went down and the stage got dark. The crowd went wild – in just a few minutes, the Kingmakers would start the show. Nicky and her friends started to clap, shout and whistle. Bobby excused himself and hurried back to his own suite to watch the show with his family.

Shadow figures drifted onto the stage. Taking positions, they settled in and waited. DJ's keyboard was the only thing that could be heard over the roar of the crowd. As the lights slowly came up over his part of the stage, Augie's drum beat picked up and was joined by Mike's bass and Stevie's guitar. Soon the stage was lit except the center—then the lights came up to reveal Lauren, guitar around her shoulders, arms spread wide and her head tilted back. Her eyes were shut and as the roar peaked and washed over her, she grabbed the guitar. Her fingers flew over the guitar frets and she launched into the first verse of the song.

The crowd went crazy.

All Danny could do was stare. Instead of a shirt or tank top, Lauren was wearing a fitted leather vest that laced up the front. It clung to her figure and showed just enough of her breasts to be tantalizing and not tacky. Her jeans had insets in the side that seemed to be some sort of metallic print that gave just enough shine to catch the light. She had cool, black boots that had silver and crystal straps, and around her neck was the necklace Danny had given her.

The first song was just a fun anthem to rock and roll, but the second was about how it felt to have your heart broken. It was a hard song for Danny to hear but he didn't let it show. Nicky and her friends were at the very front of the suite, and Jamie, Erin and Vin were up there as well. Danny hung back a little, finding a place in the suite where he had a good view of the stage, but could also see the show on one of the massive video screens that flanked each side of the stage.

In the next song, Lauren had a substantial guitar solo and as she stood on one of the platforms, in the zone, she started to smile. It was the smile that her father had talked about earlier; the smile that said standing there on stage was, really, her one true love. And in that moment Danny knew that he couldn't have asked her to stay back in high school, and that he couldn't go with her now. He had not doubt that Lauren loved him, but there was no way he could compete with the stage and the spotlight. She would wither without it.

In the Stone family suite everyone was enjoying the show, even Jackie although she would have been loath to admit it. As Lauren and the band took a momentary break for some water before hurling themselves into the next song, Stephanie came over to stand next to Jackie.

"What do you think? Are you glad you came?" asked Stephanie. It had been years since Jackie had gone to one of Lauren's shows despite the fact she'd been invited every time Lauren was in New York.

"I guess," said Jackie as she watched Lauren encourage the crowd to cheer and clap.

"You guess?" Steph raised an eyebrow.

Jackie watched Lauren, microphone in hand, sing to one side of the Garden and then run across the stage to the side closer to them and turn her attention to the higher seats. She belted the song out and then held the microphone out, smiling as the audience sang the response back to her.

"I'm always so scared for her. All the things she's gone through because she picked this life. You're all my sisters, but she's my baby sister." Jackie frowned, conflicted. "But… but she looks so happy out there."

"She _**is**_ happy, Jackie." Stephanie couldn't believe Jackie had said all of that and knew she'd never admit it directly to Lauren. But it gave Stephanie hope that, eventually, the battle they'd had over Danny wouldn't remain a wedge between the two of them. Before they could say anything else, Jackie's son, Josh, squeezed past them, another soda in his hand.

"Thanks for letting us come, Mom. This is AWESOME!"

The Kingmakers had played for 90 minutes by the time they closed the main set. Each member of the band had been introduced by Lauren and had the chance to do a brief solo. They were all exhausted but high on adrenaline when they bowed and waved to the crowd before disappearing back stage. Away from the scream of the crowd they laughed and hugged and high-fived.

"This is how you launch a Goddamn world tour," shouted DJ. He hugged Lauren.

She grabbed a bottle of Gatorade and drained it in practically a single gulp. "Okay, you guys. Let's get back out there and bring this home. We've got an encore to knock out of the park!"

All of the Reagans, even Frank, were applauding, encouraging the band to come back for an encore. Erin even let out a few ear-splitting whistles, much to the delight of Nicky and her friends. Eventually the five girls started clapping and stamping with the rest of the crowd. Then the lights went down and the crowd's energy level surged again. Lauren went up to her microphone and put her hands on her hips.

"Well, clearly you guys still want to rock," she said. "Okay, then, one… two… three…"

The band ripped through the first two songs of the encore, and when they got into the third—and final—song, they hit a point where they seemingly improvised a longer musical section and the volume dropped slightly when Lauren grabbed her microphone and started to walk the edge of the stage.

"We're having a great time tonight, are you?" she asked as she paced back and forth. The crowd roared back at her enthusiastically. "I think the only thing that would be more fun is to add some friends to the mix, what do you think?"

The crowd thundered again. And as Lauren began to dive into the next verse, another guitarist joined them on stage. He wore black pants and no shirt, giving the audience ample opportunity to check out the dozens of tattoos that adorned his arms, shoulders, chest and back.

"That's Dave Navarro!" shouted Nicky.

Erin looked at her only child and Nicky looked back like she was so completely out of touch. "Seriously, Mom? He's played with Jane's Addiction and the Chili Peppers!"

Danny leaned over to his sister. "I bet you would have taken him to prom instead of Tommy Molloy."

Erin gave him a look that would have melted ice, but he wasn't wrong. Dave jammed with Stevie and sang for a minute with Lauren before moving a little to the side of the stage to play for the crowd. A minute later, Lauren reached another pause in the song. She smiled and looked to the side of the stage opposite where Dave had come from. From behind one of the stage levels came two more people. One was playing guitar, the other held a microphone in his hand. The singer and Lauren did a funny stutter-step walk towards each other, and both were laughing as they started to sing together.

"Oh. My. GOD!" yelled Lola. She grabbed Nicky's arm. "That's Jon Bon Jovi! I LOVE him! Is he going to be at the thing after the show?"

Vin, who was standing near Danny and who had imbibed in several beers, said. "So, you really partied with Bon Jovi? Man, that must have been crazy."

"It was an experience," said Danny and then he walked away. He knew Vin didn't mean anything by it but he was not going to have a discussion about it with his brother's partner. It was too closely connected with Lauren. He went to stare at the stage again; these were the last few minutes of the show and he didn't want to miss any of it. After tomorrow's show, she'd be gone. On the stage Lauren, Mike and Stevie gathered together at the central microphone. Dave, Jon, and Richie filled in around them and they finished the song with a crescendo.

As DJ and Augie came down to join the rest of the band, their guests waved and disappeared backstage. The Kingmakers all waved to the different sections of the Garden, overwhelmed by the adulation.

"Thank you all so much for coming out tonight," said Lauren. "If it wasn't for all of you, we couldn't do this. We had so much fun playing for you, and we appreciate you supporting our band all these years. You're the best fans in the world."

Her statement was greeted with another roar of approval.

"Thank you, New York. Good night. We love you!"

* * *

**_Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note_**

_Hello everyone - sorry for the delay. Life (and vacation) got in the way for a bit. I'll do my best to not have it be so long until the next chapter. Thank you for taking the time to read the story. I would, of course, love to get feedback so I encourage you to leave a review. _


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

Behind the stage, in a private area just for the band, Lauren through back her head and let out a wild victory scream. When she turned around to see the band behind her she looked exhilarated. There was nothing—nothing—in the world that could compare to the feeling of finishing a show and still hearing the crowd screaming your name. And DJ, Stevie, Augie and Mike all wore the exact same expression. Lauren threw her arms around her cousin and hugged him.

"I'm sorry but we were fucking AMAZING!" crowed DJ. "We nailed it!"

The others couldn't agree more and spent a few minutes talking about things they noticed during the show from the crowd to how they thought they sounded. All five of them were utterly amped on adrenaline. Lauren downed a bottle of water as they talked and finally took a deep breath.

"Okay, we can talk more later. I've got to get showered before we go to the after party. People are waiting for us." She picked lightly at the tank top she was wearing. The leather vest she started with had been soaked with sweat and she'd changed for the encore, but the new shirt was a mess now as well and she was afraid to look at her hair. There was no way she was going to an after party drenched in sweat.

"Totally," said Stevie. "I've got to grab a shower too. This outfit is pretty rank."

There were two dressing rooms ready for them at the Garden. One was for Lauren, but there was enough privacy in hers that she invited Augie to use her shower once she was done. Getting rinsed after a show was something they had down to a routine, and no more than a half hour later they were all showered, changed and ready to celebrate.

While the Kingmakers were getting cleaned up and presentable, their guests were enjoying the start of the party. There was an amazing amount of food, and two different bars. The Reagans and the Stones mingled, talked and laughed. For some of them it had been a long time since they'd had the chance to say more than a "hello" at church or at a school event. The members of Atomic Alcatraz arrived along with their entourage of friends and groupies, raising the excitement – if the opening act was there, the Kingmakers probably weren't far behind.

About 15 minutes later, Lauren and the guys arrived. They didn't come in to a lot of fanfare; in fact, it took everyone a moment or two to realize they were even there. It was really Carolyn's delighted squeal when she saw her sister that let the proverbial cat out of the bag. Mike, DJ and Stevie headed right for the food and the bar, but Lauren and Augie went to see their families right away, and Lauren's father engulfed her in a bear hug.

"That's my girl," he whispered in her ear before letting go. "I am so proud of you."

"Thanks, Dad."

Carolyn, drained from doing her best to dance during the concert, was in a chair rubbing her belly. Lauren sat down next to her to talk and Augie managed to work his way through the wall of people surrounding them so he could visit with his cousin, too. Lauren would have spent more time with Carolyn, but her sister insisted that she go get something to eat, and promised to see Lauren before she left. Lauren's stomach growled and she piled some food onto a plate and then wolfed it down. She dusted some crumbs off of her hands once she was done, and took a moment to look around the room. Not far from her she saw Frank and Jamie Reagan talking with her sister Stephanie, so she headed over to talk them. Behind her, she heard some added commotion in the room as Jon, Richie and Dave joined the party.

"Hey! How are you?" She gave both Frank and Jamie a hug.

Frank smiled at her. "Thank you for the tickets, Lauren. We all had a good time. Especially Nicky and her friends, I think."

Lauren smiled. "Yes, I saw them when I came in. I'm glad you were able to come. We're all really happy with how this first show went. I think this is going to be a great tour."

"How long will you be on the road?" asked Jamie.

"Probably a minimum of 18 months," she answered. "We have dates booked all through North America, and then it is off to Europe."

"And from there you'll be hitting Asia and South America, right?" asked Steph.

"That's right, but we don't have actual dates set for that leg of the trip but it won't be long. Plus if _Stone Heart_ does really well, we'll add shows throughout the tour and that will end up pushing everything out to 24 months." Lauren was smiling as she talked about being out on the road.

"And you're absolutely looking forward to it," observed Frank.

"Absolutely!" Then she gasped as a pair of tattooed arms slipped around her waist and pulled her close.

"There's my rock goddess," said a deep voice.

"Mr. Navarro. I'm so glad you could be here tonight." Lauren leaned her head back against his chest and put her hands on top of his.

"A chance to get some time with you? Wouldn't have missed it." Dave gave her a kiss on the cheek but lingered with his arms around her. Jamie raised an eyebrow slightly. _Danny would so not be cool with that. Probably a good thing he decided not to be here tonight._

Lauren briefly introduced Dave to Frank, Steph, and Jamie but shortly after, he excused himself to go talk with Mike, who he hadn't been able to catch up with yet. Frank watched him go and got that thoughtful expression he'd get when he was considering something.

"Lot of tats on that man," said Steph.

Lauren laughed. "There are. He does love his ink. Some people get turned off by it, but he's a good guy. Did you see his PETA ad a while back?"

Steph shook her head. She hadn't seen it.

"Oh, God. He's in the buff, hands covering his privates—and you can see all of the tattoos on his arms and shoulders. And the caption is Ink Not Mink. It is one hell of a photo."

A few minutes later, Steph excused herself and Frank did as well, leaving Lauren and Jamie alone for the moment.

"I'm glad you guys came. I saw Vin. Did he enjoy himself?"

"Thinks he's died and gone to Heaven," said Jamie. "He basically owes me a lifetime of favors for this."

Lauren smiled but then her face got serious, and Jamie knew she was debating asking the question. So, he did it for her. "He was here. Danny came to the show. Saw the whole thing."

"He did? Is he here now?" She lit up a little.

"No, not at the party. Sorry, Lauren."

"I get it. I understand," she said despite not being able to hide the disappointment in her voice. "Did he like it? What did he think of the music?"

"He thought you sounded like a million bucks. I think a couple of the songs hit a little close to home." Jamie thought back to the evening. There had been a couple of songs about how much pain love can cause, and he'd glanced at Danny during those. By the expression on Danny's face, Jamie knew that they hit him right in the bruised and broken part of his heart.

Lauren's smile was a little sad. Some of the songs she'd written were about how much pain she'd gone through. It was smaller now, but there was still a part of her that was raw from the end of their relationship, despite the time that had gone by.

Across the room, Dave was surrounded by several strangers who all seemed more interested in staring at his tattoos than in actually having a conversation with him. And when Augie and DJ interrupted saying they needed him to discuss something private, he jumped at the chance to escape.

"Was it as painful as it looked?" asked DJ.

"You have no idea," said Dave, "but forget that… Monster show, you guys."

"I am so stoked." DJ was grinning from ear to ear.

"Thanks for being part of it," said Augie. "Having you, Jon, and Richie at the end really put the encore over the top. But I feel like I've sweat off about 50 lbs. tonight." He downed another bottle of water. He'd have a beer or two later, but for now all he wanted was water, water and more water.

"And who is this fine, fine woman walking towards us?" Dave was watching the tall, slender brunette come towards them. A girl about 16 years old with a neat pixie-cut hairstyle was with her, and in her wake were several other girls around the same age.

"That would be Erin. Lauren and I grew up with her family. In fact, she was my big crush in high school. She's the sister of the guy Lauren was with this summer," said Augie. Dave didn't turn his head but he also didn't miss that Augie used the word "was."

"Erin! Good to see you? How did you like the show?" asked Augie.

"It was something else. Very impressive," said Erin but before she could say anything else, Nicky couldn't help but interrupt.

"It was a great show, great. I had such a good time. The opening you did on the first song was AWESOME, DJ."

"It was," echoed Anne who turned six shades of red when DJ smiled at her. "You're just an amazing musician."

"Thank you. I'm glad you liked it the show." DJ struggled not to laugh at Erin's eye-roll over her daughter's moon-eyed crush on him, but Dave couldn't help himself and his chortle turned Nicky's attention to him.

"You're Dave Navarro. Great to meet you." She held out her hand so he could shake it and Dave did an admirable job of looking very serious when he did. Nicky introduced him to her friends who all attempted to be as serious as Nicky but failed and dissolved into a fit of giggles. It was cool to meet Dave, but they were here for the Kingmakers and almost immediately their attention turned back to Augie and DJ. After getting some pictures—and after Augie autographed Lola's arm with a Sharpie marker—they headed off as a herd to find Stevie and Lauren who were nearby laughing and joking with Lauren's father, Jon and Richie.

The guys from Atomic Alcatraz were also at the party and their raucous laughter drew Erin's attention for a moment. They were sharing beer and champagne with several young women—who Erin guessed weren't quite as "21" as their IDs proclaimed—dressed in rather short skirts and very high heels. One pressed herself up against the lead singer and let out a squealing laugh when he grabbed her ass.

"You guys must get a lot of that," said Erin as she watched heel girl wiggle.

"You do. For a while it is fun. Nothing like having all the girls want you when that wasn't necessarily always the case. It is great for the ego… among other things," said Dave with a small shrug.

Erin gave him a look. "Other things?"

Dave didn't elaborate.

"He's right," agreed Augie. "The girls can be a whole lot of fun, but they get stale after a while. I mean, they're all beautiful, don't get me wrong, but when they're like that, they're just girls. They're interested in your money, or your car. They're interested in WHAT you are, not WHO you are."

"That's why when you find a good WOMAN you need to hold onto her," added Dave. "Or, at least you try to. It is one of the hardest things to do, especially in this line of work."

Word got through the crowd to Lauren that Carolyn was getting ready to leave. As much as she wanted to stay, she was exhausted and – to Larry's tremendous relief – had told him she needed to go home. As she turned to find Carolyn, Lauren stepped around someone and found herself face to face with Jackie.

"Jackie… hi."

"Hi Lauren." There was an awkward pause before she continued. "You guys did a good show.

"Thanks."

There was another long, awkward pause as both struggled with what they wanted to say, what they should say, and what neither was willing to say. Finally, Jackie broke the silence.

"Well, I've got to find Chris." She walked past Lauren who turned around as she did.

"Jackie, wait," said Lauren, and Jackie stopped to look back at her little sister.

"What?"

"I'm really glad you came to the show," said Lauren.

Jackie's smile was slight, but it was there. "I am, too. Thank you for inviting us."

She disappeared in search of her husband while Lauren plowed through the crowd to find Carolyn. Her sister had just taken her coat from Larry and was talking to Steph and their parents when Lauren rushed up.

"I heard you're going." She threw her arms around Carolyn. "Thank you so much for being here tonight."

"I wouldn't have missed it. You were great. I'm SO going to miss you. Promise you'll call?" Carolyn started to tear up and wiped her eyes.

"Of course I will. And you or Larry will call as soon as you have the baby, right?" Lauren put her hands on Carolyn's seriously huge belly and then she knelt down. "I can't wait to meet you, baby. Don't keep your Mom and Dad waiting too long!"

From where they were hanging out, Augie could see Lauren and started to laugh. "Now there is something you don't see every day." He pointed across the room to where Lauren was down on one knee, talking to her very-pregnant sister's baby bump.

"No, can't say that's something I see most days," said Dave. But he kept watching Lauren when she stood up and laughed and joked with her sister before waving as Carolyn and Larry left. An intense, focused look came across his face as his eyes followed her, and Augie knew exactly what he was thinking.

"She just got out of a tough relationship," said Augie.

"Erin's brother?"

"Yea, Danny."

"Is he here tonight?"

"No."

A small smile crossed Dave's face. "Well, I'm not Danny. I'll catch you later, Augie." He walked off and headed across the floor towards Lauren.

Augie shook his head and smiled. _Good luck with that, Dave. You'll probably need it._

* * *

**_Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note_**

_I'm curious what everyone thought of this chapter. I definitely feel like I struggled with this one... I wanted to show some of the after party, and there were a few conversations I wanted to happen there. But I found it very hard to make the different conversations flow because there were so many people involved. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed it. _


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

About halfway home, Danny's adrenaline high from the concert started wearing off. When he first started driving, the radio was on and he was tapping his fingers and even singing along with some of the songs. The station played several Kingmakers tunes since the band was performing. But as he got further from Madison Square Garden and closer to his house, his mood faded. It started sinking in that Lauren really was leaving; after tomorrow night she'd be gone from New York and it was entirely possible that he'd never see her again.

It was a sobering thought.

The house was dark when he got home and Danny made sure to be very quiet. Linda had been on a slow boil about the show and was seething when he'd left to pick up Jamie. He didn't expect she would have been waiting up for him, and he had to confess, he was glad she wasn't. He didn't bother going upstairs. Instead, he went to the closet and pulled out a blanket. Tossing his pants over his recliner, Danny took his shirt off and settled down on the sofa. He lay awake thinking for a very long time.

In the morning, breakfast was a quiet affair and there wasn't a lot of conversation other than what the boys were doing for sports that weekend. Jack and Sean really wanted to ask their father about the show—both had been disappointed that they weren't allowed to go—but they were keenly aware of how much tension the concert had caused between their parents. They kept their questions to themselves for now; there would be time to talk with their Dad later.

For the rest of the day, Danny played the dutiful husband. He mowed the lawn, pruned some bushes, and made some repairs to the back stairs. Jack and Sean both helped him with the stairs and while their mother was at the grocery store, they were able to ask him about the show. Danny shared what he could and did enjoy the time with his sons, but their questions just made him think more about Lauren. By dinner, he'd withdrawn further. Watching him eat in virtual silence made Linda want to cry.

The boys went to bed at 10:00 and shortly after that, Danny got up from his recliner and put his jacket on. Linda, who had been brushing her teeth, watched him in surprise. She spit the toothpaste out and rinsed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm going out for a while," he said.

Linda narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean you're going out? Where are you going?" They were more demands than questions and Danny set his jaw. He didn't answer her.

"Fine." Linda's voice was cold. "Just go."

"I'll be back later," he said.

"Will you?"

"Jesus Christ, Linda. Listen to yourself!"

"Watch your language, Danny!"

"I am going out for a little while and I'll be back later." He tried not to raise his voice too much. He didn't want the fight to escalate; that would just make it worse and probably wake up the boys. He grabbed the keys to the Jeep and headed out the door without waiting for his wife to say anything else.

Jamie had told him that there was no party after the second show. Augie had been talking about the tour last night, and mentioned to Jamie that after the equipment got packed up, the band was catching a bus up to Boston rather than fly. Danny looked at his watch. The show wouldn't end until almost 11:00; he could make it to the Garden before they left for the next tour date.

Pulling up on the far side of Madison Square Garden, Danny slowed down and stopped when an officer in uniform waved him down.

"You have to park in one of the lots," said the cop.

Danny held out his shield. "I'm here on business," he said. "Where can I put the car that's out of the way?"

"Sorry, Detective. You can park over there." The officer pointed down the block. "Just pull in behind my radio car."

"Thanks."

Danny locked the Jeep. At the door the security team stopped him, but Danny had his pass from the previous night and was wearing his NYPD jacket. It was a short argument before he managed to bully his way past the guards. The show had just finished, and then he bullied his way past the security team at the Garden.

Roadies scurried around the main stage, an army of ants stripping the stage of anything vital. Lauren stood at the edge, staring out in the empty cavern of the arena. _Launching a tour with two sold out shows at Madison Square Garden? Not too shabby for a band the critics called dated and worn out a few years ago. I'll show them 'over the fucking hill.' _She was pleased. Now it was on to Boston.

"Hey. Lauren! I have a question about a couple of your guitars." Ricky, the senior member of the road crew, called Lauren over. She excused herself from helping DJ with something and headed over to Ricky. Next to DJ, Mike was checking two of his bass guitars. He looked up after he snapped one of his cases and stopped.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"What?" asked DJ without looking over at him. He and Augie were checking a couple cases on Augie's drum kit. While they had a full team of roadies who they absolutely trusted to move their instruments, every member of the Kingmakers always got a bit underfoot when things were getting packed. It was just something they did and Ricky and the other roadies had learned to work with—and around—them as needed.

"What's he doing here?" asked Stevie. When they heard the edge in Stevie's voice, Augie and DJ turned around. Danny was standing on the stage looking around. All four of them walked over at the same time and Danny watched them warily; none looked happy to see him.

"What do you want?" growled Mike.

"And who let you in? I don't remember you being invited; that pass is for last night." DJ glared at him.

Danny tapped his fingers on his gold detective shield. "This pass is valid all the time. Nice to see you guys, too." He wasn't about to let them bully him.

"Seriously, Danny. Why are you here?" Augie's voice wasn't as aggressive but his body language spoke volumes. He was standing square with his arms folded across his chest. No way he was letting Danny walk by unchallenged. The other three mirrored his stance, completely blocking his way.

"I want to talk to Lauren. Where is she?"

"Did you ever consider that she might not want to talk to you?" DJ asked.

"Don't be a bitch, DJ." Danny leveled a look at him. His patience was thin to start with and this behavior wearing on it.

"Excuse me?" DJ uncrossed his arms and clenched his fists.

"That's enough," said Stevie. He put a hand in front of DJ. "Not when we're leaving for Boston."

DJ re-crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes as he started at Danny. When Lauren finished with Ricky's questions, she turned to rejoin her band mates and noticed that all four of them were clustered together across the stage. Based on their body language, they were upset about something. She hurried back over and as Stevie shifted his position she realized they were arguing with Danny.

_Oh, shit. How long has he been here? _"HEY! What the hell? What are you all doing?" She shouldered between Mike and Augie. She looked at Danny for a moment and then turned and looked at the others expectantly.

"He didn't have a pass for tonight. Security is falling down on the job." There was definite sarcasm in Mike's voice.

"I just wanted to talk to you for a couple minutes before you left," Danny said to Lauren, "and the Boy Scouts here seem to have a problem with that."

"Enough," sighed Lauren. She looked at Augie, DJ, Mike and Stevie. "The four of you, go. Just go. I know we have to leave in a few minutes. I'll see you on the bus."

The four of them lingered for a minute until Lauren gave them a sharp look. Even then, they walked slowly and each looked back over at least once before they disappeared. Lauren and Danny stood quietly, not saying anything. Lauren finally broke the silence.

"This feels way too familiar," she said, remembering back to years ago when she left Danny to follow the road before.

"Definitely déjà vu," he answered. The awkward silence stretched out.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you," she said. "Or your family. But I don't think we could have done anything else."

"I'm sorry, too. I know I hurt you."

"There's a certain peace in it. Being done," said Lauren. "To finally come to terms with the fact that we can't be together. That something you've wanted—that you still want—just can't happen. I'm okay with that. Maybe I just needed to know that we tried, even with the deck stacked against us."

Danny looked at his feet. Lauren was right. Even with the pain he went through, he was glad they'd tried. Even with all the shit that was still swirling between him and Linda, it had been worth it. It had given him some sort of closure.

"The show was great," he said. "I'm really glad I went to see it. A few of the songs hit close to home."

"But not all of them were bad?" There was curiosity in her voice.

"No, not all of them. Come here…" Danny opened his arms and then wrapped Lauren in a hug. They stood in the middle of the stage holding onto each other in silence for a long time as roadies moved around them like water flowing around a rock. Lauren felt him sigh once, and then she had a feeling that they were being watched. She opened her eyes. At the edge of the curtain was Augie. He gave her a small, sad smile and then nodded his head to the side. The bus was ready; they were just waiting for her. Then he vanished.

"I have to go," she said as she let go of Danny. "They're waiting for me."

"I know. You be safe," he said. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too. But remember, you're always here." She put her hand over her heart. Danny started to say something, hesitated and looked down. Then Lauren turned and walked away, leaving him alone on the silent stage. When he looked up again, he caught the barest glimpse of Lauren disappearing down a hall.

"Danny Reagan," he said out loud, "you are such an asshole."

In an instant he was running down the hall trying to figure out where Lauren had gone. When he got outside, the bus was running and the driver had just shut the door. He ran into the road and held up a hand shouting for them to stop. The driver saw his NYPD jacket and immediately stepped on the brake. Danny jumped into the bus when the door opened.

"You've got to be kidding me," Stevie said under his breath.

Lauren got up from her seat and came down the aisle. "Danny. I… What…" She was confused and conflicted. Leaving was hard enough without all of this.

"Wait, just wait. Let me say something, Lauren."

"This better be good," Augie whispered back to Stevie, "or I'm throwing his ass off this bus myself."

"I have to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't live this life with you. I've spent years wondering if I could, and after tonight? I love you, Lauren. I do. But I couldn't survive in this world. It would be too overwhelming, too public for me. And my family, my boys…"

"Danny…"

He held up a hand to forestall anything else she wanted to say.

"And I know you couldn't have stayed here either. You belong out there." He gestured vaguely back at the Garden. "You living an average, suburban step-Mom life? It would crush you eventually. But three times now, before today, I've watched you go, and there is one thing I've regretted not doing each time."

"And what's that?" Lauren managed to ask the question just before Danny pulled her into his arms and kissed her as if his life depended on it. There was something so intimate about it that Augie actually looked away as if that would give them some privacy. When Danny ended the kiss, he just spent a moment taking in Lauren's face.

"I never kissed you good-bye," he said. "It was like, I don't know, if I just said 'see you around' and didn't give you that last kiss, that somehow we wouldn't end. And I couldn't let you go this time and have that same regret. Not again."

He put a hand on each side of her face and gave her a slow gentle kiss. "I love you, Lauren. I'm so proud of what you've done and I hope this CD and tour is everything you're hoping for." He wiped away a tear that ran down her cheek and then turned to walk to the bus door.

"You take care of yourself," Danny said just as he reached the steps.

"I will. I love you, too, Danny."

Danny got off the bus and gave the metal side a slap with his hand to tell the driver it was okay to pull out, and he watched the bus pull away. It hurt just as much now as it had when the Blazer pulled away from the curb when he was 18.

He walked back to his Jeep in silence.


	51. Chapter 51: Epilogue

**Chapter 51: ****Epilogue**

The day of the Kingmaker's show in Boston, Lauren got an unexpected FaceTime call from her sister. Twelve hours after leaving the after party in New York, Carolyn went into labor and had a healthy, eight-pound baby girl. Lauren's shriek of joy when she saw Carolyn holding the baby startled everyone else in the room, and Augie and the others crowded around the screen to congratulate the new parents.

"She's beautiful," said Lauren. "I'm so happy for you guys. Have you picked a name yet?"

"We have," smiled Carolyn. "Lauren Elizabeth Allen… After you and Aunt Beth."

"What?" Lauren was stunned.

"I hope you don't mind…"

"Mind? Oh, Carolyn, no, I don't mind. I don't know what to say…" She started to cry as Augie hugged her, but they were tears of happiness.

That night, Lauren announced the arrival of little Lauren Elizabeth to the sold out crowed at the TD Garden in Boston to thunderous applause, and she had the crew tape it so that someday she could give it to little Laurel. From Boston, the Stone Heart World Tour swung into high gear. They did 100 shows in 11 months across the globe, and nearly every one was sold out.

The tour didn't go off without it shares of rough patches. Equipment issues in Las Vegas delayed the show for two hours. A monsoon in Malaysia cancelled their flights, causing a major reschedule of Asia dates. DJ had a run in with two police officers in Atlanta, but fortunately it was only a misunderstanding and no one had to bail him out of jail. And it was not lost on the entertainment media that Dave Navarro showed up at several shows to hang out with the band, fueling rumors that he and Lauren were together as a couple.

The first single went platinum within three months, and four other singles hit gold and were on their way to platinum before the band took a break from touring so that they could be in Los Angeles for the GRAMMY Awards. The Kingmakers were nominated in nearly every category where they were eligible. After sweeping the Rock Category—Best Rock Performance, Best Rock Album, and Best Rock Song—they did a group performance with several other artists, and were joined onstage by Pink, Steven Tyler, and Mary J. Blige. It was an eclectic group to say the least, but they got a standing ovation from the star-studded crowd.

When it came down to Album of the Year, the Kingmakers faced some stiff competition, and they looked legitimately stunned when their name was called. As they clambered out of their seats and high-fived each other and the way to the stage, they passed the row where Dave Navarro was sitting with two other members of Jane's Addiction: Perry Farrell and Chris Chaney. Dave reached out and grabbed Lauren's hand. She stopped for just a moment and smiled at him. He mouthed the word "congratulations" before kissing her hand. The cameras captured it as part of the broadcast, inflaming all of the rumors that had been swirling about the two of them being an item.

Once she was on the stage, Lauren hung back and let the guys have the spotlight to thank everyone who'd helped make _Stone Heart_ such a success. Just before the music started to pipe them off, Lauren managed to get up to the microphone. She stood there for a moment and looked at the gold gramophone award in her hands. When she looked up, her eyes were shiny. Holding the award up in the air, she looked directly into the camera.

"I think the guys have covered thanking just about everyone, but…" she paused and then a wistful smile came across her face. "Thank you, Danny. Without you, none of this would have ever happened for me."

**- FINI -**

* * *

**Author's Note - Author's Note - Author's Note**

Well, everyone. That's it. That's all she wrote. Thank you so much for reading "Stone Heart." I think this is one of my fanfic stories that I am most proud of. It isn't perfect, I'll be the first to admit that, but I did some things with characters in this story that I hadn't tried before and sometimes trying new things (and publishing them!) can be a little intimidating. I also deliberately left some questions unanswered so readers can wonder for themselves: Did Danny and Linda make their marriage work? Did Danny and Lauren ever see each other again? Did Lauren move on to a new relationship? Or did she continue to carry a torch for Danny?

I'd be curious to know what you think.

So, I'll make one last request: I'd love to get your feedback. So, if you're so inclined, please leave a review and let me know what you liked about the story and what you didn't. I always appreciate useful and constructive ideas and opinions from readers.

Thank you again for taking the time to read Stone Heart. I really do hope you enjoyed it.


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